Forgive Me- Part 1

Jaime's POV

It's been three months since I left Amelia in Australia and ninety percent of that time I've been wishing that I had gotten her to come with me there and then. In these three months we barely speak. I know I should have expected that, she has a very distant personality and can be separated from someone for a year without a single call. I on the other hand, cannot deal with it. For me it's starting to feel like she doesn't care; like I'm just another person who passed through her life. What if, when the six months is up and it's time for us to be together again she realises that she doesn't want me, that she doesn't need me the way that I have found that I need her? What will I do then?

Dammit! I should never have left her! I need her and I want her to need me too. But right now, I feel like that is never going to happen. She'll never need me.

I think back to the first night we met. She talked about how she really cared about Isaac but she didn't need him. What if I'm just another person who she cares about but doesn't need? What I just drain her like being around others does? What if she doesn't love me?

My stream of thoughts is suddenly broken. Love? When did love come onto the table? I stand up and walk over and pick up my acoustic guitar. I need to get my mind off this...

I begin to strum, just random notes, nothing in particular but suddenly a tune comes to mind. I play it out quickly before jumping up and grabbing a pen and paper, I can't forget this. I continue to build on the small tune that had resounded in my head. I built and built upon it, changing the melody here and there until it all flowed perfectly.

The thing I love about music is that even without lyrics, it still tells a story, you can FEEL the emotions, you can tell whether it's happy or sad, you don't need the lyric to define what is going on inside because more often than not, you cannot explain what you are trying to convey... Just then, that tune, it explains perfectly how I'm feeling, my loneliness, fearfulness, and regret. My love.

I write down all the chords and place them carefully into a draw. Maybe one day I'll come back and have the perfect lyrics to go with it, but right now, without the exact words I don't want to force it into something that it is not supposed to be.

I look at my phone longingly. I want to call her so much, I pick it up and put it back down once I see the time. It's 8pm here so it would be 3am there. Amelia would be fast asleep right now; who am I to wake her?

I walk to me bed and collapse on top of it. I chuckle slightly as I recall that every single time we entered Milly's apartment, the first thing she would do was collapse onto her bed. My heart aches as I think of her, why couldn't she be here right now?

Screw it. I stand up and walk to my phone. I need to talk to her. I need to hear her voice; I need to know that everything will be okay between us. I need reassurance. I enter Amelia's number and press call. She answers almost immediately.

"Jaime?" She sounded wide awake.

"Milly? Weren't you sleeping?"

"I couldn't sleep; I was just about to call you... I miss you Himes..." She sounded sad but my mind automatically eased as I heard her say she missed me.

"I miss you too Mil"

"Hey guess what?" She said

"What?"

"We're over halfway there!"

"I know, not thinking of backing out are you?"

"God no! I miss you and that's a huge thing for me, I'm not going to let you go that easily"

"Good. I'm just paranoid that you're going to change your mind; that you're going to realise that I'm not worth all the effort."

"You are definitely worth the effort. I've never met anyone more worth the effort."

"God I can't wait until you're here with me"

"That makes two of us, can you do me a favour?"

"Sure anything"

"Can you go apartment hunting for me? I'm not in San Diego and I know nothing about good areas or anything so I wouldn't know where to start"

"Screw that! You are staying with me"

"Jaime I couldn't do that"

"Why not? You forget to eat when you're on your own and I need someone to take care of the place while I'm on tour. It works perfectly" I hear her sigh on the other end

"We can talk about it later. I think I'm going to go to bed now, I just needed to hear your voice."

"Sleep well Mil"

"Goodnight Jaime"

Once we had hung up I felt completely relaxed. That was exactly what I needed, my mind is at ease and I feel stupid for the way I was freaking out earlier. She missed me, just like I missed her. I smile to myself and go to have a shower. The song that I played earlier completely wiped from my mind. Hopefully I will never even have to consider lyrics to match that tune.

Notes

So this is much more on the emotional side of things, a lot more time is spent in thought and talking about how insecure he is about Amelias feelings... I hope you guys enjoyed the touchy feely stuff! xox