Alan's POV

The sun was creeping through the curtains and casting light onto my bedroom floor. My duvet felt as soft as feathers and the smell of fabric softner was lingering close by. I turned to my side and snuggled into the man laying next to me, resting my head on his chest and feeling it slowly rise up and down . I smiled and breathed in his scent, savoring this perfect moment. He stirred in his sleep and mumbled my name as he pulled his arms around me and held onto me tightly.
"Don't leave me Alan." He whispered, still asleep.
I smiled and kissed his temple before whispering into his ear "I won't ever leave you Austin."

My room was dark and I could hear the rain bouncing off the window and thunder rumbling through the sky in the distance. I sighed and rolled to my side. My bed was cold and the room seemed gloomy. The clock on my bedside table indicated that it had just passed three so I figured I'd better get up. I've been struggling to sleep recently. I lie awake all night thinking about anything and everything, fall asleep in the early hours of the morning and then wake up in the afternoon, having wasted my entire day. But since it was the weekend, it didn't matter.
"Alan!" My mum shouted from downstairs just as I climbed out of bed.
I made my way downstairs and sat on a stool in the kitchen, my mum stiring a pot of food on the stove.

"The Carlile's are coming for dinner." She told me. "Austin too. It must have been a while since the two of you spoke to each other. It would be nice to catch up."
"Um y-yeah." I gulped. My parents didn't know I liked Austin and they definitely didn't know I had kissed him. Or that he had kissed me. I was terrified of them finding out because they might not accept me. I didn't even know if I was gay but there was no point denying that I felt very strong feelings for Austin. That was for certain.
"They'll be here in a couple of hours so go and get ready." My mum said while sprinkling some pepper into the pot.

I nodded and did as she asked, starting with a shower. I pulled off my clothes and climbed in, letting the hot water pour over me.
I was exhausted, despite how late I woke up and I didn't really feel up to seeing Austin today. I was still confused by what was happening between us and it's the reason I'm laying awake at night. I lay awake and think about what could come of me and Austin. I think about him holding me, his strong arms grasping me tightly or how his lips feel so soft and cool against my own. I think about his large hands fitting perfectly into mine and inhaling his scent as we embrace. I think about how it'd feel the first time we slept together and how he'd leave trails of kisses down my neck, biting every now and then. His skin would be hot and smooth and I'd feel every part of him. His bright eyes locking with mine as I bite my lip and he smiles.
"Austin." I whisper as I begin to feel a knotting sensation in my stomach.
My hand was working fast and I tilted my head back, a small moan escaping my lips. The bathroom had began to steam up and I didn't know how long I'd been in there or when my hand had moved to... there but I carried on anyway, continuing to think about Austin and how amazing he would look in nothing but my bed sheets. I quickened my pace and bit my lip hard as to stifle my moans. I was coming close and my hand began to slow down slightly and shake. I took in a deep breath and groaned loudly as I came all over my stomach, the water from the shower quickly cleaning it from me.
I climbed out and wrapped myself in a towel, a single tear escaping from my eyes. What the hell was I doing? I was in way too deep to ever stop feeling this for Austin now and I knew I had to confront him about it soon and tonight would be the perfect opportunity. I just had to find the courage to tell him.

"Alan! They're here!" My mum shouted up to me.
I quickly dried my hair with the towel and pulled on a pair of black skinnies, a tank top and a hoodie. I didn't have time to work on my appearance so I avoided all mirrors and ran down the stairs. Austin stood in the doorway with his parents and as usual, looked perfect. My mum welcomed them in and we all sat around the table.
"Austin you can sit next to Alan." My mum smiled.
He pulled out his chair and I stared up at him thinking back to what happened in the shower and blushing slightly.
"So, Alan. How is school?" Mr Carlile asked me.
I smiled, happy he had pulled me out of my thoughts. "It's going well thank you." I replied.
"Yes, Alan is a high achiever. We're extremely proud of him." My dad grinned.
I rolled my eyes and rested my head against my hand, my elbow on the table. Suddenly, I felt a hand place itself on my thigh under the table. I turned to Austin to see him smirking slightly. He didn't remove his hand but instead began to rub the inside of my thigh. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, trying hard not to blush. I was incredibly nervous at what Austin was doing but also the fact that our parents were sat directly opposite us.
"Where do you plan on going to college, Alan?" Mr Carlile continued.
Austin squeezed my thigh and I bit my lip so hard I thought it might bleed.
"Um, I'm not too sure yet." I answered.
"You should start thinking about it soon you know. I made sure Austin knew when he was your age."
"Sweetie, Alan has another year left to think about it. Leave him alone." Mrs Carlile told her husband, slapping him playfully on the arm.
"I know but I'm just saying. We're going to make sure Austin gets into Michigan. Aren't we son?" He spoke, averting his attention to Austin.
"Yep." Austin answered, completely unphased.
His hand was still moving around my thigh and getting extremely close to my crotch, which was beginning to harden under my jeans.
"Are you ok Alan?" I heard my mums voice say quietly.
I opened my eyes, unaware I'd closed them and looked around the table at each of the adults, all staring at me with questioning looks.
"I-I'm fine. Can I be excused p-please?" I stuttered, feeling breathless as Austin began to rub circles over my now obvious bulge.
"Of course." My mum answered, still looking concerned.

I stood up quickly, causing Austin's hand to drop back to his side and ran upstairs into my room, slamming the door behind me. My breathing was uneven and I felt anger build up inside me. Austin knew how he was making me feel and yet he didn't even seem bothered by it? He was so blatantly leading me on and the worst part was, he was finding it amusing. What if our parents had noticed what he was doing?
I balled up my fists and slammed them into the wall, the plaster cracking and my knuckles immediately turning bright red. I pulled my hands back against my chest and clenched my teeth as pain shot through my fingers.
"Shit." I mumbled as tears began to fall down my cheeks. I lent against the wall and let myself slowly drop to the floor.
I heard my bedroom door open but decided to ignore it until I felt a long pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist and take my hands in theirs. I let myself relax into their embrace for a moment until I remembered why I was so angry in the first place. I slammed my hands into Austin's chest and moved away from him.
"Get away from me." I shouted.
Austin froze and stared at me, confusing covering his face.
"Don't fucking act like you don't know what you've done." I spat.
He sighed and shuffled forwards so that he was sat cross-legged in front of me on my bedroom floor. We were sat in the exact same position the first time I kissed him but I quickly shook the thought out of my mind.
I let another tear escape my eye and felt it roll down my cheek. I sniffed quietly and looked up at the man in front of me.
"Please tell me what I've done to make you so upset." Austin whispered as he wiped away the stray tear with his thumb.
I sighed and looked down at my lap. "This was all a mistake. I should never have kissed you."
Austin dropped his hand from my face and his eyes glazed over for a moment with an emotion I couldn't quite determine.
"A mistake?" He asked, sounding slightly disappointed.
"Yes. I want everything to go back to the way it was when you didn't acknowledge my existence because it was so much easier that way." I choked, my voice cracking half way through. "It's easy for you. You get to walk out of here and be fine but I'm always going to get hurt."
"Why are you going to get hurt?" Austin asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.
I started to get annoyed. I didn't know if he was just pretending to not know what was going on to aggravate me or if he was genuinely just clueless. I clenched my fists again and averted my gaze back to his, my stare was stern and cold.
"Because I'm in love with you Austin!" I shouted. "I'm so fucking in love with you that I can barely sleep at night. It's physically hurting me and I can't take it anymore."
Austin remained silent, his mouth slightly open in shock and I immediately regretted my outburst. It turns out he genuinely was clueless and I knew I shouldn't have been so harsh on him but I was also regretting what I had just told him. I didn't think for one second I was in love with Austin but admitting it out in the open, I realized that maybe I did but if this is what love feels like then I don't want to feel it anymore because I was in agony watching Austin stare back at me, completely emotionless.
"Say something, please?" I whisper, my cheeks turning red in embarrassment.
"I-I, you love me?" He asked, wide-eyed.
"I don't know." I sighed. "I guess so. There's no other way to describe how I feel about you."
He scratched the back of his neck with his hand and gulped. "This is a lot to take in."
"I'm sorry." I muttered, feeling fresh tears burn at my eyes. I scrunched my eyes shut so that they would not fall. I've already embarrassed myself enough tonight. I don't need to cry again.
"I need to sort some things out Alan. I'll see you at school." He said, monotone, before standing and heading towards my door.
"Wait!" I shouted, not wanting him to leave.
He turned around expectantly and I realized I didn't have anything else to say so I just stared back down at the floor and muttered a quiet 'Goodbye.'

Notes

Here it is, Chapter 4! I am so happy with how this fic is going on so far and I'm so grateful for your comments and subscriptions and the nearly 500 views already!
Hope you're all enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it.

- Georgia x