“Do you think he wants me to stay?” My question came out barely a whisper as Alan and I shared a hushed conversation at Buffalo Wild Wings. Austin was goofing off with Tino a few seats down and I knew he couldn’t hear me.

“I don’t know…I mean I’d want you to but he’s acting like this isn’t even a big deal.” Alan said with a shrug.

“It’s like he thinks if he doesn’t talk about it, it doesn’t really happen…” I said with a sigh.

“I know…” Alan agreed. “Are you worried?”

“Yeah, I’m fucking worried!” I said a little louder than necessary and Alan rolled his eyes as everyone’s attention was directed towards us.

“You fucking dumbass…” I heard him mumble as he sat back in his seat taking a sip of his beer.

“You guys okay down there?” Aaron asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, you sound like an old married couple!” Austin said giggling. “Sounds like you’re both cheating on me with each other!”

He was always cracking the Austlan Cashby jokes and I couldn’t help but smile a little as he turned back to whatever story Wally was now telling. I sat back in my own seat and let my mind wander.
Austin hadn’t mentioned the arrest since the other night. But I could see in his eyes and his movements when he thought no one was watching him, how worried he really was.

It suddenly hit me what he had said only moments ago: sounds like you’re both cheating on me. I could only be cheating on Austin if we were dating, did this mean he considered us back together? A happy smile spread across my face as I sat there like a school girl.

“What are you so giddy about?” Alan asked me looking at me like I had seven heads.

“Nothing!” I said suddenly catching myself and trying to wipe the emotion from my face. I let myself wander back into my thoughts. The idea of the court case was driving me nuts. I didn’t know if he wanted me to stay here and support him or go home. What were we? Were we together? I’d like to think we were together. The way he had fucked me the night before surely made it seem as though we were back together.

And if we were back together, was I expected to just stay on tour with them, or was I supposed to go home and make a plan to move back to California with him. Would he want to live together? Should I get my own place? Does he even want me that close to him? Could I just stay with Alex? That was barely a question. Alex would have let me stay with him forever, no questions asked. If I did stay with Alex what would I do? Would I work? Go to school? What if I went to California, I could go to school there…I realized I hadn’t even entertained the idea of school until that moment. And what would I major in? What would I do with it? Where would this leave Austin and I?

“Rae!”

Shaking my head I looked up to see Austin’s brown eyes staring down at me. He gave a little chuckle holding his hand out to help me up. “Are you coming?”

“Where are we going?” I questioned as I placed my hand in his, letting him pull me to my feet.

“We’re leaving, no one likes this music.” He said pointing above to the speakers in an undisclosed area above us.

I glanced down as I felt his fingers interlace with mine.

“What were you thinking about so intently?” He asked giving my hand a little squeeze as he lead the way out into the cold night air.

“Can we talk?” I asked stopping so short he let go of my hand and stumbled back a bit.

“What?” He asked turning around to face me. “Now?”

“What’s going on with us?” I asked searching his eyes for some sort of answer.
He reached down and cupped my head in his hands, placing a kiss on my lips.

“I love you. That’s what’s going on…” He said with a smile before trying to lead the way to the bus again.

I couldn’t help but feel like he was pushing me aside as I followed him towards the bus and put a smile on my face. I made a deal with myself I’d get it out of him by tomorrow, and if I didn’t like his answer, I’d be saying good morning Baltimore.