It was turning out to be a pretty shitty day when I left work. It wasn’t because Charlie was being impossibly moody or the fact that I just found out that I have to work on Sunday. No, I was feeling shitty because the sky was this sad, grey color while a deluge happened to pour down on me as I walked to my car. Since I was running a little behind schedule before actually arriving to work, I found myself having to park nearly two blocks away. As of right now, my Nirvana shirt was sticking to me like a second skin because the rain had soaked it entirely. No, I hadn’t brought an umbrella, and no, I didn’t have a jacket with me. I could feel my hair snarling from the shock it was going through—I had previously straightened it beforehand, and I know once it dries it’ll be this impossible mess of tangles. Finally reaching my car, I quickly hopped in it and blasted the AC to assure that the windows wouldn’t fog up. Once the windows were clear, I switched on the heater before heading home.

The drive home was unbearable. Red lights, stupid drivers, and a blanket of rain is what was in store for me during the time it took to make it from the city to the suburbs. It was almost impossible to see through the sheath of water that constantly seemed to coat over my windshield. It wasn’t until I pulled into my street that the rain seemed to lighten up, turning into a steady drizzle instead of an impossible downpour. It was then, as I focused on the road, I saw Tony’s car driving the opposite direction as me. He was rummaging through his glove compartment, still in his own lane, and it made me wonder if he was here to see me, if he wanted to talk to me or something and just missed me due to bad timing. We passed each other since he hadn’t looked up to see me, but I kept looking at him, even through my review mirror. When I finally pulled into the driveway I noticed that Jason was home. I quickly ran into the house to escape from getting even more wet.

“Tony was here.” I heard Ronnie say as I practically burst through the front door.

“Yeah, I kinda saw him driving out of the street.” I replied. “Why was he here?” I asked.

The look in Ronnie’s eye seemed like she had something big to tell me, but instead she said “Nothing. He wanted to see you.”

I nodded while biting my bottom lip. Should I call him? Or text him? I shook my head, letting these thoughts fall out of it.

“You two aren’t together, right?” Ronnie asked. She had a prying kind of tone in her voice.

I shook my head no.

“Oh.” Ronnie mumbled out. “I think you two need to talk.” Ronnie commented.

I was in the midst of taking the stairs when I halted to a complete stop. Ronnie’s comment was peculiar. I knew she didn’t really like Tony after finding out about Carmen’s baby, so hearing her say that I should talk to him seemed…well, it seemed a little fishy.

“What?” I managed to say. “Did he say something to you?”

Ronnie looked away. “No, not really. He just wants to talk to you.” She replied then added “Maybe you should call him.”

“Why? We’ve already…we’ve agreed that it’d be best to not be together, so I have no idea why he’d need to talk to me.” I was stumbling over my explanation.

Ronnie shrugged. “Maybe you should just hear him out.”

I scoffed before mumbling out “Yeah, whatever.”

With nothing else to say, I headed upstairs to shower. I found Callie flopped on my bed, textbook in front of her, while she nodded her head to music she was listening to through her earphones. When she looked up at me she pulled them out.

“Apparently, Tony came to see me.” I announced while rummaging through my drawers for clothes.

“He was here?” She asked. “I didn’t even notice.”

“Yeah, Ronnie spoke with him or something.” I mumbled out. “Anyway, I’m gonna take a shower since I’m dripping with self-loath and regret.”

Callie giggled as I grabbed my towel of its hook and walked into my bathroom. The warm water coasted through my hair and down my back as I squeezed some shampoo into my hands. Tony happened to occupy my mind quite a lot lately. He lingers in my subconscious, lurking in my dreams, and it’s always the same. I’d show up at the cabin where we had our first date, and there he’d be, smiling at me. Then my dream would take a cynically dark turn. Rounding the side of the cabin there was a young child, leaping into his arms while Carmen strolled in behind them. It was then I realized that they lived in the cabin, replacing the memories that Tony shared with me and swapping them with new ones with his new family. Without fail I could feel myself lurching forward, feeling tears prick my eyes. It was a surreal sight, one I had to accept eventually; that Tony would find happiness without me. As I hopped out of the shower, I felt even shittier.

---

I was in art class, working on my final project until school work would become irrelevant since graduation will be happening in a few short weeks. Most of the seniors had avidly stopped doing class work because they either got into the college they wanted or they simply gave up on school completely. However, I wasn’t in such spirits because even though I was completely and utterly over high school, I was also the Valedictorian. Apparently, my spotless GPA these past four years actually meant something to the education system and therefore they felt the need to award me this title that basically screams “HUGE NERD!” I didn’t mind it though because it gave me a sense of assurance that my nights spent studying and stressing over tests and quizzes had finally paid off.

It was after school and mostly everyone had left campus by now. Even Ms. Archer would’ve left campus by now, but unfortunately she had to attend a teacher’s meeting of some sort which left me to have the room to myself. The project I was working on was to draw the human form. In theory this was simple because the human form is made up of curves and lines—simple things really. However, I was losing my touch. Every hand I attempted or every body shape I began turned into a mesh of scribbles that made me sigh in frustration. Art class used to be my safe haven, an escape from everything, but it seems that even my safe haven couldn’t hide the millions of thoughts that seemed to clutter my mind. I’ve been a frantic mess that I can barely sit down and read a book just for the joy of reading. After messing up a sketch of a hand—yet again!—I decided to just slump in my chair before face planting my forehead on the table completely.

“Why am I such a defect?” I groaned out of frustration.

“I don’t think you’re a defect.” I heard someone reply.

I jumped from the low voice that came from in front of me. I quickly snapped my body up to see who was there and there he was. Tony stood in front of me, one strap on his shoulder while the other hung off. It was weird seeing him here even though we have art class together.

I smiled sheepishly at him. “Thanks, but I think if you catch someone talking to themselves then they’re either crazy or just really a defect to society.” I was rambling because I was trying to fill the silence. I was afraid that if it was too quiet that he could hear the jumbling, overflowing thoughts running through my mind.

“Nah, you probably just have a lot on your mind.” He offered.

We both grew silent, unsure what to say next. I was debating on whether I’d comment about the weather or the fact that graduation is literally in two days, but Tony beat me to the punch before I could get a single word out.

“I was wrong.” He abruptly said. His voice was even and the look on his face was drenched with nervousness that for some reason was infectious and had my expression twist with apprehension.

“What?” I asked finally registering what he had said. What could he be wrong about.

“Well…I was actually lied to.” He mumbled out.

Once again I was drawing up blanks, so I asked “What?”

Tony sighed; his face twisting into an expression of concentration. I waited patiently for him to continue. With another intake of breath, Tony finally spoke up. “The baby, it isn’t mines.”

It was as if time had finally slowed down enough for me to hear this sentence play over a million times. I was a statue, caught in the current of another life altering sharing of news. It might have been ten seconds or even ten minutes that passed over us, but when I finally refocused back into reality I felt a slight tug at my lips that pulled into a small smile.

Notes