One Moment

I waved to the group of fans I just met and talked with, feeling a little bit better.

The acoustic concert helped so much, letting everything out into song. The crowd and fans made me so happy; singing along and being perfectly okay with the concert. After we had a meet and great with them and I couldn't help but give them all hugs. The all told me to feel better and that the concert was great and I was smiling the whole time.

Some asked what was wrong, but I just told them it was personal and I was going to be fine. Some dropped it, but the ones that didn't just plagued my mind with negative thoughts again. Not purposely, but I'm just sensitive to things.

Right now, feeling a little bit nauseous, I tried to walk up to my bus. Austin had let Sammy borrow his little mini grill and I think they were making pork chops, but the sent had my stomach doing flips as soon as I caught smell of it.

I tried to hold my breath so I could get on the bus, but the smell was not letting up and I had to breathe. Austin caught sight of me and smiled, but before I could back, my stomach flipped so intensely from the smell that I threw a hand over my mouth and ran in the other direction while repeating 'don't throw up' in my head.

Once I hurried far enough away that the air was clean from the smell, I put my hands on my knees and breathed in and out deeply. Holy shit I guess it's not a myth when they say the smell of meat during certain peoples pregnancy isn't any good. "Haze, you alright?" Austin ran up behind me, put a hand on my back lightly.

I waited until I caught my breath to speak. "The baby doesn't like pork chops," I said easily, making Austin chuckle.

"I guess not," he smiled at me, keeping his hand on my back while I slowly stood up.

"That was gross," I pouted, laughing lightly with Austin.

"You makin' your mom sick, huh?" Austin said down, hand on my stomach, rubbing it while he talked to it.

I laughed lightly and nodded. "How am I supposed to get into my bus?"

"You can stay at mine and we can air yours out so the sent goes away.. Sound good?" Austin looked back up to me and I nodded again. "I've got enough of your shit lying around my bus that you've left anyways," he laughed and I stuck my tongue out at him. "Go head over, I'll meet you there and make you some dinner that doesn't make you sick," he smiled.

"But what about your pork chops with Sammy? I don't want to ruin it," I frowned.

"It's fine, I'll go tell him. Alan and Tino are over there anyways.. They won't miss me too much," he smirked and I looked past his shoulder to see Alan and Tino talking with Sammy while drinking a beer.

"Are you sure?" I bit my lip.

"Positive," he smiled, kissed my forehead and started heading back over to there. "I'll meet you at my bus, go," he encouraged me and with a sigh I did as he said. I felt a little bad for ruining his pork chop time.

Knowing exactly where his bus is parked, I found it effortlessly and barely caught Aaron and Phil as they were exiting. "Hey Haze, what's up?"

"Austin sent me here to wait for him," I gave them small smiles.

"Cool, well we're going out to go bowling," they said proudly with a silly smirk. I laughed at them, rolling my eyes a little bit. "I guess we don't have to tell you to make yourself at home because you do anyways," Phil said and they chuckled this time.

"Yeah yeah yeah," I swatted them off. "Have fun!"

"You too!" They called before walking off and I went up into the bus. Getting inside, I felt the drastic change in temperature, it being sticky and hot in here. They must have been gone most of the day and never turned their AC on.

I started to fan myself with my shirt, but then realized it smelled of barbecue, making me scrunch up my nose in disgust. I went back to Austin's bunk, hoping he wouldn't mind if I stole a shirt of his.
I grabbed his Slipknot top with the sleeves cut off and put in on in place of mine. Once it was on, I held it up to my nose, wanting to smell something different than the nasty grill smell, smiling when Austin's sent filled my nose.

Right on time, the bus door opened, letting me know Austin was here. I went back out to the kitchen area where he was looking for me, and once he saw me he froze to take in my appearance, then grinned, eyes dancing over my body. "You look better in my shirts than I do," he chuckled, making me smile as I sat down by the table.

"We'll you look better without a shirt so I guess I should keep taking them," I shrugged while smirking.

Austin couldn't help but laugh at me before winking and going to the fridge. "What sounds good for dinner, Haze?"

I gnawed on my lip as I thought about it, only having one thing stick out in the back of my mind. "Ice cream."

"Ice cream?" Austin laughed. "For dinner?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Mhm," I gave him an innocent smile.

After a moment of silence and Austin deciding, he spoke. "You're lucky I love you."

"Very," I nodded, smiling as I watched him scoop some ice cream into bowls. He sat across from me at the kitchen table like he did earlier at my bus, but this time we each had bowls of ice cream. We ate in silence for a little bit until I looked up from my bowl to his handsome face. "Hey Austin?"

"Yeah Haze?" He looked up, craning his head to the side while he took another spoonful.

"I was thinking..." I started, a little afraid he would reject my offer. "After Warped.. Do you want to come with me to visit Washington?" I blurted out, looking down at my bowl quickly after.

"To visit your family?" He questioned and I nodded, waiting for him to say no. Mark never let me even go anywhere, especially not there, and he never even considered coming with me. "Of course I'll go, Haze."

This had me snapping my head up, catching Austin's happy face. "Really?" I asked, unsure but excited.

"Yes, Haze, really," he chuckled. "But, are you sure you want to visit there?" Austin looked at me when he talked with sympathy, knowing quite well about my family. Mostly my Mom and how I couldn't really be in the same room with her, but also that who knows what will happen when I show up. And leave again.

"No, I'm not sure.. But I have to," a frown grew on my face, remembering the phone calls I shared earlier with my Mom and sister.

"Did something happen?" Austin asked lightly, knowing the look on my face that showed I was hurting without really crying.

"I don't want to talk about it," I shook my head, looking down at my bowl, just twirling my spoon around in the melting ice cream. I listed as Austin's spoon clanked as he set it down and then the seat and floor creaked so he could move to sit next to me on the bench of the side I was on.

"I'm not going to make you," he said quietly to me. "But you've got to talk about all the stuff that's going on inside sometime.. I feel like there's a lot up there," he talked as he put his arm on the top of the back of the bench behind me. "And you know I'm always here to listen, right?"

I nodded, still looking down, but I guess it wasn't enough for Austin. He put his hand under my chin and made me look up at him in the eyes. "Right?" He repeated.

"Yeah," I nodded harder this time, looking into his eyes silently for a minute before letting my head move down and rest against his upper chest, breathing him in. "I'm so scared, Austin," I blurted out into his chest.

"It'll all be okay, Haze. I'll make sure it is," he ran his hands through my hair when he spoke and after I shook my head no against his chest. "What are you so afraid of?"

"Everything."

"You gotta talk to me, Haze, 'everything' doesn't really help," he said down to me.

"Everything, Austin!" I sat back up again, talking with my hands a little bit. "Everything.. The baby, our relationship, visiting my family.." I gulped before I said the last one. "..Texas."

"I'm gona be here every step of the way, you don't need to be afraid-"

"No, Austin!" I cut him off, feeling anxiety run around in my veins a little bit. "I do need to be afraid.. Because you aren't going to be here every step of the way. You still have your band and working in the studio and tours and everything! How am I just supposed to deal with this alone when you're gone all the time? I can't ever ask you to stop your music and I know you wont, but I can barely do this with you, so how can I do it without?" I asked, breathless with worry as I looked at him wide eyed.

"Don't.. Don't think like that, Haze," Austin said sadly. "I'm going to be here. You and our baby are the most important thing, now and forever. And we'll have all the support in the world, too," Austin placed a hand on mine, but I shook my head again.

"I can't even talk to my fucking family!" I raised my voice, but it fell weakly. "My sister hates me.. My baby sister won't talk to me.. Sh-She..." I shook my head. "And my Mom... She has more love for a piece of garbage on the fucking ground than me! She got mad.. Just hung up on me when I told her about the baby, and then my sister did the same thing! I don't call that support!.. They're supposed to be happy for me!" I cried out.

Austin's face looked sad and shocked, but he knew I needed to get this out.

"A-And, my career is down the drain. I'm not ready for that and I'm not ready to be a mom and I'm not ready to give up everything!" I was breathing heavily. "I'm not ready to visit Texas and have everything be brought back up!" A jolt of anxiety pricked me. "I'm terrified!" Was the last thing I cried out before I kept up my panting, feeling fear and anxiety run through me. I was trying to keep myself strong, not wanting to cry anymore, but it really hit me how scared and unhappy I was, making me frantically notice I had tears in my eyes. "I'm so sick of crying! I want to be strong, but I just can't Austin! I just can't.." My voice cracked and weakened. I feel weak. I feel sad and hurt and like I said, terrified. But then I just feel bad because I'm supposed to be happy.

In an instant, Austin had both his arms around me, holding me tight and safely to his chest. I didn't want to cry, so I didn't let myself get fully lost in sobs, but still clung onto Austin for dear life. "You are Hazel. You are so strong," he cooed into my hair, voice sad. "It's un-fucking-believable how strong you are. You got through your bad home life, you got through your mom and your dad, you put up with that asshole Mark.. You've dealt with all kinds of pain and struggle in your life that I know you can do this.. I know you will be the best fucking Mom ever, no doubt. Don't you ever think for a second that you wont, or that I will not be there for you. Because things may get hard, but it's nothing we can't handle together."

His words swirled around my mind and body like they could, and did, mend some of the wounds deep inside. It had me silent while I leaned against him, hands balled into fists while gripping his shirt.

"And I don't know how someone, especially your Mom, wouldn't be happy for you," he rubbed my back. "But I do know that no matter what, your sister still loves you, she's just upset," he reassured me. "And don't worry about your Mom. It's her loss," he pulled back, looking me in the eyes. "She doesn't get to see her beautiful, strong daughter grow up and have the most amazing little baby.. She doesn't get to experience what that type of love is like and I feel bad for her for that," his brown eyes were warming up my insides as they looked into mine.

My lip was quivering as I looked to Austin. I loved him so much. More than I could process at times like this. But I also feel like he doesn't deserve me. I'm just a big load of self doubt that must be annoying to constantly try to reassure. I can be a bitch and a piece of work. I'm making his time of being a Dad, or getting ready to be one, much less enjoyable.

"And we can get through anything.. Because you know what? You're my family now and I'd do anything for the ones I love," the seriousness in his voice had my heart going crazy, especially when he reached down and put a hand on my stomach.

I leaned back, searching his eyes as I put my hand over his, looking down at my stomach. The thought I just had about not deserving him was there, but his words knew how to make me feel better. "I'll push back tour as much as I can, and when I'm gone, I won't be for long. We can talk every night and I can fly home for days off and do anything in my power to support you with the rest of my band and yours," Austin said, making everything I was stressing over not seem so bad. "And I'll help you out with your music, too. You'll be back at it before you know it."

We both looked at each other for a long moment, getting lost in the other person and thoughts running haywire. I may have my doubts and my stress still, but I nodded and he slid his arms so they were around my waist while I went into his embrace gladly again. "I love you, Austin," I mumbled into him. That is all I've got. Without him I'd be miserable, especially now. He's the only thing that gets me through sometimes. "And I'm sorry.."

"Sorry for what?" He quirked his head back curiously at me.

"For everything I've put you through."

"What are you talking about, Haze?"

"I'm not a perfect person, Austin, I think we've all figured that out by now," I snorted a dry laugh. "And I want to be perfect for you, but I've fucked up. I'm fucked up.. I've made you stress, I've made you sad, I've made your experiences not as good because I'm such as mess.." I breathed in deeply. "But I love you. That I know.. And that's possibly one of the few things I've ever done right.. And I can give you that everyday for the rest of my existence."

A smile was teasing on Austin's lips when I finished. "You're one of the only ones that can make me happy, Haze... I was lost before you, and your 'mess' was one of the best things that ever happened to me.." He grabbed my hands lightly, looking me in the eyes. "And if you think you're fucked up.. then lets be fucked up together."

Silence lingered in my ears as everything Austin said seemed to make my cold hard warm up and beat. "..Lets be fucked up together."

Notes

blah okay, I really want to make these next few chapters like really good, but I'm kinda feeling iffy on them. Like I'm having a hard time getting the ideas in my head down for you guys to understand and stuff.. I'm sorry if I suck!

So Hazel's not happy, but she's not sad. She definitely loves the baby, but is struggling completely. But yay Austin! What do you think will happen with them?

If you guys have any constructive criticism, I'm completely open! I want to know what you guys think and what I can do better, so please tell me what you don't like or think would be better or whatever!

Comment and subscribe!<3 I love you all!