As I walked through the terminal I couldn’t help but wonder where I was going to be at the end of this tour. The last two tours had ended with me in shambles practically. Would I be dead at the end of this one? I couldn’t help but snort a bit, deciding that I would greet death like an old friend if that was the case. I felt as though I had been dead inside for years anyway.

The flight had been relaxing though and I turned the volume down slightly on my headphones. I had discovered Lights a few months back and it seemed her music had been bringing me the slightest bit of happiness. My Vera Bradley backpack felt like it was weighing me down, even though it only contained my Hello Kitty blanket, a book, Cosmopolitan, my wallet, and my lanyard. I had taken most of my savings and gave them to Hannah in advance for my rent. I didn’t know how long it’d be, if ever, until I could call that apartment home again. But I knew I needed to do a lot of self-discovery before I could get to that point.

I found my little suitcase that held most of my belongings at the baggage claim, and was glad that I had been wearing shorts when I left LA. I could practically feel the heat outside just by looking through the windows.

I had no one of getting in touch with anyone, I realized as I cruised along on one of those moving sidewalks. Rad. No one’s phone worked out of the country and there was no internet here, at least not to my knowledge. Last text I had received from Alan told me to meet them at the food court, if they weren’t there find the hotel.

He’s such a helpful little ginger.

I got lucky. They were right in the food court. I could make out Austin’s leggy form ordering a drink from some sort of kiosk. My stomach instantly turned inside it’s self like a terrified Armadillo.
“Rae!”

I looked up to see Aaron calling my name and waving me over to a table he and Alan were sharing. I couldn’t help but notice Austin’s annoyed glance at me.

I gave everyone a hug, their Australian tour manager handed me my laminate, and Alan filled me on in how we were just waiting for Adam Elmakias to fly in.

Austin came by, scooped up his backpack, and made his way outside with some of the crew guys.
Guilt washed over me as I watched his retreading back. He was laughing at something Lionel had said.

“Hey,”

I tore my eyes away from his black t-shirt and found Alan and Aaron giving me worried glances.

“It’s going to be okay…” Alan said giving my hand a little bit of a squeeze.

I gave him a small sad smile as Phil ran by us followed by Tino as they found Adam.

“Come on, we should head out to the van.” Aaron said standing and grabbing his backpack as Adam came over and said his hellos to everyone.

Alan walked so close to me; our shoulders kept bumping against each other as we walked. The close contact was helping me stay strong as we neared the van. Austin was already inside, attention fully focused on his phone. Tino and Aaron had already taken the seats up in the back and Adam squeezed in next to them, making sure to give Austin a friendly bro hug on his way by. Phil took the seat up front, Alan took the seat furthest in leaving me with the seat right next to Austin’s.

The ride to the hotel was fairly silent and completely boring. Everyone got their room and checked them out, pumped that we were in Australia. Everyone showered and changed.

Since I was added so last minute, I was the only one lacking a bed. But I figured I’d find someone I could bunk with every night. Alan was more than willing to share the other side of his bed with me, which I was really happy about. But it still hurt thinking that Austin was just on the other side of the wall and if I hadn’t fucked everything up, I’d be in his bed.