The Letter

They planned on continuing the tour with me, but I didn’t want to go. I was horrified of going honestly. What if I got hurt? What if it happened again? I was really worried, but they refused to let me stay here. I didn’t have any friends or anything. Luckily this tour was only 3 weeks. Today we were going to Munich, Germany. I’ve never been there and I’m really excited. I wasn’t allowed to leave without a buddy. It was stupid. I’m not 5.
We were sitting in the bus, driving to Munich. We flew from London to Brussels, Belgium, and now we have an 8 hour bus trip to Munich. I hated this part of tour. All of Bring me was sitting on the couch playing games, and I was in Oli’s bunk, thinking about life, and how much I’ve fucked it up.
My phone started ringing, “Hello?” I answered confused, I’m with everyone who’d call me.
“Ashley, love.” Ricky cooed.
“What do you want?! To try and kill me for a third time?” I hissed into the phone.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Oh don’t act like you don’t know! You sent October all this way to kidnap me and threaten me!”
“That’s a lie. I don’t know what she told you, but I did not tell her to do that. Just because you turned down my proposal, doesn’t mean I want to kill you.”
“What?”
“I didn’t tell her that Ashley. I swear to you, I’m not like that anymore. I’ve changed for the better.”
I was really confused, I didn’t know whether or not to believe him, “Fine, why’d you call?”
“Well I called to see if you were doing alright. I saw your tweet.”
“I have been better. We’re on our way to Munich for the second tour date. Just 10 more to go.” I sighed.
“Awe, well. I apologize about whatever October did. Here if you need to talk. Bye Ash.”
“Bye Ricky.”
After I hung up I realized how quiet it was in the bus. I poked out my head. Oli was standing by the bunk, and he had obviously told all of them to shut up. He asked what he wanted and I told him he just wanted to check on me, and that it wasn’t him who sent October to get me. Oli said it was bullshit, that even she said that it was him.
In all honestly he looked really nervous, and really guilty. He did something and didn’t want to say anything. I knew that face, I was the master of that face, and the master of trying to hide it. I didn’t even want to know, especially if it was something bad. I decided to just text Ricky. We caught up, and he swore to me that it wasn’t him, he tried to convince me it was Oli who did it! That’s funny, Oli would never. Ha!
“Get dressed Ash.” Oli said opening the bunk curtain. I looked at the clock, it was almost time to be there. In 2 hours we had a show, I could hardly talk, let alone sing. I probably was going to TRY and sing something for them, but only one something. I put on a black “F#CK” muscle shirt along with light skinny jeans and black booties. I realized this is one of the shirts I had taken from Ricky before we had our uh… our first incident. I sighed a little and smelt it… it still smelt like him. And even after everything I still can’t go anywhere without the first shirt he mailed to me such a long time ago. His smell was so heavenly. I missed his crystal blue eyes, his gorgeous smile. I felt a tear fall from my eye, damn it Ashley, don’t start crying again. I’ll just call him after the concert.
~1 Hour Later~
We got to the venue, I stood on the empty stage, looking out into the empty seats. I imagined Ricky standing front row, cheering me on, singing along with me, I smiled a bit. “Whatcha thinking about love?” Oli cooed putting his arms around my waist. “Nothing.” I said pushing him off and walking into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, my dark makeup made me want to cry even more. Since I can’t seem to get Ricky out of my head I did dark makeup somewhat like his, once he taught me how to do it. It was so cool.
When I walked out everything was already set on stage and there were fans in the crowd now, and it wasn’t so quiet anymore. The lights went dim and the guys from BMTH walked on stage, I followed. I was nervous, my hands were shaking. The screens behind me had my name on them. Everyone cheered as I made my way to my spot. “Now guys, as you can hear, my voice is not as nice as it should be.” I laughed, “So I’m going to need some help. Who actually knows some of my songs?” I questioned, looking into the audience. “You, in the Motionless in White shirt… and you in the… what looks like a… Crown the Empire shirt. Come here.” I motioned for Austin to come on stage as well, he was going to scream for me.
“Hi girls, what’s your name?” I asked the two girls I called on stage.
“I’m Alexia.” The one in the MIW shirt said.
“And I’m Becca.” The one in the CTE shirt smiled.
“Well girls, I’m Ashley and this is Austin.” We hugged them and handed them two back up mics. Austin started out screaming the words to my song “Not Wanted” When his part finished me and the two girls sang my part, “You never feel good enough! You’re the one that always gets the funny looks! You’re the one with the hidden cuts on your body...” We sang on and on until the end of the song. I gave them hugs and Austin and I signed their shirts.
I walked off stage and Austin followed, Oli ran on stage and everyone shouted. It was nice to see fans happy about someone you love. I stood on the sides, singing along to every song, I did the same for Mice too. Everyone was so energetic about it all. It made me happy to see them so happy. Mice walked off stage and Austin hugged me. I told him good job. Oli shot me a kind of, ‘what the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ look, then picked up his phone and texted someone. I rolled my eyes and walked outside. All alone, oh well. Maybe this time I’ll die instead.
“Smoke?” A familiar said next to me, making me jump.
“Ricky?!” I shouted smiling.
“Hello lovely.” He cooed to me. He hugged me, but I pushed him off, “What’s wrong?”
“Something, just doesn’t feel right.”
“I’m telling you Ash, it’s Oli. He’s always hiding something. Why do you think Hannah left him?”
“Wait, I forgot about her. Why did she leave him?”
“Well, you didn’t hear this from me, but… and I’m not kidding, he tried to drug her and killer her.”
“What?!” I shouted in disbelieve, that doesn’t sound anything like Oli.
“No joke. No one knows that part though. Oli was telling his mates that tour that you went on with us, I just overheard it. So I’m the only person outside of Bring me that knows.”
“You’re lying.”
“Ashley, I have hurt you in ways that I never should have. But have I ever lied to you?”
He was right, he had never lied to me. We talked about it for a long time, I just didn’t believe it, Oli is the sweetest mother fucker ever. He would never catch my eye as a killer. But then… it hit me, “Why didn’t you hurt Oli when you tried to kill me?” I asked Ricky, crushing the cigarette under my shoe and taking another. “Huh?” He questioned “You heard me.” He was really hesitant to answer me. He really tried not to. Lucky for him Oli came out, “Ashley are you out-” He stopped when he saw Ricky. “What are you doing here?! Trying to kill my girlfriend again?” He hissed at Ricky.
“I just offered her a smoke man.” Ricky replied obviously not giving a shit.
“Oh yeah, please. Why are you even here?!”
“Because, Ashley asked me to come this morning.” He said, but that was a lie, he just didn’t want to sound weird.
“Why the hell would you do that?! Dammit Ashley!” Oli yelled harshly at me, causing me to back up.
“Well, actually,” Ricky laughed, “We were talking about Hannah Snowdon.”
“What?”
“You heard me.” Ricky said, smirking at me.
Oli and Ricky had it at each other for a while, yelling, swinging fists, stuff like that. Something about me too, but I wasn’t able to make out what he said. “STOP IT. BOTH OF YOU.” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I DON’T WANT TO WATCH YOU GUYS DO THIS. GOD JUST STOP IT. WHAT REALLY HAPPENED OLI?! WHAT HAPPENED WITH HANNAH?!”
“She cheated.” Oli growled.
“Bullshit.” Ricky said under his breath.
“I asked what really happened. Not what you told to the press.”
“That’s the truth.”
“You wanna know what else is the truth Oli? The fact that you’ve been so guilty looking since you came and got me yesterday, that I am able to tell you’re lying, no matter how cool you try to play it off. Now if you don’t tell me, I’m leaving with Ricky. Right now. And I am not, I repeat not, coming back.”
“I am telling the fucking truth! She cheated on me!”
“And that may have been. But that is not the whole story.”
“Just let me say it!” Ricky begged.
“Go for it.”
“You tried to kill her. I heard you talking about it with the rest of your shit band.”
“That’s bullshit Ricky and you know it!”
“I heard it loud and clear man, sorry, but I think you just lost your girl.”
Ricky and I started to walk off, “Ashley wait…” Oli called out from behind us.
Before I could turn around, all I heard was a loud bang. And before I could register what had happened I was down.

Notes