My Understandings

So, today was the day. The day people would question me why I was 'dressed inappropriately' for the beach. My parents started that off. I walked out the door to see all three of them waiting at the Jeep for me. I looked down at my phone to see a message from 'its-all-lies' that said "Be brave, you can do this ♥" I had been talking to him all morning and all last night about things. It was in a private though. There were already a lot of questions on my blog and his blog about us. I didn't tell him that I cut myself last night. God no, I haven't told anyone about it and I don't intend on letting anyone know. The guys smiled at me and didn't question what I was wearing thank god. We got in the car and set off. Jaxin sat in the back with Chris and I sat in the front. "Choose what you want on the radio" Austin smiled at me. I smiled awkwardly back at him, I saw he had a System Of A Down album so I picked it up and put it in, he smiled as I did. "I love that album" he said. It was the 'steal this album' album. I skipped it to my favourite song on the album 'Roulette' Austin sang along with some of the song, he had an amazing voice. I wonder what it was like when he growled. I looked at him as he sang perfectly "I know, how I feel when i'm around you, I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you" "I love playing this on guitar" I randomly blurted out "I'd love to hear you play it sometime" he smiled reassuringly. I nodded my head stifly. We were getting nearer to the beach and I was getting more anxious. My leg started to shake, I didn't like such public places like this, especially where it involved having to show skin. Austin noticed my leg shaking. "Whats up?" I looked up at him and then back to my hands "oh- uh nothing" "Then explain to me why your leg is shaking" he replied. "I-uh, just. I'm not overly confident with places like this" "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, I'm just asking you to at least sit with me" He smiled. I swallowed my breathe "Yeah okay" -------- As soon as we got to the beach we put a couple of towels down to sit on. Jaxin and Chris straight away ran to the sea shouting "Come on guys!" I looked at Austin who smiled at me. His smile was so nice, and he wore it so often. "You don't have to" I looked at the sand "I'd rather not" "Thats good, because I don't really want to either" We sat and talked about music and just basically everything. Jaxin and Chris came running back up the beach and yanked Austin up. "Cmon dude" Chris looked down at me "You sure you don't wanna come in?" He knew I wasn't overly comfortable with places like this so he wasn't going to force me. Austin looked down at me "Will you be alright?" I nodded my head and sent him a smile. He soon took his shirt off and kicked his vans off. Hotttt dammmnnn. He had tattoos all over his chest and one of his arms. He was the meaning of gorgeous. I didn't realize but I was actually gawking at it. Jaxin and Chris may not of noticed but Austin certainly did. He smirked at me and then the three of them disappeared off into the sea. I thought this would be a good time to message the guy on tumblr. He told me to call him Robert so, I thought this would be a good time to message Robert? "I look like a fool. Every ones half naked and i'm covered up like a Eskimo. I feel so uncomfortable, Austin has been trying to calm me down and tell me every-things okay. Its been working well to be honest. Wish you was here though. That'd make me happy ♥" I was sat scrolling through tumblr waiting for a reply but nothing came. He normally replied straight away but he didn't. When I needed someone to message or talk to he wasn't there. It kind of upset me but I can't expect someone to be there 24/7 like they have no life. He's probably talking to his crush or chatting someone up to take home. I mean, he's quite the romeo. --------- I saw Austin running back up from the sea, he slowed his running down but was kind of jogging. He looked so good with the water droplets just sat on his bare skin and his hair wet. It was a mess, you could tell he did that thing that guys do when they go in the pool and they shake their head and look 100% hotter than they did before. It made my knees weak. He was getting closer but was still running. He smirked at me and kind of just jumped on me making me get wet. NOT LIKE THAT NO. He was wet FROM THE SEA and it transferred to my clothes. He was planking on top of me laughing his head off and I just screeched. "AUSTIN!" He put his hands beside my head and looked me in the eyes, I looked as his back, I'd normally avoid eye contact at all cost but his eyes were gorgeous. I could spend all day getting lost in them. I looked around and saw people looking at us weirdly, like we were a couple. Austin noticed their looks too and got off me straight away and coughed awkwardly. It was silent and I wanted to kind of break the silence "Goof" I smiled. He laughed at me and pushed my shoulder. "Love the wet look on you" he laughed again, and I joined him. "Yeah, thanks for that" I looked at his tattoos "I like your tats" I smiled. He looked at his arm "Thanks" he replied with a chuckle. "You like the sea or?" I asked, the tattoo on his arm was of under the sea. He nodded his head "Its so mysterious, like, we don't really know anything about it" I chuckled. "Yeah, but we can adventure that, space will take ages and ages to adventure all of it, we may never know how much space there is in.. space" he shook his head at me "There are parts of the sea we can't go down into because people just can't handle the pressure, it could kill us to adventure it" "Space can kill us too!" We sat debating what was better, space or the sea for a while. It was nice. I wanted to check my phone for any messages but I'd feel rude in-front of him so I made an excuse. "I need to go to the toilet, be right back" I stood up and walked off. I turned around for a quick second and he had his phone out, he was typing frantically. I found the toilets and thankfully they were empty. I put my hands on the side of the sink and looked into the dirty mirror. Yeah, just what I thought. Still a piece of shit. I checked my phone afterwards to see a reply. "Austin sounds like a good guy, you shouldn't shut him out. Open up to him, it'll make you feel more comfortable. Don't force it though, do it when you're ready, just keep him close ♥ It's people like that you need in your life. Just try to enjoy yourself and not concentrate on anybody else ♥" It made me smile. He didn't know Austin but he was positive he was a good guy. "You're perfect Robert ♥ we should defiantly meet up" I replied with a smile. I wanted to meet this guy now. There was a reply instantly "Come outside then ♥" I almost dropped my phone. WHAT. WHAT WHAT. I looked at myself in the mirror to sort my hair out just incase he was actually out there. I still looked like shit but I guess it wasn't the worst I could be. I cautiously walked outside, shaking and I don't think I was as ready to meet him as I thought I was. I took a deep breathe and looked up from the floor, I saw a pair of vans in-front of me and I looked up to see who it was. I blinked rapidly, my breathing got heavier and I looked him straight in his eyes whilst he held a grin on his face. I immediately crashed my body into his and wrapped arms around his body hugging him. He chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around my neck pulling me into the hug tighter. The only thing I could say was "Thank you so much" He smiled and pulled back from the hug. "W-Why didn't you say something?" He didn't reply just smiled and held my hand and led me back to the towel we were sitting on. "S-So, everytime I was messaging on my phone with you sat next to me, you were messaging me back. Like, right next to me" It was kind of confusing in my head but he just laughed at it and nodded his head. "And Robert as in, Austin Robert Carlile?" He nodded his head again. "But what about this crush you keep posting about? Who is that? That you've got a couple of weeks to get to know?" I felt so stupid. I was fawning over him but he had someone else on his mind. He crouched down to look me in the eyes. "It was you stupid" I covered my mouth with my hands, I actually couldn't believe it. Austin was crushing on? The stupid loner ginger kid? I was in shock but I was so happy at the same time. He liked me. "But, wait. I thought you were" "Straight?" he interrupted. "You'd think so right?" he chuckled. He was perfect. I took a step back mumbling the words "frick me" and i honestly didn't think anyone would hear it but apparently he did. He just smirked and replied "don't mind if i do" My eyes widened "You, wasn't supposed to hear that" I laughed it off awkwardly as he smiled at me making a fool of myself again. "Um, so, what happens now?" I asked silently. "Whatever you want" he smiled. "I'll be here for you, no matter what. Alan I think you're amazing. If you want to go out some time, we can do that. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, then thats your decision. No matter what decision you take, i'll still like you." I swallowed the lump in my throat. He was absolutely perfect. I didn't know what I wanted. I mean, of course, I wanted to be his but I'm not out yet and i'm not ready for that. I don't know if he'll want to show the world or if he's still in the closet. He might not even want to be in a relationship with me, i'm so boring and plain and to be honest, just a loser. "Why would you want to date a loser like me?" "Well, first things first. You're not a loser and secondly, I think you're wonderful, amazing and different. I like that" I have to admit, it made me smile. I heard laughing coming up close to me as I was looking into this gorgeous mans eyes. I turned my head to see someone I didn't want to see. Finlay. Austin saw me looking over to someone and turned his attention to him also. He stood up showing his full height watching as Finlay walked up to me. Keeping quiet, just to see what he has to say. Finlay looked at my face and the cut that was on my cheek. "Ha. We've not finished yet carrot top." He was about to push my shoulders back but before he could even touch my shoulders Austin grabbed his arm. "What do you think you're doing?" He asked with a stern voice, Finlay turned around to look at Austin and his face dropped, he was looking panicky again. "Uh-um" Finlay was tripping over his words out of fear and I just stood there awkwardly. What was I supposed to do? "Spit it out then" Austin continued. "Austin!" Jaxin came running up behind us and put his hand on Austins shoulder pulling him away from Finlay. "Not again." He whispered to him. Finlay looked relieved as Austin released his tight grip on his arm. As soon as he did he backed up and disappeared with his stupid buddies. Austin's breathing was heavy, he was calming himself down. What was it that Jaxin kept telling "Not again" and "stop" with. I know he shouldn't just hit people but there was something there. Jaxin always reminded him of things. I really really wanted to know but I don't think its my place to even ask. He calmed down and looked at me with an apologetic look. "im-uh, sorry" he scratched the back of his neck, I just nodded my head slowly. Jaxin looked at us both and grinned. "You did it didnt you?" Austin smiled and nodded his head. My eyes bounced between the two of them. "He knew about it" Austin confessed. Ahh shit, just what I didn't want. People to know, but I guess. It is Jaxin, Austin and Jaxin have been friends for ages now, plus what harm can it be, right? Austin held his hand out, waiting for me to take it but I wasn't comfortable showing signs of affection in public. Not yet, i'm defiantly not ready for people to know. We live in a mainly christian area and if they saw us holding hands they'd burn us with their eyes. I looked at his hand and back at him. He put his hand back at his side and walked next to me. "Its okay if you're not ready. We can take it slow" No matter what, he seemed to have this reassuring voice, it made me comfortable about any situation. I forced a smile his way and we all walked back to the Jeep. We had the boot door open and me and Austin were sat in there whilst Jaxin and Chris were drying off. "So, I have an awkward question for you" He confessed. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Whenever someone says that kind of thing to me I get nervous. From 'we need to talk' to 'i've got something for you' and 'i have a question' "Calm down my little ginger prince" he joked. I shot him a sarcastic look. "Very funny" "Well, yknow how people on my tumblr have been asking for a selfie" at that point i just burst out laughing. Because I was the main reason people were asking. "What?" he smiled. "Oh uh, about the selfie thing. That was started by me" He looked at me with a grin and said "Oh god. Anyway, other people have been asking, and I said, soon because I didn't want to ruin something. That something was me confessing to you so, I can now post a picture, but, I want that picture to be with you in it" He smiled. Okay, that was actually kind of sweet, I defiantly thought it was. I nodded my head. He pulled out his phone and we took a silly photo together and a nice photo too. I rested my head on his shoulder. I know I said I wasn't ready for signs of affection in public yet I thought i'd at least be able to get away with this. It didn't look like much. He smiled and he put his arm around me discreetly. "So, we're each others dirty little secret?" He chuckled. It made me laugh too. "Kinda, I mean, I don't know about you but my parents would kill me" "Thats something I should tell you about, my parents." I turned my head to look at him "My mom, she uh, passed away when I was your age and I haven't seen my dad since." That took a very big unexpected time. He sat with his head hung twiddling with his fingers, I put my hand over them. "I-Its okay" I reassured him. I didn't really know what to say. He took deep breathes and put a brave face on. "I- I don't have the best past and I don't have the best life. But I can promise you Alan, I will never hurt you on purpose and I will try be strong for us both. You just have stick through it" Where did this come from? "We-We can talk about it in steps? Like, you admit something and then I will, that kinda of thing." He nodded his head and smiled. I turned around to see that Chris and Jaxin were taking there time. I think Jaxin was actually trying to get me and Austin more alone time. I didn't know if I wanted to tell Chris or not. I wasn't sure how he'd react. -------- Austin dropped Chris off at home and then Jaxin. He told Jaxin he'd meet him later because he was going to drop me off at home, but wanted to be alone. The car pulled to a stop at the red lights and Austin turned to smile at me. His smile was possibly the best sight ever. My heart melted when he smiled, I got butterflies when he smirked. He was just perfect. "So, whats your confession?" he asked. I looked at my knees and thought. What could I tell him? I didn't want to tell him about my cutting. I know he'd probably find out sooner or later but I didn't want it to be now. "Uh, I'm a disappointment to my christian parents and if I come out to them i'd probably be sent to christian camp" He laughed at the christian camp part. "I'm sure you're not a disappointment Alan" he tried to reassure me but i knew i was. I wasn't the perfect christian boy they wanted. Hell apparently i didnt even have a soul so. "You might not have a soul but you're probably not a disappointment" he joked. "I'm going to have to put up with a lot of ginger jokes aren't i?" He laughed and nodded his head. "They'll be in good taste though" he smiled. "Just no carrot top jokes please, I get enough of that" He agreed for no carrot top jokes and thought they were horrible when he could use the words tiger and ginger prince. Kinda cute. He stopped outside my house. "Heres another confession. I don't want to get out of the car" i admitted. He smiled and aw'd me. "You're so cute Ashby" He put his hand on mind "Check Tumblr later okay?" I nodded my head in agreement looking at his huge hand on my small nimble hand. He was about to move it before I said "No don't" I looked up at him and smiled when he kept his hand there. He smiled back at me. "Seriously though, you need to go, before your parents come out" I nodded my head and moved my hand away, just as I was about to open the door Austin called my name, I turned to look at him and before I could say a word he moved in a kissed my cheek. We shared an adoring smile and I got out of the car, I waved at him and went towards my door, he didn't leave until I was in the house. ---------- I checked tumblr like he told me too, it had been about 2 hours after he had dropped me off. I clicked on his page to see what was there and there were a bunch of asks that he had answered. "Full seflie?" and he replied "Soon" "Who is this guy you're swooning over?" and he replied "You'll see" There was a post written by him. "Today I confessed who I was and it was probably the best thing i've done. I was accepted and I couldn't be happier. So to everyone, I will be posting a picture and then you guys can feel free to ask away." Above was the picture, of us two. The silly and the nice one. The caption was "My Little Ginger Prince" with hashtags of #cutie #gingerprince #hesadorable My heart melted. I liked the photo and reblogged adding my own caption of "I don't care if you're overrated" It was one of the things I said to him before I knew it was actually him. The photos got about 200 notes which is werid considering its a selfie, and they don't usually get that many notes. I think Austin had a lot of followers though that were interested in his love life. My ask box lit up and when I clicked on it there was a message from Austin. "hot damn you're fine. ♥" I laughed to myself and replied "hot damn your bod though ♥" It got a few likes. Austin reblogged a post from someone and the post said "Austin & his ginger prince though. I think they've only just got together but they're so cute ♥♥♥" It made me smile. Was we really cute together? I mean, he was gorgeous, buff and just all round amazing and i'm me, yknow. I looked at the photo and saved it to my computer. I wanted to keep it. This day was almost perfect.

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