“DEAN! THIS ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY!” I shouted flicking the cigarette in my hand to the ground, turning to look around in the dark park.

I screamed as I felt someone grab my waist from behind. I turned around, my hand already in a fist, though after years of this, he was used to it and ducked out of the way effortlessly. His laughter filled the night around us and I sighed, joining him as he sprawled down on the grass. We lied down, staring up into the sky, the moon looking down on us.

“I hate when you do that you asshole.” I muttered, lightly slapping his side.

“I know,” he answered and I rolled my eyes. “So, did you make up your mind yet?” he asked, turning on his side to face me, resting his head in his hand.

I sighed. “I don’t know Dean, I mean this is the first time we would be touring with Pierce the Veil, and I haven’t seen Mike in almost five years. Plus I really want to meet the other guys.”

“You mean Tony?” he asked suggestively.

“Uh, shut up, I hate you,” I said turning on my side to face him, mirroring his position.
“Nope, you love me,” he answered, a smug smile on his lips. I just rolled my eyes again.

“Come on Scottie, please? Please? Just spend one summer with me. You know that we haven’t spent a summer together since that first time I found you up in this tree.” He motioned to the tree behind us. “I promise I’ll make it one to remember, I mean it won’t be a tour bus party, but I’ll be there, and honestly what could be better than that?”

I laughed and looked up into his blue eyes, still not being able to get over their color. He looked back at me, his eyes pleading.

I sighed, I had been going over the pros and cons of staying here this summer and skipping tour since Dean had asked me almost a week ago. “Okay.” I said, deciding what the hell, he was my best friend and those damn eyes of his got me everytime.

“What?” he asked, excitement taking over his face.

“I said okay, I’ll stay here this summer, and spend it with you.”

“Fuck yes! Yes!” he leaned over, collapsing on top of me and I laughed. “Oh my God, I’m so fucking happy this is going to be great Scottie, just you and me, spending our first summer together, both of us twenty-one for the first time. We’re going to party and show California what were made of, they will never forget our names Scott. We are going to remember this summer forever and when we’re old and gray were going to punch each other and be like ‘dude, remember that summer’ and it’s going to be fucking epic. I promise you. You will never forget this summer Scottie McQueen, cross my heart, hope to die.”

My eyes snapped open and I let out a strangled gasp. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and I could hardly catch my breath. I placed my hand over my mouth, trying to muffle the sound of my sobs. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regulate my breathing but his voice repeating in my head made it nearly impossible.

You will never forget this summer Scottie McQueen, cross my heart, hope to die.

I managed to calm myself down enough to take in my surroundings. I was lying on the couch in the front lounge of the bus and judging by the loud snores coming from the bunk area all the guys were back. There was a blanket thrown over me and I realized that I must have fallen asleep here, after Tony left. I looked over and noticed the clock on the counter.

3:47 a.m.

I took a deep breath and slowly got up, stopping to use the bathroom. I looked at myself in the reflection on the mirror. My brown hair was sloppily flowing down over my shoulder, having fallen out of the bun it had been in earlier. My green eyes were lifeless, bloodshot and puffy. I had a few freckles sprinkled across my nose from being out in the sun these past few days. I was a mess. I sighed again and walked out, heading towards my bunk.

Jace was still in our bunk, his tiny body sprawled out across the whole bed. I gently moved him, adjusting his position enough so I could fit in. He awoke for a second, his blue eyes fluttering open but once he saw me he quickly shut them and went back to sleep effortlessly. I climbed in, carefully, and molded my body around his. It wasn’t the most comfortable position I had ever slept in but just being able to feel my son’s body so close enough to mine was enough comfort I needed at the moment to be able to fall back asleep, thankfully dreamlessly.

-----*-----

“Mommy? Mommy?” I heard Jace ask and felt his hand on my cheek. He gently slapped my cheek, calling my name again.

I groaned. “Yes baby?” I asked and opened my eyes, only to be met with his bright blue ones, staring down at me, his eyebrows furrowed. He was leaning up on my chest, his hand still on my cheek.

“Hungry,” he said.

I reached under my pillow, pulling out my phone.

7:23 a.m.

I sighed. “Okay, let’s get some food. We have to be quiet though, okay?” I asked, placing my finger over my lips and whispering shh. Jace nodded with a smile.

I rolled out of my bunk, trying to be as quiet as possible as I rummaged through my bags, trying not to wake any of the guys sleeping around us. Jace sat patiently on the bunk, waiting for my instructions, he may be in his terrible twos but he could be a very quiet complacent kid when he wanted to be, something I was more than thankful for. I motioned for Jace to follow me and he followed behind me and I had to try and muffle my laughter when I looked back and saw him goofily tip toeing, a smile on his lips.

We went in the bathroom and we both brushed our teeth. Jace stood on the toilet as I quickly ran a brush through my hair and pulled it into a loose pony tail behind my head. I looked down at my outfit, I was wearing a simple formfitting black tee and some black leggings, I decided it was a decent enough outfit, I mean we would only be going to the Denny’s down the street from the venue. I quickly changed Jace into some camo board shorts and a white tee. We quietly put our shoes on and made our way toward the front of the bus and I was once again reminded of what an amazing child I had. I quickly scribbled a note and left it on the counter in case any of the guys woke up while we were gone.

I closed the door after Jace hopped off the last step, a small giggle escaping his lips. We started walking and I smiled as Jace reached up and held my hand. We made it to the Denny’s in about ten minutes, Jace and I making little conversations along the way, he was slowly starting to make full sentences and it made me the proudest mommy ever when I could actually ask him a question and he knew the answer to it. As we walked in we were instantly greeted by the bubbly blonde hostess.

“Hello, welcome to Denny’s” she said in a much too perky voice and I tried to ignore the way she looked me up and down, her gaze settling on the child holding my hand. “Just the two of you?”

Before I could respond there was a shout from across the restaurant by an all too familiar voice, “Scotland Marie McQueen!”

I turned and couldn’t help but grin as I saw Alan Ashby sitting in a booth in the corner, his bright red hair flopping around as he obnoxiously waved his arms in the air, a wide grin on his face.

“She’s with us,” I heard another familiar voice say and I looked back to see Austin coming from around the corner from where the bathrooms were. “Hey babe,” he said playfully and gave me a quick hug. “’Sup little dude,” he said to Jace, reaching down and holding his hand out, palm up. Jace looked at his hand then he looked up, recognition immmediatly registering on his face. He grinned and slapped his tiny hand on Austin’s, giving him a low-five.

“Uncle Austin!” he said and giggled, hugging Austin’s leg and I couldn’t help the big smile that formed on my face.

“Come on dude,” Austin said to Jace pointing over to where Alan was still flailing his arms around like a dork. It took Jace a little longer to recognize Alan but once he did he giggled again and took off running toward the table, yelling Alan’s name. Austin looked back and winked at me before he starting walking toward the table.

I laughed, shaking my head, of course I would run into them. I looked back over to where the hostess was, still standing there with menus in her hand.

“Ah, sorry, I guess I’m with them,” I said with a laugh, flicking my thumb into the direction of the guys.

The hostess gave me a forced smile, her bubbliness suddenly gone and she set the menus back down on the counter. Her fake smile turned into a glare as I couldn’t help but scoff as I turned on my heel and started heading towards the table. Now that, was something I was used to. There was no way I could count out how many times I had been given rude looks or snarky comments when I was seen with any of the guys, no matter what band they were in or who they were. These girls would automatically see me as a threat as soon as my presence was made known even though more than half of these girls never had a chance with any of the guys. It was actually quite comical, how many of these girls wished they were in my place.

I had just made it to the table, Jace was clinging on to Alan’s neck in a hug, Alan was laughing and started tickling Jace’s sides, causing him to launch into a fit of giggles. I laughed as I watched the two of them and looked over to the other side of the table where Austin was just sitting down, scooting over toward the wall and patting the open space next to him, inviting me to sit with him. I smiled and sat down, bumping my shoulder against Austin’s playfully.

“What are you doing here?” Alan asked as I looked over at him, Jace now sitting down on the booth next to him, Alan’s phone in his hands.

“I got woken up with a slap to the face and someone telling me they were hungry,” I laughed, gesturing toward Jace. They laughed.

“You know, you’d be surprised how often that happens to me,” Austin said, giving Alan a glare.

Alan just shrugged and took a sip of his drink, glancing down at Jace before speaking again.
“Whatever. So where are the other guys?”

“Still sleeping, I didn’t want to wake any of them because of their show tonight. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you two be sleeping?”

They both shrugged at the same time and I laughed. A waitress came at this time and took our order and I was thankful that we had only shown up a few minutes after Austin and Alan had, not wanting to be a bother if they had already ordered. We made some small talk, mostly about how Warped Tour had been so far and how excited they were to be back on it. The conversation soon shifted to me unfortunately.

“So we heard what happened, that’s fucked up,” Alan said and I shot him a look, motioning toward Jace as he swore. “Oh, sorry, I forgot,” he said with a laugh, reaching down and ruffling Jace’s hair.

“Yeah, it was pretty scary, but nothing that bad happened so that’s good,” I said, looking down at my son, who was still playing on Alan’s phone.

“Yeah, you should have seen Fin when he told us. We were all on Pierce’s bus and he came in from the back lounge with Tony, fuming. He told us all what happened because he told us you and Jace were going to finish up tour with us and said that if any of us did anything to fuck it up he would personally beat the shit out of us.” Austin laughed and I shot him a look and pointed back at Jace, even though he was still too interested in Alan’s phone to notice the curse words flying around.

“Yeah, and man, I have never seen him so pissed about something before, he really cares about you two Scottie.” Alan added with a nod.

“Trust me, I know,” I said with a laugh. Our food came at this time and the conversation stopped momentarily as we all got situated and started eating.

“So there is something that I would like to know about.” Alan said suddenly and both Austin and I looked up at him, giving him quizzical looks.

“About what?” I asked with a laugh.

Alan smirked. “About what’s going on with you and Tony Perry.”

I groaned and Austin grinned. “Yeah, what’s up with that. You too seemed pretty close last night,” he said bumping my shoulder.

“It’s nothing,” I said trying to hide the blush I could feel on my face. I plopped another piece of pancake in my mouth.

“I don’t know, those pictures certainly make it seem like it something,” Alan said with a suggestive smile and I saw Austin nod in agreement.

“What pictures?” I asked, I hadn’t been on my phone at all, just to check the time, since I had woken up this morning.

“Here,” Austin said, picking up his phone and shuffling thorugh it. It took him a few seconds before he pulled up a picture and handed his phone over to me.

I took it and looked at the screen. There were two pictures, side by side, they both had been taken yesterday. One right after Tony and I had been crowded by the fans where he had Jace in his arm and he was snuggled into Tony’s neck, his other hand holding mine as he pulled me behind him. The other picture was after we were leaving. Tony once again had Jace in his arms, this time in a cradle hold as he was sleeping. I was walking closely beside him, looking down at the ground with a small smile on my face. Tony was looking over at me, also a smile on his face with that same thoughtful expression I had been seeing so much of and I just wish I knew what he was thinking when he was looking at me like that. I read the caption below the photo.

is this real life? is my otp finally happening? jfc I cant handle this. someone hold me. ughHHH
I laughed and rolled my eyes as I handed Austin back his phone. I didn’t say anything, instead I just took another bite of my pancakes, looking over at Jace who was holding a piece of bacon in his hand while looking around the restaurant with wide eyes.

“Well?” Austin asked, rather loudly.

“Yeah, what the hell?” Alan added and I couldn’t help but laugh as I looked up and saw them both staring at me, expectant looks on their faces.

I sighed. “Ugh, I don’t know guys. I honestly have no idea what is going on. I wish I did.” I muttered the last part and sighed, taking a drink of my water.

“Well he’s had a crush on you for like ever, so maybe he will finally man up,” Alan said with a laugh and a shrug.

“Dude,” Austin scolded. I was pretty sure Alan had just broken “guy code” or something.

I let out a chuckle as I shook my head, trying to once again hide my blush. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Alan’s words made me want to grin like a huge cheeseball. “Stop it.” I said as I thought about his words again, then let out a small scoff as I took another drink.

“What, it’s not like she didn’t know,” Alan said to Austin, ignoring me.

I stopped drinking, pursing my lips. Now this made me think. I mean, like I said Tony and I had always been flirty and friendly but neither one of us had ever ventured into the topic of a relationship. Plus, whenever we would kiss each other’s cheek or give the other a hug, there was never that feeling of this could mean more. Well other than yesterday when Tony and I had been on the roof of his tour bus... My thoughts were interrupting by Austin.

“Actually I don’t think she did.” He said and I looked up to see him looking down at me, studying my face.

“What, no way, she has to know? Don’t you?” Alan questioned, almost sounding shocked.
I looked between the two guys looking at me, both staring intently at me.

I shrugged. “I mean, well, why would he? I’m just me.”

“Yeah, exactly” Austin said with a grin, clearing all rules of “guy code” out the window. “Why wouldn’t he have feelings for you?” Alan just raised his eyebrows and nodded in agreement.

I shook my head, not wanting to get my hopes up but these guys were kind of making that impossible. I heard a clank and looked over to see Jace trying to scoop up a spoonful of eggs before Alan reached over and helped him.

I let out a sigh. “Either way it’s not like it matters.”

Alan and Austin both stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Austin had his straw inches away from his lips and Alan held Jace’s spoon in the air and Jace leaned forward, tugging on his hand to make Alan bring it to his mouth.

“Why?” they both asked in unison, both of them looking completely lost.

I scoffed. “Seriously?” they both just stared at me. “Uh, I have a kid guys and he’s Tony Perry.” I said deadpan, motioning toward Jace who had finally gotten Alan to continue feeding him.

Alan just scoffed, shaking his head and looking down at Jace. “Wow.” he muttered.

Austin looked at me, squinting his eyes before shaking his head.

“What?” I asked annoyed.

“Scottie, do you really think that it bothers Tony in the slightest that you have Jace? Fuck, do you think it would bother any guy?” Austin said, sounding disappointed in me.

“You don’t understand,” I muttered quietly, putting my fork down, there was no way I could finish eating now.

“Why? Because he’s Tony Perry, this rock star who can get any girl he wants?” Alan asked, almost a look of anger on his face. “I thought you knew all of us better than that.” I hated this side of Alan Ashby, sure he could be a goofball and overall dork but when it came to it, he could be just as serious and “adult like” as the rest of us.

“What does that mean?” I asked, anger in my voice.

“He’s talking about the whole ‘last name’ thing,” Austin said as Alan ignored me, once again helping Jace eat. “Oh, he’s Tony Perry. That’s Austin Carlile. He’s Alan Ashby. We’re still normal people Scottie, I thought you of all people would realize this being as you’re FinMcQueen’s sister. Just because we tour the world and people know our names doesn’t mean we don’t think like everyone else. We are all getting pretty older now, even if most of us don’t act like it, even if we don’t admit it, we still think about settling down and having kids, I know I do. And I also know that no one I know, thinks any less of you because you have a kid, including Tony.”

I looked down at my plate. They were right, of course they were. I know I told people that it was always because I had a kid, and that was why I never went on dates or made any moves, but deep down I knew the real reason. It was a much deeper reason, one that I didn’t really want to get into at this moment, here in a Denny’s in the middle of Indianapolis but unfortunately for me, Austin Carlile knew me, and he knew the real reason just as I did, and he did want to talk about it.

“Don’t try and make Tony seem like the bad guy. We both know why you really don’t want to think about you having a relationship with anyone right now, don’t we?” he asked and Alan looked over, no longer pissed at me, and I knew that he knew as well, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I hadn’t been hiding my feelings as well as I thought I had. “Just because Dean is gone, it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy Scottie. You can be sad and upset, yes, but at the same time, you need to realize that none of this is your fault and he wouldn’t want you to be like this, pushing people away because you’re scared or you think that no one can handle you and the past that follows you. You deserve to be happy Scotland.”

I bit my lip, trying to steady the trembling. I looked down as I felt Austin’s hand on my leg, he gently squeezed it and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. The waitress came back and I didn’t hear much of the conversation that followed because I was lost in my thoughts. It wasn’t until I heard Jace’s voice that I took another deep breath and looked up, noticing Alan looking at me and he gave me a nod and a smile as I smiled back at him.

“Mommy?”

“Yes baby?”

“I lobe you.” He said and then grabbed Alan’s phone out of his hand and the three of us just kind of sat there, shocked because you would swear that this little two-year old boy had understood that whole conversation and knew that I needed to hear those three little words, even if they were said in a two-year old voice and he couldn’t pronounce it correctly, it was exactly what I needed to hear as I smiled and laughed.

“I love you too Jace,” I said, shaking my head and I looked over at Alan and Austin, both of them chuckling and looking at me, making sure that I was okay after the very deep conversation that had just taken place in a fucking Denny’s of all places. I nodded, silently thanking them. They smiled and a mischievously grin fell on Alan’s face.

“So, the next time you see Tony, you’re going to jump his bones right?”

“Shut up, Ashby!” I laughed, picking up piece of toast and throwing it at him.

Alan just grinned and ducked out of the way, Austin laughed and grabbed his phone, asking the waitress to take a picture for us as she walked by. She took it and I glanced over Austin’s hands. It was a great picture. Austin had this big grin on his face, his hands gripping my shoulders and I hadn’t expected him to do that so I had a shocked grin and was laughing, my eyes closed. Alan had picked up Jace and put him in his lap, letting him stand on his legs. Alan had his eyes wide and his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he held on to Jace who was giggling hysterically. The best part about it was that Alan had taken Jace’s hand and positioned his fingers into the rock and roll sign. I laughed as Austin added a caption then posted it on Instagram.

Breakfast with some of the most amazing people I know @scottiemcqueen @alanashby and little McQueen! #lifeisgood

Notes