I Can't Drown My Demons, They Know How to Swim
I Remember Everything
~Austin's POV~
I didn't have a choice but to watch Oli run from the room with tears in my eyes. I'd had partners before and I had even had a few that I loved. There was something different about Oli, though. I didn't wanna say I was in love with him because two fucked up kids would never have a real working relationship. I could feel something with him that I hadn't with any of the others.
I wanted so bad to hold him and tell him I wouldn't hurt him. I wanted to tell him that he was the most special person I had ever met. I was afraid that if I tried he would run away again, he was afraid of being in a relationship. I put the guitar back up and cleaned up the area where I was singing.
I made my way down the hallway, into the b wing, down that hallway a bit and into our room. The lights were off, the only thing illuminating our room was the streetlamp outside. It looked like Oli was already asleep.
"Oli?" I whispered.
"Yeah?" Came the almost inaudible reply
"Did you want me to join you?"
"Only if you want to." he seemed uncertain.
I stripped my jacket off and threw it on my bed, same with my shirt. I kicked my shoes off by the door, and threw my socks somewhere. I picked up the covers and crawled underneath them to join him.
"Oliver?" I whispered into his hair.
"Yeah Austin?" He rolled over to look me in the eyes.
"Do you not like me?" I asked nervously. I had rejection.
"No Austin. I like you a lot. I would even go so far as to say that I'm starting to fall in love with you. But that would mean that you would have some part of my happiness and i need to hold on to that as much as I can. I don't have much left these days."
I brought my arms up to wrap around his neck. I pulled his head into my chest.
"Oli, honestly I think I'm starting to fall in love with you too. I have never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you. When I came here I didn't want to do this, then you walked into the room and i knew I had found someone I couldn't give up on easily, and I knew you'd mean a lot. I could have never fathomed that I'd be falling in love with you Oliver Sykes."
"Oh, Austin you don't mean that." I could see the sadness reflected in his eyes.
I brought my hands around to his face and I held his face so softly in my hands. Gently I leaned down and pressed my lips to his in the most gentle manner.
"I most certainly do Oliver." I looked directly into his eyes. "And to show you how much I mean it, I'm going to tell you why I was put in here."
"Austin you don't have to do that."
"Actually I do, and there's no one I'd rather tell everything to than you."
He said nothing but just sat there, staring at me waiting for me to begin.
"A few months ago everything was okay." I began. "I was just at work, having a good time. Suddenly I got a phone call. I was told that something had happened to my Mom. I couldn't get out of work fast enough to go see her, by the time I'd finally gotten out the damn place, a woman from work insisted that she drive me to the hospital because she didn't think I was in any condition to drive. The last time I saw my Mother she was being wheeled into the hospital on a stretcher. Just like that, she was gone.
I couldn't tell her I loved her, or tell her good-bye, or how much she'd meant to me."
A few tears had escaped my eyes and were making their way down my face. Silently Oli reached up and wiped them off my face. He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.
"Back home I had a girlfriend. I loved her more than anyone, except my parents. I had never been in love before she was my first. Hannah was beautiful, funny, and she was so carefree. When we were together she made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. She seemed utterly perfect in every way. What I didn't know was that Hannah was an undiagnosed schizophrenic, she had been battling it a long time."
He started to sniffle, and some muffled sobs escaped from his lips. I just held him until he had composed himself enough to continue what he was saying.
"One day I was going to surprise her, I went to her house. I didn't knock just walked in hoping to surprise her more. I went to her room and opened the door. She was there, hanging from her ceiling fan. There were notes on the chair, two of them. One addressed to me and one addressed to her parents that explained everything. I climbed onto the chair and untied her, she just fell into my arms and I held her and cried until her parents got home and discovered me. They called an ambulance and the medics had to pry her away from me."
It was then that he completely broke down. I held him close to my chest and rubbed his back until he had calmed down. He kept
sniffling for a few minutes and then stopped altogether. I put my hand under his chin and pulled his face up to mine. I looked
him directly in the eyes.
"Oli, I will never leave you. As long as you say you want me here I'll be here. I'll even stay here and get better for you. Please just trust me. I love you."
I grabbed his hands and entangled our fingers.
"I love you too." he whispered before he gently kissed me.
And that's how we fell asleep in each others embrace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I slowly opened my eyes, and was appalled. It was still dark out, I rolled over to look at the clock. Holy shit, it was only 2 a.m. What the fuck was I doing up? I never woke up in the middle of the night. It was then that I noticed something was missing, Oli wasn't where he was when he had fallen asleep. he wasn't in the bed at all.
I rubbed my eyes and rolled out of the bed to look for him. I saw the light was on under the bathroom door. I giggled at his silliness and made my way to the bathroom door. I turned the handle and pushed the door open.
"NO!" I screamed and fell to the ground.
Oli was on the bathroom floor, a spilled bottle of pills on the floor and a note in his hand. I pried the note from his fingers.
'Dear Austin,
I also didn't mention to you that I am battling schizophrenia. The voices were telling me to hurt you. I couldn't
bear the thought of hurting you, so I thought maybe if I got rid of me you'd be out of danger.
I love you.
~Oli'
"No, no, no, no."
I picked him up off the floor and held him against me sobbing uncontrollably.
It was then someone burst into the door. It was Maddie, someone had reported my scream.
"What happened?!" Maddie exclaimed.
"I-I- don't k-know." I sobbed, "I woke up went to look for him and found him like this."
"Can you carry him?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"I'm going to call 911, you carry him into the lounge."
Maddie took off running down the hallway.
"Oli baby. Please wake up. Babe please." I pleaded with him the whole way down the hall, but sadly no response was made.
I sat on one of the couches, with him in my lap and I held him sobbing. This was when the medics arrived. They talked to me, and eventually persuaded me to let go of him. I handed over the one thing in my life that I had loved almost as much as my Mom over to a group of strangers.
They tossed around words like: 'critical condition', and 'ICU'. I watched another person I'd loved so dearly being pushed away from me on a stretcher. As soon as Oli had been wheeled out the door I fell to my knees and I began sobbing uncontrollably. I almost didn't notice when Maddie came over and held me. She just held me the whole time I cried and never said a word.
I didn't have a choice but to watch Oli run from the room with tears in my eyes. I'd had partners before and I had even had a few that I loved. There was something different about Oli, though. I didn't wanna say I was in love with him because two fucked up kids would never have a real working relationship. I could feel something with him that I hadn't with any of the others.
I wanted so bad to hold him and tell him I wouldn't hurt him. I wanted to tell him that he was the most special person I had ever met. I was afraid that if I tried he would run away again, he was afraid of being in a relationship. I put the guitar back up and cleaned up the area where I was singing.
I made my way down the hallway, into the b wing, down that hallway a bit and into our room. The lights were off, the only thing illuminating our room was the streetlamp outside. It looked like Oli was already asleep.
"Oli?" I whispered.
"Yeah?" Came the almost inaudible reply
"Did you want me to join you?"
"Only if you want to." he seemed uncertain.
I stripped my jacket off and threw it on my bed, same with my shirt. I kicked my shoes off by the door, and threw my socks somewhere. I picked up the covers and crawled underneath them to join him.
"Oliver?" I whispered into his hair.
"Yeah Austin?" He rolled over to look me in the eyes.
"Do you not like me?" I asked nervously. I had rejection.
"No Austin. I like you a lot. I would even go so far as to say that I'm starting to fall in love with you. But that would mean that you would have some part of my happiness and i need to hold on to that as much as I can. I don't have much left these days."
I brought my arms up to wrap around his neck. I pulled his head into my chest.
"Oli, honestly I think I'm starting to fall in love with you too. I have never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you. When I came here I didn't want to do this, then you walked into the room and i knew I had found someone I couldn't give up on easily, and I knew you'd mean a lot. I could have never fathomed that I'd be falling in love with you Oliver Sykes."
"Oh, Austin you don't mean that." I could see the sadness reflected in his eyes.
I brought my hands around to his face and I held his face so softly in my hands. Gently I leaned down and pressed my lips to his in the most gentle manner.
"I most certainly do Oliver." I looked directly into his eyes. "And to show you how much I mean it, I'm going to tell you why I was put in here."
"Austin you don't have to do that."
"Actually I do, and there's no one I'd rather tell everything to than you."
He said nothing but just sat there, staring at me waiting for me to begin.
"A few months ago everything was okay." I began. "I was just at work, having a good time. Suddenly I got a phone call. I was told that something had happened to my Mom. I couldn't get out of work fast enough to go see her, by the time I'd finally gotten out the damn place, a woman from work insisted that she drive me to the hospital because she didn't think I was in any condition to drive. The last time I saw my Mother she was being wheeled into the hospital on a stretcher. Just like that, she was gone.
I couldn't tell her I loved her, or tell her good-bye, or how much she'd meant to me."
A few tears had escaped my eyes and were making their way down my face. Silently Oli reached up and wiped them off my face. He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.
"Back home I had a girlfriend. I loved her more than anyone, except my parents. I had never been in love before she was my first. Hannah was beautiful, funny, and she was so carefree. When we were together she made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. She seemed utterly perfect in every way. What I didn't know was that Hannah was an undiagnosed schizophrenic, she had been battling it a long time."
He started to sniffle, and some muffled sobs escaped from his lips. I just held him until he had composed himself enough to continue what he was saying.
"One day I was going to surprise her, I went to her house. I didn't knock just walked in hoping to surprise her more. I went to her room and opened the door. She was there, hanging from her ceiling fan. There were notes on the chair, two of them. One addressed to me and one addressed to her parents that explained everything. I climbed onto the chair and untied her, she just fell into my arms and I held her and cried until her parents got home and discovered me. They called an ambulance and the medics had to pry her away from me."
It was then that he completely broke down. I held him close to my chest and rubbed his back until he had calmed down. He kept
sniffling for a few minutes and then stopped altogether. I put my hand under his chin and pulled his face up to mine. I looked
him directly in the eyes.
"Oli, I will never leave you. As long as you say you want me here I'll be here. I'll even stay here and get better for you. Please just trust me. I love you."
I grabbed his hands and entangled our fingers.
"I love you too." he whispered before he gently kissed me.
And that's how we fell asleep in each others embrace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I slowly opened my eyes, and was appalled. It was still dark out, I rolled over to look at the clock. Holy shit, it was only 2 a.m. What the fuck was I doing up? I never woke up in the middle of the night. It was then that I noticed something was missing, Oli wasn't where he was when he had fallen asleep. he wasn't in the bed at all.
I rubbed my eyes and rolled out of the bed to look for him. I saw the light was on under the bathroom door. I giggled at his silliness and made my way to the bathroom door. I turned the handle and pushed the door open.
"NO!" I screamed and fell to the ground.
Oli was on the bathroom floor, a spilled bottle of pills on the floor and a note in his hand. I pried the note from his fingers.
'Dear Austin,
I also didn't mention to you that I am battling schizophrenia. The voices were telling me to hurt you. I couldn't
bear the thought of hurting you, so I thought maybe if I got rid of me you'd be out of danger.
I love you.
~Oli'
"No, no, no, no."
I picked him up off the floor and held him against me sobbing uncontrollably.
It was then someone burst into the door. It was Maddie, someone had reported my scream.
"What happened?!" Maddie exclaimed.
"I-I- don't k-know." I sobbed, "I woke up went to look for him and found him like this."
"Can you carry him?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"I'm going to call 911, you carry him into the lounge."
Maddie took off running down the hallway.
"Oli baby. Please wake up. Babe please." I pleaded with him the whole way down the hall, but sadly no response was made.
I sat on one of the couches, with him in my lap and I held him sobbing. This was when the medics arrived. They talked to me, and eventually persuaded me to let go of him. I handed over the one thing in my life that I had loved almost as much as my Mom over to a group of strangers.
They tossed around words like: 'critical condition', and 'ICU'. I watched another person I'd loved so dearly being pushed away from me on a stretcher. As soon as Oli had been wheeled out the door I fell to my knees and I began sobbing uncontrollably. I almost didn't notice when Maddie came over and held me. She just held me the whole time I cried and never said a word.
Awwwwe I ship them so hard
11/5/14