My Understanding

When I look back into my life and think that every effort I've put into my band since day one, into my lyrics and into my music just to be like my heroes, everything was worth it. Everything made sense when I had my four best friends playing with me every night, seeing fans thanking me and us for being the opening band for some of the biggest bands out there, and saying that we were amazing... Everything was worth it. Even living with my best friends on a tour bus - when sometimes was smelling like shit because, you know how guys are... If they don't wanna clean their dirt from the previous party night, they won't. And I'd have to clean the next morning. But I love them even if I have to do that.

My band, Elysyum were about to start our first tour with Of Mice & Men. For us, they mean so much, because if it wasn't for their music and for their strength, me and the guys wouldn't be in a band and probably wouldn't be best friends.

'' Guys come do the sound check. '' Nick, who was taller than me and way more stronger than me, with black hair and his brown eyes. Nick was our supervisor and Joe's drums assisntent. While we were chilling in our dressing room, I kept thinking that tonight was probably gonna be our best concert ever. We got to play in a new city, with OM&M. And to be honest I'm quite nervous. I've been like this since the day we knew we'd tour with them. Why? Well, it's not that difficult to know. Ever since I've been a fan of Om&m, I've developed a crush on Austin Fucking Carlile. He's the most amazing guy on earth. Every time I listened to them it smooths my mind. Through his voice it gives me strengths when I no longer know who I am.

'' Emily hurry up. '' Jake said picking up his guitar and waking me from my deep thought. I followed Jake to the stage area and my heart stopped immediately. OM&M were on stage together with my band jamming. I grabbed my mic and walked towards the middle of the stage and sat down on a sound box admiring and listening my band and OM&M playing. But one thing was missing. Austin.

''Where the hell is he? ''I thought. Maybe he's late. Or maybe - which is the most probable thing - he's sucking faces with Gielle, his 'fiancé'. I couldn't believe when I saw Austin's twitter last year saying, '' Here's my beautiful girl, with an engagement ring :) ''. I mean, really? Mind me if I'm wrong but that girl will never make him happy.

'' Emily can you sing something so you keep your busy head here and not anywhere else?'' Josh mocked me. Josh is my bff and also my bass player. He's just that guy when you're out of yourself or just in a bad mood, he'll do everything to make you laugh.

'' I'm sorry if i'm a mess today okay... And hi OM&M guys. '' I said through my mic standing up. I heard some 'heys' before Jake screamed the name of the song we were gonna play. The OM&M guys walked towards the front of the stage so they could see us doing sound check. I bet they were enjoying it because they were all head banging and smiling. Well, what can I say, we were born for this.

After two heavy songs, i decided to test my piano. My piano assistant - Will - placed my keyboard at the center of the stage and connected the sound cables. Once it was done, I sat in front of if and began to play a random song just to know if it was on the right tune. When I was satisfied, I started to play one of the first song we wrote for our new record, 'Need'. It got a pretty good feedback from our fans and from the unknown fans as well, and that made me feel proud.

When I was near the chorus, I noticed Austin join the guys in front of the stage followed by Gielle. My voice almost failed when I noticed him starring directly at me. No one knew that this song was for Austin. No one apart from me.

We kept looking at each other through the end of the song. Sometimes I noticed Gielle saying something on Austin's ear but he seemed to not care what she was saying. He was more interested on my song than on her. Well, what a lovely surprise.

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When we were done with our sound check I went directly to my band's dressing room to change from my red jeans and a black Nirvana tank top to my outfit stage, which was a ripped black jeans and an OM&M t-shirt, because earlier this day Alan came up to our dressing room and wanted me to wear the t-shirt on stage. So I was going to wear it on stage.

Thirty minutes had passed and all I have been doing was thinking about Austin. Feeling his brown eyes staring at me. Captivating me. Making me weaker than I've ever been in my life. Making me drift towards him... Emily! Pull yourself together for fucks sake! He's got a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend. So stop thinking about him.

Suddenly I'm forced to come out of my thoughts because someone opened the door. It was Austin.

'' Jesus fucking Christ! '' I said almost fucking up the good work I was doing on my eyes with the eyeliner. '' Don't you know before you get into a closed door you must knock?'' I said turning around.

''Hey. Um.. Sorry. I was just passing through and I thought it was a good idea to wish you good luck. '' smiling at me and I almost faint.

'' Thanks. For you guys too. '' I said kind of pissed of because I almost ruined my makeup.

" Elysyum... Good name for a band, and it actually suits your music. " he said sitting down on the black leather couch.

I turned around when I was done with my makeup, and went to put it on my bag.

" thanks. " Is that all you can say? 'thanks' c'mon think about something!

" How's the tour been going? " well you could do better Emily.

" It's going great. The kids love our new record and the concerts have been all sold out, so get ready to have a huge crowd tonight. " he told me smiling. Well, guess I'm getting more nervous now....

" Don't worry, you'll do an amazing show. And I bet the kids will love your music as I now do. " wow. This came unexpected. He loved my music?

" Let's hope you're right. " I said shyly smiling looking down at my feet. I heard him standing up and took a few steps towards me. Pulling my chin up, making me look up towards him. From up close he was way more beautiful than from the screen of my computer.

" Don't bite your lip in front of me. " he whispered releasing my bottom lip from my teeth with his finger. I was breathing like I've been running a marathon. My heart raced a billion times faster. It all became static. Time seemed to be static right now. He was so close to my body. His cologne. It was intoxicating.

I was about to say something, but someone just abruptly enters the room causing Austin to step away from me so quickly leaving me hanging on cloud nine.

" Oh. Sorry guys. Um... We're about to go to MacDonalds. You wanna join? " Alan asked Austin. I could tell that he saw us by the way he looked to us. Well, shit.

" Sure. Emily, you wanna come with us? " Austin asked me.

" Um... No thank you. I still have some things to do before the show. " You're such a bad liar Emily. I thought.

" Okay. We'll bring you guys food in case you're hungry. " Alan said and with that they were gone.

Notes

* Hey guys :) So this is my first story with OM&M, hope you enjoy and don't forget to comment :)

PS: Hear the song I mentioned so you get the feeling... *

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCDT7X_lhzk