Strength in Numbers

I woke up groggy and disoriented. What the hell happened? I was in the bunk, but I was fully dressed. I remembered waking up that morning. I didn't, however, remember going to take a nap. I pushed the curtain aside, shielding my eyes from the light. I heard Austin and Alan in the front of the bus. I turned to go that way, but then the room started spinning.

"Whoa." I grabbed a hold of Phil's bunk to steady myself. Ah dehydration. I sighed.

"I don't have time! She's so damn fucked up and I don't know what to do!"

The hell? I tilted my head, listening.

"I didn't think it would be this hard. I can't do this."

That was Alan. Unmistakably Alan. He can't take me any more.I swallowed. I quickly turned and made my way to the back lounge.

Tino sat playing on his phone while Aaron and Phil were versing each other in a video game. Aaron's tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth slightly as he concentrated.

"THAT'S A GOAL MOTHERFUCKER!" Phil yelled jumping out of his seat.

Aaron muttered under his breath and chucked his controller onto the table.

"A.P., can I see you for a sec?" I was surprised by how steady my voice was.

He looked up, surprised. "Hey Sil, sure." He came to stand in front of me. His eyes scanned over my face for a second before he asked, "What happened?"

I was a little taken aback, I thought my composure was perfect. "Huh?"

His dark eyes bored into mine. "You look like you've seen a ghost. What happened?"

I scratched the back of my neck. "I'm not even really sure. I just woke up in my bunk and then I heard Alan telling Aus how I'm 'so damn fucked up' and he 'can't do this anymore' or something," I mumbled. Saying it out loud made it hurt worse.

A muscle in Aaron's jaw twitched, almost like he was clenching his teeth too tight. "Oh?" When he looked at me I saw the fury burning behind his eyes. The fire died quickly, and was replaced with concern. "Angel, what's wrong?"

I was confused until I followed his gaze to see my hands were shaking. Huh, this must be what shock feels like. Or denial maybe? "I-" Fuck, spit it out moron! "I, ugh, I-" Well there goes any hope of communication.

Aaron cast an angsty glance to the back room. "Tell you what, Sil. Why don't we go sit in my bunk and just relax, ok?"

I couldn't form words, I just let him lead me to his bunk. He gently pushed me down so that I was sitting. I scooted all the way back until I hit the wall then brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. God I wish I'd stop shaking.

Aaron slid in next to me and slung an arm around my shoulders. He didn't say anything, just let me sit there and collect myself as I shook violently in his arms.

I couldn't tell you if it was seconds or hours later that I heard Alan's voice calling my name. Aaron said he would take care of it and slid out of the bunk. I was numb. I don't know what really did it, but this was worse than any panic attack I'd ever had. It was like someone flipped a switch in my brain. I couldn't even move. I just sat there, shaking and thinking. I could barely even hear what was going on around me anymore. I vaguely heard the noise of Aaron and Alan talking increase. I suppose they were yelling, but I honestly couldn't tell. At that moment, I didn't even care.

I felt the bed give under weight next to me. I assumed it was Aaron, but the voice that spoke to me didn't belong to the owner of the bunk I was freaking out in.

"Hey baby girl," Austin said sweetly, "can you talk to me?"

No.

He waited another thirty seconds for me to answer before just pulling me close. "Ok honey." He pressed his lips to my hair. I was able to get my head to rest on his shoulder. "That's my girl." He smiled. "You know we're all here for you, Silver. Me and Alan-" He stopped when I tensed up again. He sighed. "Ah," was all he said as rested his chin on top of my head.

We stayed like that for a while. Austin just held me and let my thoughts run wild. Suddenly the bunk curtain was ripped back and a flushed Aaron squatted down in front of me. "Sil, I need you to snap out of it sweetie." He gently placed his hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at him. I saw tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" My hands instinctively went to wipe his tears away. "Aaron, what's wrong?"

"Sil, we've, ugh, lost Alan."

Aaron:

"Silver?"

I sighed. "I'll take care of it. Try to relax, please?" I begged Silver who had curled into a ball and frozen. If it wasn't for the slight movement of her chest, I wouldn't have even known she was alive. I waited just a moment to see if she would respond. Nothing. I shook my head and slid out of my bunk.

"A.P., have you seen Silver? She freaked out then passed out so I put her to bed and I can't find her." Alan asked me.

"Yeah, she's in a ball in the corner of my bunk. You fucking did it this time."

He stared at me confused. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I got right up in his face. "You can't just call your girlfriend - who said she fucking loves you, by the way - 'so damn fucked up'!" I hissed.

The color drained from his face. "S-she heard that?"

"Yes! And she fucking came to me with no color in her face and told me you said you 'can't do this any more'. What the fuck, man? You're fucking killing her! Yeah, no shit she's got issues, but you can't say that shit and give up on her! Man the fuck up!"

Alan's eyes hardened. "Oh yeah, because it's just so fucking easy. Tell me Aaron, could you handle if the girl you love was an emotional wreck all the time?"

"Yes!"

"Oh yeah? How?!"

"Because I have been since you can't take care of your girlfriend!" My hand slammed over my mouth. Fuck, you've gotta be kidding me.

Alan's eyes went wide. "What do you mean? You're fucking in love with my girlfriend? Are you shitting me?!"

I turned away from him and gripped my hair, hard. "I don't know! I don't want to be! She loves you! I'm trying so damn hard to keep my distance, but she keeps coming to me because of you or Austin." I spun to face him again. "Do you have any idea how hard this is? To watch her go to bed every night with you? To see you two together? Jesus, I sat there with her and helped her figure out that she loves you! It's fucking killing me, Alan! I didn't think being around her like this would be a problem because I let her go for you, but it's fucking eating me alive! So if you could quit being such a selfish prick and take care of her like she deserves I'd fucking appreciate it, because I can't stand to watch her hurt like this."

Alan stared at me for a moment while I silently fumed in front of him. He shook his head and shoved past me without another word. I turned and followed him. I was pissed at the bastard, but I wouldn't let him go downing all of the liquor again. To my surprise he hadn't even touched the fridge. I walked into the front room just in time to see the door slam behind him.

"Oh come on," I huffed. I jogged out the door and spun in a circle. Where'd that damn ginger go? I searched around the bus, then went up and down the lot. Where the hell could he have possibly gone so fast?

I sighed and went back to the bus. I crouched down in front of my bunk and pulled the curtain back with a little more force than probably necessary.

Apparently Austin had slid in next to Silver while I was gone. I ignored him and looked at Silver. "Sil, I need you to snap out of it sweetie." I made sure I was in control of myself before I gently took her pale face in my hands, forcing her to look at me.

Her eyes bored into mine for a moment before she finally spoke. "What happened?" She pulled up her hands to wipe away tears I didn't know were there. "Aaron, what's wrong?"

Austin stared at us, his mouth agape.

I swallowed. "Sil, we've, ugh, lost Alan."

Austin's eyes popped out of his head.

"What do you mean?" Silver asked quietly as she gently brushed tears from my cheeks with her thumbs.

"He ran away and I looked all around the lot for him, but I can't find him anywhere."

"Aaron, calm down. It's ok. We'll find him." She was soothing me. It was her boyfriend that ran away, not mine.

Austin jumped up in a panic. "Well shit we've gotta find him!" He bolted out the door.

"Aaron come here." Silver pulled me to sit next to her. She hugged me, and after a moment I clutched to her small frame. "What happened, A.P.? I know shit went down while I was out."

"It's my fault," I mumbled into her shoulder.

"What's that?"

"He's gone and it's my fault and if he gets hurt that'll be my fault too, all because I can't keep my fucking mouth shut." A single sob wracked my chest, hard.

"Shh, it's ok. We'll find Alan, and he'll be fine. When we do, we'll fix everything, all of us. Ok? Don't cry, honey, it's ok." She rubbed my back.

I shook my head. I wouldn't be ok until I knew I hadn't just made one of my best friends jump off a bridge.

Notes

Yay! Chapters! Feedback? Please? I could really use it. And we're almost done! Just a few more chapters! :) Enjoy! - Anna