I'm a Monster

I placed the baby monitor on the coffee table in front of me and grabbed my MacBook, settling into the couch cushions. It had been a few days since Austin and I had spoken and I was starting to get to my wit’s end with him. I could feel another of our infamous blow outs coming just around the corner.

I looked up some local schools, happily thinking of the future I’d be able to create for me and Ev…and Austin. That is if he wanted it. I jotted down a few important dates and glanced at some majors and minors, one school really stood out to me compared to a few of the others I was looking at.

A knock sounded on the front door and I yelled, “Come in!” over my shoulder.

A moment later, a pair of tattooed arms snacked around my shoulders and a kiss was placed on my cheek.

“Look what the cat dragged in…” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Austin chuckled against my cheek neck, his breath warm.

“Haven’t seen or heard from you in days…” I sighed keeping my attention on my laptop.

“I know babe, I know. I’ve just been busy with the realtor and stuff…”

“Oh…” I mumbled.

“Mhmmm….” He said still trying to place kisses up and down my neck which I was doing my best to ignore.

He stopped after a moment, his head perfectly still next to mine. “UCLA?”

“Mhmmm…”

“Why are you looking at that?”

“What do you mean?” I asked playing stupid.

“Well…Rae….” He said standing up and coming around the couch to stand in front of me. His hands on top of his head. “Are you considering going to school?”

“Possibly…is that a bad thing?”

“What about Ev?”

“What about her?”

“Who’s going to watch her?”

“Well Austin….she has does have you as well. I’m not her sole caretaker even though you like to pretend I am.”

“Raegan. I spend most of the year on tour.” He said with a hint of anger in his voice.

“Well, when you’re home you can’t take care of your child?”

“Of course I can but-“

“Then I suggest you start. You’ve been home for quite a few weeks.”

I didn’t look up at him once as I spoke to him.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Why are you acting all high and mighty, talking about going to school and acting like I’m a shit father?”

I shut my laptop and looked up at him. “High and mighty? Austin, I’m just looking into schools. Sorry, but I don’t want to sit around and do nothing all day.”

“Should have thought of that before you got pregnant.”

A slap in the face probably would have stung less than those words and I felt tears start to well up in my eyes.

“Leave.”

“Rae, wait….I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Leave, Ausitn. I don’t want you or need you here.”

“Raegan-“

“NO!” I yelled. “I’m not putting up with this fucking shit Austin. You can walk in and out of my life all you want but you’re NOT going to do that to her! If you don’t want to be with me that’s fine. But don’t you dare do that to Everly.”

“Raegan….babe…I-“

“You what, Austin? What now?” I folded my arms across my chest. “Do you want to explain how before you left to record your album we were doing great? Do you want to explain how suddenly one day it seemed like you stopped caring about us? Do you want to explain what the fuck is going on in that big head of yours?”

A look of guilt washed over this features before he said, “Nothing changed, Rae.”

“Then why are you acting like it did? Why are you out partying all the time with your new friends? Why are you buying new apartments without telling me or not telling me when you book a tour? Why are you shitting on the fact I want to build a future for myself and for our child?”

“I-I’m sorry. Raegan, really I am. I didn’t come here to argue with you. I’m not trying to be a dick.”

“Well, you are.” I scoffed. “Please, leave.”

“Please, let me make it up to you?” He begged as I ushered him towards the door. “Please, Rae. Let me do something for you.”

He was towering over me in the doorway a small smirk playing on his face.

I pushed my hair back, crossing my arms. “How?”

As a smile spread across his face, my will power broke. I was never going to get over that fucking smile. “Okay, just come over tomorrow night. Okay? Bring Everly. Pack an overnight bag and I promise you, I’ll make everything good again and I’ll do whatever you need me to do, okay?”

“Whatever, Austin…” I said trying to stay angry.

“I love you.” He said staring into my eyes. “I love you, Raegan. I know I suck at saying that sometimes but I swear on everything that I love you. And I love Everly and I’m sorry for making both of you think I don’t.”

“Just be there for her Austin. That’s all I ask.” I said shaking my head. “I love you too. And I want to be with you….but I can live without you if I need to. Everly can’t. She needs her daddy.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Tomorrow. Okay?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, reaching to shut the door.

Austin swooped down and placed a kiss on my lips before I could. He gave me one last smirk before sauntering off down the hall towards the parking garage.

I shut the door and made my way back over to the couch wondering why I ever started talking to him in the first place and what tomorrow would truly bring.

Notes