Where Do We Go From Here?

My eyes narrowed on Tony, my voice harsh as I spat “What do you want?”

Tony’s face held nothing but guilt, but I could see a momentary lapse of relief when his eyes met mines. However, I wasn’t in a welcoming mood. I emitted the fierce cold of ice in my stare as I looked at him.

“You never returned my calls.” He pointed out.

I scoffed. “Maybe it’s because I have nothing to say to you.”

Tony sighed before the silence had ensued us. I wanted to hate him, but all I felt was hurt and it sucked. I didn’t want to feel like a girl who got dumped by her first boyfriend. I didn’t want to feel the sharp pain of a broken heart, but it was evident with every breath I took in because all I inhaled was Tony’s scent and all I could see was the boy who realized that he deserved better. My lips ached to be pressed against his, my body yearned to be held in his arms, and my heart ached to be back in his favor.

“I have to tell you something, and I’m not proud of it.” Tony began in a shaky voice.

“What is it?” I asked in a harsh tone.

I stepped out of my house and onto the front porch. The cool San Diego air whipped around us as I shut the front door behind me. I wasn’t about to let him; I’d done that mistake before.

“I know we’re not together, but it only felt right to say this to your face because I still care about you.” Tony stated but it all sounded like a lie to me. He didn’t care for me. His sentence lingered between us as I waited for him to continue. Taking in another shaky breath, Tony said “I had sex with Carmen on Saturday.”

Boom. Bullets piercing my ears, searing through my brain, and weighing down my heart. I looked away from Tony to stare at the empty street. We weren’t together, but it still hurt to have him move on so quickly. Didn’t I mean anything to him? Was I merely just a break until went crawling back to Carmen. Anger, hurt, and all around sadness cluttered my mind as I looked at Tony. I didn’t know what to say to him since I was at a loss for words.

“I am really sorry, Verity.” Tony implored before adding “It didn’t mean anything to me, and I regret ever doing it because I’m still in love with you.”

Lies! It was all lies! I was screaming in my mind because my throat seemed to be closed off. I even felt my breathing halt completely. I shook my head at head; unable to accept his confession—the still being in love with me part, not the hooking up with Carmen part. I remember Carmen; the exotic, beautiful girl who warned me that Tony would go back to her. She was the bane of my existence and I knew it was petty to hate her, but in that moment I truly did despise her.

“Verity, she doesn’t mean anything to me. Carmen is just—“ I cut Tony off again.

“I don’t wanna make a scene or get ridiculously dramatic, so I’ll make this easier on the both of us.” I began. My voice sounded dull while I struggled to keep my expression blank. “We broke up, so you don’t need to explain yourself. Anything you do or did since Halloween is done with a clean slate.”

I stared at Tony with my best poker face while my insides were screaming with ache caused by a boy I loved—the only boy I ever loved.

“Please don’t do that.” Tony pleaded. “Don’t shut me out.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but I ignored the crack in his voice or the way his eyes began to water.

My lips went in a straight line as I looked back at Tony. “I’m not shutting you out, Tony. I simply refuse to respond in a cliché way. You and I were over for weeks.” I pointed out. “Now, please leave.”

“She didn’t mean anything to me.” Tony pleaded, letting a tear spill over.

“Sleeping with someone means something to me.” I remarked. “Sleeping with someone is a physical act that can’t be overlooked!” This was the only time I ever raised my voice at Tony.

He flinched in response, but I was holding back on quite a remarkable scale. I was crumbling on the inside and felt a few tremors make their way to my hands. I wanted to cry, to break down because what Tony did assured whatever ounce of insecurity that spread through me that day Carmen and Gielle were in Urban Wreck. I might have thought of every possible scenario, but I wasn’t prepared to feel so devastated, so desolate.

I’m an actress, this is my role. Live and breathe. I recited in my head—another quote from The Looking Glass, which I happened to still hate because Tony tainted the book for me.

Tony was about to speak to me, but I shuffled back into my house and closed the door on him. I finally let a tear spill over but couldn’t find the urge to actually cry. I walked with heavy steps up to my room, and when Callie came over my parents let her in. She made her way to my room and came in after knocking on my door. When she entered, I was seated like a statue on my bed. The tears kept running down my cheeks, but I was silent while staring blankly at my bedroom walls. Callie offered me a sympathetic look before sitting next to me, pulling me in for a hug. I guess she knew what happened, which was the reason she needed to talk to me as well.

“Make it go away.” I croaked out.

Callie continued to run her finger through my hair while quietly shushing me. “Everything will be okay.” She cooed out.

I didn’t believe her because at the moment it felt like someone had ripped my heart out and crushed it before my eyes. My eyes cut to the vanity mirror which had a few pictures of Tony and me in the corner of it. This only made my tears run out quicker.

“I’m so stupid.” I hiccupped out.

“No you’re not.” Callie assured me in a firm voice. “He’s stupid.”

I shook my head again because I shouldn’t have fallen for Tony. I shouldn’t have let him in. I should’ve kept my distance from him and not let him steal my heart. I should’ve stuck to my no-dating rule, but no, I fell in love with the school’s man whore, thinking that he was possibly different. All of those rumors were true and now I’m just another girl in his conquest. I’m stupid, so, so stupid.

That night, Callie stayed over as we both indulged ourselves with a bucket of Neapolitan ice cream and two full sleeves of chocolate chip cookies. We watched a marathon of horror movies in hopes that the gory deaths would numb the slicing pain in my heart. It wasn’t long before Callie and I slipped into dreamland. The horror movie marathon didn’t matter though because my dreams were filled with every memory I ever had with Tony. No amount of bloodthirsty deaths could replace the twisting anguish of my relationship with Tony.

Notes

Whoops.

Will update again because this chapter is a bit bleak. Idk about you, but that Carmen person is a bitch :)

Enjoy <3