Where Do We Go From Here?

“Verity, you have to believe me when I say Carmen was a mistake.” He began. “I was drunk—which isn’t an excuse—but I missed you.”

I rolled my eyes before cutting in. “These past few weeks you haven’t even acknowledged me, so forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

Tony sighed. “I thought it’d be best if I wasn’t in your life anymore.” He explained softly.

I scoffed. “So you think you have the right to decide what’s best for me?”

“No—I just” He sighed again before running his hands over his face. “I know you’re better off without me, but I do believe that everyone is a selfish machine and I can’t pretend anymore.”

Shaking my head, I said “You’re just saying that. If you truly loved me then you wouldn’t have let me go, you wouldn’t have ignored me for three whole weeks, and you sure as hell wouldn’t have slept with someone else. I trusted you Tony. Hell, I loved you!” My voice was escalating in the small shop that I had to take a moment to breathe and regain control of the volume of my voice. I sighed. “I still love you, but I can barely look at you without wanting to hit you.”

“I know I made a mistake that I can’t take back, but I love you Verity. I can’t think about anything other than your face and the way I hurt you. After Halloween I tried to convince myself that you were better without me, and deep down I knew that you could have this bright future without me. But my future seemed to have turned considerably bleak.” Tony was practically imploring his every thought onto me. I was too upset to interrupt, so I let him continue.

“Verity, I am the selfish one because I can’t see future for myself without you. I tried to ignore my selfishness, but I couldn’t.” His voice suddenly got low and filled with guilt. “Then Carmen happened. She was there, trying her best to seduce me and like a drunken idiot I was so easily taken over. I knew that you’d hate me once I told you, but I couldn’t keep this from you. What I did was a terrible, terrible mistake and I hate myself for it, but I really do love you.”

I was silent, letting Tony’s words simmer in my head. I kept volleying between wanting to hit him and wanting to kiss him that I eventually felt my feelings just shut down completely. It was like I went completely numb as I stood up from the small table. Tony watched me with careful eyes; tears threatening to spill over from the brim of his brown spheres.

“I need to leave.” I said in a small voice and quickly walked out of the store and bulleted to my car.

Once in the comfort of my car, I unleashed the well of tears I tried my best to keep in. They kept pouring out; quickly and hot, dripping down the crook of my neck. I balled my fists in my hair before just resting my forehead against the steering wheel. My tears landed in a hot, small puddle on my jeans as I continued to cry. Once I gathered my bearing and wiped my eyes free from tears, I drove away from South Pier. I quickly drove to a gas station to fuel up before returning back to the freedom of the open road. Got on the freeway and drove until I came across a truck stop just on the outskirts of Miramar Road; the sign of the diner read Johnny’s Stop.

Upon entering the diner, I was greeted by a kind, middle aged woman whose nametag read Beatrice. She had one of those weathered smiles that told me she worked the waitressing circuit for a long time. The next thing that I noticed was that Johnny’s Stop was decorated according to a cowboy/western theme, which incidentally had country music playing in the background.

“Hello darling, what can I get ya?” Beatrice asked while placing a cup of water in front of me.

I glanced up at Beatrice, startled for a moment before clearing my throat. “I guess I’ll take your cheeseburger special.”

Beatrice nodded kindly before saying “It’ll be up in about ten.”

I smiled at her before pulling out my phone. I had missed calls from Tony, from Callie, from my parents, and even from both Austin and Mike. I ignored them because I was content with being alone. I just needed to clear my head, and the last time I had clarification was in New York. Some country song with a sad tune started playing through the jukebox, making me roll my eyes. I wasn’t a fan of the country genre, but for some reason I found myself tuning into the lyrics.

What hurts the most was being so close

And having so much to say, and watching you walk away

And never knowing what could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do.

I rolled my eyes again as a stray tear escaped the brim of my eyes. I quickly wiped it away and thumbed through my phone again. I kept staring at Tony’s name wondering if I should try to speak with him. However, my mind kept on seeing these mental images of Tony in bed with Carmen; their sweaty bodies pressed against each other while in the throes of ecstasy. I shuddered before flushing with anger and decided to use this time to simmer down. Beatrice returned shortly after, placing my food in front of me.

“Anything to drink?” She asked.

“A Pepsi would be fine.” I smiled at her.

Beatrice walked away, leaving me to myself for a brief moment before coming back with a cup and straw in hand. She placed the cup and straw in front of me before leaving me by myself. I ate my burger and fries in silence as I decided to text back Callie.

Me: I’m fine. I’m just taking a mental health day to clear my mind. Apparently I’m aiming to become an airhead.

Ding!

Callie: Hun, you are far from airhead status. Tony told Mike that he saw you earlier…

I sighed.

Me: Yeah, that was a few hours ago.

Ding!

Callie: That bad?? I can always hit him for you :)

I chuckled at Callie’s text while dunking a fry into the dollop of ketchup.

Me: No thanks, I’ll just try to work on my telepathic ways and take over his mind.

Ding!

Callie: Your loss. I’ve been told I pack one hell of a right hook ;3

I stopped texting after that. I tried imagining what good it would do me if I forgave Tony. Would I be any happier? Would I be able to forget about him fooling around with Carmen? Would I even want to take him back even though he initially broke my heart? I played out every scenario in my mind, wondering the big “what if” I was faced with. I knew how I felt at the moment and it sucked. What really made me wonder, though, was whether being with Tony would actually lighten my spirits or not.

Notes

If you guys haven't noticed, I just posted some pictures that best represents what I've envisioned these characters to look like. With that being said, it still doesn't fit the description perfectly because I've been imagining fictional people who don't exist.

If I don't respond to your comments, it's only because I may not know what to say without sounding like I'm repeating myself. So, thank you everyone for commenting and reading. I love you all and I wish I was creative enough to reply sincerely to every comment you send my way, but unfortunately I am not. If I attempted to reply to your comments it would probably go along the lines of "Thank you for reading my story! And I love that you enjoy reading it. I love you and I hope you like this next chapter." Pretty cliche right?

Expect another update :)

Enjoy! <3