Alan's POV

It had been exactly 3 days, 19 hours, 16 minutes and 46 seconds since I spoke to Austin and I had spent this time staring aimlessly at my phone, waiting for him to call. I knew it was silly, especially since deep down I knew he only said it to be nice and wasn't actually planning on hanging out but I still clung onto the tiny bit of hope that I had.

"Earth to Alan." I heard my best friend, Aaron, say as he waved his hand in front of my face. "What's up with you? You've been staring into space for the past three minutes."
I shook my head and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, letting out a deep sigh. "I'm just tired." I responded with a shrug.
Aaron raised an eyebrow at me and crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay, are you going to tell me what's really wrong or do I need to beat it out of you?" He asked.

I hated the way Aaron knew when something was wrong and I hated the way he knew when I was lying even more. I lent back against my locker and stared into the hallway, watching the dozens of students hurry past. I hadn't spoken to Aaron about Austin in months and I knew he thought I'd gotten over him. Aaron wasn't convinced Austin is any 'good' for me, which personally I think is bullshit because Austin is more than 'good'. He's perfect, he's phenomenal and he's everything I'm not. But either way, Aaron is my best friend and he deserved to know what was happening and maybe it would be better to get it off my chest anyways.

Aaron stared at me, waiting for my answer.
"Austin." I breathed, almost inaudible.
He rolled his eyes and sighed in response. "Seriously Al? I thought you'd forgotten about him."
I shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I thought I had but then he was at this party I went to the other day and-"
"Wait." Aaron spoke, cutting me off. "What party?"
"Don't worry, it was lame. It was just some party my cousin dragged me to but Austin was there and he offered me a drive home and we got talking and it brought up all the feelings I had before." I rested my head against my best friend's shoulder and let out a long, deep sigh.
He held onto my shoulders and pushed me back so I was at arms distance from him, his eyes staring directly into mine. "What are we going to do with you?" He laughed and pulled on my arm, leading me to class.

The day went by painfully slow. I would sit in class for what felt like hours, glance up at the clock and find it had only been a matter of minutes. The only thing I could do was pray that the bell would ring soon and I could get out of this hell hole.
I averted my gaze to the window and stared at the green leaves that were slowly beginning to turn orange and fall off the branches. The sky was blue but had more clouds in it than usual. The grass swayed softly as a breeze rolled through it. Fall was coming and although I was sad to be bidding farewell to Summer it did mean I could wear a hoodie without people questioning me. It was an excuse to hide my arms, hide my scars and hide my past.

I had been clean for three months and was trying hard not to relapse. 'I was vulnerable' as my therapist had said, I 'let things get the better of me'. I think that was just her way of kindly calling me a pussy, which I suppose I was in all honesty. I do let things get the better of me and I care too much about what people think about me. But I mean, for Gods sake, how am I supposed to 'break out of my shell' and 'be who I really want to be' when I'm surrounded by thousands of judgmental cunts.

I jumped slightly when I heard the bell ring and quickly collected my stuff and moved out of class ahead of everyone else. I was tired and becoming agitated and just wanted to get home. I hurried out of the school doors and across the parking lot just as someone else came hurrying out from a different direction, colliding straight into me and knocking all my books onto the ground. I mumbled a couple of cuss words under my breath as I began to pick them up.
The other person held out their hand for me and I took it as they helped me get up.
"I'm sorry Alan. I didn't see you there." He spoke, his voice unmistakably recognizable. I knew who it was.
"Austin." I said as I looked up at him, my prediction being confirmed.
He smiled back down at me, showing his extremely pearly, white teeth. He handed me one of my books and then began to walk away. I stood there staring after him, wishing I had the courage to call him back over.
"Oh, Alan." He shouted from across the parking lot as he spun back around to face me. "Do you wanna hang out later tonight? My parents are out and I could use the company."
My heart skipped a beat. Me. And Austin. Alone. Before I even managed to process what he was asking, I began nodding.
"Yes, yes. That sounds great." I shouted back to him.
"Awesome. Come to mine around 7 then?"
"O-Okay." I turned away from him so that he didn't see the huge, groofy grin plastered across my face and practically skipped back to my car.

* * *

I stared at the door in front of me and bit down on my lower lip.
To say I was nervous would be the understatement of the year; I was petrified. I had one chance to prove to Austin that I wasn't just a loser. Which would be harder than I had initially thought since even I didn't believe that.
I was contemplating leaving just as the door swung open.
"Were you just going to stand there all night?" He asked, laughing.
"I-I, um-"
"Come in." He said, stepping aside.
"S-so what do you wanna do?" I asked as I walked in, mentally punching myself for stuttering, again.
"Well," Austin began. "Phil let me borrow this apparently really scary horror film and I don't exactly want to watch it by myself. You up for it?"
"Oh, sure." I replied.
I wasn't a big fan of horror movies, I got scared pretty easily but I was trying not to look like a dork in front of Austin.
"Great." Austin said with a big smile on his face. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch and I'll get it set up."
I sat down on one of the large black, leather couches opposite the flatscreen TV and waited as Austin put in the DVD. My heart was pounding so hard against my chest that I was convinced it would be audible and my hands were clammy and shaking slightly. It was ridiculous how nervous one man could make me feel.
I felt the couch shift and Austin sat himself next to me. I moved away slightly, not wanting him to think I was being too close.
"I'm not gonna bite, you know?" He said, giving me a questioning look.
"I k-know." I replied, feeling guilty that I may have offended him.
He quickly smiled back at me and moved closer so that his hip was touching mine. I took in a deep breath and balled my hands up into fists trying to stay calm. I wish Austin knew what he was doing to me, how he was making me feel right now but I knew that if he ever found out, that would be the end of our, friendship? To tell the truth, I didn't know what we were. Before today, the only time we ever spoke was if we were dragged along with our parents when they both went out together. At school he pretended he didn't know me, which was understandable. We're from different worlds and it would ruin his reputation if he was seen talking to me.
I decided to relax and let my mind take a break from being in over-drive. I didn't need to over think all of this stuff with Austin, espicially since it only made me ten times more nervous. I just needed to enjoy being with him now.

"Well that was a disappointment." Austin said as the credits rolled down the screen.
"Disappointing? I say appalling." I laugh. Even for me, the movie was ridiculously un-scary.
"Phil must be an extreme pussy if he was even remotely scared by this." He laughed back.
"I know, and I thought I was a pussy."
Austin moved so that he was sitting cross-legged and facing me. "You're not a pussy." He spoke in a serious tone.
I copied his sitting position and stared into his sincerity filled eyes. "You're brilliant Alan. Don't let anyone tell you any different, ok?"
I looked down at my hands as they interwined together and shook my head slowly. Austin knew about my depression since our parents talk about us when they're together.
"That's pretty hard to believe." I whispered.
"Hey." He said, putting two fingers under my chin and lifting my head up to face him. "It's everyone else that is wrong if they can't see what I see. You are brilliant Alan. Please don't ever think negatively about yourself because you'll just be feeding yourself lies."
As I stared into his eyes I could see that he looked hurt but I couldn't understand why. Surely he wasn't hurt that I would think so low of myself. He hasn't cared how I've felt for the last four years so why does he suddenly care now? I felt bad for thinking this since I knew Austin is the most honest and kind-hearted person I had ever met but times have changed and although I'd like to still believe it, Austin may not be the same Austin I knew back when I was younger.
"I'm not just saying this to make you feel better either Alan. I mean it. I wouldn't lie to you. I still care about you, you know and I'm hoping that all of this is the start to us becoming friends again because I miss that. " He said, continuing to keep eye contact.
"I know." I sigh. "I miss that too."

As perfect as it all seemed I was still struggling to understand why he all of a sudden wanted to be friends again after all these years and I knew that us being friends would come with terms and conditions because there was no way in hell he was going to be caught dead talking to me at school. But I suppose being friends with Austin in private was a whole lot better than not being friends with him at all.

"I'm glad we did this." Austin whispered, putting his hands on my knees. "I remember when we were kids, I'd always feel better and relaxed whenever you were around and you didn't even have to do anything. You just needed to be with me and everything would seem OK again." It felt like he had began to stare more deeply at me, almost as if he was searching my brain for something and I watched his dark brown eyes as they shined with content. "You still have the same affect on me." He smirked.

Then I did something I thought I would never do. I guess my feelings were just building up and up and I couldn't take it anymore, everything was getting too much for me to handle.

I placed my hands on either side of Austin's face and pushed my lips onto his.

Notes

I have a lot of chapters for this story already pre-written so I decided to upload chapter 2 now instead of next week because I'm really excited for you all to read it.
Please leave feedback.

- Georgia x