Come Waste Away With Me

I never did sleep like Alan demanded. I did lie in my bunk though for two hours but sleep never came to me. My mind was full of unwanted thoughts, all I could do was try to shut them out but I couldn’t. My thoughts were getting worse, and I was honestly scared what they might make me do. I heard the tour bus door open; I sucked in a breath. I misplaced my sweatshirt and my arm was covered in fresh cuts and bandages from some of them being deep. I prayed that it wasn’t one of the guys the last thing I needed was them to find me this broken and lost. I pulled my blanket up over my damaged arm and stayed still not daring to move. “Ari, are you in here? Alan was pretty pissed off he didn’t say what about but I decided to come check on you.” Alex’s voice cut through the bus making me release the air I was holding in my lungs.
I heard his footsteps approach my bunk and the curtain pulled back revealing his worried face. “Why is it when anyone sees Alan mad they always think of me?” I murmured not brave enough to look him in the eyes.
“There are many reasons for that; mostly that you guys are close.” He answered slipping into the bunk crossing his legs while leaning forward slightly. His position didn’t look comfy but he didn’t complain.
I scoffed. “Not anymore, he’s been ignoring me since the day we got here.”
“Ari, don’t be like that.”
“Alex, whenever he sees me he rushes in the other direction.” I frowned at my words.
“Why is he angry?” He asked quietly.
“How should I know? I don’t stalk him!” I snapped instantly regretted it seeing his face fall slightly. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell.”
“Can you look at me?” He asked softly.
I shook my head as I lowered it. I knew he wouldn’t let it slide but might as well try. I heard him sigh before shifting and putting his index finger under my chin before lifting it slowly. “I’m asking you again why is Alan mad?”
“I don’t know.” I shifted my eyes so they were looking at the covers I noticed drips of dried blood. Don’t look down Alex I pleaded in my mind.
“I can tell when you are lying.” He stated.
I frowned but brought my gaze to his face. “I smoked pot and he saw that I was high. It was stupid I know but I was upset and I needed to calm down.”
“You were upset? Why?” Concern flooded his face again and I felt horrible making him worry.
“I met the rest of the merch people for the band,” His face shifted to anger. “No they were very nice and are very inviting but they asked questions the first few were fine and simple but then the one was about Mason. Apparently Austin told them about it not in detail but it made me upset so I left. All the memories flooded my mind, I needed to find escape. So I got high.” I finished leaving out details.
“You didn’t do anything else?” His hand rested on my shoulder for support and I knew what he meant. I looked away from him obviously giving him the answer. “Ari…” He wasn’t disappointed but I could hear the sadness from his voice.
“I’m sorry, just Alan yelled at me and I got upset. I couldn’t help it.” He pulled the covers away from my arm slowly showing what I had done.
I heard him intake a breath. “You are getting worse; I can’t keep this from your brother Ari.” His voice was shaking as were his hands as he grabbed mine.
My face turned hard. “If you tell him Alex, I will never trust you again.”
“This is getting out of hand! You need to stop! You are killing yourself!” He words were much louder then I was expecting them to be and I flinched pulling my hand away from his while moving farther away from him. His tone scared me, my eyes were wide. “I didn’t mean to shout. I just hate seeing you do this to yourself.” His voice was almost hard to hear.
“Maybe I don’t want to stop Alex maybe I want to die!” I pushed him aside and jumped out of the bunk searching for a sweatshirt.
“Don’t say that!” He grabbed me and pulled me to his chest tightly.
“I will be fine Alex, don’t worry.” I lied.
“I will make sure you will be.” His grip tightened.
“Don’t tell Austin please.” I whispered sadly.
“I won’t as long as you stop.” He declared.
There was no use in arguing so I just nodded against his chest. “I need a sweatshirt.” I pulled away from him frantically searching for mine. “Where did I put it?”
“Take mine.” He pulled his off before handing it out for me to take.
I gave him a thankful smile before pulling it over my head. “You are a giant.” I commented as I looked down the sweatshirt went down to the middle of my thigh. “People are going to find me attractive in this.” I joked.
“Of course they will because you are beautiful.” He smiled before linking his arm with mine.
**
We walked across the pavement to find my brother, he literally disappeared we looked for him everywhere. It was now dark so we just decided to head to the party. I’m glad I was with Alex; he was making me laugh and get my mind off of what happened before. We were the first people to arrive besides Tino and Phil they were setting everything up. “Hi guys.”
I was a little afraid that Tino was going to call me out on what happened before. “Ari, I haven’t seen you in forever.” Phil pulled me into a hug before placing a drink in my hand.
“You just saw me yesterday.” I took a sip and realized it was beer.
“But that was soooo long ago.” I knew he wasn’t drunk yet but he must have been sneaking some while he was getting everything ready.
I laughed but soon stopped when I looked at Tino. He waved me to come over by him. I glanced at Alex and he smiled encouragingly. “How is my most favorite drummer in the world?” I asked as I approached trying to lighten to mood.
“You trying to butter me up?” He smiled.
“Maybeee.” I returned the smile.
“When did you start smoking?” He instantly turned serious.
“Cigarettes or pot?” I shrugged my shoulders and continued before he could speak. “Um, about a year ago after you know…” I trailed off.
“I’m not mad at you. Just be careful, I will not tell Austin. Alan on the other hand…” He frowned.
As did I and I downed my drink. “Great.”
“Come here.” He opened his arms and I immediately wrapped my arms around his waist.
I saw Alan walking towards us and our eyes met and he went to turn around but I pulled away from Tino and marched my way over to him. It was my turn to question him. “What the hell Alan?”
He spun around when I wrapped my hand around his arm and pulled on it roughly. “What?” He spat and I dropped my hand and stared at him with a sad expression.
“Why have you been ignoring me?” I didn’t take my eyes off his.
“Why have you been smoking?” He asked.
“No you are answering me.” I glared.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” He crossed his arms and I mirrored him.
“Every time you see me you run in the opposite direction. Why?” I was upset by it.
“I have better things to do then talk to an eighteen year old girl!” He couldn’t have meant that.
I just stared at him waiting for him to take back what he said but he didn’t. “You are a…jerk!”
“See you don’t even swear.” His face was a permanent frown.
“You are an asshole.” I mumbled but he didn’t hear me. “You are an asshole!” I screamed in his face.
Shock became his expression. He even let his jaw drop slightly. He has never heard me curse because I barely ever did. “What?”
“You heard me.” I barked. “Why do you hate me? We were fine just the other day and then we came here.” Tears threatened to fall.
“Ari I-” He got cut off by a squeal. He turned his head to look in the direction the obnoxious noise came from. When I turned my head my eyes widened at a girl running over. When she reached us she placed a sloppy kiss on his lips. I felt like someone just stabbed me not only was he kissing a girl but he was kissing Kylie’s best friend Brianna. My past just hit me like a ton of bricks of her and Kylie bullying me till I became depressed. Images of the last day of school showed last when they were all snickering about my brother and his band and now she is all over him? I stared in shock before turning back around and rushing back towards the party grabbing a shot off the table and downing it before taking another and another. How did he not remember her face from that day? I needed to get drunk to get my mind off of what I just saw. I cannot believe this is happening. To think I actually got away from them and boom her she is all over the guy I loved. Why was I such an idiot? I grabbed another shot and drank it. Soon enough I began to feel the alcohol consume me.

Notes

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