Lily.

The ride home was silent, it was so silent it hurt. I couldn't wait to get into my house, and run to my room and hide for the rest of the night. I wasn't hungry, even though I haven't eaten all day. Austin and I went our separate ways, and I was finally alone. I knew that in a few hours, Adam would be here, and in a few days I'd be getting married to him. I waiting impatiently for him, I stayed up really late just so when he came home I could be in his arms. When that moment finally came, I stayed in his arms all night long.

---
The next few days I tried avoiding Austin while talking to him at the same time. I had to much wedding stuff to focus on. I had to make sure I liked what my hairstyle was going to be and my makeup. I had to make sure my dress alterations were perfect, and I was relieved when the dress fit perfectly. I had to make sure everything was finalized, and paid for. I was running around a lot, but once I finished, it was the biggest relief.

The night before the wedding, we had a rehearsal dinner at my house. The wedding party was all here, and I had to introduce Austin and the rest of the guys to Adam and his friends, and even his parent's. The whole night I was edgy, and anxious. I was second thinking everything, and I wasn't at my full potential. I felt Austin's stare all night, and I couldn't go without talking to him anymore.
"Hey." I say, playing everything off.
"How are you feeling?" He asks.
"I. I don't know." I say. "Let's talk later okay." I say, noticing Adam's intense stare.
"Definitely." He smiles, pulling me in for a hug. After our hug, I head off to say hi to everyone again. Tomorrow this was going to be tedious, because I'd have to go to every single table, and greet them. Plus Austin wasn't leaving my head.
"How are you feeling?" I hear Adam's voice whisper in my ear. I jump a little and turn to face him.
"Excited." I say, not quite sure if I'm lying or not. "You?"
"Nervous." He says, "But excited." I nod, and he kisses my forehead. "Well this is it. I'm heading off to my bachelor party, and you're heading off to your bachelorette party, and tomorrow when I see you, it'll be you walking down the aisle." He says kissing my cheek. I nod, and nervously grin.
"I love you." I say.
"I love you too." He replies, and follows his buddies out the door. I look around for Austin, and when he spots me alone, he comes to stand by me.
"Listen, I'm going out for my bachelorette party, but I don't plan on drinking to much." I say quietly. "So later, I'll be home to talk okay?" He nods, and smiles and also disappears, and Felicity and my bridesmaids cheer coming over to me, putting me in a tiara that says, 'bride to be' and then I'm being pulled out the door for my night festivities, where? I didn't know.
We ended up at some club where we danced and drank. The usual, but I was supposed to drink the most. I kept pretending to drink a lot, but I couldn't. I had to much on my mind. All of my friends where completely wasted, and when they didn't pay attention, I left.
When I got home, I went to Austin's closed bedroom door, and knocked on it and when he opened it, I quickly jumped into his arms and kissed his lips. I needed that kiss, and I knew it wasn't right but I did it anyway. He quickly pulled away, and just looked at me.
"You're ridiculous." He says.
"Austin I have no clue why I did that, I just don't know what to do." I said. He just puts his hand to his face and sighs.
"I have an idea, let's eat ice cream, and watch some movies until you fall asleep." he says with a smile, and I nod. He always knew how to make me feel better. He goes off to the kitchen to get ice cream and I pick out a movie from his DVD collection, and sit on the bed.
When he comes back, he sits next to me, he reaches over and takes my hand in his. We sit quietly, without starting the movie and without eating any ice cream. I feel my heart beating insanely, and I trace the tattoo's on Austin's knuckles. I had a lot racing through my head. I had to come to a decision.
"What are you thinking about?" Austin asks.
"Everything." I reply. "Everything is spinning around my head." I shut my eyes.
"What are you going to do tomorrow?"
"I'm going to marry Adam." I say. "I'm going to take the easy way out.."
"Sure as hell sounds like it." He pulls his hand away.
"I need your support." I say facing him. "I need you to say you're here for me."
"I am here for you." He says looking down at the bed. "I want you to be happy."
"Don't lie to me." I say quietly. I take his hands in mine, and he looks up at me. He pulls his hands from mine.
"You aren't making this easy for you or me. You're clearly not sure of what you want." He says, suddenly angry. "I know you want me there tomorrow, but I don't know if I can be." He stands up quickly. "I thought you wanted to talk about how you're going to cancel this, or at least that you're taking time to think about it, but you're just jumping into it." He's talking fast. "I can't do this anymore." He says. "You're driving me insane!" He grabs his jacket and bolts for the door.
"Austin wait!" I rush after him, and then, he's gone. Just like before I fall onto my knees and beg the sky that Austin will come back. But he doesn't. I cry there on the floor for a while, because I know I need him there tomorrow. How am I going to do it without my best friend? He's gone, and what if he doesn't come back?
By the time I'm closing my eyes, the light from outside is slowly starting to fade in and I realize it's my wedding day.