3:00 a.m.: The nightmares got the best of my sleep. I woke up screaming... Austin shot up and calmed me down like he had earlier until we both fell back asleep.

4:00 a.m.: I was restless and ended up kneeing Austin in the crotch on accident in my sleep because I was 'running away from someone'. We were both now awake, me apologizing like crazy.

4:30 a.m.: Neither of us could get back to sleep so I asked Austin to tell me a 'bedtime story', preferably about himself... I never knew that I needed to know how in the fourth grade he gave himself a black eye when running to the bathroom to not pee his pants, only to end up slipping and hitting his head on the toilet bowl...

5:00 a.m.: There was a slight glow in the bus, letting us know morning was here. Austin and I decided to go watch the sun rise since we were both already wide awake.

"Here, give me your hand," Austin said lightly as I struggled to climb up the ladder to the top of the bus. I was feeling exceptionally weak, either because the lack of sleep and food, or just because of my bad mental stability.

I slid my hand into the one Austin was holding down to me, allowing him to help pull me up. Once I joined him up there, we got situated; laying down and covering ourselves with the blanket Austin brought up here. We then looked up at the sky that was starting to turn a pink-ish orange.

"It's beautiful," Austin whispered, pulling me so I was tucked into his side. I rested my head on his chest, but didn't respond. I haven't talked much lately, only a few mumbles here and there. I was just too lost inside my head of downward spiraling thoughts.

But I could agree that it was beautiful. The sun rising gave off peace and serenity to my darkened soul.
For some reason I find strength in the sun, metaphorically.. It falls every day to be replaced by darkness, but still manages to push it's self back up and glow the next day.

But it was also the moment that was beautiful.
Austin didn't ask me about what happened, or bug me about getting healthier, he just laid with me. It was peaceful and relaxing and I felt like I was connecting with him as we watched the sun push it's self up. I was very thankful to have Austin here, right now. He knows what and how to make me better.

"Tell me a story about you," Austin said while brushing his fingers through my hair. I craned my neck back to look at him, raising an eyebrow. "About your childhood, or just something about you.. Something I don't know," he smiled down at me.

I was unsure why he would really care, but since he did, I bit my lip and nodded while laying my head back down normally, thinking about what to tell him. "Uh," I started, raking through old memories, but then realizing none of them would really be as interesting of some of the ones he's told me. "Are you sure?" I asked, looking back up to him.

"Am I sure that I want to hear more about your life?" He chuckled. "Yes, I am positive. I want to hear anything and everything that you have to tell me."

He sent me his adorable smile that was the only reassurance I needed to start telling him about some random story from when I was a kid. It was actually quite embarrassing, but the sound of his laughter was all too worth it.

Austin and I laid here swapping stories for what seemed to be a long time. I loved hearing more about him and all his stories and memories were calming and very distracting.
It was the small things that Austin has been doing that really help. Wether it was the comforting hand he kept rubbing on my back, not bringing up anything thats happened lately, doing his best to keep me entertained, or just focusing on positive things, he made me feel... better. Even when we fell into comfortable silence, I felt okay.

But after and hour or two of laying here, we willed ourselves to get off of the top of the bus, knowing we had stuff to do today.

Fist thing was a shower.
Austin came with me to the bathroom, but when he turned to leave, I grabbed his wrist to stop him, not exactly wanting to be alone in a shower which could give me time to think and just... be alone. "I'm just gona go grab some towels, I'll be right back," he reassured me with a smile and kissed the top of my hand, already expecting to shower with me.

I nodded and let him go, looking at the empty doorway until he came back with towels tucked under his arm. He shut and locked the door behind him then went to set the towels down on the counter before he e came back over to me.

He put his hands on my hips, kissing the top of my head, "I didn't realize you were wearing my shirt," he mumbled in amusement against my hair. I didn't really realize either.
His fingers found the hem of it and he helped me tug it off over my head. My muscles clenched a little bit from the weakness that laced them, and from the cold that hit my bare skin after.

Austin threw the shirt into the corner of the bathroom, his following after before he remembered to turn the shower on, the knobs squeaking as he went over to do it.

While he was doing this, my eyes wandered and caught something in the mirror.. My reflection looked weak and gross, but that wasn't what I was really looking at.

My hands moved to my stomach while I twisted and turned to the side for the best angle to see the barely-even-there baby bump. It was small, but it was something. It was surreal, but it had my heart fluttering.
My little baby was in there, real... My sense of hope and love and the thing that is getting me through everything is right there.

Austin's sudden presence behind me made me jump, but when I saw his big, dorky smile in the mirror, I relaxed.
He stepped behind me, sliding his hands over mine, his thumbs starting to stroke my skin softly while he kissed right under my ear, making me sigh and lean my head back into him. "I love you," his voice was dripping with sweetness in my ears. I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing him say that.

I grabbed onto his hand and squeezed it before bringing it up to my lips and kissing it multiple times, letting my lips linger. I don't think I will ever have words to express the love I feel for this man and everything he's done for me..

Austin placed a kiss down onto my skin once more in return before starting to lead me to the shower, the hot water immediately drenching us both and my muscles relaxing. With a sigh, I let my body lean against Austin again, who was ready to embrace me. My head rested on his chest while his chin rested on top of my head.

We stood here for a while, breathing in each other and the warm water flowing around us. We were both so exhausted and that showed.
I know it's my fault Austin is this tired, hell, I'm a huge pain in his ass. But he still puts up with me. And I'm very thankful for that because with out him, holy shit where would I be right now?

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down loooww," Austin sang from the kitchen, pretty hilariously if I may add.
I was laying in the bunk -Austin's order- but I could still hear him try to sing the country song as he dorked around in there. At least he was in a better mood.

Soon his feet were pattering back over to me and he was sticking his head inside the bunk to hover over mine. "Bacon, pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausages, cereal, bacon..." he started listing off things, putting emphasis on bacon multiple times. I guess he really wanted me to have bacon? "Anything you want, I'll make," he gave me a smile.

I really appreciated the offer, but just the thought of food right now had my stomach feeling upset. I could eat later, but right now I was still feeling weak and like shit. Mentally and physically. "I'm not hungry right now, Aus," I mumbled, closing my eyes as I talked, not wanting to see his face fall.

Silence answered, lingering enough to make me grow curious enough to peak my eyes back open to see him thinking. Then with a sigh he did something I wasn't expecting: scooping me up in his arms and carrying me out of the bunk. He headed straight into the kitchen, careful not to hit my head on the walls, then over to the table's bench.

He sat down and I guess I was supposed to climb off, but instead I positioned myself so I was sitting in his lap sideways, laying my head on his shoulder. His arms locked around me, not willing to let me go now if I even wanted.

"Just a couple bites, that's it, Haze. You can stop if you feel sick," Austin said lightly down to me, signaling to the plate of bacon on the table. "It's special meet that's good for your pregnancy," he spoke. He bought special meet for me?
I guess that's why he wanted me to have bacon so much: protein, special baby meet, and he had already made a ton for the rest of the guys to eat when they wake up.

I hesitated, gnawing on my lip while I looked to the plate in front of me. Knowing Austin wasn't going to let me leave with out eating something, and knowing my baby needed to eat too, I grabbed a piece, taking a quick bite. It wasn't so bad for the fact it was barely even real meet.

"That's my girl," Austin grinned, grabbing a piece to eat with me.

I laid my head back down on his shoulder and took my time on eating the rest, but once I finished Austin immediately was pushing another one into my hand, giving me a sheepish smile when he did.

I was nibbling on that one when I could hear one of the guys getting up from the bunk area, it turning out to be Alan. He walked into the kitchen while rubbing his eyes and yawning, but freezing dead in his tracks when he saw me. "Hazel Hendrix!" He smiled, running over and trying to give me the best hug possible in the awkward position we were given since I was still on Austin's lap. "I can't believe you're up, holy shit, girl!" He kissed the top of my head, dramatically making a 'smooching' noise when he did before running to sit on the bench opposite us on the table. "Goddamn I've missed you, even though it's been like barely any time, but still," he exclaimed, starting to get ahead of himself because he was talking so fast. "I started catching up on The Walking Dead lately and it was really hard not to come in your bunk and start blabbing your ear off about it," Alan spoke quickly as he grabbed some bacon, starting to talk about what he thought of the most recent episodes of the show.

I gladly listened, loving the show, but the conversation (even though it was mostly one sided) as well was a good distraction. So good that I didn't even realize Austin kept handing me more bacon to eat that I was actually consuming. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing, but judging by the happy smirk on Austin's face, he was.

Alan was very amusing to listen to though, and while he was talking I remembered what he said to me the other day when I was MIA. The thought just kind of popped into my head, but what he said was something I wouldn't mind if it stayed. It was very nice and heart felt, something Alan usually wasn't too forward with.

The rest of the morning went very smoothly and I found myself rarely thinking about all the bad things that happened. Especially when all the other guys woke up and kept the atmosphere light and entertaining.
I never left Austin's lap and found myself very comfortable and satisfied being in his embrace the whole night and now morning. I don't think he minded either. But soon I wasn't feeling well at all. My stomach was denying the food I ate, making my fists clench in Austin's shirt.

"I think I'm gona go lay down," I whispered into his ear weakly.

"You okay?" Austin whispered back to me and I nodded while bitting my lip. I didn't want to worry him or be an even bigger pain in his butt.

"Just need to lie down."

I'm not sure if Austin believed me, but he still left his arms loose enough for me to escape his embrace and head back to the bunk. I shuffled past the guys who were all spread out on the sofa and chairs, playing on their phones. They all gave me a smile when I caught their eyes on me, probably worried that I'm going back to the bunk to not come back out for a while again.

But that wasn't going to happen. I just feel like hell in the stomach area this time.

When getting to the bunk, I slowly got up and immediately curled myself under the blanket. My stomach hurt like hell and I was unsure if I was going to throw up or not. The food just wasn't sitting right.

I didn't really feel like I was gona be sick, I just felt like I needed to lay down and focus on my breathing. And that's exactly what I did.

I refused to let my mind think about anything else but the number of breaths I was taking in and out. I'm not sure how long I laid there and did that, but I soon heard the bunk curtain being pushed back. "You feelin alright, Haze?" Austin asked with worry in his voice.

I rolled over onto my back to look at him, arm still wrapped around my achey stomach. Austin noticed this. "Your stomach upset?" He asked and I nodded. He returned my nod, brushing some of the hair back out of my face. "Do you think you're gona be sick?" He kept his voice quiet and sweet.

"I don't think so," I whispered. "I just don't feel too great."

"Do you want me to get you a glass of water?" He asked, but I shook my head no, "can you lay with me?"

Austin nodded with a small smile at my answer, waiting for me to scoot back in the bunk to give him room. He slid into the bed next to me, immediately planting a kiss on my cheek and allowing me to curl up into him.

After a little bit of silence, my eyes growing a little droopy, Austin spoke about all the thoughts that must have been running on his mind. "What do you think Jelly Bean is gona be like as a teenager?"

The question was so random it was almost amusing, but I can see how easily he may wonder that. I've thought similar things, mostly just actually trying to grasp the idea that I'm going to be raising a child who will actually have to grow up and then be a teen when we're like almost 40. Holy crap..

"If she or he is anything like us, probably a pain in the ass," I said, making Austin's chuckles rumble through his chest.

"Yeah, probably," he agreed with a laugh, but then falling to a happy sigh. "I'm so excited, Haze.. It's like I'm finally finding myself and who I really am because of you and this baby."

His words touched my heart as I moved my head up to look at him, his brown eyes leaking with love. He quickly planted a kiss on my forehead, then cheek, and finally lips, lingering sweetly. "I love you," he mumbled before pecking my lips once more and then sliding his body down the bunk. He tugged down the blanket to reveal my torso then moved my shirt up to reveal my stomach.

Austin now leaned down, having placed both of his hands on each side of my stomach. He slowly started to kiss there too, his soft lips brushing over my skin while he thumbs rubbed soothingly over it. Holy hell it felt really good.

But it also had my heart fluttering like a damn butterfly in my chest. "I love you, too, my little Jelly Bean," he whispered to my stomach.

This man is going to be the death of me... And I'm okay with that.

Notes

sorry it took me a little bit longer to update! I've been really busy, but I totally skipped doing my homework tonight to write this chapter for you guys!
I've been having a lot of Austin feels lately (as usual) so this chapter was so much fluff so I hoped you all like it in that sense because I wrote this so quickly that it may be a little choppy and weird idk.

Let me know what you think!

Also, any Motionless In White fans out there? I've been also having serious feels for Chris Motionless lately and I would love to see if anyone else loves that band as well!