Wounds of Regret

"W-what?"

I stood there frozen in shock. I couldn't have heard him right. No, it wasn't possible. I had to have heard him wrong. He couldn't love me. I'd spent so much of my life pining for him, and to think it had been all a waste? I couldn't.

"I'm in love with you." He repeated, staring me straight in the eyes.

I searched his face for any detection of a lie, but found nothing. I didn't understand why I was feeling this way. I should be overjoyed. I finally had the one thing I wanted most, but at the moment I couldn't seem to find happiness in it. I'd spent so many nights destroying myself, partly because I thought he'd never love me back. I thought he hated my existence. It turns out I couldn't have been more wrong. I held back a bitter laugh.

No, no, no. I whispered, shaking my head back and forth. Tears threatened to leave my eyes. I felt the sickening feeling in my stomach again, my whole body was shaking now. I gripped the edges of the toilet bowl, dry heaves taking control of my body.

"Oh, Alan." He whispered, rubbing my back in a soothing manner. I couldn't bare to turn around and see his expression.

I felt tears leaking from my eyes as I laid my head down on the cold tile floor. I was so light headed, I had a gnawing feeling that I'd somehow felt this before. Suddenly it hit me.

"Au-Austin I think I-I'm having a panic attack." I choked out, seeing the realization hit him.

I saw a flicker of fear flash across his face, but it was quickly replaced by a calm determination.

"It's going to be okay, babe. Just breathe for me, can you do that?" He asked in a soothing voice. I'd completely forgotten to breathe.

I nodded, opening my mouth and watching my chest slowly move up and down.

Austin got up, moving to turn on the bath. Once it was fully filled, he walked over to me again, picking me up off the floor. He gently placed me down into the water and I gasped. I wasn't expecting it be be cold.

I felt myself being distracted by the freezing water. Austin began to rub my back, almost making me forget about my panic attack altogether. After a minute or two, I'd finally calmed down enough for Austin to drain the bath.

Instead of taking me out like I'd suspected, he turned on the shower instead. This time the water was warm. He stripped both of us down to our boxers and stepped into the shower with me. I felt myself clinging onto his chest. I knew there was no other place I'd rather be.

The past was done and there was no changing it. What mattered was that Austin was here, and I finally had him. There was no use dwelling on the past, I needed to live in the present and face my problems one day at a time. I felt Austin snake his arms around me as I tightened my grip around his body. I buried my face into his neck, admiring his tattoos.

"I love you so fucking much, I always have." He breathed, lightly kissing me on the cheek.

I felt my face redden, suddenly realizing we were both pressed up against each other with nothing but the thin layer of our boxers separating us. The hot water seemed to pelt down on us even harder, not doing anything to help my situation.

"I love you too. So much." I whispered, shifting against him, becoming even more aware of our current predicament.

Austin smirked, well aware of what he was doing to me. He pulled me even closer, if that was possible, shamelessly rubbing himself against me. I took in a sharp breath moving to pull him into a kiss. Austin beat me to it, grabbing my face and pressing his lips against mine. I opened my mouth, letting out a whine. Kissing Austin was better than I could have imagined.

I opened my mouth wider, encouraging Austin to follow suit. He began grinding against me, causing me to gasp. I moved my hands to his head, grabbing his now damp air. The temperature in the shower seemed to have gone up ten degrees, beginning to fog up the walls. My mind seemed to have shut down, the only coherent thought I could muster was Austin.

Several seconds later, he pulled away, breaking our kiss. I whined out in protest, earning a chuckle from the older man. He picked me up into his arms again, carrying me out of the shower. We both knew it was unnecessary, but I didn't stop him.

He set me down again, offering me a towel. I began to wipe myself off, noticing Austin staring down at the bulge protruding from my boxers, a stupid smirk plastered on his face. I glared at him, trying to smack him with my wet towel.

He just laughed, easily dodging my swing.

"Maybe next time babe." He laughed again, squeezing my ass before promptly leaving the bathroom.

"You little bitch!" I growled, but it was too late. He was already down the hall.

I sighed, wishing I was confident enough to go after him.

Next time, I promised myself, before exiting the bathroom and into the comfort of my own room.

Notes