With Me Tonight
I Need You
Hazel's pov:
"I'm gona go bring up some breakfast from the lobby, kay?" Alan says, still sitting on the ground next to me, our backs leaning against the side of the bed bed. My head was resting on Alan's shoulder, so I was a little hesitant to letting him leave because I liked that he was right next to me. "I'll be right back," he reassures, quickly kissing the top of my head before shifting away from me so he could stand up.
I watch him get up and leave, an loud silence lingering in the loneliness after. Now I sit in this room alone, feeling the emptiness inside of me grow. I have no motivation to move, let alone get up, so I stay here, letting my head fall back to now rest against the bed. My heart feels heavy as I hear Alan and Austin chatting quietly outside my room before I hear the door open and close, making it quiet again.
In this silence, I start wondering what the hell I am going to do and how the hell I am going to do it. I start thinking about my dad and my family.. My sister and brother that don't know, and then my mom who probably doesn't care.
All of them are so far away, making me feel even more alone and empty. I just want to curl up and cry, possibly just sink into the floorboards. But I can't.
I hear footsteps start coming closer to my room and out of the corner of my eye, I see Austin standing at the doorway, hesitant to come in. He has a mini battle with himself, but then I watch as his posture straightens and he finally walks in the room towards me.
He doesn't say anything, just comes in quietly and sits on the ground next to me where Alan just was. I watch him as he does this, his bare shoulder brushing against mine as he gets situated. But that's the only contact he makes and he doesn't say anything. We just sit here in silence and it's actually all I need right now.
I don't need him or anyone asking if I'm okay or trying to comfort me, all I need is to know I'm not alone. I just need someone here and that's exactly what he's doing for me.
I don't know where we stand or how he feels, but I do know that he has been here for me. He put aside the urge to rip my throat out and the urge to fight with me and the urge to do whatever we have been doing just to make sure I'm okay which leaves me with thoughts and feelings that I don't know how to label.
My head already feels heavy enough, so I try to push everything out and don't think as my head moves from the bed to Austin's shoulder to rest on. It's warm and a lot more comfortable, plus, it makes me feel better, knowing he's here.
Austin is a little surprised and he cocks his head to take a look down at me. He then sighs and gets comfortable, leaning back into me a little bit too.
And we stay like this the whole time, not thinking about our past or worrying about our future, just trying to get past right now.
*
Soon Alan comes back with food, and when he starts walking into my room to find us, he freezes at what he sees, Austin and I basically cuddling being a first for him. A small smile ghosts over his face before he shakes it off and comes over, setting all the food down in front of us. "Pancakes, muffins, bananas, cereal... You name the shittiest breakfast food and I got it," Alan states, sitting across from me on the ground after putting all the food on the ground.
Austin's arms are long enough for him to reach over and grab a muffin without bumping my head because I still had it on his shoulder. I don't move when I see all the food because when I see it I see all those breakfasts I had with my dad each morning. I see him with his orange juice because he drank a cup every morning. It was his version of coffee.
I felt nauseous.
"Hazel," Alan notices me not moving and I hesitantly meet his eyes. "You've got to eat, okay?"
Before I could react or say anything, I hear a phone ring in the distance. It takes a minute to process, but when I realize that that's my ringtone and my phone, I jump up in my spot. Syd could be calling me back.
Both Alan and Austin stand up as they watch me hurry over to my phone that was on the floor in the bathroom I made a mess in. I found it as quick as I possibly could, shoving broken shit out of the way to get to it. I need so badly to talk to Syd.
When I grabbed it and looked at the screen to see the caller ID, my heart dropped. It wasn't Syd.
It was Dom.
After my sliver of hope was crushed by this asshole, I felt angry. Something inside me snapped and I didn't even think as I sent the phone flying across the bathroom again with a grunt of agony. I heard Austin and Alan rushing over to me as the phone crashed against the wall and soon I felt a hand on my back. They were waiting for me to freak out again. But I didn't, I just took a big breath in and turned around, leaving the bathroom and heading towards my suitcase.
I could feel their eyes on me as I started grabbing all my shit and stuffing it inside as fast as I can. I'm not waiting for Syd to call me back anymore. I'm going to see her. I'm going home to start doing some of the shit that needs to get done because it's my responsibility and I want this all to be over! So the faster I get it done the faster it will be over.
"Haze," I hear Alan's voice behind me, but I don't stop or slow down. I just continue to jam everything in my suitcase so I can go. "Hazel, relax," Alan tries, crouching down next to me.
"No!" I yell back. "I have to go!"
"Go where? Hazel, come on," Alan tries to pull my suitcase away but I shove his hands out of the way and pull it back.
"I have to go home! I have to tell Syd and my family and my dad's friends and I have to plan the funeral and order flowers and make sure my dad is buried and I have to make sure I pay the hospital and find out if he had a will or at least a goodbye letter and-and.. I have so much to do!" I speak in a rushed and frantic voice, grabbing clothes that spilt out and shoving them back in as I do.
"Hazel, hey, slow down," Alan urges gently. "You don't have to go right now. You don't have a plane ticket or a car right now so slow down. Eat some breakfast and shower and then we'll help you, okay? We'll help you," he grabs my hands and pulls them away from the suitcase, now starting to get me to calm down. I realize he's right; I don't have a plane ticket or anything.
I look from him to Austin, who I now notices is at my other side with a hand on my back. His eyes hold a look that make me want to scream but at the same time just collapse in his arms. Neither I do, instead I look back to Alan. "I'm sorry," I breathe as my head bows down a little, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Alan, you're right. I just- I need to go home."
"No apologies, I know," he nods, still holding my hands. "Just let me help you, okay? We're here for you."
Those words hit me and I nod, trying to catch my breath as I squeeze Alan's hand and lean back against Austin's. "I need you," I whisper as I bring Alan closer and throw my arms around his neck. He holds me tight to him and rubs my back as I bury my face into the crook of his neck. I'm very emotional right now, to say the least.
When we eventually break away, Alan stands and helps me up. "I'm going to head back to my room and pack my stuff then I'll come back here to help you get a ticket home, okay? I don't want you driving."
I nod in agreement and promise not to randomly try to leave again before he gives me one more quick hug and a signal to Austin which I'm pretty sure was about getting me to eat, then he leaves to head back to his room.
I watch him leave and when his figure disappears I turn back to Austin who was walking into the bathroom to retrieve my phone for me. After grabbing it he walked back to me with his head down so he could look at it and inspect it to see if it was broken. Surprisingly, it wasn't, so he slid it into my hands when close enough, our skin brushing together.
"Austin," I breathe his name, getting him to look up to me. It takes me a second to get out what I need, and want, to say, but I take a big breath to help me. "I need you, too," I state, my voice wavering. His big, brown eyes bore into mine with surprise, seeming to melt with each word I say. "Even though you may hate me or I may hate you, I still need you just as much as I need Alan because.." my lip starts to quiver. "Because I don't know what to do or if I can get through this," by now my voice is cracking and tears are rimming my eyes because saying this aloud hurts. It's hard to admit how much it hurts. "And I need you to keep your promise to not leave me again."
Austin's face softens and his eyes become glossy with sadness, too, as he looks at me with intensity. His hands are still cupping mine, giving me a sense of contact. "I won't ever break that promise, Hazel," he whispers.
"Good," I whisper so quietly I might have just mouthed it, my voice getting caught in my throat as I tried to hold back tears as I push myself to admit what I'm about to say next. My world has flipped upside down and I'm about to dive into a deep, dark, unfamiliar place. I just need to know I'm not going down there alone. "I'm scared," I whisper.
Austin's face falls and his mouth opens to speak, but he can't find words. Instead, he does the unexpected and uses his hold on my hands to pull me into him and wrap his arms around me for a large hug.
My breath gets stuck in my throat as he does this, but when I'm in his tight embrace and my frame is pressed securely against his, I remember just what an Austin hug feels like. It feels like I can breathe again, like someone is here and trying to squeeze everything bad out of me. It's the type of hug I've craved for so long. It's the type of hug I needed.
A whimper-like sigh comes out of my mouth as I squeeze him back and bury my head in his chest, a tear rolling down my cheek. Things are hard and are about to get even worse, but I feel a little more secure knowing I have my two guys here for me, even if one of them is an old enemy.
"I'm gona go bring up some breakfast from the lobby, kay?" Alan says, still sitting on the ground next to me, our backs leaning against the side of the bed bed. My head was resting on Alan's shoulder, so I was a little hesitant to letting him leave because I liked that he was right next to me. "I'll be right back," he reassures, quickly kissing the top of my head before shifting away from me so he could stand up.
I watch him get up and leave, an loud silence lingering in the loneliness after. Now I sit in this room alone, feeling the emptiness inside of me grow. I have no motivation to move, let alone get up, so I stay here, letting my head fall back to now rest against the bed. My heart feels heavy as I hear Alan and Austin chatting quietly outside my room before I hear the door open and close, making it quiet again.
In this silence, I start wondering what the hell I am going to do and how the hell I am going to do it. I start thinking about my dad and my family.. My sister and brother that don't know, and then my mom who probably doesn't care.
All of them are so far away, making me feel even more alone and empty. I just want to curl up and cry, possibly just sink into the floorboards. But I can't.
I hear footsteps start coming closer to my room and out of the corner of my eye, I see Austin standing at the doorway, hesitant to come in. He has a mini battle with himself, but then I watch as his posture straightens and he finally walks in the room towards me.
He doesn't say anything, just comes in quietly and sits on the ground next to me where Alan just was. I watch him as he does this, his bare shoulder brushing against mine as he gets situated. But that's the only contact he makes and he doesn't say anything. We just sit here in silence and it's actually all I need right now.
I don't need him or anyone asking if I'm okay or trying to comfort me, all I need is to know I'm not alone. I just need someone here and that's exactly what he's doing for me.
I don't know where we stand or how he feels, but I do know that he has been here for me. He put aside the urge to rip my throat out and the urge to fight with me and the urge to do whatever we have been doing just to make sure I'm okay which leaves me with thoughts and feelings that I don't know how to label.
My head already feels heavy enough, so I try to push everything out and don't think as my head moves from the bed to Austin's shoulder to rest on. It's warm and a lot more comfortable, plus, it makes me feel better, knowing he's here.
Austin is a little surprised and he cocks his head to take a look down at me. He then sighs and gets comfortable, leaning back into me a little bit too.
And we stay like this the whole time, not thinking about our past or worrying about our future, just trying to get past right now.
*
Soon Alan comes back with food, and when he starts walking into my room to find us, he freezes at what he sees, Austin and I basically cuddling being a first for him. A small smile ghosts over his face before he shakes it off and comes over, setting all the food down in front of us. "Pancakes, muffins, bananas, cereal... You name the shittiest breakfast food and I got it," Alan states, sitting across from me on the ground after putting all the food on the ground.
Austin's arms are long enough for him to reach over and grab a muffin without bumping my head because I still had it on his shoulder. I don't move when I see all the food because when I see it I see all those breakfasts I had with my dad each morning. I see him with his orange juice because he drank a cup every morning. It was his version of coffee.
I felt nauseous.
"Hazel," Alan notices me not moving and I hesitantly meet his eyes. "You've got to eat, okay?"
Before I could react or say anything, I hear a phone ring in the distance. It takes a minute to process, but when I realize that that's my ringtone and my phone, I jump up in my spot. Syd could be calling me back.
Both Alan and Austin stand up as they watch me hurry over to my phone that was on the floor in the bathroom I made a mess in. I found it as quick as I possibly could, shoving broken shit out of the way to get to it. I need so badly to talk to Syd.
When I grabbed it and looked at the screen to see the caller ID, my heart dropped. It wasn't Syd.
It was Dom.
After my sliver of hope was crushed by this asshole, I felt angry. Something inside me snapped and I didn't even think as I sent the phone flying across the bathroom again with a grunt of agony. I heard Austin and Alan rushing over to me as the phone crashed against the wall and soon I felt a hand on my back. They were waiting for me to freak out again. But I didn't, I just took a big breath in and turned around, leaving the bathroom and heading towards my suitcase.
I could feel their eyes on me as I started grabbing all my shit and stuffing it inside as fast as I can. I'm not waiting for Syd to call me back anymore. I'm going to see her. I'm going home to start doing some of the shit that needs to get done because it's my responsibility and I want this all to be over! So the faster I get it done the faster it will be over.
"Haze," I hear Alan's voice behind me, but I don't stop or slow down. I just continue to jam everything in my suitcase so I can go. "Hazel, relax," Alan tries, crouching down next to me.
"No!" I yell back. "I have to go!"
"Go where? Hazel, come on," Alan tries to pull my suitcase away but I shove his hands out of the way and pull it back.
"I have to go home! I have to tell Syd and my family and my dad's friends and I have to plan the funeral and order flowers and make sure my dad is buried and I have to make sure I pay the hospital and find out if he had a will or at least a goodbye letter and-and.. I have so much to do!" I speak in a rushed and frantic voice, grabbing clothes that spilt out and shoving them back in as I do.
"Hazel, hey, slow down," Alan urges gently. "You don't have to go right now. You don't have a plane ticket or a car right now so slow down. Eat some breakfast and shower and then we'll help you, okay? We'll help you," he grabs my hands and pulls them away from the suitcase, now starting to get me to calm down. I realize he's right; I don't have a plane ticket or anything.
I look from him to Austin, who I now notices is at my other side with a hand on my back. His eyes hold a look that make me want to scream but at the same time just collapse in his arms. Neither I do, instead I look back to Alan. "I'm sorry," I breathe as my head bows down a little, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Alan, you're right. I just- I need to go home."
"No apologies, I know," he nods, still holding my hands. "Just let me help you, okay? We're here for you."
Those words hit me and I nod, trying to catch my breath as I squeeze Alan's hand and lean back against Austin's. "I need you," I whisper as I bring Alan closer and throw my arms around his neck. He holds me tight to him and rubs my back as I bury my face into the crook of his neck. I'm very emotional right now, to say the least.
When we eventually break away, Alan stands and helps me up. "I'm going to head back to my room and pack my stuff then I'll come back here to help you get a ticket home, okay? I don't want you driving."
I nod in agreement and promise not to randomly try to leave again before he gives me one more quick hug and a signal to Austin which I'm pretty sure was about getting me to eat, then he leaves to head back to his room.
I watch him leave and when his figure disappears I turn back to Austin who was walking into the bathroom to retrieve my phone for me. After grabbing it he walked back to me with his head down so he could look at it and inspect it to see if it was broken. Surprisingly, it wasn't, so he slid it into my hands when close enough, our skin brushing together.
"Austin," I breathe his name, getting him to look up to me. It takes me a second to get out what I need, and want, to say, but I take a big breath to help me. "I need you, too," I state, my voice wavering. His big, brown eyes bore into mine with surprise, seeming to melt with each word I say. "Even though you may hate me or I may hate you, I still need you just as much as I need Alan because.." my lip starts to quiver. "Because I don't know what to do or if I can get through this," by now my voice is cracking and tears are rimming my eyes because saying this aloud hurts. It's hard to admit how much it hurts. "And I need you to keep your promise to not leave me again."
Austin's face softens and his eyes become glossy with sadness, too, as he looks at me with intensity. His hands are still cupping mine, giving me a sense of contact. "I won't ever break that promise, Hazel," he whispers.
"Good," I whisper so quietly I might have just mouthed it, my voice getting caught in my throat as I tried to hold back tears as I push myself to admit what I'm about to say next. My world has flipped upside down and I'm about to dive into a deep, dark, unfamiliar place. I just need to know I'm not going down there alone. "I'm scared," I whisper.
Austin's face falls and his mouth opens to speak, but he can't find words. Instead, he does the unexpected and uses his hold on my hands to pull me into him and wrap his arms around me for a large hug.
My breath gets stuck in my throat as he does this, but when I'm in his tight embrace and my frame is pressed securely against his, I remember just what an Austin hug feels like. It feels like I can breathe again, like someone is here and trying to squeeze everything bad out of me. It's the type of hug I've craved for so long. It's the type of hug I needed.
A whimper-like sigh comes out of my mouth as I squeeze him back and bury my head in his chest, a tear rolling down my cheek. Things are hard and are about to get even worse, but I feel a little more secure knowing I have my two guys here for me, even if one of them is an old enemy.
Notes
sorry for the crappy filler! Things will get longer and more stuff will happen soon! Let me know what you think, I'm missin' the comments!
And please keep one of my fave supporters, Silly Lilley, in your thoughts! She's going through a hard time and she's one of my favorite people on here:) Best of luck to her!<3
Alsooo, I have another Austin story that I have like 5 chapters written for and plan on going far with, but I'm debating if I should post it on here yet! What do you guys think, should I? <3
I haven't been on this website for ages now but I'm more than happy to see that there are more chapters to this story ! And even happier seeing that Hazel is doing a little bit better and on the long road to recovery... I don't know when you last posted these chapters so I'm not sure if there'll be new ones soon though ^^' anyway, I love this story as always.
1/5/16