Chapstick.. Where the fuck is my Chapstick? I swear I had some in here...

I shuffled through my bag that I kept near my bunk, my lips burning. It had been a while since I put any on and I just made the mistake of eating a salty snack after talking with Sammy, so my lips are burning. Badly.

I huffed and gave up, letting my shoulders slump. I nibbled at the pained skin of my bottom lip, taking one more look over my bag. I didn't find the Chapstick, but I did find something else that sparked my interest. It was a small notepad that I used to write down random songs I was coming up in my head. It was pretty old, probably even from years and years ago, but I've always kept it. I'm not exactly sure why, I guess it's just an old keepsake?

I grabbed it, feeling the torn material on my fingers and started flipping through it. I looked at all the old songs I had attempted to write, but never got published. This whole book was filled with memories that made me smile, but when I got to the back, my smile faltered. Tucked inside was an old photograph that I had folded up and kept with me a lot. I already knew what it was when I pulled it out, but I still looked at it like it was my first time.

I let my fingers dance over the frayed, soft edges, my eyes scanning it. It was a picture of Mark and I from.. years ago. I was sitting on his lap sideways, smiling big as he wrapped his arm around me. He of course had a beer in his hand, but looking at the photo I remembered how happy I was. How happy we were.. We really did look it.. but it was all an allusion.

I did love him. That part was easy, falling for him. He was a charmer and everything just made me feel so giddy and happy and excited. I miss that. But I was young. I told myself I loved him, but now I just ask myself; what the hell happened?

I reached up and grabbed the ring that was hanging off my neck, feeling the cool metal of the band immediately. I sighed and remembered how many times I used to feel that against my skin when he would touch me.
Normally, when I thought of Mark or even said his name, negative things would just radiate off of me and everything. But right now I can't help but miss him.. The old him. He's changed now.

And I hate missing him. That doesn't feel right. Especially with Austin now. But I never got my closer... I'm supposed to feel negative, that's what feels right. I'm supposed to be sad or angry, but sometimes I just can't place why..

"Haze?!"

"Coming!!" I threw the photo and notepad back in my bag before running out to the main room of the bus. Sammy and I had an interview in no more than ten minutes and I just wasted a few of them here.

"I didn't even find any of that stupid Chapstick.." I mumbled to him as we ran off the bus, weaving in between the others to head to the tent we were supposed to be at.

"Here," He stuffed his hand in his pocket, pulling out a small tube of Chapstick. "You've had some this whole time?!!" I snatched it from his hands and didn't hesitate to rub it all over my lips.

He chuckled, "yeah, just enjoyed watching you run around like a headless chicken."

I swatted his chest, "asshole," shaking my head. We laughed together as we pulled the flap back to the back of the tent with a bunch of logos and advertisements on them, going inside. This same tent was also used for some of our merch.

I walked over to the radio in the corner, taking a moment to find the right channel and turn up some music, instantly lighting the mood up. I danced my way out of the front of the tent this time, a smile spreading from ear to ear at the sight of all our fans outside. It even instantly brought tears to my eyes. Every time it's unbelievable. It makes me feel amazing.

We spent the next couple of hours meeting fans, signing things, or just talking to them all. I loved all of them so much it's insane. Kush and Izzy even showed up half way through, we asked where they'd been, but we already knew. They smelt like sex.

"Hey, I'll catch up with you in a sec," I said to them, screwing the cap on my water after I spotted a girl sitting on the curb. They all mumbled some response and in a second I was walking of to her. She looked to be no older than high school, crying into her hands. "Hey," I came over and she looked up. It took her a minute to focus, but when she did I saw her eyes widened. I gave her a warm smile and gestured next to her, "can I sit?"

"Uh, y-yeah. Yeah sure," She sat up and I went down.

She immediately started fiddling with the bracelets on his arms and I frowned. "What's your name?"

"N-Noelle."

"I'm Hazel."

She chuckled chuckled nervously, "I know. I'm a huge fan... I love you and your band so much, I-I-," Her eyes started filling up with tears again, lip quivering, and I didn't hesitate to throw my arms around her in a big hug. "Thank you, so much.. Really."

She hugged me back, and I could nearly feel the pain in her tears. "I can't believe your here... I-I mean I was supposed to see your band, but then all this shit just happened," she said as we leaned back from the hug, wiping her eyes. "I-I was supposed to finally see you guys play, my heros!" She cried.

"Five hours? Wow, that is amazing," it made me ecstatic to hear. "But, tell me what happened, maybe I can help?" I rubbed her arm. I felt drawn to helping Noelle. Not just her alone, but any of my fans.

"Y-You really want to know?"

"Of course," I didn't hesitate to state.

"I..I just.. I drove all the way here with my older brother," her lip was trembling again. "He-He stole my ticket and gave it to some girl he just met and wanted to bang. He left me on this fucking curb and told me to suck it up," she was now in tears again. "He told me not to be a bitch about it."

My heart broke for her at the same time her voice did. I even started to grow angry. I was about to say something, but I noticed her toying with the bracelets on her wrists again, even scratching behind them. I reached over and lightly put my hand over hers. She hesitated at my touch, but I gave her a reassuring look. "Why?" My voice was quiet and soft.

"How-How did you..?" She tried to hide her wrists so I let go and moved so I was crouching down in front of her. "Even the best of us have dark times.." I said in a light voice, watching realization cross her eyes. "And that's okay... It's okay not to be okay."

Her eyes were getting overflowed with tears, as she opened her mouth to try and think of words to say, sobs coming out instead. I moved so I could bring her into a hug again and let her cry hard. She needed this, to know she's not alone. And I felt so connected to this girl.

I rubbed her back and listened as she tried to talk through her tears. "I-I-I just... After my parents got divorced, I couldn't do it anymore.." She cried. "It was the only way I could deal with everything, a-and-and my brother, when he found out.. He just screamed at me, called me a freak.." I gripped her tighter in my embrace. "He used it as a secret to hold against me... I lost all my friends... He made me do things.." She couldn't finish through her tears and I found them nearly contagious.

I pulled back and took her hands in mine, trying to look her in the eyes. "Hey, hey look at me," her head was down, trying not to show me her tears, but I did eventually get her glossy eyes to meet mine. "You're so strong.." I brushed my thumbs against her hands. "You're so unbelievably strong," I searched her eyes so I knew she understood me. "My words can't make your brother go away or your parents work things out, I know that, but I can tell you that you're not alone. You're amazing. You don't need any one that brings you down and you can't let them. You can show them your strength, show them who you really are and that your unstoppable. You can thrive and get through any bullshit thrown at you.

"Life is hard. It's unfair and full of crap. But there is nothing any of us can do about it except make the best of what we can. Because life will work itself out. No matter who we are, we can do this," after the last part, tears nearly getting to me, another hug was shared. "We can always do this," I repeated into the hug, her cries being her response.

After a little bit more of sharing comfort, Noelle calmed down and we smiled at each other. She opened her mouth, about to say something, but instead a booming male voice rang out. "Noelle?! Where the hell did ya go?!"

Noelle cringed and the voice even set something off in me. So, in an instant, I hooked my arm with hers and helped her up. I gave her a reassuring smile then nodded my head in the direction the rest of my band went off to, away from her brother. She quickly got the message and let me lead her away, picking up a jog.

Soon enough we were much out of sight and nearing the buses, so we slowed back down. She laughed nervously, "thanks, for getting me away from him."

"Any time," I smirked, then looked over to her. I felt so similar to her in some ways, that I was drawn to relate. "Where are we going?" She looked around shyly.

"I have some people I want you to meet," I smirked, looking ahead. She nodded, still unsure as we walked on, but when some buses came in sight, she froze in her shoes. "No fucking way.. Y-Your.." she pointed to my bus, mentally questioning if my band was in there.

"Yes fucking way, come on," I nudged her with a laugh in the direction of my bus. I could tell she was shaking in her shoes when I opened the door and led her up. I turned to give her another smile, but when I turned back, a large figured brushed by me roughly. I wobbled on my feet a little, trying not to fall over and then in confusion looked behind me at who just stormed out. Noelle had pressed against the wall to get out of the way and had a shocked look on her face. "...Was that Austin Carlile?"

I looked past her and saw that indeed, it was Austin. I grew very confused and looked at Sammy who had a worried look on his face. I nodded my head in Austin's direction and he gulped, then just shrugged. We then were distracted by Kush asking who Noelle was. "Oh, yeah guys, this is Noelle. She's a big fan," everyone didn't hesitate to come over and introduce themselves to her. They all loved each fan as well.

Sammy came over to give her a hug, noticing she was crying. "Sorry, I've been crying a lot today," she laughed lightly, wiping her eyes. I gave her a smile, but my mind on other things.. like Austin.

"Go talk to him, like right now," Sammy whispered into my ear quickly. I gave him a nervous look, but then headed out of the bus after seeing that Noelle was comfortably chatting with Kush and Izzy.

"Austin?" I asked, my heart beating fast in worry after running down the bus stairs, looking around. He didn't answer, but I happened to turn around and catch him leaning against our bus. I slowly walked over to him, "Austin?" I repeated.

He didn't look up, paying a very close attention to the piece of paper he was holding in his hands. I could tell immediately something was terribly wrong. My stomach flipped just thinking of what it might be.. It made me start to think over everything that has happened in the last 24 hours. Did I do something wrong? Was I mean? I didn't say anything did I? Had I forgotten something?

"Who's Mark?"

A large punch in the gut.. That's what those words were, coming out of his mouth.

My mouth just fell agape for a moment, I was so lost in fear and sadness that I couldn't say anything. I don't want to say anything... I had all the attentions of coming to Warped this summer to just forget everything but fun and music... To forget Mark and Texas and everything.

And I did so good, especially with the help of whatever the fuck "disorder" I have.. But I guess without my amnesia, that can't happen.

It never goes away.

"Who. Is. Mark." He repeated, standing up straight.

My mouth went dry and I could barely swallow. I felt like I was going to puke.

Austin chuckled dryly, his voice hoarse. "You know... When you wouldn't tell me anything... about yourself... I had to try not to assume the worst." He started.

"Austin, wha-"

"I guess I had good reason," he started sourly and threw the piece of paper with a flick of his wrist. I watched as it floated to the ground by my feet, and my heart rate accelerated seeing that it was the picture of Mark and I. I left it on my bed this morning. "Austin, it's not-"

"Save it, Haze," he snapped, getting into my face. I was completely taken aback, pain and sadness widening my eyes.

"Austin.." I whispered weakly, trying to get him to hear me while reaching my hand out for him.

"Save it for your husband," he hissed and then pushed past me, storming off.

Tears filled up my eyes fast while I spun around. I watched him walk off, sadness evident in his posture. "Austin! Wait!... Please.." I reached out for him, trying to catch up, but my body nearly collapsed. He was so far ahead, and it hurt so bad to watch him walk away.
Now everything negative had caught up with me about Mark. He was causing this right now and I can't take it. I never wanted to hurt Austin.

He needed to let me explain. I can explain. I will explain.

I turned back around and grabbed the photo off the ground. I studied it with disgust, then turned it over. On the back read in nice hand writing. Mark and Hazel 2007. Married <3


New chapter:3
Sorry if Hazel's story is a little fuzzy, but it will make more sense soon! I just didn't want to dump it all on at once!!!
So husband? What's going on?!?!? Random fan time idk lol

Let me know what you all think!<3

Notes