Love Will Never Mean A Thing

I hit the floor with a weightless thud. “Please,” I beg scooching on away, an arm in front of my face to block me from any other blows. “Stop this.”

“Oh, baby,” he says in a taunting voice. My eye throbs, pulsing with my unsteady heartbeat. “I’m sorry but you deserve this.” He picks me off the ground.

“No!” I beg. “Don’t-”

“You want to leave! Is that what you want?” he yells in my face. “Princess Drew thinks she can do what she wants.” He stares at me up and down. For a minute I see the slightest hint of softness in his eyes and he kisses me slow. When he pulls away, a disgusted look returns to his face. “Pathetic.” He throws me back on the ground. “You see, Drew, you can never leave. Never!” He says, standing over me. “You are mine. I control you! I own you!” With that, he picks up his jacket and holds it tightly in his hands. I can see the anger running through his veins. “Do you understand me, Drew?” he shouts.

“Yes, sir,” I say quietly, not looking at him.

I heard the door shut and when I looked up he was gone. I got up slowly, feeling lightheaded and nearly passing out. I caught myself on the edge of my bed. I crawled into it, pulling the covers over my head. I thought numbly for a minute, his words running circles in my head. “You can never leave.” I want out. I’m unsafe. But who could I tell? I didn’t want Austin in jail. “You deserve this.” I do. I deserve any and every punishment given to me. I should just learn to keep my mouth shut from now on. “You are mine.” The flow of my thoughts stumble. “Princess.” I linger on the word. I remember when he called me that the first time. “You’re my princess now, but one day you’ll be my queen. You are mine.” And I believed that. Now I sit and think. Do I, Drew Olivia White love Austin Robert Carlile?

A knock interrupts my thoughts completely. I flinch and sit up in my bed. “Drew?” I hear someone call at the front door. “I know you’re home, open up, babe.” Just by the way she said “babe” I knew it was Alex.

I stepped out of bed and walked towards the door of my room, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, but continuing out the door. When did I start crying? I wipe my eyes and hope she doesn’t catch sight of me crying. Alex can’t see me cry.

I opened the door to a smiling girl with pastel pink hair. Her smile fades quickly. “What’s wrong?” Damnit. “Why is your eye all swollen?”

Fuck. I turn away from her as tears start to fall. “Fell.” She touches my shoulder and I flinch.

“Yeah, I don’t believe that for a second.” She walks passed me into the kitchen, setting her bag down on the counter and going straight to the freezer. I walk over to her as she pulls out an ice pack and looks down at me, pressing it to my eye. She takes my hand and guides me towards the living room, sitting me down on the couch. “Now can you tell me what happened?” I don’t speak. I don’t even open my mouth. “You can tell me anything, Drew.”

“It’d take to long.” I didn’t make eye contact with her.

“I have all night,” she said, folding her arms. I still didn’t say anything, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. Suddenly I felt something strange. “You’ve been with Austin for two years, right?”

My eyes widened and I sat pin straight, looking her in the eye, placing the ice pack on the couch next to me. “How did you know that?”

“Just a,” she paused. “Lucky guess.” I was pleased with her answer though I was still uneasy. “You can tell me, Drew. I won’t judge you.”

“Well, I met him in freshman year, he was a junior. He was the sweetest boy you could meet,” I started. “I fell in love with his smile and the way he looked at me. He’d tell me the most beautiful things, you know? I believed every word of it. I believe every word he says.” I stopped there, thinking about what he tells me now, how I “deserve” his punishments. "We started dating the beginning of my sophomore year. After six months or so, things got worse. We’d fight almost everyday. He would yell at me and continue yelling after I got the point. And he’d tell me it was my fault we’d have these fights. I’d always end up getting hurt. I’d start to be submissive, agreeing with everything he’d say I was, everything he’d tell me, no matter how much it hurt. I started to become distant with him, and my thoughts consumed everything I knew. The fights would come more often, but I was numb to them. I guess we didn’t have sex as often, and he noticed, so he just started doing his own thing with me. He raped me for the first time July second of last year. It’s been a little bit over a year since then.” I stopped and let her take it in for a minute. Waiting for her judgment.

“I assume you’re not done,” she said softly. “When was the first time he hit you?”

I broke eye contact again, looking down at the ice pack in my hands. “Today.” I started to sob, right in front of Alex. I didn’t care that she saw me anymore, I was transparent to her.

I felt her hand brush my shoulder and I flinched a bit. Her arms enveloped me in a warm hug and I calmed instantly. How could she make me this way? “It will be okay, Drew. I’ll help you any way I can.” I nodded in her arms. She let us sit in a comfortable silence before asking, “Can I ask why he did it?”

“I told him that I wanted to leave… that I felt unsafe with him.” I coughed a small sob.

“Hey, hey, shhh,” she said brushing my hair with her fingertips. “I’m going to help you, Drew. Okay?”

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. “Okay.” She held me and rubbed my back softly. I felt comfort in the way she did this, but it made me sad as well, causing me to sob even more.

“Did I do something?” She asks, noticing the sobs picking up intensity.

“No one has touched me softly, in a loving way in over a year,” I said softly.

I felt her freeze and shake a little. I leaned back looking up at her, her nose red and eyes beginning to water. “This hurts me. I am going to help you. We will fix this.”

Notes

I'm sorry it's been so long! I've been having a little trouble with myself lately but I wanted to update for you guys.

I hope you like this chapter, as always leave any feedback in the comments! I love to read what you guys have to say!

♡ RonnieXX