Strength in Numbers

I cracked my neck, my shoulders, my back, my hips, and finally my fingers. I took in a deep breath and let out a contented sigh. As promised, Jared had gotten me a room with wifi that I could plug my computer into, turn off the lights, and work. I back tracked, reading the last ten or fifteen pages I had written of my latest book. When I finished I closed my eyes and just let the scene try to work itself out before me. Before I knew it, my fingers were flying across the keyboard. God, I'd missed this escape. Getting myself lost in a story, my biggest worry being wracking my brain for synonyms so that I didn't get repetitive.

I'd lost myself in that dark room. I nearly had a heart attack when Jared came in to tell me to go back to the bus so they can lock up. I obliged, gladly. I'd gotten out about thirty pages, and I was feeling amazing. I stretched before quickly packing up my things and slinging my laptop bag over my shoulder.

Jared and I walked back to the bus together in a comfortable silence - for which I mentally thanked him. I needed to prepare myself to go back in there. The peaceful quietness of my day would shatter the second I stepped on that bus. Even without the drama, my boys were awfully loud.

When I walked in, Phil, Tino, and Austin grunted a hello as I passed but didn't remove their eyes from the game blaring from the TV. I walked through to the back, placing my laptop in my bunk on the way. I found Aaron with his guitar, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth, an intense gaze on his guitar. After a few chords he closed his eyes and smiled as he played. I leaned against the doorjamb and listened. It was a pretty melody; I recognized it as the tune he was struggling to work out at the beginning of the tour.

"That came together nicely. Have words yet?"

He jumped at my voice and ceased playing. "Oh, I, ugh, had some, but I, um, I dunno about them."

I sat next to him. "Can I hear?"

He shook his head furiously. "No way."

I pouted. "Why not?"

He flushed scarlet. His gazed stayed glued to the guitar as he mumbled something.

"What was that?"

He sighed. "They're about this whole thing, and it's embarrassing."

"Ok. Play something for me then?"

He smiled. "Got a preference?" I shook my head and he just smirked.

He strummed furiously for a moment then took a breath and sang.

You're right I've lied, one to many times before
I'm right that I've been so selfish
I've tried to find ways for my own body to stand still
But I can't keep my hands to my side

All they wanna do is touch, and my mouth it talks to much
My eyes they see everything...
Like the fact I can't explain the one thing I need to say
So I'll keep it here with me, so I can...

So I can try...
Try to be more obvious, and lie and tell me I'm right again.
Cause I swore that I'll be just fine when you're gone
But my body misses you like the sun
But something inside still feels wrong
Maybe it was you all along.

There's not much I can say
When my tongue digs all my own graves
And my legs don't wanna carry me through
So I'll keep it down this time, and I'll try and stay in line
Cause we've all had our nights that... I can't remember
So I do what I am told, and if LOVE really does exist
I'd run till I broke, bruised and battered...

All my bones
To try to make it obvious and,
Learn how to make it right again...
Cause I swore that I'll be just fine when you're gone
But my body misses you like the sun
But something inside still feels wrong
Maybe it was you all along.

And my minds figured out not to let you into my dreams
And there's a monster under my bed who will take care of me
While my fingers they hold pictures that my heart can't believe
And my lungs are so clever, they don't need me to breathe

Cause I swore that I'd be just fine when you're gone
But my body shakes like you were a drug
But something inside still feels wrong

Cause I swore that I'd be just fine when you're gone but my,
My body misses you like the sun
But something inside still feels wrong
Maybe it was you all along
Maybe it was you all along
Maybe it was you...

I smiled. "Stealing Hime's music? He'd be pissed."

Aaron laughed. "No, he'd be ecstatic that we both know it."

Alan poked his head in. "Hey, I'm gonna head in to bed."

"Ok babe, I'll join you. Night, bub."

Aaron chuckled. "Night, bub."

I followed Alan back to our bunk and slipped out of my jeans before climbing in. Alan followed behind and pulled me tight to his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed. "I love you." I really do. Maybe not the right way, but I do.

He kissed the top of my head. "I love you, too.You're stressing too much. Breathe, baby, it'll all be ok."

Alan:
"Breathe, baby, it'll all be ok."

She nodded into my chest and was asleep moments later. I sighed as my fingers went through her silky hair. She's not happy. I knew it and I hated it. I thought this was what I wanted and what would be best for her, but I can see that being with her has done nothing but hurt her. And me? Hell, I thought she was what I wanted. She was my wildest fantasy, but I'm not happy. It's just...not right. This isn't how it's supposed to be. I know it, she knows it, the guys even know it, but we're just forcing it to work, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of seeing her unhappy. I'm tired of feeling off. I'm just tired. Fighting to keep our already dead relationship alive is physically exhausting.

Sliver's grip around my waist tightened.

I kissed the top of her head and held her tightly. I didn't think I'd get another night with her. It wouldn't be fair to keep her where she didn't want to be.

Notes

Sorry, this was supposed to be up two days ago but it just wasn't coming to me, but I got it :)

Also, here's a link to Jaime's song. I may or may not have downloaded all three of his originals and his cover and called the album Hime Time....

Anywho, enjoy! - Anna