The sky is so tragically beautiful. A graveyard of stars.
JUST GO AWAY!
Three knocks on the door that is all it takes to break me down in to a sobbing and shaking mess. I hated how “he” had this power over me, I hated how “he” ruined my childhood and caused me to live in fear, I hated him for putting the thought of turning to a blade for everything in my head but most of all I hated how my mom still loved him so much and was so blind to what he was causing. “He” is my father, Mark is his real name but most of the time I don’t entertain the thought of him being a person so I began to only refer to him as “He” or “Him”. Luckily even though he was a drunken mess I managed to convince him that I wasn’t home… this time. But as all ways he leaves me on edge with the constant throwing of glass that follows him leaving my room so I do the first thing that calms me down. Getting up while gripping the wall I walk over to the cupboard that sits below my sink. Conveniently placed in there is a black wooden box and inside was at least twenty switchblade blades and a towel that was once white but is down littered with reddish brown streaks. Without even thinking, I take the blade between my fingers, take a deep breath and glide it across my arm pushing harder and going deeper than I ever have. The skin slides open and you can see the layers of fat that I just cut through. Oddly enough it didn’t bleed as much as I had expected but it feel amazing. It was the first thing I had been able to feel since the car, it was the only thing that made sense to me. Adding a few more I become dizzy and drop the blade back into the box and pull out the towel, as per usual I wrap it around my arm and just sit there for a bit with my head back against the wall. Taking in my surrounding and reflecting or well more like over thinking everything.
What was probably twenty minutes later the bleeding had finally stopped and I get up. I go over to my backpack and pull out my science text book and my computer. Science was my favorite subject and one day I hope to be a trauma surgeon even though I know that will probably never happen. The textbook is labeled Anatomy which was also my favorite form of science so flipping open my computer that still had my lime green headphone plugged it I shove those into my ears and I drown out the world around me and listen to Of Mice & Men’s second & sebring.
The night passes fairly easy after that, well except for when it came to dinner and I had to fight with my mom about not wanting to eat but I just turned to my regular excuses of “I had a big lunch” or “My stomach hurts”. I knew that one day she would probably catch onto what was really going on but I didn’t care since in exactly forty-nine days I would be out of this house forever. Forty-nine days and god could I not wait.
Looking over to the clock on my end table I see it flashing midnight, thinking that it is best that I get to sleep for tomorrow since the concert was after school I flick off the lights once I brush my teeth and slide into bed. Staring up to the celling, I hated the night because that is when my thoughts raced the most. Finally they come to a rest and I can feel my eyes becoming heavy, before I knew it I had finally fallen asleep.
Waking up to the far too familiar beeping of my phone’s alarm clock I knew it was 6am, but this morning was different. I was excited to get up for once, not because of school but because I would get to see Austin again tonight. Like most girls when they see a guy I wanted to look cute so I went to the bathroom and switched on my straightener. While waiting for that to heat up I head over to my closet and pick out this burgundy top that was slightly copped and a black and white sweater that was big on me so I could easily wrap it around myself if I got cold. To accompany that top I pick out a pair of black ripped Jeggings and so knee high black motor boots. After throwing everything on I walk to the bathroom to do my hair and makeup and then run out the door after I grab my bag and keys. My mom isn’t in the kitchen like she normally is which is a bit odd but I decide to ignore it because nothing is going to make today suck.
Like always I reach the school parking lot, put my headphones in and drown everyone around me out on my walk to class. I run into “the crew” again but manage to slide by as they pick on their pick of the day, I feel for the girl they are picking on but I am in no position to fight with them right now so I just do what every other student around them does.... ignore it. In no time I make it to English which is my least favorite class but I just take my seat in the back corner like I do every day, or well every day that I manage to make it to class. English feels like it lasted five hours so when the bell finally went off I sprang from my seat and ran out the room, next stop was anatomy. Today and every other day I am always excited for anatomy because not only do I have my favorite teacher, but it is also the one class I am really good at. Today we are learning about the bones in your extremities which include the arms and legs. Carefully taking notes I get wrapped up in the lecture so when the bell rang I accidently jumped. Finally, since I am a senior and have already taken every other required classes I only have three classes a day and the last one was math which I hated equally as much as English, however I was oddly good at math so it was always a breeze. Not paying attention at all the class flew by, but to be honest I was more focused on meeting up with Austin again after class.
My day was finally over at eleven in the morning which means I always got out before lunch so I didn’t run into the crazy crowds of people rushing towards the cafeteria. Pushing the two heavy doors that lead into the student parking lot the only thing I could focus on was getting to my car and then to the “Underground” but when I get there everything feels different. Girls my age if not younger are standing outside already for the show tonight and crazy scary looking security guards are standing in the lot that was empty just yesterday. Not knowing what to do I pull up the guards and they ask me for my name. Slightly stuttering I manage to push out “Alex, my name is Alex Porter.” With that the guy looks at his list and nods his head, then he continues to point me to a parking spot near the front of the venue. Standing outside the door to the venue is Austin, Alan and Phil who must have seen me pull in. Right then and there I knew tonight would be the best night ever!