Aaron:
When I find him, he's dead. I stormed into the venue - empty of people because today was a day off.

"Whoa dude, you ok?" Trotta put a hand on my chest. "You look like you're about to murder someone."

"Where is he?" I snapped.

"Who?"

"Alan!"

He shrugged. "He's holed up somewhere around here with a guitar."

"Thanks." I shoved pasted him to go to the dressing rooms.

"Wait!" I heard him jogging after me.

I spun on my heal. "What, Justin?"

"Is everything ok?"

I sighed. "Not a single day this tour has everything been ok."

He nodded and left me to go back to my man hunt.

I threw doors open, having them crash into the walls. "ALAN WHERE ARE YOU?"

I threw the last door open to find him folded up on the couch, guitar in his lap, headphones on. He jumped as the door crashed into the wall, taking off his headphones. "Whoa, dude, what's wrong?" He stood up, placing the guitar on the couch.

I strode over to him, grabbing his t-shirt in my fist, and pulling him closer. "I have had it with your shit, Ashby."

He looked genuinely scared. "What are you talking about?"

"You've been avoiding Silver for three days and she's a wreck trying to figure out what she did wrong. I know she hasn't done anything, so what the fuck, Alan?"

He grimaced and pushed me back. His hands laced behind his head as he strode a few paces away from me. I had come to notice he did this when he needed to collect his thoughts to say something important. This can't be good. "I, um, I've been trying, but every time I see her I just lose all my nerve because I know it's going to hurt her, and I don't want to hurt her, I can't. I just can't bring myself to do it."

Oh no. "Alan," I said slowly, "do what?" I already had a pretty good idea.

He blew out a shaky breath. "End things with Sil." He turned to look at me, his face drooped with the weight of his sadness. "She's not happy, Aaron. I'm not the guy she's in love with, and all I'm doing is making her miserable. I just want to see her happy again. I thought I could do that, god I wish I could, but I can't, and as long as she feels she has to stay with me, she won't be happy." He swallowed and looked at the ground a moment before meeting my eyes again. "I can't make her happy, but you can." I just gaped at him, my anger gone. "I'm not stupid, A.P., I've seen the way she looks at you. Silver's in love with you, not me. You make her happy, so you two should be together. You have my blessing, as long as she gets better."

I couldn't help but stare at him. Yeah, I knew Alan was a good guy, but this was beyond belief. Silver was everything Alan had ever wanted, and he just...gave her up? Just like that? "You, that's it? Just like that? You're just giving up your dream girl?"

He shrugged. "I'm not happy either. Nothing about our relationship feels right." He had tears in his eyes.

I sighed. "C'mere, Al." I pulled him into a hug. I wanted to knock his teeth out sometimes, but he was still one of my best friends, and I could tell this was hurting him too. "I know it's hard, Al, but you have to talk to her."

He groaned. "I don't wanna be an adult anymore."

I laughed. "You're not an adult, you're a rockstar. C'mon, just talk with her."

He nodded. "Yeah, alright."

Alan:
Aaron followed me into the bus. "She's in the back."

I swallowed. I walked through the bunks, Aaron behind me until he squatted down to rummage through his bunk. I was a foot away from the doorway when I saw her sitting there, squinting at her computer. I can't do this. I turned and began to walk back off the bus. When I passed Aaron he grabbed my arm.

"Alan, no. Go talk to her."

"But I'll hurt her, and she'll hate me!"

"You're hurting her worse by avoiding her."

I sighed. Damn Aaron and his wisdom. I turned around and walked to the back lounge again. I turned my head to see Aaron giving me a stern look. I sighed and walked inside, shutting the door behind me. Silver looked up at the sound. Oh god, I'm so sorry. I'm such a horrible person. This is all my fault. I'm going to hurt you and you're going to hate me, and you have every right to, because I'm a horrible, horrible person. I'm so so sorry. "Hey."

She shot me a half-hearted smile. "Hey."

"Can I, ugh, do you mind if, um, can we talk?" I stammered. God I'm such a fuck up.

"Sure." She scooted over to make room for me to sit, putting her laptop on the table. "What's up?"

I swallowed. "I'm sorry." She arched an eyebrow so I clarified, "For avoiding you these past three days." I sighed. "And for the way I acted at Warped tour, and for everything that came after. I'm so so sorry, Sil, I've been such an asshole."

She chuckled. "Yeah, I know."

I glared at her. "I'm being serious."

She smiled. "I know, but it's ok. I understand."

I looked at the ground. "Sil?"

"Mhm?"

"Are you in love with me?"

She was quiet, so I looked up. Her expression was laced with confusion. "Yeah, I love you. You know that."

I shook my head. "No, I know you love me, but are you in love with me. There's a difference, and I'm pretty sure I know the answer." She looked away. "Silver?"

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

I nodded. I already knew that, but hearing it still hurt.

There was a beat of silence before she asked, "Are you?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you in love with me?"

I bit my lip. "I don't think so. I thought I was, but..."

She nodded.

The silence that ensued was painful. It wasn't awkward, there was just so much pain lingering from the weight of our conversation that it made the quiet that surrounded us seem to be bursting with it.

Silver sighed. "So what now?"

I shook my head. "You should go be with Aaron. He makes you happy. I'm sorry I couldn't." I really am, more than you'll ever know.

Silver shuffled over to hug me. I hugged her back tightly. "I know, honey, I am too." After, probably, the longest hug of my life, we pulled back and looked at each other. "So are you sure? About me and Aaron, I mean. I don't want anything to be weird."

I nodded. "I just want you to be happy."

She smiled. "You'll still always be my best friend, princess."

I couldn't help but laugh, even though there were tears at the edges of my vision. "Good."

She pursed her lips. "I want to see you happy too, ya know."

I shrugged. "I dunno, Sil. I just got out of a relationship."

She snorted. "You fucker, I'm being serious here. Have you ever thought that maybe you're, um, catching for the wrong team?"

I arched an eyebrow. "You've been hanging out with Jaime too much, you can't speak anymore."

She stuck her tongue out. "It's been a hard few months, gimme a break, but do you get what I'm trying to say?"

I shook my head. She let out a frustrated sigh. "For someone with such an extensive vocabulary, you seem to be at a loss for words."

"Go fuck yourself. I'm just trying to think of how to phrase it." I gestured for her to proceed. "I don't know how to put it so I'm just going to say it. You've been looking for the right girl, but do you think, maybe, it's not a girl you should be looking for?"

I blinked. "You think I'm gay?"

She shrugged. "Maybe? You've never really been good with women. Besides that, I know a guy with a serious crush on you."

I scratched my head. She was right, I'd never been good with women. Silver was one of the few I'd been attracted too, but I fell in love with her personality more than her looks. The same applied to all the girlfriends I've had in the past. Was I gay? "Huh." I rubbed the back of my neck. I'd been so convinced I was average in every way, the thought had never occurred to me.

Silver smiled. "You think on that one, princess. Come to me when you're ready. I'm going to go talk to Aaron."

I hummed a response, still absorbed in my thoughts.

Was I gay?

Notes

The struggles just got very real. Araghhh. I sit down to write this story with no previous ideas in my head and I just type and I'm very much enjoying this turn of events. I probably won't be able to post again until I get back on Monday so yeah... Enjoy loves! - Anna