One look was all it took.

**TRIGGER WARNING**
**TRIGGER WARNING**
**TRIGGER WARNING**

Alan's P.O.V.

I was now at home, laying on my bed, not minding anything that was going on around me. The only thing I could do was replay that moment in my head when Austin said he was in love with me. Aaron was right about Austin. I didn't ever think he would be, but he was.

I wanna tell Aaron everything that happened today..but I promised Austin I wouldn't tell anyone. So I guess it's staying a secret. Still not the biggest secret I've kept, I've got one more locked up that no one will ever hear.

I rolled over on my bed & took out my earphones & iPod. I put on the song cavalier by James Vincent McMorrow. I was hoping this would get me to sleep without having a nightmare. It's always the same one & the most sleep I ever get is four hours. I closed my eyes & tried to relax once more before finally falling asleep.

I was asleep in my bed when all of a sudden I'm shaken awake by my step-dad. I look at the clock on my wall & see that it's only 1 am. Everyone else is probably asleep by now...but my step-dad always has to come in here...every fucking time.

"Get up, dumb ass." He hissed. I didn't want to listen to him, not anymore. I didn't move.

"Did you fucking hear me? I said get up!" He was whispering angrily, trying to be as quiet as he could. I've never disobeyed, so I could tell he was really angry.

"You little fucking shit!" He whispered angrily. Next thing I know, my step-dad pulls away my blanket from me & attempts to pull off my jeans. I struggle trying to get out of his grasp but he punches me straight in the face. He's never hit me before, it hurts so much that I start crying. He had my pants off & I knew what was coming next. He does this every week, I fucking hate him!

"You gonna disobey me like that again next time?!" He punched me again."Hu?! You gonna fucking do it again?!" He punched me again. I felt my lip clash with my teeth & knew he had split it open. I kept crying, I tried screaming but he covered my mouth with his hand. He was on top of me with his pants & boxers already off. He was just grinding on me right now, breathing heavy. I tried to move his hand or get out from underneath him but he punched me again. He punched me in the stomach. He punched me in my chest. I could taste so much blood in my mouth, my lips felt numb, my eye felt swollen, & I was in extreme pain.

My step-dad moved his hands down to my boxers & took them off. I hate this part more than anything. No matter how many times this happens I will never get used to the terrible feeling when he touches me. He started stroking me, I tried getting away but he was too strong for me. He punched me again, pulled my hair, & even got up just to start kicking my sides. I was too weak to get up, I felt like I couldn't breath. Then he got back on the bed & rolled me over on my stomach. I was crying so much now.

"You fucking scream & I'll hit you again." He spoke. I kept crying & crying. I didn't dare scream. I didn't want him to hit me again. He lined himself up with me & then slammed into me hard. It hurt so much I ended up screaming.

"What the fuck did I say?!" He spoke. He hit my back a few times & then continued slamming into me. It hurt so much, like if he was ripping through my insides. He had his hand over my mouth, making my screams muffled. I was in so much pain. It felt like he was tearing away at my skin. And I can't fucking do anything about it. He was moaning. It was terrible, I wanted him to just stop finally. It felt like hours of excruciating pain.

"Yea...daddy's gonna cum....fuck, Alan, don't it feel good?" My step-dad asked. All I could do was continue to cry & scream with his hand still on my mouth. His thrusts became harder & the pain became stronger. He came inside me & then pulled out. His hand was still on my mouth.

"Don't you fucking tell anyone about this. You fucking tell someone & I'll fucking kill you." He let go of me & took his hand off my mouth. He got out of my room. I couldn't move. Everything was sore, bruised, & hurt. I cried & cried, my body was shaking so much. I couldn't stop crying, as much as I tried, the tears just wouldn't stop coming. It was only 2 am now. Austin wanted to see me today but I don't think he should...he can't see me like this...he'll ask too many questions.

After three hours of just laying in bed, shaking & crying, I finally got up. The moment I stood up is the moment I fell back down. I felt weak & then I blacked out.

After a while I woke up but I was still on the floor, I got up, everything was still so sore. I walked very slowly to my bathroom door & looked in the mirror. I had a black eye & my lip was busted open. Great, I'll just have to go to the hospital by myself. My side is killing me. Who knows, maybe my ribs are broken. I got dressed carefully, It hurt just to stand up & now I'll have to walk to the hospital all alone.

I made my way outside, I was lucky enough no one noticed. I looked at my phone, it was 6 am now. I was walking to the hospital at a slow pace, only because I really didn't have the strength to do anything. I felt like I was running short of breath. I stopped to breath for a while & then continued walking. I was still crying, from the pain & just from remembering every minute of every touch & hit from last night...I was so tired of this. I took my phone out & decided to call Austin & tell him I won't be able to hang out today or even come to school for a while. Surprisingly, he answered. I didn't think he would since it's 6 am on a Sunday.

"Alan...what's up?" Austin answered.

"I just wanted to call..t-to tell you I-I won't be i-in school for a fe-few days & I can't hang t-today...I'm sorry." I spoke. I was trying really hard not to let him know I was crying, but I'm sure the stuttering gave it away.

"Alan, are you crying? What's going on?" Austin sounded a little more awake now. I took the phone away from my face & cried a little so I wouldn't cry while I was talking to him.

"Nothing...I ju-just won't be there..."

"Alan, don't lie to me.....I can hear you crying. Tell me or I'll go to your house ri-"

"No! Do-don't come to my house....I'm not there...." I said.

"Alan, where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"Austin, please don't...I don't want you to see me like this..." I was full on crying over the phone.

"Alan...please, let me help..." Austin spoke. I was going to answer but as soon as I took a breath I dropped to the floor.

"Fuck! A-Austin...j-just come...I really need to get to the hospital.." I spoke. I held my side, it felt like my ribs were falling apart, I could barley even breath without it hurting.

"Okay, I'm coming, where are you?" Austin sounded hurried, I could hear a lot of ruffling in the background. I guess he's getting dressed.

"Just a f-few blocks aw-way from my house...." I answered. I cried more, every breath I took felt like getting my ribs crushed by a hammer.

"Dad! We need to get Alan!" I heard through the phone. I was on the cold sidewalk, watching the sky with beautiful orange, & pink colors. I'd be able to enjoy it a lot more If I wasn't in so much pain right now.

"We're on our way, gorgeous. Hold on, love." I felt ten times better when Austin said that.

"I l-love you, Au-Austin..." I spoke. I was getting really lightheaded & had double vision now.

"...I...I love you, Alan...." I smiled. I knew it was still really hard for him to admit that. I tried to keep awake, but I just couldn't do it. My eye's closed & I was out again.

Notes

Sorry I didn't update in so long. Here ya go c:

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