Keelesi

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"Hey Keelesi? Austin is having a get together wanna come?" Alan asked slinging his arm around my shoulder. 'Do you really wanna hang out with the guy you like and the girl he likes?' the voice in my head said and i look down at my hands.

''When is it?" I ask, looking down at my large thighs and calves. ''Tonight. Hey, if you feel like you are criticized we can leave right away okay?" Alan replied back and i look at my arms and bicepts.

'fat fat fat.' It spat and i feel tears stinging my eyes. ''Yeah sure.'' i said and i hear him leave. I let one tear leave and i get up, grabbing my headphones and then i hear the door slam, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

I throw my headphones on the bed and plug my Phone into the speakers, blasting until the end by Breaking Benjamin.

''stay strong, you don't need tears.'' I say to myself in the mirror, but the tears keep falling.

''Don't you dare.'' i said and one more tear split out of my eye and i lose it. I throw everything off my dresser, throwing hairspray cans around the room at walls and i pick up my empty bottles Austin gave me once from Russia.

I throw it at the wall, splitting it into pieces.

I see the empty beer bottle lable, on the floor connected to the pieces. ''No!'' i scream and i fall to my knees. I rock back and forth, holding my face.

Soon, i feel a headache and a hand on my shoulder.

I look up, blinded by the light and i see Austin standing there with a sad look on his face. I get up and walk over to my makeup wipes on the floor and grab one.

''Kal?" He asked and walked over to me. ''Yeah?" I ask in my normal voice, throwing him off because i was crying so much.

''Whats wrong?'' Austin asks and i look at him while wiping underneath my eyes. ''Just a breakdown im fine.'' i said, frowning at my pathetic excuse of being angry and sad.

''Then why did you break the bottle i gave to you?" He asked looking at it and now i feel bad. ''I am so sorry Austin. I wasn't thinking.'' i said and i leave the room, grabbing a hoodie and running outside the back door.

I run into the woods in our backyard and i know cliche but fucking sue me.

I run down the big hill and all the way down to the water stream. I step on the arranged rocks across it and up to the left.

There i see my treehouse. I had no help doing it so it is kind of ghetto but it is better than nothing.

I get up there and just sit there. I feel like i wanna cry but i can't. I would if i could, but i can't.

''What if i wanted to break, laugh it all off in your face. What would you do?" I said, but this isn't only song lyrics. Well not to me. I think about this every day, all the time.

"I would help pick up the pieces.'' Austin said and i look down, seeing him there.''come up you dork.'' i said to him, smiling through the lump in my throat.

'we are fine, don't crack.' It said and i see Austin climb up with a small smile on his face. ''Hey, it's okay. I have like 4 more. But i don't care about the bottle, i care about you Kal.'' he said and put his hand on my knee.

''how could you care about me?" I ask myself and pull the hoodie on, the chill getting to my bones.

I feel his hand remove from my knee, but grab my thigh. ''Because I love you.'' He said and i stare at him in shock.

''No, no you can't love me.'' i said and he laughs and looks down, then back at me. ''You barely know me, you can't love someone you don't know. especially if it is me. To much baggage to carry.'' i said and i remove his hand, setting it on the damp wood.

''Oh but i do and i will prove it.'' he said and i am thinking 'yeah right.' but what he does next shocks me.

He pulls out a little blue book and i know exactly what it is. ''No you didn't.'' i said, hissing at him through tears.

''But i did and this, is the past. You and Alan don't deserve to go through what you did. I still love you and ive seen the pictures, read the entries. But i don't care.'' he said and tossed the book at me.

I look through it and see he made markings through it in red pen, showing what was wrong and what was right.

I read one with a really long message. 'Dont you dare leave me. I don't know what i would do and neither would alan. So shut the fuck up and kiss me.'' i finished aloud and he looked at me with hope in his eyes.



I laugh but crawl on top of him and he presses his lips to mine.

Notes

ugh sucks sorry