Human After All.

My eyelids felt heavy, as if I was asleep for a long time. Although it wasn’t like I was actually aware of how much time had passed since I blacked out. For all I knew I could have been out cold for as long as a week and not have realized it, or it could have been as little as five minutes.

But as my senses slowly came back, I realized I was laying on something soft. So it was definitely longer than my five minute theory. I blinked open my eyes and immediately regretted it.

I was inside an ambulance. Fan-fucking-tastic. “Can we not go to the hospital?” I muttered, my lips and throat felt dry.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Sheppard, but we’re just pulling up and it would be best to have a doctor look at you.” A young looking paramedic was over me. Fuck me. I groaned inwardly. I thought at least they would keep me at the medical tent, away from the bloody hospital. I groaned and closed my eyes again, unconsciousness taking over again.




“Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

“Yes, he should be fine. He’s pretty dehydrated, and he’s going to have a very bad headache when he wakes up again.”

“Is there a chance of a concussion?” Michelle? I thought.

“Minimal at best. He should be fine, just needs to take it easy for the next couple of days.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“No problem, I’ll check back later when he wakes up.” I heard the shuffling of two pairs of feet, and the opening and closing of a door.

Was I alone? I wondered briefly. I was scared too open my eyes, I hated hospitals with a passion. My head gave a dull throb, as if reminding me why I was here in the first place.

I heard clamoring outside and a few raised voices. I really hope thats not here for me. The door opened, and I opened my eyes slightly and it got louder.

Fuck, that is here for me. I felt myself deflate, closing my eyes yet again.

“Now, you guys have to behave if you’re going to be here.” I heard Michelles voice again. I heard several voices, only two of them I recognized through the clamor of ‘yes ma’ams’ they all gave Michelle. One was Andy, only because he likes to talk a little too loud sometimes. And the other was Chris.

“Brodie, call me when he wakes up. So I can come here and tell him that either Roy or myself will be driving his RV to New York tomorrow.” I heard Brodie mumble a yes.

Shuffling was clamoring my ears, while I assumed everyone was finding a place to sit down or stand, the door opened and shut again, leaving me to believe that Michelle had gone. I did not want any part in opening my eyes now, knowing that I had an audience. So I laid back and listened.

Everyone was quiet for the first little while, and I was about to speak, hoping to scare the shit out of them. It’s not like I was dying, just dehydrated, sheesh. But then I heard Andy speak up, his voice slightly echoing in the quiet room.

“So, does anyone want to fill in how he got so messed up?” There was accusation in his voice. “Because I overheard the doctor saying he was extremely dehydrated, and possibly could have a concussion, oh and along with the fact he was close to having a heat stroke. And that Michelle just figured out that he didn’t take any kind of break today.”

I heard ‘hmm’s and coughs, as if this was an actual topic of conversation they had before they got in here.

“I saw him start swaying a little, before that guy threw the bottle at his head. It looks like he didn’t stop even after David told him too go too the medical tent after the bottle too the head.” I heard Brodies input.

“Come on Chris, I know theres something going on, and I know you know about it.” That was Ashley.

I heard Chris growl in response. “It’s not for me too say.”

“Why!” I heard Andy and, CC surprisingly shout. I heard Josh groan in frustration at the other bands persistence. I felt the bed shift, and a warm body was sitting next to my leg.

“Guys, keep it down, he’s shaking a little. I don’t think noise is best right now.” Devin. I didn’t even realize I was shaking. “He looks flushed.”

“Well, I would imagine. He nearly gave himself heatstroke.” Andy’s voice was quiet suddenly, sympathetic. “I just don’t know why he pushed himself. I would have thought that he was more careful.”
I heard Devin make a noise, and didn’t hear anything else after that. It was quiet again for a few more minutes.

“Chris, really, what-” Andy tried again, but I cut him off.

“Andy, its none of your business.” My throat was still dry, and it was raspy. But it silenced everyone in the room. I pulled my eyes open, and turned my head too my left, and saw Motionless In White, the Black Veil Brides and Brodie and Clarissa.

“Alistair?” the name seemed to echo throughout everyone in the room. The paralyzing fear of the hospital dimmed when I saw everyone.

“You guys are a noisy bunch, you know that.” I rasped, moving my elbows and lifted myself up slowly. “You shouldn’t-.” I heard Ricky try to protest, but I was already up, slightly dizzy, but I was up.

“Get up.” He finished, slapping his forehead. I chuckled, but it came out slightly wheezy. I glanced at the table beside me, and saw a pitcher of water and a cup. I reached for it, but was stopped when Devin got up and poured me a glass handing it to me. I was stunned, when he passed it too me, and I saw a small smile on his face.

“Thank you.” I murmured. He just went and sat down back beside my legs, pretending as if it didn’t happen.

I slowly drank the cold water, savoring it as it moisturized my dried out throat. I let out a gust of air from my lungs as I finished, feeling better for it. As I set the cup back on the table, was when I noticed the needle and tube sticking in the back of my hand, and a prickle of fear jolted my heart. I let in a harsh intake of breath.

Fucking needles.

The sound of the door opening distracted me from my near freak out. A man in a white lab coat walked in, and by the look of his face, seemed surprised that I was awake.

“Ah, Alistair Sheppard, you’re finally awake. Seems you met your family.” He gazed around at the people surrounding my bed in mild curiosity.

“Oh, yes. Loud bunch they are.” I gave him a cheeky grin. “But they mean well.” Some of the guys glared at me, and I just wiggled my eyebrows at them, in saying that ‘you started it.’

He just shrugged, and walked over to the end of the bed, where my papers where clipped to the edge. Picking it up, he glanced through the papers, and asked me some questions.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like crap.”

“I mean, how does your head feel.”

“Sore.”

“Ah, well. I would assume that would be expected.”

“Yep.”

“Are you up too eating something?”

“Not from the hospital, no offence.”

“None taken. I don’t eat here either. Tastes like shit.” He paused. “Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“I won’t.” I heard a few chuckles around the room.

I liked this doctor, he was all business but at the same time very easy going.

“Anything else bothering you? Dizziness? Headaches? Stomach problems?” He kept glancing over at me as he listed off anything that came too his mind.

“A little dizzy, and hungry. And very tired.” I planted my lips in a firm line, wishing I could ask the one thing I really wanted to say. But I waited until he was finished.

“Just let me check your blood pressure, and your breathing and you should be good too go. I’m not going to prescribe anything, but I recommend some Tylenol or Aspirin for the headaches.” He looked around at the group of people in the room.

“Would you be so kind as to give us some privacy?” He asked. Chris nodded. “Do you want something from McDicks?” He asked me. I nodded. “Smoothie and a Big Mac?” I nodded again, confirming my order. The doctor looked back at me. “I’ll be right back.” He left, as did everyone else. Devin was the last one to leave, and I felt the panic rise up at being alone with a needle in my hand.

“Devin.” He stopped at the door, and turned to look at me with questioning eyes. “Do.. Do you think you could stay?” I hated to ask this of him, but I hated feeling like a coward over some stupid needle in my arm. Not that I hated needles completely, it was just ones that were sticking in me for a long period of time that sent my nerves on edge.

“If, if you don’t want too, its fine.” I looked down, slightly embarrassed when he didn’t answer right away.

“Hey guys, I’ll catch up later.” He called down the hallway and I felt some sort of relief. He walked back over to the side of the bed, and sat down on a chair, a couple steps away from me.

“Thank you.” I gave him a small smile. He gave an even tinier one in return. We were quiet for a few minutes, minus me adjusting my bed, so I was sitting upright, my back against the bed. I got a good laugh out of him when I started cursing the damn thing, and I kept scooting my ass forward trying to get comfortable.

I kept quiet for the most part, trying to revel in the comfort Devin provided that he was just there. But the overpowering ness of what was still between us rose up and threatened to overcome my speech. I closed my eyes, and that was a bad idea, because I still felt the needle in the back of my hand, and it made my insides twist uncomfortably.

I heard the door open and the same doctor as before walked in with the thing too take my blood pressure. He looked at Devin and then at me, apparently not caring that there was one other person in the room. He came around too the other side of me, and started wrapping the bandage looking thing around the top of my arm, pressing the velcro in place, he started pumping air into it, squeezing on my arm.

My hand started shaking, the one with the needle in it, because it was still the main course of my focus. Terror starting seizing me, and I closed my eyes tight, willing it away. I couldn’t close my fist, because that would have freaked me out even more so. Gotta power through it. I gripped the sheets ever so slightly, too calm the shaking.

I didn’t realize Devin had moved until I felt something warm cover my hand. My eyes shot open, and I saw Devin sitting beside my leg again, covering my hand with his own. It was warm, heat radiated from where his hand was touching all the way up my arm.

“Don’t focus on it.” His voice was calming. “Just pretend we’re anywheres but here.”

I forced out a laugh.

“I’ll try.” Devin repositioned his hand, so it was holding mine, avoiding where the needle was. I didn’t even notice the doctor stop pumping air, and I felt the slight tightness release my upper arm.

“Blood pressures good. Now I’m going to lift up the back of your shirt and listen to your heart and lungs.” I don’t know how that was necessary at all, but I was too focussed on Devin holding my hand. The back of my shirt was lifted up and I jumped slightly when something cold pressed against my ribcage.

“Jesus.” I muttered, gripping Devins hand a little, trying not to be so jumpy. The doctor ‘hmm’ed and hummed, as he listened to my heartbeat and breathing. Both where on the verge of going out of control. And I had a feeling he knew why, but he was keeping quiet. I stared at the hand Devin was holding, and I felt kind of bad for asking him to stay here with me.

“Alrighty, everything seems perfectly fine.” I bit back a nice retort I wanted to say to him, instead asking when he was going to take out the needle in my hand.

“As soon as the fluids in that bag are gone.” He walked around too the opposite side of me too check them and ‘hmph’ed. “Which would be right now.” Seeing as the bag was actually empty. Devin let go of my hand gently, and I took the hint too let go of his. I shifted my hand so it was in front of the doctor, and he gently peeled of the tape that was holding the needle there.

I looked away as he pulled it out, and I felt him stick some cotton over the hole that was there and put some more tape on it, too stop it from bleeding, if there was any. I looked back as he was walking away. “I’ll send in a nurse with some papers to fill out, then you should be able to leave.” He shut the door behind him, too emphasize what he said.

I turned back too Devin, who was sitting there quietly. I blew out a breath, feeling like shit.

“Sorry, about that Devin. Really, I shouldn’t have asked you to stay, it wasn’t my place. Although I am grateful that you were here.”

His grey blue seemed thoughtful as he gazed back at me, but he didn’t respond. I wanted to say something more, but I didn’t want to ruin the fact that Devin was here, in my presence again. My eyes felt sore and tired, as did the rest of me, but I felt rejuvenated at the fact he actually spoke to me in the first time in five days since the club.



~


“Alright, you go get some sleep. I’ll be back in two minutes and then we’re going to be heading to New York.”

Michelle was acting like a mother scolding her child, and I felt like one too, because I let myself get like that. It was my own fault. Well not the bottle too the head, but the rest was on me.

“Yes, ma’am.” I shuffled towards my bedroom, and I heard her rush out of the RV, to get things on the move.

I had taken a quick shower when I got back from the hospital, trying to rid myself of the germs. Collapsing on my bed, I wrapped myself up in my blankets, trying to forget everything that happened today. Minus talking too Devin again, even though it was just a few words. I grinned like a fool, thinking of him again.

I must be feeling better if I can think of him with a huge smile on my face. So much so, that I fell into a peaceful sleep, barely registering that the RV had started moving minutes later.

I woke up a couple hours later, noticing that it was dark, but at the same time very bright on one side of the RV. I threw my blankets off of me, and went to investigate. Well the light was coming from a certain tour bus across the field I was in. I got up and went too use the bathroom, then brushed my teeth, because it felt like I haven’t in a long time. I stared at my reflection, watching as I ran my tongue along the front of my teeth, making sure they were as clean I wanted them to be.

Satisfied, I went back out too my living room, pulled on some shoes, and walked outside. I wasn’t going to go over the tour bus, because I heard multiple voices chanting across the way and I wasn’t in the mood for a large crowd of people. I went too one of the cubby spaces that was under the RV, and pulled out, what I liked to call, my egg chair.

I set it up near the front of the RV, and quickly ran back inside to grab my phone. About twenty or more messages filled my screen. I grabbed a sweater and pulled it over my head, walking outside again and sat on my chair.

I scrolled through my phone, trying to decide who to text first. Trying to go through all the earlier messages that I got during the day was a hassle, but I finally got to the recent ones.

Andy.

-Dude, so whats going on with you and Motionless? D:-

I ignored that one for now. The next one was from Chris.

-So, yea Andy isn’t going to leave this alone. Not surprising, but be prepared. He worries a little too hard, if you know what I mean.-

-Also, what happened with you and Devin at the hospital? :3-

Dumbass. Although I grinned at his mischievousness to find out what's going on. I couldn’t tell him, because I didn’t know at the moment myself.

The next one was the one I wanted to read first, but left it for last because it was special. Devin sent.

-Hey, can I come over, and maybe talk to you about… stuff?-

My heart flip flopped. What. He wanted to talk? Now? I felt hesitant to reply, my fingers hovered over the keys, nervous at how to reply.

-Sure, I’m sitting outside. Want coffee or tea?-

I almost slapped my self, looking at my text.

-If you don’t know my answer too that by now… and which I like, I will be extremely surprised and offended.-

I snorted. And wrote a short reply.

-Just checking...-

I again, went inside, leaving the door open in case he got here before I was finished. I turned on the coffee perk, letting it do its thing, and I cleaned out two mugs that were in the sink.

“Knock, knock.” I heard him knock on the door whilst saying the notion at the same time. I turned to him. “Come in, I’m almost done.” I took a drying towel and dried off the mugs, setting them on the counter. He came in and settled on the couch, watching me. The machine beeped at me, singling the coffee was ready.

I turned to him. “I got a new kind of creamer, it has pumpkin spice in it, if you want to try it with me?”

He raised an eyebrow at me, with obvious interest. “Sounds yummy.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” I chuckled. I busied myself with making our coffee. Trying to think of what to say without scaring him off again.

I passed him a mug, the smell of spices and coffee mixed spread through the air. “Do you want to sit outside?” He nodded, following me out the door. I frowned at the one chair, and then pointed my gaze towards him. He shrugged.

I looked up too the roof, and had an idea. “Follow me.” I walked around the back, and asked him to hold my coffee. He stared at me as if I grew two heads. I grinned, and started my climb up to the roof. Once I was up there, I leaned down at grabbed the coffees out of his hand, and he climbed up without saying so much as a word.

“There.” I said, giving him back his coffee. “Why the roof?”

“Away from a certain nosy person, who wants to know what's going on between me and Motionless.” He nodded in understanding. “Andy, yeah he’s been texting all of us, and messaging us. Whichever he can get a hold of us on.”

“About the same, since I woke up.” I snorted softly. “Persistent bugger.”

“Agreed.”

He went silent after that, staring into his coffee. It felt familiar now, us hanging out, either just watching a movie, or talking about whatever we saw fit, and drinking coffee of course. It was almost routine before all this happened. Granted, I daydreamed about us actually being together, and now that there was the smallest of chances; I couldn’t think of a word to say to him without being scared of scaring him away.

I looked up at the stars, as if they could tell me everything there needs to be known about this situation and suddenly I was jealous for a single moment, at how easy everything must look from up there. A song came to mind, when I thought of the stars. One I heard recently, but I couldn’t remember the damn name.

“Paralyzed by my envy of the night, I am lost without you here and outside it looks like rain.” I murmured to myself. “What is that song called.”

I heard Devin chuckle, and look over at me. “City Lights.”

I smiled, “Perfect.” I looked back up at the stars and felt myself relax. “You know, I’m actually trying to find the words in my mind, too say something too you, but each time I think I got it; the fear of having you run away again shoots it down.” I let out an airy chuckle. “Sad, huh?”

“I can’t say its sad, you’re just worried you’ll say something wrong. Kinda how I feel to.” I glanced at him. “This is new too me, so I have no idea what I’m doing, and I feel as though I fucked up when I ran away when you were just trying too talk too me.” Guilt etched his features and I frowned.

“Devin.” He looked over to me, looking like a sad puppy, and I smiled. “You didn’t fuck up, I just threw too much at you. I’ve gone through something similar to what you’re going through now, and I know it’s not easy. Trying to accept this part of yourself that you didn’t realize you had. Trying to wrap your head around feelings that are running rampant in your head.” I glanced down too my hand that was holding me up.

“Worried that people are going to judge you.” He continued. “Afraid that this is temporary. That I’ll fuck everything up.” I could feel his stare on me, so I looked up at him again.

“And don’t get me started on the feelings I have for you.”

The sentence startled me, and I could see in the dim light that he was blushing. I smirked. “I can relate on the feelings thing. But mine have been here since I first gazed into those stunning grey blue eyes.”

He didn’t flinch, instead he asked. “Really?” I nodded. “I don’t lie about this kind of stuff.” I paused. “You’ve been running around inside my head since I caught that water bottle aimed at your head. At first I thought that, that maybe it was because you were so attractive, and thats the reason you kept popping up.”

I saw him roll his eyes at me calling him attractive. “And we’ve already figured it wasn’t because you were part of a band. That was literally the first time I heard you play. No, it was when I got to know you, too know your interests, your view on the world, your love for dressing up as Tim Burton characters, and various other cosplays.” I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, and he laughed.

“No, the first time I saw you, I lov-” I trailed off, not wanting to scare him away with a second confession. I took a sip of coffee, trying to calm my nerves with something warm in my system.

“You say these things so easily, like you’re so sure of yourself.” He commented quietly. I replied.

“Because the heart wants, what the heart wants. And mine, in not so many words, wants you.”

He took a sip of his coffee as well, looking deep in thought. I set mine down behind me, and turned to face him.

“So. Was this what you wanted to talk about?” I asked, my heart warmed at the sight of him. His hair wasn’t its usual crazy, but it was tamed to a point that it looked somewhat ‘normal’. I noticed that he had shaved off his growing goatee, and his face looked soft, and touchable.

He was wearing slightly tight looking black jogging pants, with a thin sweater on. He was paying attention to his mug again, and I saw his eyes flick over to me again.

“You’re staring.” I felt my face heat up. I brushed my hair behind my ear. “Sorry.” I laughed.

“It’s alright, believe me I’ve done my fair share of it.” He smiled at me.

“And, to answer your question, yes this is what I wanted to talk about.” He set down his cup beside mine, and turned to face me. Looking at him, head on, he was absolutely stunning.

“You look beautiful.” I murmured, my lip twitching into a smile. He blushed five different kinds of red. I chuckled. “Or should I say handsome, if that suits you better.” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t mind either.” He looked away, embarrassed. I looked up, and saw the moon, shining brightly down upon us. “So, what now?” I asked him, feeling as if this was coming to a conclusion. He probably didn’t want to risk dating me, feeling the way he does. I closed my eyes, trying not to pout at the way this was turning around.

“This.” I heard him answer, and as I tried to open my eyes too look at him, I felt something warm against my lips. My eyes widened when I saw Devins face just inches from mine.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head, my eyelids fluttering closed as I realized he was kissing me. I moved my lips against his, loving the feeling of how soft his where. I raised my hands up too his face, and tried to pull him closer, tangling my fingers in his hair. He let out an airy moan between our kiss, and I felt a chuckle reverberate in the back of my throat.

When air became a necessity, I pulled away, trying to reign in my desire for more.

He was just as flushed as I was, and the sight made me want to kiss him again. “Well, that was unexpected of you. I thought that..” I trailed off, not really knowing what I thought.

“I know I probably should have said this earlier, but I’m pretty positive that I’m in love with you, Alistair. And that kiss.” He blew out a gust of breath, that tickled my nose. He looked like he was trying to form the words to describe it.

“Was absolutely amazing.” I finished for him, and I pulled him onto my lap without so much as a protest from him, staring him down. “I was going to say breath taking, but that works to.” He grinned at me. I touched his nose with mine, as if asking if I could kiss him again. He moved his head, and captured my lips again, while I wrapped my arms around him, trying to think straight, as the man I adored kissed me so sweetly, I thought I was on my way to heaven.

His hand came up too my face, and caressed my cheek with his thumb. It sent tingles all the way down my back when he did that, and I squeezed him closer to my chest. I pulled away, resting my forehead on his.

“Well, I think I know for sure that I have loved you since I met you, Devin.” His eyes fluttered open and he stared at me. I rested my palm on the side of his face, and he leaned into it.

“I wish I realized it sooner.” He murmured. I smirked, pulling him to kiss me again, and he made a noise of protest, that was soon overpowered by little moans as I begged for entrance to his sweet mouth. He complied and our tongues danced together, learning how the other moved, and I couldn’t stop the moan that passed through my throat when he tugged on my hair.

When we stopped, we laid there. Me holding him against my chest sitting on my lap, listening to the sounds of the night.

“Hmph,” He laughed lightly. “I never thought I would be in a another mans arms.” I laughed with him, glad that he could talk about it so easily now.

“Are you okay with this though?” I asked him. He nodded, and then looked confused. “So, am I your boyfriend?” He asked. I chuckled.

“Only if you want to be, although those kisses.” I licked my lips. “Say a lot.” I smirked as I watched him blush yet again. It was adorable.

“I want to be.” His eyes still had fear in them, but his words were strong.

“Then, Devin Sola, would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”

Notes

Hmmm. What will Devin's answer be? Next chapter is his POV, so this should be fun. >:3