It's been 4 weeks since I got thrown in this stupid place.
I hated it. Everyone looked down at me, shaming me because I was gay. I didn't want anybody to know about it but I accidently shouted at my parents that I loved Austin. I didn't know I did, but I did. After that night we spent together, that amazing night, I guess I just.. I dont know.
It just slipped out, I hadn't thought about it before. It was word vomit.
Alans Dictionary: Word Vomit- Saying something accidentaly without thinking first.

In the car on the way here I was thinking about what I said and I realized that holy frick, I actually do love him.
I love Austin Carlile.
He may have a bad past and a bad rep but I saw past that. What I saw was a loving, caring man. He wouldn't hurt me, not at all. He tried his best to please me, and thats all I could ever ask for.
I couldn't escape that sinking feeling that my heart had, he didn't know I was here. He didn't know I couldn't contact to him. He probably thought that I didn't want to say goodbye or that I was ignoring him, but I wasnt' I really wasn't. I'm probably never going to see him again and it breaks my heart as soon as that thought comes to my head, I was in a deep deppressive state and having people shun me was not helping me out. It was digging my emotion grave deeper.
The only way of getting out of that whole was to see Austin. To be in his arms, to tell him i'm sorry and for him to say 'everything will be okay' like he used to.
It was so boring here, I had nothing to do. All the activities they did here were stupid, I had to wear a stupid uniform and share a room with people. I hated it so much. I didn't even have my guitar on me. It was unbearable.
I wanted to play mine and Austins song. I wanted to hear those words he said to me. "I don't mind it if you're staring at the edge of the world" and "If we climb this high, I swear we'll never die"
I'd have those lyrics go round my head all day and all night. Everytime I had to do something I didn't want to or if I was uncomfortable I just thought of that song and it calmed me down, until I got to the point where I started to think about Austin again.
My heart was broken, I was depressed and I wanted to- no, needed to take the pain away. I didn't have my razors with me, I didn't have anything that I wanted with me. No phone, No computer, No razor, No guitar.. No Austin. I couldn't even remind myself what he looked like, it hurt too much, yet his face was always in my mind.
I made a vow to myself. As soon as I get out, I'm leaving home. I don't care if i'm not old enough, I was running away. I wouldn't be able to spend another day with my wretched parents. They were evil, they couldn't accept me for me. I would rather be homeless.
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It was the 5th week here. I needed to take the pain away, I needed something sharp. Something that would just cut into my skin, I wanted to watch myself bleed. I wasn't good enough, for Austin, for my family, for this camp. I was nothing.
This was the day I will escape. I was going to run, I couldnt take a second longer being here. I was being shamed all day and all week, and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I was going crazy.
It was about 10pm, everyone was asleep and I was wide awake, as usualy. I hadn't slept properly whilst here, I hadn't eaten properly neither. I was getting skinny, paler and the bags under my eyes were terrific.
I looked at the window which was closed, upon further inspection I realized that they had locked it. Frick. The door was locked also, so that was no option. I looked around the room to see if there was anything that I could pick the lock open with but there wasnt. I saw a chair stood on its own and I silently walked over to it and picked it up to see the weight of it.
That'll do.
I was originally going to go with the whole 'do it quietly' escape but I guess smashing a window and making some noise will do. Add some drama I guess.
I looked around the room to see that they were all still asleep, they were out of it. I picked the chair up and walked over to the small window. I raised the chair above my head and flung it at the window, luckily it smashed it straight away, into pieces.
The guys in my room weren't as fast asleep as I thought they were and they woke up as soon as they heard the glass smash, I looked around and quickly jumped up to the window and landed badly on the other side. I didn't think that whole bit through. There were glass shards on the floor and as I landed i fell so it cut my leg and hand open but that wasn't stopping me. No way.
I looked around for the best way to go, to the left of me were more cabins, their lights were just turning on as was the cabin behind me. They heard the glass and woke up to investigate. Most of the cabins around here were now switching their lights on. Wow, can't a guy escape with no notice? I ran to the right of me and turned quickly to see one of the camp staff was chasing after me. Frick.
I could see the exit, I was heading directly for it, it was open.
And then some camp directors appeared from that direction, which meant that option was out. Now where was I supposed to go, I spun my head in all directions until my eyes caught on the lake. I'll swim out? right?
Apparently yes as before I could think about it anymore my body was racing that way, i ran to the end of the small pier they had and looked around one more time, the staff were coming my way and i did something i never thought i'd ever do.
I turned to look at them and pulled my middle finger out and stuck it in their direction before jumping backwards into the lake with a stoic expression. Where the frick did that come from? I'd never do something like that.
The salt water stung my cuts that I had obtained by the glass shards but i was determind. I swam to the other side of the lake, where it wasn't their property, i didn't look behind me at all, not once, not even when they were calling my name. I was gone from there and I was never going back. I wasn't.
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It took me ages but I managed to find my way back to my town. My clothes stunk, they were dirty and uncomfortable. I looked like shit, felt it too. My cuts were most likely infected but I didn't care for them. Its what I wanted.
I reached my house, it was dark out and my parents were most likely asleep. I walked around the house to where my window was to find it open slightly. Thank frick. I knew how to get to it, so I did. Placing my foot carefully on the ledge and climbing up the pipe.
I quietly slipped through the window and checked the hallway. It was dark and silent, i didn't bother turning my light on as it would only attract attention from my parents. Looking around my room I grabbed the nearest bag and stuffed it with clothes. I searched through my drawers and grabbed everything I would need, whilst rummaging through everything I came across the picture I had in there. It was of me and Austin. I kept it at the bottom of my draw so my parents wouldn't see it but they did. I picked it up by the corner and only one half of the photo was in my hand. They cut it in half. It was the side with just me on, where was the other half? I searched through the draw more frantically but to no avail. They'd put it somewhere, I was determind to have that half, I didn't care about the part with me in it, I just wanted to remind myself of his face.
I changed my clothes silently into something more comfortable. Austins shirt. I quietly made my way downstairs into the kitchen and looked around for the other half of the photo but it wasn't in there. I checked the hallway and then the lounge room.
Looking around the room I couldn't see anything but then I noticed that they had the fire ready to be lit which was unusual for them, as I walked over there I realized that something was sitting upon the logs. I knelt to the ground and reached out for it.
It was the picture of Austin. They were going to burn it! I looked at it and all I could do was smile. I slipped it into my pocket and stood up.
They were actually going to burn it. I'll teach them. Before even thinking about leaving I picked up my fathers wallet and took all the cash he had in there. I gave no care anymore.
Instead of going for the keys and unlocking the door I took the better way out.
I picked up one of the logs from the firepit and threw it with all my anger at the window and prompty jumped out of the frame. The lights turned on straight away but I just ran away. I didn't want to be there for the result so I just ran to someone who would know where Austin was.
Chris.
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I knocked on his door frantically and his parents answered, his parents were nice people. "I-Is Chris in? It i-important" I begged. I thought that if I sounded like that i'd get a better chance of talking to him. They nodded their head and he walked downstairs. "Chris"
"Whoa-what happened Alan?"
"No time, I- I uh, do you know where Jax and Austin went?"
"Back home, you know that."
"But where?"
"Florid- wait no! They said something about going somewhere else, I think Ohio"
As soon as he said the words I ran as fast as I could. How the frick was I supposed to get to Ohio.
I payed for a taxi to take me to the airport. I didn't care that I was alone, I was going to get to him. I didn't care if I had to search the whole country for him.
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Whilst I was at the airport a guy started to talk to me. His name was Aaron, he was 3 years older than me and really friendly. I didn't know him but he was the kind of guy you could just trust straight away. He told me why he was there and it was the same kind of thing for me. He was fed up of this place and wanted to be somewhere new.
He noticed that I had a guitar strapped to my back and mentioned that he was in a band and one of the reasons he was moving is because his band is over there. When I asked where he was going, sure enough it was Ohio. The band name was Jaime's Elsewhere. I smiled and told him that I wanted to be in a band.
Whilst on the plane I was sat with him, we talked about music and everything. He was a really nice guy, genuine and caring.

"So, you're moving because you're fed up of your christian parents?" I nodded my head "Th-thats not the only reason though" I replied. His eyebrow raised. "What else then?"
"Its a long story" I smiled at the thought of Austin, the thought of us when we spent that month together.
"We have a while" he laughed.
I explained to him about Austin, he didnt seem to mind that I was gay and it restored my faith in humanity. We talked about what the first thing we was going to do there would be and I didn't know what mine would be. Probably find a phone box and call Austin. I had his number on the top of my head all the time.
"Where will you be staying? I mean, have you thought about that?" he asked. Ah, no. No i hadn't thought of that. I shook my head slowly and scared of the thought.
"My friends hooking me up with this apartment he got for cheap, you can move in with me if you like?"

I know you shouldnt take up an offer like that with strangers but, I did. I trusted him

Notes