Human After All.

I was in awe. Elijah let me go and backed up, the person who held, what I saw was a razor blade, was none other than Devin. He kept the razor at arm's length, against my ex's throat until he was in front of me. I didn't realize how unevenly I was breathing, and I choked and coughed when I tried to take a deep breath.

Elijah laughed, finding his situation funny. "Well this is certainly unexpected."

"Really, I find my boyfriends ex choking the life out him while he goes on his selfish tirade about how he thinks he owns him." Devin’s voice was eerily calm. "Try that for unexpected."

"You're in my way." Elijah growled at him. "And I don’t give a flying fuck." I watched him as he dug in his pocket, and pulled out his phone. "I'm calling the fucking cops."

Apparently that's the one thing that was going to scare Elijah away. For now. "Fine, but it won't be forever. At least not until you see the marks, then you'll want nothing to do with him." he shrugged as if it didn’t bother him. He ran off as Devin put his phone to his ear, guessing he was calling the cops.

Me, I was shaking; badly. I turned back around and opened my door, hastily grabbing my groceries and tossing them inside and I followed suite. Leaving my door wide open, I threw off my shoes and ran to my room, bumping into everything. I barely noticed Devin running after, calling out to me. I barely registered that I heard him close the front door, because I was too busy running past mine and trying to swing it shut. I got to the side of my bed and collapsed on the floor, taking a blanket with me. I wrapped myself in it as if I was cold. It was like I couldn’t breathe all over again, I took in gulps of air, just to find it wasn't enough. I felt water build up behind my eyes, I kept seeing that night and it kept trying to mix with this night. Everything hurt, I felt that whip lash across my back, the sound of it slashing my skin open, and it made me want to get sick.

A shadow appeared in front of me and I jumped, pulling the blanket closer trying to hide myself. Two hands moved towards my face and I shut my eyes tightly, fearing it was Elijah, coming back to finish me off. My eyes popped open when I recognized whose hands they actually were as they touched the sides of my face. My heart thudded, panic stricken and I almost whimpered.

There was a faint glow around his head, but as my eyes adjusted I saw that it was Devin. He looked bewildered, scared for me. "Alistair." he whispered. I felt tears trickle down my face, and I quickly tried to wipe it away with my left hand. He grabbed my hand and gently put it down. "Alistair, it's okay, he's gone."

I listened to his words, feeling my chest rise less dramatically and more calmly. The tears kept falling, even as I closed my eyes again, taking a deep shuddering breath. I felt his arms under me and he gently coaxed me to get up. "Come on, the bed will be more comfortable than the floor."

I let him set me up on the bed. He took the blanket off and pulled it away so he could hug me. My shaking arms went around him and squeezed him tightly. "I'm sorry,Devin. For earlier." I didn’t know what else to say to him, I just wanted to try to focus on something else.

"Don't even worry about it, I should have just left it alone and we would have been doing this since after the concert."

"But.. -"

"No buts."

"But he was right about not wanting to be with me."

Devin pulled away and groaned at me. He got up and turned on the light. He sat back down beside me, and crossed his arms, his eyes saying he really didn't like what I said. "Excuse me if I don't take his word for it." he mimicked what I had said earlier that day.

I looked down, wincing as I did so. The pain had become so overpowering that I had to put my hand on my shoulder to stop from full out flinching. Although, Devin saw and he reached out his hand and touched mine.

"Let me see."

My head snapped up to him and suddenly my heart skipped over and over, overcome with irrational fear. I tried to protest, I didn’t want him to see, yet I found myself nodding, because I couldn’t say no to him.

I just put my head down, feeling defeated and vulnerable. "It's on your back isn't it?" I just nodded again.

"How did you know?"

"Call it an educated guess. I thought you might be hiding something along time ago but I never asked." I felt him shuffle on the bed. "It wasn't my place to ask something like that." he took a deep breath.

"It still isn't, but your ex, what's his name.."

"Elijah."

"Elijah, he seems to think the worst of everyone and he has got you thinking that you’re not worth anyone's affection."

I put my head up slowly, looking over at him.

I wiped at my eyes, the tears were still there. "Jesus, I'm becoming a fine mess." Sighing, I grabbed the end of my shirt with both hands and pulled it off with one swift movement. I turned slowly so that my back was facing Devin. I tensed up when I heard his intake of breath.

"He did this to you?" he whispered.

"Yeah.."

I jumped when I felt his fingers touch them, instead of the uneasy burning pain I usually felt when someone touched my back I felt... pleasure. So this is what pleasure feels like, it seemed so long ago I felt this sensation from anyone.

"Are you alright, Alistair?" I let out a shivering breath. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I must have sounded confused because he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. I leaned back, trying to figure out why it didn't hurt. The doctors had said there was some permanent damage because of how hard the whips blows came down on me, so it was normal to feel phantom pains and a burning pain if someone hit the wrong spot.

But Devin touched them all, I could feel the start of the pain, but it was like it completely vanished after the first few seconds.

"Did I hurt you?" He whispered in my ear. I shook my head, still completely lost at what just happened. I had become so accustomed to pain that I tried to avoid people touching me if I had to, not that I wanted to; simply because I didn't want to explain why. Yet, here I am being held and I felt no pain as he continued to squeeze me tighter as if to reassure me.

"You're holding me.." I whispered to myself. It almost made me want to start crying again.

He didn't notice I said anything, he let go of me saying, "Don't move." I felt him shuffle and I heard the sound of ruffling clothes. When he put his arms around me again, it was different. "Now we're even." He let out a small chuckle. His bare arms were around my neck holding my head against his shoulder. He took off his shirt. Completely throwing away the bad memories into the back of my mind for the time being, I struggled out of his grip to turn around and look at him. Devin looked startled but smiled when I grabbed him in an awkward hug, pulling his bare top half against mine. He fixed his position so that he was sitting on my lap and as close as we possibly could be together. It felt amazing to be held like this.

We stayed like that for awhile, until I moved my hand across his back, and felt how smooth his skin was. My eyes widened and before I could stop myself I traced my finger up and down his back. He trembled and for a second I thought I did something wrong. But he relaxed almost as quickly as it happened.

I was going to question it but then I felt his lips on my shoulder and I felt my breathing quicken. The atmosphere took a dramatic turn of events and suddenly I was trembling under him, as he kissed slowly, very slowly, purposefully towards my neck. I trailed my fingers down his back again and drew circles around his hip, making him shift back and forth. He lost his concentration long enough for me to take my right hand and gently pull his face away from my neck. I don't know how he did it, but the way his face was contorted in obvious pleasure from him kissing my neck, I found myself giving into the desire to kiss him blind. I forced his head back to me and I kissed him with everything I had.

His fingers lightly trailed up towards my shoulders and the pleasure was tenfold from what I felt earlier and it headed straight to my groin, causing me to harden against my will. I gasped when Devin purposely rubbed himself against me, his own burden rubbing itself against mine. Taking my initial shock and using it against me as I did him, he pushed me onto my back. With him overtop of me he mushed his heated wet lips against mine again, continuing what I started. Gone was the sane part of me, the one who knew I should stop; all I could think about was how hot and perfect his body was overtop of me, I grinded my hips up and made the want of having him all to myself so much worse. He moaned in our kiss and I felt his tongue flick across my lips trying to find my own. As soon as I let him, sparks seemed to go off on my whole body as our tongues intertwined with each other.

We were so into our own world that I almost didn't hear the front door open.

"Alistair!?" We both immediately pulled away, staring at each other in horror. Blake.

"Devin?" She tried again. Devin's face was beet red, from both exhilaration and embarrassment, as I was probably the same.

I cleared my throat and called out to Blake. "Yeah?!"

"Are you two in the bedroom?"

"Yes, what's up?"

I heard the floor creak as she moved as it was so quiet. "Oh, just wanted to make sure you're alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow, I'm staying in Alex's spare room tonight. Night guys"

We both said 'night at the same time and we listened as she left. Once she was, I blew out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, while Devins head fell on my shoulder.

"Well then." He muttered, laughing. "Yep." I said laughing with him. We made no motion to move from our current position, not that I would let him either way. I enjoyed the closeness we had going. We were quiet for a long time, all I could hear was the sound of my pounding heart trying to calm its way back to a regular rhythm.

"I'm glad you showed me, Al." He looked up at me from his position on my chest, his eyes warm and understanding. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

I cracked a small smile. "It's fine, Elijah has ways with words, sometimes, and if I was in your shoes, I would have doubted me too."

I lifted my head and grabbed my pillow so I could get more comfortable laying the wrong way on my bed. Devin was still staring at me, questions in his eyes, I knew exactly which one he wants answered, because I also wanted it answered. But I couldn't give him a proper one, and the only person who could give us this messed up answer to the question was out and about plotting something. Do I know why? No, he was vague then and even more so now.

"You look so deep in thought." I felt Devin's body tremble with light laughter, and I opened my eyes not even realising they were mostly shut.

"How can you tell?" I grinned. "You have this random twitch in your eyebrows when you're giving something serious thought."

"I'm always serious!" I feigned hurt.

"Yeah, uh huh and I'm Dolly Parton."

"Well, you don't have enormous boobs, that's for sure." I chuckled.

"Hah hah. Very funny." He inched himself closer so that he was towering over me, nose to nose. His beautiful cloudy eyes screamed want.

"Did I mention that you looked extremely delicious on stage today?" I grinned. That caught him off guard a little, as his entire face turned red and he started stuttering, trying to make up a comeback. When he couldn't, he growled at me, making me raise my eyebrows in surprise and he kissed me suddenly. I tried to stop the moan at the back of throat, but couldn't due to his wandering hands across my chest. He pulled away just long enough to breath, before he continued his onslaught to my neck again. My hands did there own wandering, trailing down his back and back up his sides only to go down again, this time a little further. I grabbed his ass, with the full intention to get him startled and stop.

Which he did with the most hilarious squeak. I broke out laughing, my mouth closed trying not to roar in his face. “That was adorable, will you do it again?” I managed out. He glared at me but broken into a smile once he seen the smile on my face. “I'm glad I can amuse you.” I knew he didn't mean to sound angry, because I heard the relief in his voice.

“Not amuse, you make me happy.” My smile was threatening to break my face I was so happy, so genuinely happy that it hurt. “Devin, you seriously made me the happiest man alive when you agreed to be my boyfriend. It's something I'm not taking for granted, not ever.” I touched his cheek as I said it. I'm not sure my words meant much to him, but I had to let him know. It was something my mother always told me to do, is to tell people how you really felt, especially if you cared for the them. Because chances are that you might not always get a chance to say so. That was life. I learned the hard way you don't always get second chances..

I jumped when I felt his fingers touch my cheek. I blinked, realizing I was spacing out. “I don't have anything too top that.” He looked up at me, his smile was still there but his eyes seemed sad. I held him closer so I could flip us, me leaning over top of him. “You don't have too. I just want to know you're there.” I murmured, and I laid down, careful not to lay my weight completely on him, and tried to bury my face in neck, wanting to lose myself there like I always could, just because it was him. His arms made their way around me, grabbing the other and pulled me tight. The earlier encounter with E still had my emotions in a blender, and when Devin pulled me closer, like he didn't want too let me go, I wanted to start crying again. I bit my lip, smiling and feeling a sob choke in the back of my throat. I felt so many different emotions, it was hard to keep track.

“It's alright, Alistair. Don't hold it back.” His grip tightened and my arms gave out, I was shaking from the tears, both joy and sadness, I was trying too smile, my face was trying to go back to a setting I forced on itself. Always be strong, Alistair, don't let them hurt you again. Don't let them see the scars, don't let them see how broken you are.

I choked out a sob, and it was a sweet relief. Like I had been holding my breath for so long and I finally took a deep needy breath. I hadn't cried in so long, too anyone and now that I had, I must have been desperate or I completely trusted my instinct when it came too Devin. I was gasping, trying too tame that overwhelming feeling from burying everything. I didn't even realize I was on my side, my head still buried in Devin's neck and he was rubbing my back, letting me let it all out. He kept a ridiculously strong grip on me, like he was keeping me together. How the fuck did I deserve this. This kind of love. How quickly it came. How fast my past was coming out. It scared me, but I didn't run away from it.

How could I?


~


I woke up, feeling like it was days later. Knowing it had only been a couple hours, I sighed with relief. Suddenly glad I had called Michelle last night and explained what happened with my ex, in not too much gory detail and got everything sorted out; I felt a little bit more relaxed. She gave me the night off and I got some much needed sleep, with the most amazing man there too keep me company. We didn't talk much, mostly just taking each other in.

I looked around, noting that Devin was no longer beside me, a piece of paper taking his place. I picked it up, looking at his hurried messy scrawl.

*Alistair,

Completely forgot that we were doing a double show here. And apparently the time in which I needed to get up. I didn't have the heart to wake you up, knowing how much sleep you got the past couple days.

I would've loved to stay and slept beside you longer, but the stage awaits, ;)

PS. You should keep your shirt off more.. Really hard to leave when your boyfriend is THAT good looking..

PSS. Just around me. Only me!!
Mine!

Love, Dev. <3

I smirked at his words. His, huh? I wasn't going to argue that point. I loved the fact that he seemed possessive of me too a point, and it made me stupidly giddy. I set the paper down and looked down at myself, running my hand over my chest. I wasn't perfect by any means, but I did keep myself in shape, and I guess the fact that my chest was hairless could contribute to the point Devin made. But my scars only proved too myself that I was hideous, I believed I wasn't worthy of someone like Devin, who looked past my more than obvious flaws. With flaws like these, it was the reason I tried so hard, that maybe, just maybe I would look good enough and hide the pain that was beneath the surface.

But last night, I let that pain out. I actually trusted someone enough with the truth and made myself vulnerable to them. I only had that with Blake, my best friend; only she knew more. She knew my family history. That was something that might take a little longer too let out.

“Wow, I'm really depressing this afternoon.” I muttered to myself. I got myself out of bed and hopped in the shower.

Twenty minutes later I was dressed and heading out the door. I had on a sleeveless shirt and grey cargo pants. It was relatively warm today, so instead of having gross sweaty feet; I had on sandals. Maybe I'll get a tan on my feet? I snorted at my ridiculous train of thought.

I made my way towards Michelle's trailer, knocking on the door, I heard a sharp bang and a loud ‘come in!’. I walked in wearily, afraid of what I was going to find. I saw Michelle and Roy scrambling around trying to pick stuff- that had obviously fallen- up off the floor. “Hey, you need some help?”

“Please, all those papers near your feet would be a great start.” I looked down and saw a pile of papers that look like they were previously stacked, had fallen too it's side. I quickly picked them up and passed them too Roy. By that time the mess was resolved in a short amount of seconds.

I looked at Michelle with a questioning expression. Her face flamed and she glared at her boyfriend and I immediately understood. Oh, I was seconds away from seeing my boss doing it. Jesus. Awkward. Very awkward, so awkward. Who does it in this kind of heat anyway? I paused my line of thought. I would. Definitely would, get the right amount of heat and you're in orgasmic bliss. I repressed a spine tingling shiver when an image of Devin and I doing questionable things with our bodies planted itself in my brain. Just what I needed today; to be a walking hard on.

“So Alistair, you're here about what we talked about last night.” Michelle finally spoke after shoving Roy, who was laughing at Michelle's reddened face. I took a deep breath, nodding. “Yes, ma’am.” I grinned. “So, the jist of what I'm getting from what you told me is that there is someone from your past that is here and he threatened your life. Last night?” She asked sitting at her desk. She motioned for me to sit in the chair in front of her. “Pretty much nailing it on the head.” I nodded my head in consent. “So who is he too you?”

“My ex.” I glanced in Roy's direction, answering his question. Turning my attention back too Michelle. “A very violent ex, and we didn't exactly leave on the best terms last we saw each other.”

“When did you last see each other?” This is where it got a little tricky, do I tell them why happened in full or little detail.

“January 14th, 2009.”

“That's what almost four years ago? Why is he here now?” I could practically taste the skepticism I heard in her tone. I shrugged, feeling the heaviness of the situation on my shoulders. “You know, Michelle, I really wish I knew the answer. I thought that day was the last I saw of him. I didn't seek him out, I really never wanted too after what happened..”

“And what exactly happened that day Alistair?” The pain probably painted a very obvious picture on my face because she backed off, looking at me with a sad expression.

“It's not exactly a great conversation starter. I don't really want to relive it, thanks.” I kept it short. Leaving no room for her too try to pry it from me, which thankfully she didn't.

“Alright, so what do you want me to do?”

“ What can you do, is the question?” I knew I couldn't get special treatment, not that I wanted it. To many cans of worms that I vehemently refuse to open.

“Well, we can get an increase in security, if you have a picture of him, that would be great. So we can be aware of what he looks like.” She paused, looking disheartened. “ Really, there's not much we can do. I mean, unless he openly attacks you or makes you feel threatened then we have limited options.”

“I understand, I was just worried he might hurt others. Really I just want everyone to be careful. He's not exactly what he appears to be.”

“I'll make sure everyone knows.”

“Thanks Michelle, Roy. I just hope nothing else goes wrong. I really don't want anyone here to get hurt because of my drama.”




I walked around the venue, I think we were in Kansas, maybe? I didn't pay attention when we drove here the day before yesterday. Too much on my mind, only now it was ten times worse. I was worried that Elijah would somehow hurt Devin or even worse kill him. My heart pounded, thinking of what he uttered to us before he vanished. Fuck him, fuck his stupid fucking face; that piece of fucking shit. “Alistair!” I jumped, and looked around, seeing Blake run up beside me. “Hey, what’s up?” trying to calm my startled heart. “Trying too get your attention, the boys are waiting for you, them and some other people are hanging out behind the main stage.”

“Alright. Sounds like a time.” I smiled. “Thanks for scaring the shit out of me by the way. Totally needed that. Cause I wasn’t on edge enough.”

She laughed as she walked in step beside me, towards the the stage. “So, did you and Devin makeup last night?” she winked in my general direction. “Yes, we did, and not in the way you’re thinking, you perv.” I stuck my tongue out at her. “ Elijah showed up my door last night after I was done shopping.” I admitted quietly. She slammed her hand on my chest, halting our walk. “That piece of shit did what.” she glared. “What did he do too you?” Before I could react, she pulled down my shirt, and saw the darkening bruises near my neck. She bared her teeth. “I’m going to rip him to shreds!”

‘Yeah, Devin almost beat you too it.” She stopped seething long enough to give me a questioning stare. “How so?”

“Razor too the throat kinda helped.”

“Go Devin..” She murmured approvingly. I managed a half smirk at her aw.

“Yeah, things just got a whole lot more complicated.”

“No duh.” She huffed. “I’m going to lay on him next time I see that piece of crap.” She actually let out a little grr sound.

“Alright Bear Blake, lower the claws. He's not here right now.” I continued my walk towards our previous destination and she jogged up to catch up with me.

“So, you finally told him.” she remarked.

“Well, yes, he deserves an explanation and it's finally time to let someone else see besides my doctor.”

“True, I’m proud of Al.”

I smiled at her as we finally got to the stage and behind it, where a group of people were gathered. I saw Devin and the guys all huddled around someone. There was a collective of ‘ouu’s’ and ‘aww’s’ from all of them and quite a bit of girls. Devin separated from the group and ran at me with a hug. “Hi, gorgeous. What are we all gathered here for?”

“Believe it or not; a baby.” he smiled up at me, and I felt my heart warm in ways that only he could accomplish. The words must have went straight up and over my head, because when he dragged me over, I felt the air rush out my lungs. Cuddled in, the one and only Ash Costellos arms; was a beautiful baby girl in a little sundress, fast asleep. “Hey, Alistair, nice too see you again. This is my niece. Isn’t she gorgeous.” She brought her folded arms with the baby snuggled carefully on them, a little closer too me. “She’s beautiful. How old is she?”

“She just turned four months a couple days ago, my sister surprised me by bringing her to see me, so of course I had to show her off,

She pointed with her nose beside her, “this is Candace.” I nodded my hello to her and a small smile. I kept my eyes on the baby, more buried memories started scratching their way to the surface as I looked at the utter innocence and wonder before me. My heart started to break all over again. I could feel the guilt and pain and the utter loss I had and it made me feel sick.

“Would you like to hold her?” Ash broke me out of my mind, and I saw her ask her sister who nodded her approval. She held her arms out even further, and I automatically put my arms under hers, once she knew I had her, she pulled her arms slowly away. I cradled the little angel in my arms, with an old familiarity. I knew how to hold an infant, it had had been so long ago, that I thought I would have forgotten. But once you’ve done a few times, it really sticks with you. But at the same time I felt awkward as all hell, stiff and scared that I would hurt the little one. She squirmed as if she knew she was in someone else's arms, she blinked her eyes open and stared at me for a few seconds. She had bright blue eyes like her. Her lips pulled into a small grin in the sweetest way just like she used too. And before I could fully appreciate all the wonder in her small precious face, her eyelids fluttered shut as she fell back to sleep. “Wow, she likes you.” I glanced up at Ash and her sister. “She’s not usually that quick too trust, I tried to give her too Chris, and she freaked.” I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. “Poor Chris.” giving him a shit eating grin. Like the mature man that he is, he stuck his tongue out at me. “Juvenile.” I narrowed my eyes jokingly. I turned back too the little one in my arms, and the heartache came back ten fold.

My heart was pounding erratically, I could feel my lungs trying to do their job, just so I could appear calm on the outside.

“What’s her name?” I asked, as normally as I could muster without sounding like I was going to break down.

“Miranda.” I smiled up at Ash’s sister. “She’s beautiful.” I passed her back over to her mother. “Thank’s for letting me hold her, it’s been a long time since I held a little baby.” I laughed good naturedly. “Explains why you were so calm with her, usually men freak when they hold a baby.”

“Oh don’t worry I was freaked. She’s still so tiny and breakable. I didn’t want to hurt her.”

“Baby, I doubt you would ever do that by the way you were just holding her.” Devin looped his arm around mine and leaned his head on my shoulder. His touch calmed me down too the point I didn’t realize I was actually shaking. I hadn’t noticed. His smile was laced with underlying concern as to why I was.

I couldn’t just say it outloud, hell I haven’t even gave it proper thought until now.

It wasn’t going to go away, but I sure as hell didn’t want to open up that old wound.

Notes

I'M BACK BITCHES!

And in case you all might be wondering, yes I did have my baby. I have a very beautiful happy six month old baby girl. God, I had no idea how much more love you can have in your heart once you have a child of your own. She makes my life = complete. :D

But now that I have internet, and my wonderful baby girl sleeps through the night, I shall be updating (hopefully) more ! I hope you all haven't lost to much interest.

Enjoy! :3