Austin's pov


I attempted to make french toast.

I grabbed what I thought was all the ingredients, but then noticed I was missing some stuff. I kept going back to the fridge and I kept grabbing the wrong thing. I'd be about to pour it in before I shook my head and walked it back. It was frustrating. I couldn't think straight, not at all.

I had to stop and think it out nice and slowly, like I was counting to four for the first time. But by the time I got all the ingredients, the thought never occurred to me to try and find the correct pan.

That's when I gave up and went to slump in one of the kitchen chairs.

I rested my head on my palm and blinked my eyes to keep them open. A wave of exhaustion hit me, and I'm thinking it is mostly all mental exhaustion. I need to go back on tour. I need to perform.

I shook my head to try and shake it off because I can't be exhausted right now. I've got to talk to Hazel and just keep pushing, I guess. I can't leave her, I promised, but I still don't know what to do. And I don't like that. Normally, with Hazel, I know how to help her. But this is... different. I don't know what to expect, either.

I decide to go check on her since I heard the shower turn off a while ago. Maybe I'll see if she wants something specific to eat, or if she wants to go out, or if she wants nothing at all.

I take my time going up all the stairs and over to her room, shuffling down the hall when I do. The bathroom door was wide open and empty while her door was just cracked open, letting me know she's in there. I don't want to just go in, in case she's changing, so I go over and knock on the door. "Hazel?" I ask.

I get no response, not even any movement. I wait a minute, but nothing. "Can I come in?" I ask. Why isn't she answering?

I slowly start pushing her door open and peak inside, ready to leave if she was indecent. But I kept having to push the door further and further open because I didn't see her. Until I got to her bed.

She sat, wrapped in a towel and dripping wet on the edge of her bed. Her hair was a shade darker and dripping water down her neck, back, and onto her sheets. Her left hand held the top of it together, but the rest was limp.

She was looking off into space, mostly at the wall across from her. The look on her face was sad and lonely, but also it seemed lifeless. She had black rings of wet makeup around her puffy eyes and her hair was in wet strands all over. It didn't even look like she washed it.

I take a moment to just look at her, seeing all the heartbreak and loss in her eyes alone. I have to pull myself together before I go over there. It's painful to see all of her sad beauty when I love her like I do.

Which is a lot..



Hazel's pov

Staring at my wall like I could see through it, I sat on my bed dripping wet. I had one hand still holding my towel to my body, but that was the only part of me that wasn't limp. I don't know how much time has passed, but I have been sitting here for a while, just looking off into space. It's all I could do.

I should get dressed, brush my hair, get ready... but I can't. I don't want to.

I can't think of a reason to, nor can I find anything inside of me to get myself up. All I can do is feel the drops of water run down my neck and down my back from my soaking wet hair while I zone out.

The paint on my wall isn't as bright as it once used to be. The color faded over time and now is just a paler version. It needed another coat, maybe two, to return to it's normal self; bright and vibrant. But we ran out of that paint a long time ago and who knows if anyone will ever be able to find that exact color again.

The whole thing saddens me, with the paint. It's now all dull and worn down, but will never be able to find itself again to return to normal and bright. How sad... How familiar.

A droplet of water drips over my eyelid and I shut my eyes to avoid it from going inside and burning. But after, I don't open them right away. I just sit, looking at the darkness behind my eyelids and thinking about nothing. I don't even have a reason or energy to do that.

My ears still perk up at each little sound I hear below me. Austin didn't leave, not like I told him to. I can hear him in the kitchen, walking, opening cupboards, setting things down. He should have left. It would have made it easier to just sit here. That's all I want to do.

But eventually I can't hear him anymore. He stops with all the noise for a moment, and then his footsteps can be heard coming this way. I hear the creek of the stairs but end up ignoring it. I open my eyes again and look at the dull paint. For a moment, it seems brighter, but my eyes adjust and it's just as bad as before.

I don't remember if I heard Austin's footsteps come to my door or not. I got distracted by the nothingness in my head. It was tiring, trying to do anything but zone into the wall and let myself get my bed sheets wet like I had my own personal storm cloud over me. It's all I wanted to do.

I've never felt like this before... This empty.

My eyes stung as I looked at my wall, but for some reason I couldn't look away. I have no train of thought, I feel like I'm trapped inside another body because I just can't seem to get control of anything.

I do sense a pair of hands though. Faint, on my arm that rests in my lap. I don't react to it, but my eyelids do droop. The hand moves to the side of my face and that's when I realize that there is someone touching me. I look and all I see is Austin's face crouched below me, his eyes big as he gazes up at me.

I feel nothing like I normally would. I think nothing like I usually would. Normally, my mind would go a mile a minute thinking about what the hell Austin and I have, had, or will be. But now... I just can't anymore.

I think he sees everything I feel in my eyes because nothing is said as he stands up and walks over to my dresser. I watch, close to lifeless, as he pulls out some clothes for me. He comes back over and sets it down on my bed next to me. I just look at it. I can't do anything else.

Austin notices how far gone I am and reaches down for my hand.

"Come here," he says softly, gently pulling me up from my bed. I stand, holding onto my towel and feeling nothing. The only thing I can think is how much I want to cry.

Austin reaches his free hand down to grab my undergarments from the bed. He then squats down and helps me lift my feet to get into them. All I can do is accept his help because I can't do anything else.

He pulls them up my legs and then does the same thing with a pair of sweatpants. Not a word is said, but there is a loud echo in my head. I feel really sad. Really empty. But I feel nothing.

I'm still staring at the wall ahead of me as Austin grabs my sports bra he picked out. I don't know why he's doing this.

He has me lift my arms and my body reacts to his directions because that's what I need right now. I can't do anything that someone else doesn't direct me to.

He pulls it down, careful as he goes over my head. My towel drops as he gets it on me, making sure the straps are straightened out as he does.

I wish I could form a thought on what he's doing for me, but I can't. I can only hear the echo in the walls of my head. And I don't even realize that the echo had won with it's directions, as well. I didn't realize I had started to cry until I felt more drops of wetness all the way down my face.

Austin was going to reach for my shirt, but stopped when he saw me. My eyes closed shut as my body shook from my cries that came out of nowhere. It hurt so bad in my head. I'd never felt this bad before and I wanted it to stop. And it wasn't from the hangover. It was scary.

Austin pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me tight. I leaned into him, my body still frozen because I couldn't move it, and cried as he ran his hands up and down my arm.

Here I was, standing half-dressed, wet, and crying into Austin, of all people.

I just felt so empty and felt so much ache from everything. In the shower, I felt the same thing. I got in, and just stood under the water for what felt like forever. Then the same thing happened and I just randomly broke down, crying until I was sitting in the tub and turning into a prune. I didn't even wash my hair..

Austin still didn't say anything as he let me cry into him, he just let it happen. I just let it happen as well.

I was feeling really weird and couldn't really wrap my head around what was going on. Just like I didn't realize I had started crying, I hadn't realized Austin brought me back over to the bed. I think it had been a while of me crying that we couldn't just stand there.

As tears still fell down my face, he sat me on the bed. He grabbed my shirt and finished helping me get that on, too, pulling both my arms through it. After this, he walked back over to my dresser and grabbed my hair brush, coming back and sitting behind me.

My eyes closed as he started to brush through my hair, because I obviously couldn't do it by myself. I am so helpless. The tears were slowing down and soon my mind was just blank again. I ended up just sitting there and looking at my lap as Austin brought the brush down through my long hair.

I thought of nothing.

"Haze," Austin said. I opened my eyes at his voice. I was laying down now, my hair was brushed, I had blankets over me, and Austin sat on the edge of the bed near my head. I must have fallen asleep, or something. Or I was just so out of it I didn't notice what was going on.

"Do you want to stay here? At home?" He asked quietly, I could tell it was a general question. He'd been waiting to ask it.

I thought of my home, this house, and could only feel agony in every room I pictured. I've never lived here without my dad here, not even without my sister. I'd be alone here... Austin wouldn't stay. I wouldn't want him to.

I squeezed my eyes closed and shook my head no. For some reason I felt guilty for this answer.

I heard Austin let out a noise, maybe one of relief from my answer, or just from the fact that I actually gave him an answer.

"We could go back on tour..." He said lightly, reaching up to brush some hair away from my face. He caught himself doing this without thought and then stopped. "If you're not ready, I'm not going to make you... But I do think it would be best... Music would be best... Friends.."

"Sydney," I whispered. Pain followed.

"She's at college now.." Austin said lightly down to me. I let out a shaky breath. "Tour is only going to last for a few months... You can see her after, yeah?"

I didn't say anything. He was right, but that doesn't mean it felt right.

"Jake..."

Austin let out a sigh at my brother's name that had me opening my eyes to look at him. Austin quickly shook it off. "You can talk to him tomorrow," he said lightly. "He called while you were in the shower to say that he's taking Syd back to college. He'll be back before you wake up in the morning."

I sighed, there was a big question on my mind of what would happen during tour, but even more after. How will I function? Will it be... normal? Where will I go after? All I will be doing is pushing my problems aside to deal with after when I'm alone and without music and people What if I go back to what I did earlier? Drinking myself to nothing.

I looked down at the sheets of my bed as my hand somehow found it's way to Austin's. It was so warm I felt heat go through my body. "Just..." I sigh out sadly. "Promise me again."

"Promise what, Haze?" Austin asked gently back, stroking my hand with his thumb. I looked at his tattoo that danced over his fingers. Love.

"Promise me again that you won't leave me," I breathe out, my voice barely a whisper. I don't even attempt to look at him. I just need reassurance again, for me to be able to even think. I need to know that through this all I can depend on him to not let me fall. I don't want to be alone.

Austin shifted so he was now kneeling on the floor next to my bed. His head was now at my eye level as he took my hand that was on his and brought it up to his lips. He looked me in the eyes as he placed a light, warm kiss on it. The feel of his lips was the first thing I've felt all of today.

"I won't ever leave you," he said, his voice not faulting a bit. "I never will. I'll always be here, even when you don't know. Even when you don't want me."

My eyes fell closed again after looking into his for so long. It was so much, what he said, for someone who felt so little. A breath rolled out of my lips and my mind was at ease enough to relax. I was trusting him, depending on him way more than I should be, but I can't help it. I need him... I...

"I want you..." I breathe out. And then before I could catch his reaction, I was asleep.

Notes

wow I meant to postthis so long ago but this dumb website does not like to work on my slow computer!! But I finally got it up! I have another one in the making too that should be up soon hopefully if this website keeps loading for me!

ok but guys be honest with me here. Is this boring you??? I feel like I dragged out all this shit for so long. I just want to know and if you guys have anything you want to happen, exciting wise, or like ideas? I want to please you, but I promise I'm moving on from this part!

What do you think is up with Hazel and this depression she's going into? She's so vulnerableee. What will go on with Austin?

Let me know what you guys think!!<3