Come Waste Away With Me

Alex’s POV
I decided to go to Of Mice and Men’s bus just to see what they were up to. Jack went to go see what time we were playing. Rian was talking to Cassadee and Zack was still sleeping. I didn’t feel like sitting around. Maybe Ari will want to raise some havoc me. Maybe we could pull a prank. It will make her feel better. I wished she would sing with us like she did a couple of days ago because she sounded amazing. But she always brushes me off when I mention it to her. I passed a few of my friends in other bands but didn’t stop to talk. I felt like I needed to get to the bus fast. As I got closer to the tour bus, the door opened. A petite figure walked out holding a suitcase. Wasn’t that Of Mice and Men’s bus? Why would there be a girl carrying a suitcase? The only girl who is on that bus is Ari.
Wait. As I neared I realized it was her. “Ari?” I called but she only quickened her pace. I started running after her. “Ari!” I then noticed a cab and she was running towards it. “Stop! Don’t go!” I kept yelling after her but she tossed her suitcase into the trunk of the cab and didn’t look back. I stood there dumbfounded hearing footsteps behind me. She left. Why would she leave? Why wouldn’t she tell me she was leaving? Someone grabbed my arm tightly and spun me around. It was Austin.
“Why did my sister leave?” He demanded to know the answer.
My eyes widen. “I don’t know.”
“You have to fucking know! She never keeps anything from you!” He let go of me and pulled on the ends of his hair out of frustration.
“She didn’t tell me.” I frowned at my words. She told me everything, why didn’t she tell me this.
I jumped when Austin yelled in rage, “Why did she leave?” He pleaded knowing all too well that I did not have an answer.
Tears sprouted in my eyes when I saw he was beginning to cry. “Austin, I don’t know.”
“Austin? Alex?” Alan came jogging over to us.
“Ari is gone.” I muttered with pain evident voice.
“No she’s not.” Alan crossed his arms not believing my words.
“I just watched her leave.” Austin’s voice cracked. Alan’s face shifted to dread. I literally watched any type of happiness fall from his face. Instead of answering he turned on his heel and ran in the direction of the buses. I followed Austin to the bus. We reached the bus and Alan was clutching a piece of paper in his hands with an expression of agony on his face. I have never seen him this upset.
“Cancel the show I can’t play. I’m sorry.” He never ever cancels on fans. He dashed of the bus before Austin or I could say anything. Papers on the table caught my eye. Names were written on each. Alex was on the last one I saw.
I picked it up with a shaky hand. “Austin,”
He looked at me and then realized there were pieces of paper on the table with names written on them in Ari’s handwriting. Her razor was sitting on top of one of the letters. That letter was his. He ripped the piece of paper off the table making the razor fall to the floor silently. He began to read it and I did the same.
Alex,
Bestie! Take a moment to breathe because I don’t want you to have a panic attack. Breathe, okay good? I can’t not write you a letter because I love you and you are the only one who understands me. That’s why you’re my best friend. I hope you understand why I have to leave.
I am only telling you this; do not tell anyone else. If I stay here I’m putting anyone I love in danger. I can’t lose the people I love you know that. But I will be fine that’s why I’m leaving because that’s what’s best for me. I know you will want to talk to me and you won’t listen if I tell you not to. But if you do text me be careful what you say okay? I can’t tell you what’s going on but you have to trust me when I say I will be okay.
Don’t forget about me! I sure won’t forget about you. You have been my light and a person and a person I can go to with anything. Thank you for that. You see through my lies too easily you butt. I’m not going to do anything stupid. I left my razor with my brother. I hope that shows you how serious I am about this. Watch my brother please; make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.
I love you Alex! Keep on doing what you do your best!
-Ariana
I sat down at the table feeling drained. I just held the letter in my hand since I couldn’t get the nerve to put it down. What did she mean everyone would be in danger if she stayed? She wasn’t talking about Mason right? Please don’t be going to Mason, Ari. But I knew deep down that it was true. She left and she won’t be coming back anytime soon. I need to help her but how? I can’t do anything and that makes me feel so worthless. Why didn’t I come sooner? I could’ve stopped her. I let the tears silently fall.

Alan’s POV
I was still confused over Ari’s random hugs after she got sick. Even when she told me to leave her alone when I tried to comfort her she still hugged me. The hug was different than the ones she has given me in the past. It almost felt as if she was saying goodbye but she isn’t going anywhere. I felt so guilty leaving her alone on the bus because she is sick. I don’t like seeing her sick. It upsets me. I followed slowly behind everyone to find out what time we played. Why did we all have to go? Why couldn’t I stay with her? Ari and I’s relationship is still pretty unstable from when I had a thing with that Brittney girl. I don’t know why I did that to her honestly. I was being a complete asshole. I can’t believe I said those words to her.
I didn’t know how broken she truly was until just a few days ago. I know I was a reason she cut that bad and all I wanted to do was to make it up to her. That’s why I invited her to get a tattoo with me. I want to get closer to her. I love her. That’s going against everything Austin told me. He clearly stated not to fall for his sister. But here I am completely head over heels.
I love the way her eye crinkled when she laughs without holding back. I love the way her hair falls in natural curls. I love the way she bites her lip when she’s nervous about something. I love how she is so strong. She has been through so much just like her brother. But with her it’s different. She goes into everything headfirst not thinking about the consequences in the end. Even though that backfires sometimes she still does it. That is what I love because she will run herself into the ground for the people she loves not caring if she gets hurt in the process. I love her every flaw whether it’s a blemish on her face or the scars on her arms. She is the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on.
Honestly it’s getting harder and harder not to just kiss her. I almost did the other day but she pulled away. I don’t know why she did. Maybe she doesn’t like me or maybe it was because of her little fling she had with Andy but now that’s done with. I am thinking about just kissing her and not care if she slaps me. I just need to know how she feels. Who knows maybe she is falling for me too but is too nervous to do anything about it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Austin told her not to fall for anyone in the band or in any band member for that matter. But she went against that with Andy so why not with me?
I watched Austin walk away. I debated on following because I knew he was checking on Ari. I finished my conversation with Jack before turning toward the buses. I quickened my pace when an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. I turned the corner but stopped when I saw Austin and Alex standing by the back gate looking bewildered. Austin was clutching his hair so tightly I thought he was going to pull it out. He only does that when he is distressed. Alex looked like he just saw someone he loved get ripped away from him.
I heard Alex mutter words. “Austin, I don’t know.”
“Austin? Alex?” I called out as I approached them.
“Ari is gone.” Alex’s voice was uneven.
I crossed my arms, why would they pull a prank this serious? “No she’s not.”
“I just watched her leave.” I have never heard Austin sound so remorseful. I felt my expression go slack. Was this not a joke? No, she didn’t leave she was on the bus. She had to be on the bus. I looked between them before sprinting towards the bus. My whole body was shaking. It felt like hours before I reached the bus that I knew was only five minutes away walking. I flung open the door seeing that the main area is empty. I ran to the back of the bus in desperation to find her in her bunk but the curtain was open revealing a vacant bunk.
“Ari!” I screamed but I knew she wouldn’t answer. She was gone; where did she go? I stumbled back into the front of the bus with my knees ready to give out. What is this feeling? It felt like someone just ripped out my heart while stabbing it right in front of me.
I was about to grab a bottle of some type of alcohol to dull the heartache but pieces of paper on the table caught my eye. Alan was scribbled on one of them. Oh god, please don’t be what I think it is. I ripped it up off the table before taking a shaky breath and sitting on the couch knowing I couldn’t stand any longer.
Alan,
Hi Alan, I guess I won’t be going to our tattoo appointment today. I can’t stay any longer with you guys. It’s too much to handle. I need to get better and in order to do that I need to be alone. I need my distance from you because honestly you hurt me. This isn’t going to be a blame letter. It is going to be a confession.
I love you Alan but you broke my heart. I got close to you and every time I get close to anyone they get hurt or I get hurt. That is why I’m leaving because I rather I get hurt then you. You are confusing as hell; do you know that? I just don’t get you and I don’t know why I fell for you. Maybe it was because of the fact that you felt sorry for me after I was raped and that’s why you took me under your wing. I think that’s what I fell in love with, your caring side. Once I saw that side every one of your flaws became lovable. But I am foolish because how could someone like you fall for a girl like me?
I’m broken and you are not. How could anyone love someone who is broken? I could never hate you though Alan; that’s what I hate because whatever you do I can always forgive you. I can be mad at you that is for sure but I could never hate you. I guess that’s what love is. When I see you again, if I see you again I know how awkward it with be but honestly I don’t care. You deserve to know. It’s the least I could give you after leaving so suddenly.
Don’t try to contact me in anyway please. I will be okay. I’m not going to hurt myself anymore okay? Help my brother please just promise me that. Even if you don’t like me the way I like you we are still friends right? So please look after my brother he needs his best friend through this. He will be completely devastated with me leaving. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.
You don’t do anything stupid either. Keep rocking out on stage like you always do. I am so sorry for everything.
-Ariana
I stared at the letter in my hands. She loved me but I broke her heart. I guess we are even then because my heart feels pretty damn broken. I couldn’t believe she actually left. And she wrote me a fucking letter about her feelings. Why couldn’t she say it to my face? I don’t know why I was getting so angry about this. I guess I would rather feel angry than hurt. I heard the shuffling of feet and I was praying it would be her but when I looked up I saw two sets of pain filled eyes. I cleared my throat to try to keep it from cracking. “Cancel the show I can’t play. I’m sorry.” I could feel my body shaking from more emotions then I could handle.
I rushed off the bus letting my feet carry me to who knows where. My body finally became too exhausted to carry me. The hot California sun was burning down on me; I was sweating but I don’t only think it was from the heat. My mind was reeling. What if I didn’t have a thing with Brittney would Ari still be here right now? I was such a freaking idiot. I cursed at myself before I realized where I was standing. It was the tattoo shop I called for an appointment. I pushed open the door making a little bell ring showing someone arrived. I walked up to the counter and gave the girl my name. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to dedicate one to Ari. It was at least I could do to show her that I love her and I always will. I just hope she will see it one day.

Notes

oh my gosh i'm sorry i haven't updated in so long! I got word back two weeks ago but i had so many projects and big tests in those two weeks. I also have writers block; i hope this chapter is good. I'm sorry it is sad:(

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i'm going to Disneyworld in two weeks! I have never been there. I'm so excited!!