“I’m exhausted…” I mumbled pulling hood of my sweat shirt further on my head.

“I’ll bet you are.” Jack said with a giggle as Alex lead the way down the street to whatever restaurant it was the pair of them were insisting on going to.

“I barely slept last night.” I said trying to defend myself from Jack’s teasing.

“We know Rae. We were in the room.” Alex said and I couldn’t help but pick up the slight edge in his voice.

I hadn’t been able to shut my mind off the night before. I had tossed and turned all night weighing the pros and cons of moving on from Austin and attempting to figure out how to get my life back on track. My restlessness had definitely kept Alex up.

We arrived at the little café that was a few blocks down from our hotel and found Alan and Aaron already perched at one of the little tables, both mowing down on burgers and beers.

“Are we interrupting your little date?” Jack joked as he pulled up a chair for himself, Alex and I following suit.

“Yes!” Alan said with his mouth full pretending to be pissed for a moment.

We went up and ordered our food, Jack and Alex’s came sooner so they were able to sit before me.
As I made my way back to our table I noticed the four of them were having a hushed conversation. Jack’s eyes grew wide as he saw me coming quickly telling everyone to hush but not before I heard my name followed by Austin’s come from Alan’s mouth.

“What are you talking about?” I asked sliding into my seat and giving them what I hoped was a threatening glance.

“Nothing.” Alex said pouring some ketchup on his plate.

“I’m not stupid. I heard my name and Austin’s…”

Everyone was silent for a moment, focusing all their attention on the plates in front of them. I looked around at all of my friends feeling like I would need to cry if they kept this up all lunch.

“…Alan?” I mumbled hoping I could break him.

He let out a heavy sigh, putting his burger down on the table and finally meeting my gaze over the table. “We’re just worried about you both. That’s all.”

“That fight the other night was a little much…” Alex said finally looking at me too.

“I’m fine.” I said and everyone looked at me like they were trying not to laugh. “Really. I’ve decided I’m going to move on.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea, Rae?” Alan asked. I nodded my assurance. “I mean, I’ve talked to Austin an-“

“I don’t want to hear it Alan.” I said shaking my head.

“Rae, hear him out.” Jack added.

I looked up at Alan again waiting for him to continue.

“He’s just mad.” Alan said with a shrug.

“I’m not the only one who did fucked up things! He did too!”

“All I’m saying is you guys are better together than you are apart. That’s all I’m saying.” Alan said holding up his hands in defense before turning back to his meal.

“And you all agree?” I questioned looking at the other three.

“I would say so. You guys are great together from what I’ve seen.” Aaron added.

I left that lunch feeling more confused than I had the night before.

The guys went to play their respective shows and I helped out with what I could backstage.

“I’m thinking about getting everyone to do a Harlem Shake video.” Adam admitted to me as he set up his camera for Of Mice’s set.

“Do it!” I said looking up at him with a smile on my face.

“You think?” He asked.

I nodded and we both began exchanging ideas for how it could be set up. I could tell Austin was pretending to not be listening but I knew he was. He was pretending to adjust his in ears but I could see the smirks he was trying to hide while I was laughing with Adam.

“Are you watching side stage?” Alan asked me as the intro music started playing and the guys started getting antsy.

“I wasn’t planning to.” I admitted.

“Will you for a bit? He plays shitty when you don’t.” Alan had to practically scream in my ear.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Let’s go Ashby!” Tino called as the guys prepared to huddle up.

“1, 2, 3…ROCK N’ ROLL!” They all screamed before heading up to the stage. I started packing up some of my stuff and turned back just to see Austin giving me one last glance before he walked out.
The crowd began screaming wildly and I could make out Austin’s distinct vocals as they began playing Ohioisonfire.

I considered staying and watching their set, 20 minutes couldn’t hurt. But I knew it would give Austin the wrong impression and confuse me more. So I left.

Fans had noticed something had happened between the two of us. I had seen it on all the social networking sites. There were arguments whether or not we were still dating. There were arguments over whether or not I was using. They were confused. There I was clearly in Adam’s recent photographs, clearly on tour with the guys, but not side stage where I usually was and never in a picture with Austin. We obviously weren’t tweeting gushy stuff about each other anymore or in each other’s Instagram pictures. There was even a nasty rumor going around that Alan and I were sleeping together. That’s why he and Maddie had had issues a few weeks back and why Austin and I were so distant. Just what I needed, rumors to fuel the fire that was already raging in my head.

Alex and Jack had banned me from drinking the rest of the tour. So at night when all the boys got together and went out to the bars, Raegan was locked away in her hotel room like Rapunzel. But I was growing okay with it. I’d watch movies on Netflix and work on some songs with Alex’s guitar.

It was around midnight when there was a knock on the door. I paused Back to the Future and slid out of bed, not bothering to put my pants back on, assuming it was Jack or Alex. They must have lost their key somewhere…again. But the knock was a little different, a little incessant, needy.

“I’m coming!” I said undoing the bolt lock and opening the door.

I was pushed to the side by my intruder, rather rudely I might add, and stood watching in confusion as he searched the room hurriedly.

“What the hell are you doing?” I questioned placing a hand on my hip as he looked under the beds.

“Where is he?” Austin asked spinning to face me, a crazed look gleaming in his eye.

“Where is who?” I questioned shutting the door and walking closer to him.

“The guy!” He said throwing his hands up.

“What are you talking about?” I asked shaking my head slightly.

“Alan told me…there was a guy…” He said dropping his hands to his sides, looking defeated.

“I’m the only one here, Austin.”

Once that information seemed to settle within him, he took three strides breaking the distance between us and kissed me on the lips hard. I stumbled backwards from the force of it and it took me a moment to adjust and kiss him back. The alcohol on his breath mixed with his scent was a hard ship combination that stung in my senses.

His hands cupped my face, not letting me pull back even if I wanted to. I gripped his upper arms with my hands and he started backing me towards Alex’s bed.

“That’s Alex’s bed…” I mumbled quickly against his lips and I felt him smile as he turned us the other way towards my bed.

He kicked his shoes off, tripping over them slightly, and pulled his shirt over his head. I followed his suit, my shirt coming off.

There was no verbal communication between the two of us after that. Everything we had to say to each other came out in moans, gasps, touches, and kisses. Even after we both fell against each other gasping from our orgasms, we didn’t speak. Not even as Austin dressed, tossing me my shirt to slip back on. He gave me one last kiss before slipping out of the hotel room.

I fell asleep almost instantly, suddenly feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. I didn’t even hear Alex and Jack stumble in around 2 AM.

Our flight to Melbourne was pretty early the next morning. Everyone looked like absolute death as we stumbled through the airport, most of us still in our PJ’s. I found Alan sprawled across one of the benches near the gate.

“He’s been asleep for like 30 minutes…” Tino said to me with a laugh.

I sent Tino a smile and glanced around for Austin not seeing him anywhere. I pushed Alan’s leg and he grumpily tried to push me away until he realized it was me.

“What, Rae?” He groaned.

“What did you do last night?” I asked sitting behind his bent knees and lowering my voice so no one would hear.

“Nothing.” He said adjusting his sunglasses over his eyes.

“You sent him to my room?” I questioned.

“Did it work?” He said looking up at me with a smirk.

“I mean kinda.”

“Kinda? Did you fuck or not?”

“Shhhh….” I said looking around making sure none of the guys were listening. “We did, but we didn’t talk.”

“You didn’t talk?” He asked.

“No.”

“Oh my god. You guys are useless…” He put his head back down.