When we got to Justin’s house, we headed up to his room and hung out. Like Oli’s room he had a lot scattered everywhere, but it was mostly basses, guitar picks, clothes, and video game cases. We were lying on his bed just listening to music. We didn’t have to talk to hang out. We could be in silence listening to album after album and not get tired of it.

After three Like Moths to Flames albums, I decided to break the silence, as he got up to switch the CDs to At the Skylines. I sat up on the bed, still leaning on my shoulders, and spoke, “Why did you really not tell me that you were dating Willow?”

“Huh?” he turned around after popping the CD in.

“Why did you not tell me about you and Willow?” I asked again, “I don’t believe that whole you were ‘trying to make me feel comfortable with her’ deal."

“I, uh,” he began, “That was part of it.” He sat back down on the bed, beside me. “I wouldn’t want to date anyone you didn’t approve of.”

“Why would my opinion even matter?” I questioned him, “And why go to extreme lengths to keep it a secret from me?”

“ I wouldn’t call it extreme.”
“You got everyone to lie to me.”

“I didn’t want you to know because I thought you’d be upset and hate me.”

“Why would you even think that?!” I shot my arms up, in confusion and for emphasis.

“Do you remember when we first met,” he started, “how we used to talk about how much we liked each other and that maybe we could date in the future, but never did because it could hurt us?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “Kinda, I mean, it was a really long time ago, I didn’t think much of that” I chuckled trying to act like I didn’t remember and disguise the memories.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean, we were like 11 or 12, not much to remember.”

“Wow, well that kinda stings a little. I’ve never really had a permanent girlfriend because of those conversations. Which I thought that’s why your relationships always ended before a month,” he spat and got off the bed, walking towards the window.

“Um, are you mad?” I asked silently.

“Yeah, sort of,” he said, almost in a shouting manner, but not loud enough to actually be a shout. He turned back around to face me. “I mean, this means I wasted a lot of time on nothing. I read everything wrong and for what? For you to think this is all a joke?”

“I never said it was a joke,” I snapped back, getting off the bed. “You should’ve just told me how you felt from the get go!”

“So that I could be to blame for ruining our friendship?” he took a few steps towards me.

“So that we could talk about it, or do something!” I took a few steps towards him.

“Like what?!” He took a few more.

“Like this!!” I closed the gap and kissed him. We were messy and sloppy, but passionate and strong. We stayed in that kiss for a few good minutes before pulling back and staring at each other intently and confused. “I’ve wanted to do that again for a really long time…” The first time we had shared a kiss was when we decided we were going to lose our virginity to each other. That tied the knot to our friendship. He had been the only guy I had ever slept with, and as far as I knew, I was the only girl he had slept with. A few days ago, I was so angry, I wanted to sleep with Oli. I was so glad I didn’t.

“Me, too.” He responded and kissed me again. This time it was slow, nice, careful, but still passionate and strong. He pulled away, “Where does this leave us? I mean, it’s not like this hasn’t happened before. It was just under different circumstances.”

“I don’t know where this leaves us, but what I do know is that whenever I see you with any other girls, I just want to die,” I whispered.

“I feel the same when I see you with anyone else that isn’t me,” he whispered back. “Seeing you with Trey was terrible, but seeing you with Oli these past few days and the way you acted around him, just standing next to him when it should have been me... It was eating me alive. I haven’t had a decent night of sleep since it happened, which I only have myself to blame for. I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I screwed up.”

“It’s okay, I forgive you,” I replied and we shared another small kiss. “Can we just go to bed? The faster I fall asleep and wake up, the sooner I’ll have a confirmation that this isn’t a dream.”

He chuckled and let me crawl into bed, “Here, you might want to change out of that.” He handed me a pair of his boxers and his JAWS t-shirt. I slipped out of my dress and put his clothes on. They smelled like him and it was nice. I climbed into his bed, fluffed the pillow, and waited for him to join me. He changed out of his suit and into one of his band t-shirts, as I text Liam I’d be staying at Justin’s. He turned off the lights, climbed into bed with me and we cuddled.

Sleeping in the same bed and cuddling wasn’t new to us. We used to have sleepovers all the time so this was a frequent and old thing, but tonight it felt different. It felt right. Not that it didn’t before, but before tonight, it had never felt as safe. Before, there was always the possibility of losing him. Tonight I knew he was mine for good. “Please don’t leave if you wake up before me,” he whispered.

I hugged him tighter, “I promise I’ll still be here when the sun comes up.” The rest of the night we stayed up late cuddling, listening to more music, and talking about everything and anything until we fell asleep.