I Can Save You

that was a week ago. everything was going great. Swaggie, Transformers and i hung out at the studio, Justin and everyone left, Kalia and i are looking at doing a sand volleyball tournament. busy right?

Mikey and they guys have been working on some songs and its been going good. they have only one song name and a verse. but the process is long and slow, so it has to be good.

i walk downstairs to see the guys raiding the fridge and kalia laughing with Jaime behind her with his hands wrapped around her.

i smile because they are happy and as of right now im in a episode. i dont know what it is or why, but sometimes i get these depressing moods but instead f it lasting days or weeks, they last months. depending on the things that happen.

''we have no food!!" Vic complains and i smile at him. ''well i never remembered inviting you to live with us.'' i say back and he rolls his eyes and pours himself some water. ''im kidding victor, no need to get your panties in a twist. geez.'' i snap making everyone look at me with wide eyes.

Jaime and Kalia stop laughing, Vic's cup over flows with water, and the fridge door is open with mike and tony's mouth wide open.

''what?' i ask and they look at each other. ''fine dont tell me. im going upstairs.'' i say throwing my hands up and i walk up the stairs to my room, the floors creaking under my fat body.

i walk over to the bed and just fall on it with my back on the mattress. this is how days went with me for the moment. laying in bed with music in my ears non stop.

i hear the door open and i see Kalia walk in. ''hey, are you in a storm?'' she asks and i start to tear up, for nothing. i nod and bury my head in a pillow.

see, this thing living inside me, makes me feel terrible. all. the. fucking. time.

''yeah and i feel so lost.'' i say curling up in a ball. kalia comes over and cuddles with me.

''Kalia, i don't even know if you understand. My chest, hurts every day. evil things live in my head and body. they come at me with everything they have and make me feel like i wanna burst into flames and yell into nothing. light up the world and bring everyone i love down with me. Remember how i would drink?'' i ask her and she nods, rubbing circles in my shoulder. ''when I'm sober i feel pain and i don't want that pain to be there. that's why i always relapse during my storms. i need help Kalia.'' i say and i see a figure behind the door.

''well, come in if youre just gonna eavesdrop.'' i say and Jaime and mike walk in and wolf whistle. ''wow, two hot girls in bed, cuddling. thats something that only happens in porn movies.'' Jaime says and everyone laughs, my head slightly bobbing with Kalia's chest.

''come on guys, join the fun.'' i say slightly smiling and they come barraling in. mie lands on me and Jaime on Kalia.

i snuggle into mike once he flips over.

''so i know whats going on. i get those too, but i have to take medication for them to stay short.'' Jaime says and we all look at him.

''i went to a doctor when i first started making money with the band and they found out i was Bipolar, but my main mood is sad and happy,'' he explains.

''but why do people have it?'' Kalia asks, taking interest.

''bipolar disorder is when the chemical levels in you brain are un balanced, causing swift mood changes. Its hard to handle so people who have it have to take medication. Quinn, im not saying that you have it, you could have Manic Depression, witch gets worse with each episode. but inbetween, you are on top of the world.'' Jaime says. mike nodding along acoustically.



i see Tony and Vic walk in and they smile at us and sit where there is space, for vic the end of the bed and tony, in between Kalia, and i. i turn around and snuggle into tony, because everyone here gets snuggles with me.

mike giggles a little bit at me and tony drapes his arm around my back, sometimes poking mike and pulling his hair.

''Shes in a storm, and wants snuggles.'' Kalia says when i pull vic and put him where mike and i could cuddle but he could also cuddle with him.

i guess having a king bed really helps sometimes.

''cuddles... everywhere.'' i say smiling at mike and tony and everyone. they all laugh and stay silent.

''sad story time?'' i ask and i hear yes from everyone at the same time.

''who wants to go first?'' i ask and jaime says he will.

''i used to take Oxycoutin. a lot.'' and kalia rubs circles in his chest. well not in, but on.

''i used to not eat for days and weeks. at one point i was at 11 lbs.'' kalia says. (this really happened once to my friends) '' i was hospitalized.'' she added.

''i used to sell and take drugs before the band.'' tony says, sounding really tired. i give his hand a squeez.

"i used to take 20 different pills to try to kill my kidney each day'' i say

Vic sits up agaisnt the head board, taking a deep breath. ''i would cut every single day in juinor year.'' and i hear mike take a deep breath in.

'mike calm down, there was nothing you could do to prevent that.' i say mentally looking at him. he flashes a smile and takes another deep breath.

'' i used to not eat because i would get so high everyday off of weed and i would snort pills.'' he confesses. this is getting really deep but thats good.

''i tried to commit suicide 4 times before the band.'' jaime says.

'' i used to sleep around a lot.'' Kalia says,

''i used to and still do cut.'' i say.

''i would hurt my family and friends mentally for money to get drugs.'' tony says tears running down his face from the memories.

i was quick to look at mike and he nodded knowing what i was going to do. i slide my free hand up and wipe them away from his chubby baby face. i cup it and plant a kiss on his cheek.

'don't get to close there.'' mike warns shooting me a glance and he flips to his side so his chest is on my back.

''hey have you seen Polly?" Kalia asks sitting up. Polly is her cat and just as on cue, she waltz in the door and goes strait to Vic.

''ha ha, now Vic is the lady with the cat.'' Mike teases. ''oh please mike we all know you're the woman in the relationship.''vi says back.
''at least im in a relationship.'' mike says smiling at Vic and Vic flips him off.

'' i used crush up my anti depressants and snort them for a better effect.'' vic says getting back on topic.

''i would sleep around a lot.'' mike says.

''i used to be in a gang.''jaime says.

''Im so fucking done with this game. can we get drunk?"tony asks and i smile at him, ''yeah. me too. and fuck yeah!" i say getting up making everyone groan.

Notes

heres a sucky chapter