One Moment

"Hazel, baby, wake up. We're here," Austin placed a hand on my shoulder while his fingers brushed back hair that had fallen onto my face, summoning me from my nap.

I groaned, snuggling up into the blanket and curling further into a ball against the seat. I wish I could sleep past the part where I actually have to go see my family. "Noo," I whined, making Austin chuckle.

"Come on, sleepy head," he kissed my forehead before grabbing his phone and the keys, then opening the door and sliding out. I huffed to myself, using all my will to push the blanket of my body and sit up.

I rubbed my tired eyes as Austin grabbed our stuff from the bag and then looked up to see my house out of the window. Just the sight of it had nerves tickling my stomach. I haven't been here in... what seems like forever. But suddenly when I see the faded white door, or the step below it that I used to sit on as a kid, or the crack in the pavement that I'd always get the tire of my bike stuck in, or the garage door that had a dent in it from when my brother was teaching me to drive and I drove into it, or even the mailbox that had paint rusting off of it, It was like I have been gone no time at all. I was home. I can see my dad again. I can see my sister. I don't even care if she hates me or if my mom's home. I just want to see them.

Pushing myself out of the car, I can't even recall if I shut the door or not before I took off towards my house.

When I got to the screen door I yanked it back and with a heavy breath, I knocked hard and fast on the wooden one. While I waited for someone to answer my heart thumped fast in my chest and I looked down at the step I was standing on. This is where I used to sit all afternoon and wait for my brother to get home from school and then eventually where Syd sat to wait for me or where I'd help her do her hair before school. Oh my God I miss her.

I heard someone's hand latch around the door knob and start to pull it back. My head snapped up and my rapidly thumping heart got stuck in my throat when I was greeted with my sister's face. Her dirty blonde hair was tugged back into a pony tail and I was shocked to see her wearing one of my old sweatshirts I left behind. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes while hers widened in shock.

She was frozen and I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out besides tears. I even tried to speak with my hands, but that wasn't helping so instead I did the one thing my body couldn't hold back from doing anymore; nearly tackling her in a hug.

She was hesitant to hug back, hell, she had every reason to be unsure, but my heart melted when she wrapped her arms around me to hug back and even cried a bit with me. It felt so good to have my baby sister in my arms, even if we were crying messes.

"Oh my God," I breathe, shaking my head in disbelief that my sister is hugging me. That I'm actually here.

"W-What are you doing here?" She asks, her voice innocent and sweet as she leans back to wipe at her eyes.

I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could get anything else out, a figure is rounding the corner behind Syd. "What's going on?"

"Daddy!" I cry out, running over to tackle him in a hug.

"Hazel?" His face lights up, accepting my hug with open arms. "Oh my goodness it is so good to see you," he says as he squeezes me tight to him. I laughed through my light tears, my arms locked around his back.

"It's good to see you too, Daddy," I sniff, breaking away from him. I take in his features, noticing that not only has his face, but also his body has slimmed down a lot. He has more bags under his eyes than normal and I can see a lost type of look in them.

He was still smiling at me, showing his crooked teeth. "Daddy, there's someone I want you to meet," I say while turning my head to look back over my shoulder to see Austin leaning against the doorway, smiling at the reunion.

"This is Austin," I signal to Austin as I walk over to him, leading my Dad. "My boyfriend and.. uh," I debated if now was the best time to tell him I'm pregnant, looking to Austin for help. Austin smiled and shrugged, quirking an eyebrow at me as if to say 'why wait?'

"'And uh', what?" My Dad asked, getting that protective, someone scolding tone in his voice.

"Daddy... I'm.. uh... I'm pregnant," I bit my lip hard, afraid of what their reactions might be.

I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut and not see, but I still peaked over at my sister to see her jaw dropped slack. "You.. He.." My Dad stuttered, pointing to me, then to Austin. We both nodded.

"Well what are you doing standing there, son?" He asked, walking over to Austin. "Come here!" A weight was lifted off my, and probably Austin's, shoulders when my Dad wrapped Austin up into a big hug.

Austin laughed, relieved, as he hugged back. "My baby girl is having a baby girl!" My Dad exclaimed as he broke away from Austin, only to scoop me up again in a hug. "This is so exciting!"

We all laughed, but I didn't fail to notice the fake-ness in Syd's. She had a strain in her smile and I couldn't help but worry.

*
"You're mother isn't home, she went out for a movie with one of her friends, so she won't be back for a while," My Dad says as we follow him into the kitchen. A breath of relief flows out of my mouth, knowing I can put off seeing my mother for a little while.

I nod while turning my head, seeing that Austin's eyes are bouncing around from wall to wall, taking in the place. Me on the other hand, I was just remembering what everything looked like.

There were some minor changes, but basically everything was the same. The furniture was just as I remembered, wooden and creaky. And the floors were still the plain, dark, hardwood. "So that means she can't complain when I order pizza," my Dad chuckles, walking to the phone.

He dials a number that he must have memorized and then let's it ring. While he's doing this, I walk over to the glass door that overlooks the small patio and backyard. I remember standing here so many other times, looking out at this same scenery that would change with the seasons. I remember running around outside on the grass that was long and would itch my ankles. I even remember what it was like to trip and get mud stains on my knees.

"Okay, Bill say's the pizza will be here in five," My Dad says as he backs away from the phone.

Syd scoffs as she moves to the cabinets to grab plates, "Dad and him are on first name basis since he calls every time. We are their favorite customers."

Syd's statement has me wondering how often they are forced to order pizza because either my mom is not here or they didn't have time to get groceries or cook. It happened a lot when I was here before, mostly because when my dad got bad we barely even thought about dinner.

My Dad chuckles and moves to sit on one of the kitchen chairs, slumping over in a weird position. I watch him for a while, really trying to gather how he's doing. Last time I heard from him his Schizophrenia was getting worse, and I don't think it's gotten better since. He looks tired. Really, really tired. Like he hasn't slept in.. days.

I sigh to try and not think about it right now, turning to go help Syd get the dishes down. "I'll help," I say as I come over, about to reach for the cupboard until a long laky figure stepped in front of me.

"Ah ah ah, you go sit. Let me help," Austin says, guiding me backwards to the table.

"But-"

"No buts. No what's. No coconuts," he says with a playful smile and I snort a laugh at how ridiculous he is, but let him guide me back to a seat at the table. I don't argue as he backs away to go help my sister grab dishes to set the table because one: the cupboards are up really high and it's too much work for a pregnant lady, and two: he started chatting with Syd and made her smile.

Hearing my dad mumbling a bit, I turn my head to see him, scratching his head and talking lowly to himself. Or he could be talking to the voices, you never know. "Daddy?" I get his attention. "How've you been?" I ask the question in general, but am also trying to keep his mind occupied and away from the voices.

"I've been real good," he sits up, folding his hands together. The bags under his eyes and the shredded weight tell a different story. But I still nod, not wanting to get him worked up. "Hows your drawing going?" My Dad is one of the most artistic, talented people I know. He is a fabulous drawer and I swear he could be famous. But he never pursued his art as a career because of lack of money before and then he had kids, so it fell apart. But sometimes he still draws and I know he loves it. It calms his head.

"Real good," he smiles, his crooked teeth showing through. "I'm working on a piece right now. Not quite sure what it's gona be, but that's the fun part."

He seemed truly happy about it and that makes me happy. "That's awesome. I still think you should sell them."

"Sell what?" Syd asks in as she and Austin come over to start setting the table. Austin smiles down and sticks his tongue out at me when he puts a plate in front of me.

"My drawings," my Dad said.

Syd sent him an encouraging smile, but when he looked away she turned and gave me a look that I knew exactly what it meant. When Dad gets bad, his drawings are affected by it. They are still absolutely amazing, but they become really dark and creepy. Or just something no one needs to by, like an image of someone killing themselves.

Yeah. Great, I know.

"You're an artist?" Austin asks with a quirked eyebrow as he sets his last plate down on the table.

"Eh, it's just a hobby," my Dad shrugs.

"Yeah, sure it is," Syd laughs, knowing just as well as I do that he's more than amazing.

Austin chuckles a little, but then is cut off by the ringing of the door bell. Syd moves to go get it, but he holds his hand out and reassures us he'll get it before running off towards to the door.

My Dad turned to me and raised an eyebrow, surprised at how kind Austin was being. The only other boyfriend of mine he's met was... You Know Who.. and he was a dick. But Austin is a sweetheart and I know they both love him. Who wouldn't?

Austin came back in only a minute later with a smile and two boxes of pizza, sliding them on the table. "Dinner is served," he speaks comfortably. I'm glad he's comfortable around my family, hopefully that makes dealing with my mom easier.

Austin sat down in the chair that was right next to mine and across the table from the two seats my sister and my dad sat at. He immediately put his hand on my knee under the table and rubbed it real quickly before pulling it away to help open the box of pizza.

"So, Hazel," my dad starts once everybody has their piece of pizza. "What have you been up to, hon?"

Remember that it has been a year since I've been home, so I truly had no idea where to start. "Uh, well," I swallowed the bite I had in my mouth. "I've done a lot with the band.. We released a new album in December last year so we've been doing a lot with that."

He nods, "hows Sam and them?"

I gulped a little bit, the drama with my band stinging my head. "He's good... They're good."

"And Austin, you're on the same tour Hazel is this summer, is that right?" My dad was asking all the questions. Syd was just silent as he picked at her food, head low.

Austin nods and flashes me a quick smile. Thank God he was or we would have never happened.

"How's that going?"

"Really great," Austin grins. "I've been to Warped a thousand times it feels like, but it's always new and exciting each time. I love it."

"It's good to have passion like that. Very good. Unlike what's his name?.." My dad trailed off and I was very afraid of who he was going to bring up.

Even Syd peeked up at him, "Dad.." she warned, begging him to not bring it up. But the thing about Schizophrenia is that you really have no control over your own head. It's like you lose the filter of what is right and wrong, so my Dad doesn't really get the fact that it's bad to bring up possible the sorest subject in my life.

"Mark. That's his name. Mark," my dad figured out and I'm pretty sure everyone at the table cringed. I just took a deep breath, composing myself. "Yeah, he was a pain in the ass. So was his brother. Have you heard anything from them?"

An awkward silence was painfully lingering around the table, everyone knowing that it wasn't a subject your bring up. Besides my dad, that is. He doesn't know better.

"I... uhm..." I stutter, feeling that bad urge inside of me.

Austin's hand slides under the table to rest on my knee again for comfort.

"You have?" Syd now finally speaks up, sounding almost guilty.

"I mean..." I was having a hard time putting sentences together because my brain was too busy tripping over the bad thoughts of what happened, but thankfully Austin helped me out.

"We ran into Ian this summer," he states, running his thumb over the skin of my knee.

"Did.. Did something happen?" Syd asks.

"Yeah," Austin looks down to me. He knows I don't want to talk about it but I also don't want to lie to my sister and dad. I gave Austin a look that it was okay for him to tell them while I slid my hand down to rest on top of his. "Well, Ian thought it would be a good idea to take Hazel for a ride, unwillingly, to see.. uhm... Mark," Austin spit the last part out awkwardly but fast, knowing I didn't want to hear it.

Paleness washed over Syd's face, matching the color of my own. But she stayed perfectly quiet.

"And... yeah... he, uh-"

"Mark's dead," I state, voice numb of emotion. "He's dead. It's my fault. We can all move on now."

And with that I pick my pizza back up and rip off a bite with my teeth. Silence lingers, everybody a little shocked and filled with regret for bringing it up. Austin's hand still brushed my knee soothingly and my dad had leaned back in his chair, putting a hand over his chin.

I thought about saying something else to change the subject and cut the quietness, but then suddenly, Syd scoots back in her chair and makes a quick movement to shoot up and storm out of the kitchen, running up the stairs.

We all look at each other, wondering what that was about, but then I let my head turn to look over my shoulder at the staircase she just ran up. I was worried about her.

Setting down my pizza, I cleared my throat. "I'm gona go talk to her."

I gave Austin's hand a squeeze before now pushing my chair back too and shuffling out of the kitchen. I know Austin will be alright there with my dad, but I'm not sure how my sister will be with me. I'm hoping for some sister bonding time, truly. I've missed her.

As I got to the top and walked down the hallway, it was like every other time I had done this, going to the second door on the left and knocking on it. "Syd?" I ask, worry in my voice as I listen to hear her through the door, but getting nothing. "Syd, are you in here?"

Again, no response. I can't even hear her moving around. Not liking that, I reach for her door knob, slowly pushing her door open and peeking my head in. "Syd?" I ask again softly, but notice she's not even in here. I do notice the poster on her wall, though, and it makes me smile. It's a Darkened Moon poster.

A loud thump coming from the bathroom catches my attention and I quickly cross the hall to that door. "Sydney?" I knock lightly, this time hearing her shuffling around. I also hear sniffling and then a loud crash when something must have gotten knocked over.

"Don't... Don't come in. I'm..."

"Syd, what's wrong? I'm coming in," ignoring her requests, I start to push the door open, knowing all too well that something is wrong.

When I open the door, I freeze in shock at what I'm seeing. She scrambles to shove things back into a small bag that fell while at the same time tries to tug down her sleeves. But I don't fail to notice neither the razor blade she's trying to hide or the cuts she's trying to cover. "Syd, what the hell are you doing?" I ask frantically, my heart literally feeling like it broke in two at what I saw.

I shove my way into the bathroom and grab onto her arm, pushing her sleeve up, ignoring her protests. My heart aches and eyes fill once again with tears when I see not only new, bright red cuts going down her arm, but also old, white scars. A thousand ways to blame myself rush into my head, anger sprouting. Not anger at her, anger at me.

She rips her arm away violently and shoves her sleeve back down. "Get out!"

And that's where I snap. It's all too much. My baby sister.

"Are you crazy?!" I yell back. "Why are you doing this?!" I point to her arm.

"Just get out!"

"No! Do you realize what you're doing?!" I ask loudly, struggling to grasp onto the idea.

"I realize just fine!" She yells back, getting somewhat defensive.

"Then fucking stop! You're going to kill yourself!"

"Maybe that's what I want!" She screams, her words like knives. For a minute, I'm silent, just huffing, not believing what she said. It hurt too much. Why was she doing this?

"Don't you fucking say that," I growl.

"Why?! What do you care?!" She's loud again.

"WHAT DO I CARE?!" I scream.

"Yeah! Why are you all of the sudden now here?!" She's crying. I'm crying. "You never were before!"

This hits me hard, making me stumble back a bit. More anger rushes up at myself, guilt pumping in every vein, but I still take it out on her. "I was always ready to be here for you! Especially if you were doing this! But you kept pushing me away!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT LEFT!" She screamed, face turning red. "Over and over again!"

"I couldn't stay here forever! I had to live my life!" I exclaim, feeling heat rise in my body. I wanted to explain myself to her, but also wanted to make myself feel better.

"Oh, it's always about you! Maybe you should stop and fucking think about other people!" She yells, screams, swears. I can say that I have never heard my baby sister swear like this. We were both loud, igniting the house with our yells. I even hear rushed footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Don't you DARE say that! I thought about you EVERY DAY! But it was ALWAYS my fault! I ALWAYS got the blame!" I scream.

"Like HELL YOU DID! YOU LEFT ME HERE! TO DO THIS!" She points to her wrist and might as well have stabbed me in the heart.

"WHAT?! DID YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE UNTIL I'M FOURTY AND ALONE AND HAVE NO LIFE OR FUTURE?! WHAT DID YOU WANT?!"

"I WANTED MY SISTER! BUT I GUESS THAT'S TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!" She screams and I know exactly what she means because I've felt that same thing. But this time, I'm the one who caused her need.

"IT IS WHEN YOU KEEP FUCKING IGNORING ME!"

"Girls," my Dad who had ran up the stairs with Austin, tried to interject, worried.

"OR HOW ABOUT WHEN YOU FUCKING LEAVE ME AGAIN FOR SOME GUY?!"

Both Austin and my Dad are moving into the bathroom, unsure of what to do when they see us both fuming and crying. Austin moves so he is at my side, placing a hand on my back and trying to get me to calm down. "Haze.."

"YOU CAUSED THIS!" Syd continues, getting in my face. "MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A SHIT SISTER NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!" And with that, she shoves past me and Dad, running to her room and slamming the door shut.

I'm left staring at the spot she was just standing in, dumfounded and hurt as all hell. I wanted to sink into these tiles and let people step on me for the rest of my life because that's what I deserve. I want to curl up and go numb again because that's what I deserve. Because it be better if I-

"Hey," Austin steps in front of me, cupping my face in his hands. "Stay with me here. No tentacles," he says, not allowing me to even think about going numb.

"What have I done?" I mumble over and over again as I lean against Austin's chest, burying my throbbing head in it.

"Shh," Austin hums down to me, brushing a hand down my hair. I do what he says and will myself to quiet down, noticing that my Dad was being way too quiet now too.

I peek up from Austin's chest, looking to see my Dad leaning against the counter and mumbling something to himself.. Or the voices.. "Daddy?" I asked, getting his attention.

His head snaps up and I can tell he's fighting to shake off the bad things in his head. Schizophrenia can be tough on him. "Just let her cool down, okay? You too," he says, giving off a weak smile.

I nod, worried about my sister and worried about him. I'm always worried when I'm with this family. "You feeling alright?"

"Yeah," he shakes his head. "Some reunion, eh?"

Notes

Sooo yay new chapter

I THINK THERE IS ONLY GOING TO BE LIKE TWO MAYBE THREE CHAPTERS LEFT BEFORE THE SEQUEL!!! Any predictions? Requests?

What do you think about Hazel's family? Syd hurting herself? Her Dad's schizophrenia? What do you think will happen with her mom? With Syd?

Please please please let me know what you think! I like to know what you guys like and what I can do better!:) Enjoy!