Come Waste Away With Me

I hid the letters in my bunk around five in the morning. I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I looked in the mirror all I saw were puffy bloodshot eyes. I felt nothing anymore; I was just numb. I did everything to routine; not even noticing that I stepped out of the shower and just stood in front of the mirror dripping wet. Goosebumps rose on my skin from the cold air around me. I stood like that for five minutes before picking up the towel slowly. I dried myself off and put my pajamas back on.
I couldn’t leave the bus.
I couldn’t face my brother.
I pulled my hair into a bun not even caring. I didn’t do my makeup. I fell to the floor and brought my knees to my chest and hugged them. I felt the need to cry but no tears came. My stomach became unsettled and I got rid of any contents that were in my stomach into the toilet. “Ari, are you okay?”
I couldn’t answer though because I threw up again. I heard the door open and felt arms wrap around my waist in comfort. I couldn’t be near any of them right now. I ripped whoever’s arms they were off my waist.
“Don’t touch me.” I didn’t want to be rude but if I saw any of their faces I would break down. I heard the person sigh but shuffle out of the bathroom. I stood up on shaky knees making my way to the sink to brush my teeth. Once I was finished with that I went straight to my bunk and curled up into a ball. I moved my suitcase to the back of the bus so no one would see it before I went into the bathroom. The letters were under my pillow just in case anyone was to look in my bunk. “I texted Josie to let her know you weren’t coming today.” Austin spoke on the other side of the curtain. “Do you need anything?”
“No.” It hurt hearing his voice considering it was full of worry. “I’ll be fine in a few hours.”
“We have to leave soon but I’m just a phone call or text away.” I looked at the time not answering him because the more he talks the more I want to stay. Eight. I would be leaving in two hours. I wasn’t even sure if I would ever see my brothers face again. I went and changed the names in my phone so if Austin did try to text or call it wouldn’t say Austin. It would protect him.
I couldn’t stay in this bunk anymore. I jumped out earning surprised looks from the guys making my heart shatter. I ran and hugged Aaron he returned it semi confused. I then hugged Phil and then Tino. It was getting harder to swallow the lump in my throat. I looked at Alan before hugging him. I needed to remember his face. I buried my head into his chest not daring to cry. He hugged me back just as tightly.
I couldn’t help the feelings for him anymore. Maybe it is a good thing that I am leaving. “Everything okay?” He whispered. I only nodded because if I spoke they would know that everything is not okay. I let go unwillingly and ran to Austin. He felt familiar with his hug; his hugs were so comforting it almost made me forget. Almost.
“Have fun today guys. Alan I am still expecting to get a tattoo with you today.” I smiled hopefully it didn’t look forced.
“I won’t cancel it then.” He gave me a real smile.
After that they left and I knew I would never see them again. After they shut the door I let the tears escape in a heart wrenching sob. I pulled myself together just barely to get ready. I pulled on my heart tights then pulled a pair of Hollister shorts over them. I pulled on my black bandeau then my deathly hallows shirt. I slipped my high tops onto my feet. I didn’t bother to put on makeup. I pulled my suitcase into the main area. I picked up discarded clothing that I was hoping were all mine and threw them into it.
I took the letters for each of the boys including the one for Alex and placed them on the table neatly. When I was finished the time read nine-fifty. I took a deep breath while picking up my suitcase. Quickly I went to were the cab was going to be not daring to look back even when I heard my name being frantically called from behind me. I threw my suitcase into the trunk of the cab then jumped into the back seat. The driver sped off and the last thing I saw was Alex standing there with the most confused and upset face I have ever seen with Austin right next to him. I closed my eyes and tried to block out any emotion I could.

Austin’s POV
The band and I were standing outside in the hot California air waiting to hear when we were going to be performing today. I hope it was later so I could go check up on Ari. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong leaving Ari all alone on the bus. I made my decision to go back to the bus to check up on her.
I told Tino to text me when the times come out. I walked to the bus in my own little world when I heard yelling. I looked up from the ground and saw Alex chasing after a girl with a suitcase. That girl was Ari.
No, that couldn’t be Ari; she wouldn’t leave not without saying goodbye.
I started running after them. But I was too late she got into the cab without a glance in our direction. The cab sped off. My sister was gone. I grabbed Alex’s arm tightly and turned him around. He had to know why she left. “Why did my sister leave?” I demanded to know the answer.
His eyes were wide. “I don’t know.”
“You have to fucking know! She never keeps anything from you!” I let go of him and pulled on the ends of my hair.
“She didn’t tell me.”
I yelled out in frustration at his words. Why didn’t he know? “Why did she leave?” I pleaded knowing all too well that he did not have an answer. Tears leaked from my eyes.
“Austin, I don’t know.”
“Austin? Alex?” Alan came jogging over to us.
“Ari is gone.” Alex muttered with pain in his voice.
“No she’s not.” Alan crossed his arms not believing Alex’s words.
“I just watched her leave.” My voice cracked. He didn’t answer instead he turned on his heel and ran in the direction of the buses. I followed with Alex on my heels. We reached the bus and Alan was clutching a piece of paper in his hands with an expression of agony on his face. I have never seen him more upset than he is now.
“Cancel the show I can’t play. I’m sorry.” He never ever cancels on fans. Before I got the chance to ask him why he was off the bus and was gone.
“Austin,” I looked at Alex and that was when I realized there were pieces of paper on the table with names written on them in Ari’s handwriting. Her razor was sitting on top of one of the letters. That letter had my name on it. I ripped the piece of paper off the table making the razor fall to the floor almost silently.
Dear Austin,
I really don’t know what to say… I didn’t want to leave without an explanation so I decided to write you. I just decided that I have to leave. I can’t stay here anymore. Just please don’t be mad. I need time to myself without having people hanging over my shoulder and watching my every move. I am eighteen I can look after myself. I have to go and considering we are in L.A. I chose this is the best time to leave.
Don’t be upset Austin, I promised not to hurt myself and I’m going to stick to that promise. Please just promise me you will not call or text. I will get a hold of you when I am ready. I need time to myself. I just don’t know what to do. All I know is that I need to leave. Promise me you won’t do anything reckless. I know how you get when you are angry or upset. I will tell you one thing I will be okay. I’m going to be staying with a friend and get a job or maybe pick up on my photography or maybe write. Who knows maybe I will become famous… But please don’t call.
I love you Aussie. I really do; I just need to go and I’m sorry. I couldn’t face you to say I am leaving. I would’ve stayed and trust me, I can’t stay here it’s not good for you or me. I’m leaving you my razor like I told you I would do. Please don’t give up on your dream just because I left. You continue touring with the band because that’s what I want you to do. If you give this up I promise you I won’t come back.
I’m so sorry. I will miss you. See you soon.
-Ariana
I lost it after I read her letter. I stormed off into the back of the bus to my bunk. I climbed into my bunk and quickly texted Tino to tell them I could not perform and to cancel. Then I sobbed into my pillow. She made it seem like she left because of me. I was too protective I made her leave. I wanted to call her but she told me not to and that’s what I will do.
I punched the side of my bunk with my hand. Now she was out in the world with that asshole Mason. What is he gets her? Who am I kidding Ariana will never go with him. Right?
Greif washed over me. I opened twitter.
Austin Carlile @austincarlie Just promise me you will be safe.

Notes

Ari's outfit- http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=115005797
Sorry this isn't the best chapter
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I want to tell you about American Dream Tour guys!
So i went on Wednesday and let me tell you it was the best day of my life!
During of mice and men i crowd surfed and Austin grabbed my hand and smiled at me and then i crowd surfed during bring me the horizon and oli high-fived me with his high five hand and he smiled at me. Let's just say this all feels like a dream and i want to go back D: but the crowd was completely amazing! i hope you all get to go to it! also this really cute guy saved me from getting stuck in a wall of death!
okay rant over ahh!