I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
why did this happen to me?

- - -

I woke up and everything was dark. Someone had closed my curtain and I saw some rays of light though the small holes. I blinked a few times and let my eyes adjust to the light. I pulled the curtain back and I crawled out from my bunker. The bus was empty and on the table in the lounge there was a note. I walked over and looked at it.
"you don’t have to do anything today except getting us lunch, we’ve written down what we want and just hand it over to the restaurant and they’ll get it". It was Tino’s writing and I nodded or myself. I felt helpless.

Why the fuck was I on tour with musicians when I couldn’t do anything?

I let out a sigh and walked over to the subway restaurant. I handed the list to the man behind the desk and he looked at it and then he nodded. He gave me a small smile and started to work on the sandwiches. As I stood there I felt more and more of an urge to get away. With trembling hands I took the bags with all the sandwiches and started to walk back. I showed my crew passes and I saw a few fans that shot me glares. Tino and Aaron was in the bus as I entered, and I handed them the bags. then I walked over to my bunker and I crawled inside and pulled the curtain closed. I didn’t even order a sandwich for myself and I didn’t feel like eating anything. I didn’t feel like doing anything at the moment.

- - -

Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Why?

- - -

Austin’s POV

For some reason I felt that the more days that went by the more I saw that Mairin got more and more depressed. Her eyes was empty and she did what we asked her to do. All I could see was her being in front of her journal. Writing. Just writing. And every time she wrote something she looked a little bit happier, until she went back to the empty eyes.

I walked over to Tino and he looked at me.
"Tino, I think… I think Mairin is getting more and more depressed for every days that goes by" I said and he nodded.
"Yeah, I’m trying to cheer her up but it’s hard… We barely have time" he said. I shook my head and knew that he was right.
"I just… I wished there was something we could do" Tino said.
"I guess we can’t, since no one of us knows what’s really going on in her head" I said.
"what do you mean?" Tino asked.
"Didn’t you say she loved music? That she’s an amazing singer and all… Think about it… How would you react if you then went deaf? and couldn’t hear music anymore? Hear a thing?" I asked. Tino looked at me and I could see that he hadn’t thought about it like that.