One Moment

My hands were still shaking from what went down just moments ago with Syd. They were making it hard to unscrew the damned cap on this stupid bottle.

I brought my bottom lip up so I could bite on it and try to focus on opening my dad's pills and not dumping them everywhere.

I truly just wanted to curl up and cry, but I couldn't. Instead, I decided to actually put my family first for once and help out my dad who seemed to be triggered by the loud yelling and fighting. He's currently sitting at the kitchen table, mumbling about how they needed to go to his office. Austin was sitting next to him, trying to keep conversation to distract him.

I finally got the pills out of the right section of his daily container and quickly locked it close and went over to my dad with a glass of water. "Here," I said lightly, holding them both out to him, but he was too busy looking down at his fidgeting hands to take them.

With a sigh I set the water down on the table and crouched down in front of him, looking up to try and find his lost eyes. "Daddy, gotta take your pills now," I grabbed onto one of his hands and slowly dropped them one by one into his palm.

He was hesitant, trying to wrap his mind around whatever is going on in there, but eventually sat up to grab the water. "Good," I said, satisfied when he started to swallow each pill with the help of the water.

I stood back up, my face feeling strained when I tried to keep it from falling and myself from freaking out. I'm trying to think through and make sense of what just happened with Syd, and what's been happening, but I couldn't. All I can do is feel these raging emotions inside of me and each one is like a stab to the chest.

So currently I'm standing here, bleeding out, wondering what I could have done to make things better.

I have to make it better. I have to make Syd better. I have to make up for what I've done.. What I've caused.

Austin's hands reaching over and sliding into mine pulled me out of the thoughts I just drowned in. He took both of my shaky hands in his while turning me so I was standing in front of him as he looked up to me. His look was warm and made me remember I had him right here.

"I think I'm gona go try to talk to her again," I spoke lowly, quiet. I was afraid of my own voice that had just moments ago screamed viciously at my own sister.

He nodded, "I'll stay down here with your dad. Call if you need me, okay?"

"Okay," I mimicked his nod and watched as he gave me a weak smile.

He brushed his thumbs over my knuckles and then quickly leaned to place a kiss on my left hand before letting them go. I kept eye contact with him as I started shuffling away, towards the stairs, but then finally broke away when neither of us could no longer turn our heads and I had to start walking up the stairs just hoping everything would be okay.

I did the same as last time, getting to the top of the stairs and walking down two doors to the left. I hesitated as I lifted my hand up to knock, thinking the worst. I'm the worst. But then I also had one overwhelming thought. Fix this. Fix this. Fix this.

And with that in mind I let my knuckles come swiftly down onto Syd's door. I don't know what I expected, but I can say I wasn't too shocked when I got no response. I grew a little afraid of what she was doing, but then calmed when I heard music coming from inside.

This time I didn't knock again, just pushed the door open slowly, catching sight of Syd curled up on her bed, headphones in and blasting loud. Her back was to me so she didn't notice me come in and her music was definitely too loud to be able to hear me.

I stepped my way carefully over towards her bed and did the only thing I know how to do right; I sunk down onto the bed. When she felt this movement, she tugged her headphones out and turned the music off, peaking her head back to look at me. To my surprise, she didn't yell or scream or tell me to go away; she didn't do anything but let me lay down next to her and rap my arms around her.

It had been so long since I laid with Syd since we used to have 'sleepovers' all the time, but it felt so good to be able to have my sister in my embrace again.

We laid like this for a while, the hug speaking a lot of words for us both. But finally I had to speak the things on my mind to her. "I'm so sorry Syd," I whispered. "I never meant to yell at you like that. I shouldn't have."

Syd shifted so she was facing me, "I'm sorry too."

Her eyes were bright red and puffy and tear stained and it broke my heart. "I know I've been a bad sister, but I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Syd sniffled, "it's not your fault, I shouldn't have blamed you... It's just.. when I found out about you being pregnant and then what happened with Ian and Mark that I felt really guilty because you could have gotten hurt and you tried to reach out to me but I was a bitch and wouldn't even answer the phone," she was crying again, wiping at her eyes.

"Hey, look at me," I helped her move her head so her wet eyes were meeting mine. "Don't you feel guilty for one second. You had every reason to be mad at me, hate me even, but I'm here now and I'm okay. And you're going to be okay, too," I pulled her back in for a hug and let her cry into my shoulder. She sobbed and mumbled things that I couldn't really understand, but it was like she had so much stuff built up inside that she was nearly exploding into my arms like I had done so many times to Austin.

I could feel her pain flow from her tears into me, but at the same time I was so happy I could be here for her again.

When she finally calmed down she was just hiccuping and shaking. "How long have you been doing it?" I ask softly, looking down to her wrists.

"I-It's been on a-and off," she stuttered, toying with her sleeves. "I stopped for a while but some nights when dad gets bad and mom gets.. ya know... it's hard.."

"I know," I whispered while nodding in understanding.

"I haven't done it in a while, but seeing you again and hearing all the crap I wasn't there for... It was too much," she sniffled. "But I shouldn't have. I'm so stupid. So so stupid."

"You're not stupid at all, Syd. Just promise me you'll never do it again. And if you ever want to you talk to me because I'm always going to be here. You're never going to get rid of me, okay?"

She hiccuped, but nodded. "O-Okay. I promise."

"And I'm gona call or text you everyday, okay? I'll come visit as much as I can, especially with the baby, but I still have to finish tour and living in California with Austin isn't gona make it that much easier. But I love you; you're my baby sister and I'm always gona be here for you."

"I love you too, Hazel," she sent me a small smile and once again we were bringing the other in for a hug, relishing in the embrace. "Wait," she said, breaking away from the hug. "Did you say you were living with Austin?"

I smiled a bit, hand mindlessly going to rub my little belly. "Yeah. We're living together."

Syd's eyes followed my hand down and grinned when she remembered the baby inside of me. "Are you showing?" She asked, eyes glowing with interest.

"Barely."

Her hand still went to my stomach as well, softly smiling at Jelly Bean inside. "You're gona be a mom," she whispered unbelievingly to herself, then looked up to meet my eyes, realization crossing them. "And I'm gona be an Aunt!" She cheered, making me laugh. "This is so awesome!"

I smiled in agreement.

"Do you think it will be a boy or a girl? What are you going to name it? Oh my God, you're a mom! You're gona be a mom!" She babbled on, but then lunged at me for another hug. I was still smiling, her excitement rubbing off a bit on me. I was glad she seemed to be perking up, too. "Austin's the dad, right?" She leaned back, skeptically looking at me to make sure.

I nodded, watching her face light up even more. "He loves you."

I smiled. "I know."

"And you love him. I can see it in your mushy little eyes," she teased, pointing a finger at me. "Which is good because Austin is cool."

I quirked an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Yep," she popped her 'p' proudly.

I laughed this time, nodding while I did. "Yeah, he's pretty cool."


___*Austin's p.o.v.*___


I watched as Hazel slowly made her way up the staircase. I'm worried about her. I mean, we both knew the possible consequences of coming back to visit her family, but she really didn't need this right now. I'm just starting to get her better.

With a light sigh, I turned back to face her dad who was finishing the glass of water Hazel brought over for him to take his pills with. He's a nice man, dressed in a simple sweater and plain jeans that were both too baggy on him. He was bald and had glasses on, but still resembled Hazel greatly.

The first time I saw him I noticed how unhealthy and sickly he looked, but it didn't take me long to remember why.

He huffed as he set his glass down on the table, shortly after he started to push himself up from the seat. I did the same, now standing next to him. I'm not sure what it's like to live with someone with Schizophrenia, but after I've seen at least a little of what it can be like, I don't want to leave him alone. I'll at least do this for Hazel.

He chuckled a little bit when he saw me then started to walk past me, lifting his hand up and signaling my to follow. "C'mon, son."

I wondered where he was leading me to, but did as he said and followed him, curious. He walked past the staircase, turning down a hallway that was behind it, paintings littering the walls that were painted with a cream color. It isn't hard to tell that this house is old, Hazel said they refuse to move to some place better, but it is still very unique and stylish. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it reminds me of Hazel. I can see her here as a child, or even growing up. It matches her personality.

When we got to the end of the hallway, he turned into a room that had it's door wide open. I followed him inside, eyes immediately going to inspect the place. The walls were a darker cream, but since the only light inside was a small table lamp, it was hard to tell. The hard wood floor was also a dark brown, but there was so many stacks of books and papers and folders and random boxes that I'm not sure it even mattered what type of floor was in here.
Besides all that stuff, all that was really in here was a large desk and a swivel chair. The desk had more papers scattered all over it, but as I got closer, I realized they were his drawings. And holy shit they weren't kidding when they said he could draw.

"Austin," Hazel's dad said my full name with such seriousness in his voice that I had to gulp down the nervousness rising up inside me. Maybe he was only pretending to like me in front of Hazel... Even if he did seem pretty genuine. "Take a seat."

He had pointed to a stool that I hadn't even noticed because of all the stacks of papers around it as he sat in his swivel chair. The place was messy, but it seemed that he knew exactly where everything is.

I stepped over to the stool and sat in it, my legs being so long that I had to bend them so my knees were high up.

It was quite for a while, Hazel's dad studying me as he leaned back in his chair, seeming to be in the right frame of mind again. I wasn't sure if I should say something, or maybe make eye contact? Wow. He's nerve wracking.

"Did you ever want kids, Austin?" He asks, breaking the awkward silence.

"Uhm," I cleared my throat, sitting up a bit. "Yeah, uh yes, I've always wanted a ton," I smiled at the idea of finally being able to start a family. With Hazel.

He nodded slowly, trying to remain intimidating and serious-which was working very well- but then his face broke out into a smile. "You're a good kid, Austin," he said, sitting up now. "And you're good to Hazel, which is even better."

I nodded, chuckling a bit.

"Props to you for putting up with her; she's always been a bundle of crazy," he laughed. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding," he waved his hand out in front of him, making me laugh too now. He calmed down and let out a long, content sigh, falling back into his chair. He swiveled around a bit until he was facing his desk and could easily reach over to open a drawer.

I watched curiously as he started digging through all the papers in it, eventually pulling out a small photo. I wasn't sure what it was, but the way he looked at it made it seem like it was important.

He rolled his chair back over to me, holding the photo out for me to grab. I looked at him to be sure he wanted me to grab it, then down to the photo as I reached out for it. As I inspected it, I noticed the curved edges that were worn, along with the color of the photo that had faded over time. But most of all I noticed the couple standing happily in the frame of the old fashioned photo.

"Is this you and your wife?" I ask, raising my eyebrow to him.

He wasn't looking at me, but at the wall next to the one my back was to. He seemed to being reminiscing, maybe thinking hard about something. "No," he said simply, which confused me. Who was it? Why was he showing it to me?

"Is this you?" I now ask, noticing the young man in the photo had features that resembled him.

This time he nods slowly, confusing me completely. "The girl," he starts. "Her name was Lily.."
I could hear the emotion in his voice when he said her name and suddenly I was interested. "She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life.. Everything about her was just... beautiful."

I looked back down to the photo in my hand. He had been looking straight down at her as if he was admiring her while she smiled to the camera. His arm was around her waist, holding her close to him. I could see how much he didn't want to let her go. I wonder why he did.

"She was a piece of work, I'll tell you that," he chuckled lightly. "But I'd take any job that had anything to do with her. No matter what."

"You loved her," I stated more than asked, receiving a nod from him. I knew exactly what he meant by those words.

"More than anything. And the best part is she loved me back."

"What..." I was unsure of which question to ask. "What happened? If you don't mind me asking."

He now sighed, sitting up in his chair and leaning over so he could rest his elbows on his knees. He pointed at the photo, shaking his head a bit. "We were inseparable. Sure, we had our problems, but we always could fix them. We were stupid and in love... all that good stuff."

I watched him intently, curious to how the story would end and why he was telling it to me.

"Then she got sick."

Oh hell.

"Cancer," his eyes fell to the floor. "At first it was small, they said it was removable... Said she would be fine. But then she wasn't. They couldn't get it all so it got worse and worse and worse. Then we found out she was pregnant."

I felt a twinge in my heart when I heard the sadness in his sigh.

"The baby didn't make it and it broke Lily completely. Worse than the cancer did," he shook his head. "But then of course, the cancer got worse, too. She didn't have the will to fight anymore and I was such an idiot that I got mad at her. That I kept fighting with her and letting her pick fights with me when she was obviously in no shape to be working that hard." His eyes were swimming in sadness and guilt as he opened his mouth to try and finish his last sentence. "Then she.. gave up. Simple as that. She was gone. Poof. Nothing. Left me to basically drink my way through the next ten years of my life until I met Hazel's mother," he now sat back up, trying to shrug the harsh story off.

"I-I... Wow. I'm sorry," I said, stumbling over the sadness I had for him.

"The point is," he started back up again. "I let Lily go. I was an idiot and didn't take care of her or stick by her side because I was a stupid, scared kid," shaking his head, he now rolled closer to me so he could look into my eyes. "I might be crazy and out of my mind, but I'm not blind. I can see the way you look at Hazel and the way she looks right back at you. I know love when I see it and I also know my daughter. She loves you."

"I love her, Sir."

He smiled at how quickly I said that, standing up out of his chair after. He went back over to the same drawer he pulled the picture out of, but this time after a lot of searching, he pulled out out something a lot bigger. When he came back over to me I noticed the golden chain dangling out of his hand. "Lily gave this to me on our anniversary, a month before she got diagnosed."

He slid his hand into mine and I felt the coolness of the object be transferred onto my palm. But once it was in my hand, he didn't let go, just met my eyes again. "Don't let her go, Austin. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

I was a little taken aback by how his words hit me. Not because they scared me, but because afraid of making a mistake with Hazel. I know I never want to let her go, but I've messed up before, haven't I?

Mr. Hendrix had turned to walk away from me and was about to walk out of the room in all of the time it took me to snap out of my thoughts and look at what was in my hand. It was a golden pocket watch that had roman numerals for numbers and glimmered under the small light. It was amazing and made my head spin when I realized this was his version of a blessing. Holy shit.

"Oh and Austin," Mr. Hendrix stopped to turn around to face me again, catching my attention. "I'm not getting any younger or anymore sane and one day I might not be here anymore," he started, his seriousness catching up to me. "...Just promise me you'll take care of my baby girl."

"Of course.. I... Always, Sir," I stuttered, trying to express to him that everything would be okay.

He smiled, relief watching over him. "Call me Tom."

I returned his smile, nodding as I followed him out of the office, excited to go see Hazel again.

Notes

only a couple of chapters left possibly? Whaaaaats gona happen??

I feel shitty about this chapter but watchu gona do? Idk

Hope you all are having a fine weekend and that you continue to have a finer(?) one! I'm going to see these lovely boys, Of Mice and Men, again in like two weeks and I'm super excited. Any of you going to Rock on The Range??? :)

EnjoY:) Let me know what you think!