The First Punch

I got into the bus and went strait for the back lounge. Not stopping for anything but as I passed my bunk I did grab a small box. A small box that contained all of my old habits and memories.

My dad had abused my mom from the time I was a toddler to the time she killed herself. My mom killed herself when I was 8, my dad had taken me out to get groceries and when we came back my mom was laying in the tub with her wrists slit and an empty bottle of pills next to her.
After we had found her my dad slapped me and told me it was my fault she had killed herself. I had a brother but he was 16 and he was living away from home. He continued to hit me and then sent me to my room when my nose started to bleed. When I got to my room there was a note on my pillow that said:
[...]My dearest Alexandria,
I hope you know why I did this. Why I decided to take my own life. You’re very young and fragile, and I never wanted to do this to you. I was trying to stay alive so he wouldn’t get to you but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wish you had a place to go like your Grandparents house or your Aunt May’s house, but they live too far away. Please get away from him. And please don’t join me in the realm of death that I have become a part of. Stay close to Lian, she’s great for you. Please get away from him. Don’t let his first punch become your last.
I’ll always love you, Mom

When I had finally made it to the back lounge I locked the door behind me and went to the couch. I started to sob and I couldn’t contain myself. I sat down, took a deep breath and opened the box. In it laid a lighter, my moms suicide note, 3 razors, and my moms wedding ring.
I sat there silently and took a look at my arms, most of my scars have disappeared but you can still see a long vertical line on my right wrist. It remains from a suicide attempt when I was 15. And you can still see multiple little circles from burns I had done.
I wanted to self harm.. so badly.. I grabbed one of the razors and held it between my fingers for a minute or two. Just when I was about to bring it to my wrist I heard people come on to the bus and say my name. I debated on answering but I didn’t, I just let them worry.. I heard someone walk up to the back lounge and try to open the door.
They stared knocking and said, “AXL?!” in a concerned tone of voice. Oh Tony..
“Go away.. Why do you want to see a stupid, miserable, fat girl cry and hurt herself…” I said in-between sobs.
“Axl you’re none of those things and I don’t want you to hurt yourself! I love you! Please let me in!” He said pleading to me.
I set the box down beside me, put the razor in my shorts pocket and slowly got up. I wiped my nose with the bottom of my shirt and went towards the door. As I unlocked it and opened it Tony came through the door fast and grabbed me into his arms.
“I’m sorry Tony” I sobbed
“No no no no don’t be sorry Axl. You have nothing to be sorry about.” He assured rubbing my back.
“I’m a failure… I’m no good.. I hate myself.”
“Axl just because Mike abused you.. It doesn’t mean you’re no good. It means he’s no good. Do you want to sit and talk?” I nodded. Tony closed the door behind us but didn’t lock it.
We made our way to the couch and I sat down. Then Tony sat down and wrapped his arms around me.
“Axl, what triggered all of this? Was it something Mike said?” Tony sincerely looked to me.
“I-it w-was when h-he said h-he didn’t do anything w-when he really d-did.” I tried to calm down but I was failing. I tried again and I started to even out my breathing.
“I know, everyone knows he wasn’t really telling the truth. Darling you’ll be okay, I promise. I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore.”
“Thank you so m-much Tony, did you really mean it when you said you loved me?” I leaned into him.
“Of course I do. I always have and always will.” He kissed my forehead.
“Please don’t leave me Tony. I’m so scared of Mike. I’m afraid he’s gonna be out to get me, or you. I don’t know what I would do without you Tony.” I looked into his eyes.
“I won’t leave you. You can trust me Axl.”
The door to the back lounge started to open slowly and I saw Jaime make his way into the room.
“Hey guys, am I interrupting anything?” He said in a calm voice.
“No, not at all Hime Time.” I said sniffling.
He came to the seat beside me and kissed my cheek.
“We are all here for you, if you need anything, and all of the Of Mice guys are here for you too.” Jaime smiled
His phone started to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket. It was Vic. He answered it and put it on speaker phone.
“Hey Vic.. Whats up? You’re on speaker.”
“Jaime are you, Tony and Alex on the bus?”
“Yeah, why?” Tony said carefully.
“Well Mike hit Austin and he hit him back, then Mike said he was going to the bus to chill out. And I don’t know if Alex wants to be on the bus while Mike calms down. Who know what he could do to calm down. But I just want to make sure Alex stays safe.” Vic explained.
“Ok where do you think we could go?” Tony asked.
“Well Austin went to Of Mice’s bus. So I don’t know. If she can be in the tent that’s where I am. Do you think you can be in the tent Alex?”
I waited to respond thinking over my answer.
“Yeah, It would be good for me to be there with Ray, I need to talk to her. Can Tony come too?”
“Yeah, he can come. Jaime are you gonna stay on the bus or go with them?” Vic questioned.
“I think I’ll go to the tent. I really don’t want to be with Mike while he’s mad.”
“We will leave now so we can try not to run into him. Tony said.
“Okay bye guys. See you soon.” With that Vic hung up.
We all got up and made our way out of the bus. But before we left the back lounge I grabbed my small box, closed it and threw it in my bunk. I shoved my hand in my pocket as I walked out of the bus, and I felt a sharp object move on my hand. I quickly pulled out my hand to see a gash on it. Shit my razor was in there. I winced and Tony looked at me, then to my hand.
“Axl, what did you do?” Tony asked with concern in his eyes.
“My razor was in my pocket and I forgot and I accidentally put my hand in my pocket and it cut up my hand.”
“Give me the razor Axl.” hesitantly I pulled out the razor and put it in his hand.
“Thank you Axl.” He put it in his pocket and held my hand.
As we made our way away from the busses getting closer to the grounds I could hear the music playing. It sounded like All Time Low.
Then we saw a tall figure run towards us, screaming profanities. It was Mike. My grip tightened on Tony and he pulled me closer to him. Mike came closer to us. I saw that he was smoking a joint. Of course.
“Eyyyy bitch. How’re you doing with your new boy toy?” Mike laughed pointing to me.
“Mike just go to the bus and chill.” Tony urged.
“Woah there Mr don’t tell me what the fuck I should do!?” Mike got in Tony’s face.
“Mike just go.” I said.
“Why? Do you hate me? What did I ever do wrong… you bitch… fucking bitch hates me cause I hit her. You mad I cheated on you too? I thought I loved you and you loved me but.. I guess I was wrong just like I always am.” Mike laughed and pushed me into Tony. Then he walked away.
I felt a tear roll down my cheek and we started walking to the tent again. I fucking hate Mike.

Notes

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