The boys were playing in New York today so I was gonna take Lizzy and we were gonna go, she was gonna stay backstage, but I was gonna act normal and go into the crowd. Dawn already said goodbye to Lizzy and I hadn’t talked to Oli. In fact, tonight will be the first night I’ve seen him. I gave my engagement ring to Austin and told him to give it back to Oli. I wasn’t going to marry someone like that. I’m not the 16 year old girl I used to be.


I’d been at the venue since 9 this morning with Lizzy; it’s 5:30 now. I told her to stay up here with Austin, and I told her not to talk to Oli. I went down to the floor and waited, front row, for all of the people to come piling in. At 6 the doors opened and there they were, hundreds of kids. Probably 300. Too many.


A girl, around probably 14 or 15, kind of… large… stood next to me, looked me up and down, and scoffed. “You got something you wanna fucking say?” I hissed. “They’re not gonna fuck you just because you’re dressed like a whore.” She said and I laughed. Just wait little bitch. Just wait. I saw… wait… was that right? Is that Ricky? Have they been here all day? I pulled out my phone and texted Ricky.
~Are y’all playing tonight?
~Yeah, surprise!

I smiled and slipped my phone back in my pocket. The lights dimmed and the crowd roared. What I think was Motionless lined up on the stage, I was dead center between Chris and Ricky. When the lights came up there they were. Ricky smiled at me and I waved, but so did the bitch next to me, “Bitch. He’s mine.” I growled and she gave me a look. “Hey now, no cat fights Ashley, I know you’re not down in the crowd often but don’t be fighting with the little kids.” Chris said into the mic and I was blushing red.


“They’re not gonna fuck me now because I’ve already fucked ‘em” I laughed and Chris reached his hand and I grabbed it and got up on stage. “Ashley Manson everyone! Keep her out of the crowd, she doesn’t need to be fighting with people.” Ricky said and hugged me tightly, squeezing my ass, causing me to jump.


“She’s gonna help us sing Sinematic.” Chris said. Chris lied. I sang 95% of the song. It was horrible sounding, it did not sound in the slightest bit decent. I was already supposed to sing with Of Mice and Bring Me. It would’ve been nice to know. I went back stage with Lizzy, who was sitting there playing with Alan. Oli passed us and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned my head and saw him crying, he asked me to come talk to him and I told Lizzy to keep playing with Alan and walked off with Oli, but not too far, just far enough for Alan to still be able to see me, but too far for Lizzy to hear me.


“Ashley. Please listen. I can tell you why it all happened. But please you’ve just got to listen.” He spoke. I nodded, “I did some crazy drugs the night before, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I knew it’d fuck with me, but god I didn’t think it’d be that bad.” He was crying harder. “Oli. Listen, I’m sorry. But I can’t forgive you, you’re going to have to get some serious mental help before I can even think about forgiving you.” “I’ll do anything for you Ashley… anything.” He said and hurried off with the rest of his band, who was about to go out on stage.



Ricky walked backstage and saw me with Lizzy and Alan, but once Alan saw Ricky he got up and left. “Who’s this cutie?” Ricky asked, pointing to Lizzy. “This is Lizzy. Her mom had to go away for a bit, I got custody.” I smiled proudly. “She’s beautiful.” “Lizzy, this is Ricky.” I said to her and she flinched. “She talks about you in her stories!” he shouts. “No, no honey shh. That was a long time ago. It’s alright now.” I smiled and she gave me a look and I nodded. She introduced herself and I told her to go find Alan.


“Stories?” Ricky asked. “I went to an abuse group when we broke up the first time. That’s how I met her mom.” I sighed. “How are you? With your arm…? Obviously good enough to be on stage.” I laughed awkwardly. “I’m alright. Are you? Austin said something happened, he’s actually the one who called Chris last minute. He knew I would be the only one to comfort you.”


“I’m alright now. It’s nice to see you… really nice. Stuff happened with Oli. Our engagement’s off and I broke up with him.” I saw that Oli was fanning for me. “Hold on.” I said and walked on stage. I was singing Hannah’s parts on Deathbeds and then Don’t Go. I had never been so unenthusiastic to sing with them, but I was, I was just going to have to suck it up and sing anyways. Once I was finished I waved and walked off stage, looking across to the other side I saw Lizzy on Austin’s shoulders and smiled.


“He’s such a good guy.” I said to myself. “Who?” Ricky asked. I turned around and looked at him, he still towered over me, probably by a good foot. I hadn’t grown at all since I was 16, I was still 5ft 4”. “Ricky… I uh-” I was cut off by him leaning down and kissing me. It was so passionate… like he really missed me. He backed away and my blue eyes looked up into his. “I missed you.” He said and I knew I was blushing, I knew s that I was hardcore blushing.


I watched as the lights dimmed and Of Mice & Men stood on stage, waiting for the lights to come up. I noticed Austin was unusually tall, but then I realized. Oh god, Lizzy is still on his shoulders. When the lights came up I could see her waving at everyone. “So, this is my best friends daughter, her name is Lizzy and she’s the cutest little thing in the world, she wanted to say hi to everyone.” Austin handed her the mic and she said hello. Then she asked how everyone was doing, and then she waved for me to come out.


I walked out, but she kept waving so Ricky followed, when he was out, she stopped. “This is my new mommy, her name is Ashley.” Lizzy spoke. “And this is mommy’s friend. His name is Ricky.” “I didn’t come here to hear some little shit talk!” Someone in the crowd shouted. I could see Ricky already about to lunge at him, “No Ricky. It’s fine.” I took the mic from Lizzy and told her to come with me.


I handed the mic to Austin and we went to the side of the stage. She was jamming out, and Austin noticed, I knew he would. He brought her back onstage and she continued to jam out on stage, it was so cute I swear. “Austin’s amazing.” I sighed and I saw Ricky’s face fall from happy to not so happy. “He’d be the perfect dad, I swear.” Once they finished Lizzy came back to me, and the large sweaty Austin hugged me. “You two, were both, really adorable on stage.” I laughed. Ricky looked a little upset so I pulled him to the side. “Ricky, hey. Listen. We just aren’t going to work… I want to be your friend, not your lover. Please don’t take that the wrong way…” I said and he sighed. “I’ve grown up in the past few years. I understand Ashley.” Ricky smiled.


I could see Lizzy run up to Austin through the corner of my eye, “Daddy!” She said and jumped up on him (sometimes she forgets she’s 11). Austin shoots his head around, his eyes are wide, as are mine. Dear god. This is, we’re going to have to figure something out…

Notes

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