Can We Start Again?

I managed to push myself out of the crowd to find Chloe by her car talking to Chase and Damian. "Yo guys!" I yell as I walk up to them. They turn and all smile at me. "Fucking finally. Take long enough?" Damian asks smirking. That damn smirk though.
"Oh you know me, always gotta take the long way."
"Just get in the damn car. I want food."
"Sir, yes sir" and then I mock salute him.
I walk around to the passenger side of Chloe's car then wait for her to unlock it. I start yanking on the door handle impatiently. Smirking at me she slowly gets her keys. What the fuck stop being so slow on purpose. I roll my eyes at her and she finally laughs and unlocks it.
Sliding into the car I put my seat health on and she gets the car started and I turn the radio up playing La Dispute. We pull out quickly with Chase fallowing us. The traffic wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be so we got to the Taco Bell pretty quick. We were shouting lyrics to king park while waiting on the boys. "CAN I STILL GET INTO HEAVEN IF I KILL MYSELF?!" We were having a blast that we barely noticed Damian tap on my window. Giggling we finally get out of the car.
Chase walks up wrapping his arm around my shoulder, "Dang girl, you're singing has definitely improved from the last time I saw you."
"Nah chase. I still suck."
"Morgan. just stop."
Chloe was already at the counter ordering with Damian. Why is he touching her shoulder?! Chase leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Ooh is someone jealous?" I shot him a glare and walked up to the counter ordering a chicken quesodilla and a bean burrito with a Baja blast. I walk to the pick up counter as Chloe and Damian are getting their food.
"Morgaaaan where do you wanna sit?" Chloe asked. I just respond with a shrige saying I don't know. she chooses a booth by the window and sits on one side with Damian on the other. Good. if they'd eat together I'd have been mad. ugh.
My food finally came up and chase's right behind it. I grab mine and head to the table to sit next to Chloe. I wasn't really in the mood to talk. I was exhausted and just wanted to eat and then sleep in Chloe's car. I felt my mind wandering back to Alan. Should I keep his number? Should I actually text him? He was obviously hitting on me. but I'm 16...but its Alan Ashby for Christs sake. Stuff like that doesn't happen. What if its a fake number? or if he changes his mind? I was shaken out of my thoughts by a nudge on my shoulder. "Ready?" Chloe asks? Nodding, we all walk out. I stop at Chase's car and hug him tightly promising to talk to mom about coming down next week during winter break for a few days. I even have the courage to hug Damian. Boy does he smell good. Then walking over to Chloe's car I wave bye then getting in. When we get in Chloe starts with, "Oh my god Damian is so fantastic. I think I really like him!" In that moment I felt like I'd been stabbed. She didn't know about my childhood crush on him. I feel wrong if I tell her about it now. maybe I should just let him go. Let her have him. Just like every guy I've liked. She gets to them first. She's my best friend though. If she's happy then I'm happy I guess. "His eyes are just sooooo beautiful. and the lip piercings oh my god." I just shake my head at her and let her know I was going to take a nap.
I was shaken awake by Chloe and I mumbled an incoherent goodnight before getting out and getting into my house. The smell of alcohol hit my nose immediately. In the living room was mom passed out with a wine bottle on the floor next to her. Sigh. Not again. I just silently walk up to my room and check in on my little brother Jason. He was asleep. I get to my room and strip down before grabbing stuff to go shower.
I turned the hot water on and stepped in. it was almost scalding perfect. My mind turned to Chloe and how I never get what I want. She always ends up the guy or the friend. its fucking depressing. reaching for my razor on my counter I sit in the bottom of the shower crying, contemplating it. With out thinking about it I drag the razor down my skin leaving a deep gash across my wrist. Watching the blood mix with the water is always so fascinating. I make a few more gashes before cleaning up and getting out.
Going to my room I put on a big T-shirt and grab my phone getting into bed. I have the paper with Alan's number. Should I text him? Just to have someone to talk to? I don't have to tell him everything. I am not attention seeking. but then again I wish I had someones attention just on me. That moment then is when I decided to text Alan. I could have his attention and not Chloe.
Opening my phone, I go to contacts to add his number before texting him. I open up imessage on my iPhone and send a text:
Hey its Morgan. the girl you gave your number to after the show.
sent.
Now to wait. I turn on my music listening to La Dispute when my phone buzzes.
well hey there Morgan. I figured you wouldn't text me since you so bluntly said you're 16 (;
Shit. he got me. mine as well be honest.
Maybe I just wanted someone to talk to tonight.
Sent.
Then my phone was ringing. He was calling me. Oh my god. Touching the answer key I pit it to my ear, "Hello?" fuck my voice is still scratchy.
"Well hey there. You wanted someone to talk to and here I am. All ears." I could practically hear the grin in his voice.
"Well yeah I guess I did say that." good job Morgan looking like an idiot. I hear him sigh before speaking again.
"Is everything fine? you seem upset." fuck fuck fuck.
"Yeah I'm good. Just a problem with my friend. Nothing to worry about honestly." I tried to force my voice to be cheery so he wouldn't notice.
"Uhuh if you're sure. So how was your night after my amazing concert?" Cocky bastard. Hot cocky bastard. Illegal hot cocky bastard.
"It was good. Went to taco bell then came home and showered. Now here I am."
"Sounds okay. Listen Morgan I gotta go but I'll text you darling."
oh. darn.
"Okay bye Ginger princess"
he hung up and I walked to my floor length mirror to sit in front of it and take a picture. Then going to instagram:
Sad nights, sad eyes.
post.
my phone buzzes with a text:
Alan Ashby:
Are you going to sleep soon?
probably not.
Nah. just on instagram and twitter.
sent.
I already had a notification from instagram. Chloe liked my picture. it had about 5 likes on it. just the usual school friends. buzz
Alan Ashby:
what's your instagram and twitter?(;
You trying to follow me? dang every girls dream. @Morgan_xoxo for both.
Sent.
Not even one minute later I got the notification Alan Ashby follows you. from both twitter and instagram. Daaaaamn.
(a/n this was longer than usual. I spent three days typing it on and off on my phone! I have the next chapter somewhat planned so be sure to favorite/subscribe/follow.)

Notes