Second Go
Back Lounge
“Muwah!” Tino’s lips on my cheek made the biggest smacking sound as he hugged me.
“Thanks, Rae!” Phil said grinning and pulling me in for a hug.
“Raegan! You know I love you!” Aaron said hugging me as well.
I held my arms out for a hug from Alan who just walked by me with a blank face before giggling and running back to hug me.
As the guys went off for celebratory shots, Austin and I stood there staring at each other for a long moment.
He stepped up towards me, wiping the sweat off his face with a towel. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Baltimore?”
“I was…” I said crossing my arms over my chest. “But I came out to see you.”
He suddenly came so close to me I almost considered kissing him. His voice dropped low and my arms fell to my sides.
“Is this because of what happened?” He asked, his voice growl like. He didn’t have to say anything for me to know he was referring to the arrest.
“N-not necessarily…”
“Because you’re the one who left me in Australia. I didn’t leave you.”
“It’s not like I left to go on vacation, Austin.” I said rolling my eyes as he put more distance between us.
“I don’t care what you left for, I woke up alone…and no one would tell me where you went.” He turned on his heel and started walking away from me. I closed my eyes knowing that I was only going to be able to stop him by saying four words.
Throwing my head back with a sigh, eyes still closed I said, “I went to rehab.”
I watched his back muscles through his tank top as they slowly lost all their built up tension. The other guys had heard what I had said too and were now peeking through the door of the green room to see what was going on.
I walked towards them all with a shrug. “I went to rehab. That’s why I was gone.”
“Are you better now?” Alan asked.
“I feel better.” I said making sure not to look at Austin. “I feel like I can handle things now. And I feel like…I’m not as crazy anymore. And I feel like I never need to touch another drug again.”
“Cheers to Raegan!” Tino said raising his solo cup happily.
“Thanks Ur Boi!” I said with a smile and a laugh.
It felt like it had been years since I had slept in a tour bus bunk. I was so uncomfortable that night.
Tossing and turning in the tiny space, the movement of the bus that once rocked me to sleep now driving me insane.
Finally giving up I kicked the blankets off, pulled the curtain back, and hopped down. I grabbed my favorite Hello Kitty blanket, wrapping it around my body like a burrito, and made my way towards the
back lounge.
The door was shut and I could faintly hear the TV, either someone was awake in there or sleeping in there. I almost decided to go to the front lounge but in a split second decision I pulled open the door.
Austin looked up from his keyboard at the sound of the door and attempted to hid the smile that had started to form on his lips when he realized it was me.
“I’m sorry…” I whispered. “I’ll go up front.”
“What?” He asked looking confused. “Rae, you can come back here…”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” He said with a laugh moving the pillow next to him so I’d have room.
Shutting the door behind me, I padded over to the couch and sat next to him.
“What are you watching?” I asked looking up at the TV.
“Happy Gilmore, a fan gave it to me a couple weeks ago when I was sick.” He said going back to his computer screen.
I leaned over him and grabbed the bag of chips.
“Hey!” He said with a giggle.
I smirked, tossing a chip in my mouth with a shrug.
“I’m really sorry about earlier.”
I looked over at Austin who was staring at me intently.
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.” I said shrugging.
“No, Rae…” His hand was suddenly on my knee and I glanced down wondering if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I had chosen to wear the tiniest shorts I own to bed. The warmth on his hand seemed to radiate through my entire body. Images of him climbing on top of me, his hand sliding down into my shorts, his eyes filled with lust as I leaned up trailing kisses over his tattoos.
“Really,” My eyes shot up from his hand to his eyes and I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment at my own thoughts. “I didn’t know you went to rehab. I’m sorry I was being a dick.”
“Austin, really…it’s okay!” I said with a laugh.
“Well, I’m really glad you’re doing better…” He said with a smile and I looked down at his hand as it slowly moved off my knee. I caught the scabs on the back of his knuckles and I reached out taking his hand again looking at them closely.
He watched me as I inspected his entire hand, running my fingers along the scabs that would soon turn into scars to forever remind him of this period in his life.
“How bad was it?” I asked looking up into his eyes, still holding his hand in both of mine.
“Pretty bad…” Austin had lowered his voice so much I could barely understand him. “There was a lot of blood.”
His hand suddenly retracted and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eye sockets as if the more pressure he applied, the less he’d be able to remember the events of that night.
“There was a second…and I thought I had killed him….that’s why I pulled back…I thought he was dead on the sidewalk…”
I reached out pulling his hands down and forcing him to look at me.
“It’s okay. You just lost control…”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry, Raegan.” He said sighing sadly.
“What happened?” I asked slowly giving him time to gage how comfortable he felt going into detail.
“We were standing outside of this bar waiting for a taxi to take us to the bus…” He said looking at the ceiling now. “And this guy had his girlfriend up against the wall of the building and he was screaming in her face. And they were going at it for a bit and it just kept progressively escalating. We were all getting really pissed off. And I remember I glanced back and realized I had spoken to her earlier that night. She had complimented the heart necklace you had given me and we had talked for a few seconds at the bar and I had told her about you. She told me whatever it took I had to work things
out with you…”
He met my eyes and we just looked at each other for a moment before he continued on. “So, anyway…he’s standing there screaming in her face and pushing her around and he started calling her every name in the book. And she was crying her eyes out. All I could think about was if we were in there shoes. And how someone could do something like that to someone they love. I could never do that to you and treat you like that… So I called over and I was just like, “Hey, dude. Let it go. If you love her, just work things out with her tomorrow…” And he was like “Fuck you, faggot!” And a moment later he hit her. And it took me two strides to go over there and pull him off her and I kept trying to calm him down, you know defuse the situation…and then he swung at me. I went into a blind rage. I don’t remember anything after that besides standing up and looking down at him on the ground, covered in blood. And the girl crying saying “fuck you.” And then I just remember my face being pushed up against a police cruiser and my pockets being emptied out.”
As he finished the story I reached over and pulled him into a hug. We stayed like that for a long time before Austin finally pulled away and smiled at me.
“Think positively though, right?”
“How do you do that?” I asked with my own smile.
“What?” He asked grabbing his laptop again.
“Stay so happy and optimistic all the time?”
He shrugged with a laugh. “My mom taught me to be that way.”
“I wish I could have met her.” I said getting comfier on the couch cushions.
“She would have loved you.” Austin said smiling.
“Really?”
“Yeah, as much as my dad does.”
“How is Perry?” I asked turning my attention back to the bag of chips and the movie.
“My dad’s good.”
“What’s he think of everything?”
“He told me he’ll support me no matter what happens.”
“Who would have thought a movie about golf could be funny…” I said watching the movie.
“I know!”
“Have you ever seen the mashed potatoes guy?” I asked looking over at him.
“No?” He said furrowing his brow.
“Oh my god! Go to YouTube right fucking now!” I said getting excited.
“What is this?” Austin laughed as I moved the computer to my lap and looked up the video.
“Just watch!”
We spent the evening laughing at YouTube videos, watching movies, and eating junk food in our underwear. We cracked jokes. Picked on each other. Shared heart to hearts. For the first time in what seemed like the entirety of knowing each other, it felt like we were actually friends.
As we laid down on the sofa, barely fitting on the tiny surface, giggling and cuddling.
“Do you realize we haven’t even known each other for a year yet?” I questioned looking up at him.
“No…” He said laughing. “That summer seems like forever ago now.”
“We’ve been through literally so much in the last nine months…”
“We could have had a baby!” Austin said excitedly making ma laugh. “Let’s have a baby!”
“Now you want children?” I laughed. “We’re not even together!”
“Yeah, but our kid would be so rad. Raegan, let’s make a baby.”
“Go to sleep, Austin…” I said with a laugh.
He let out an exaggerated sigh making both of us burst into giggles before we both settled down and started to drift off to sleep.
I couldn’t help but wonder how serious he had been about the baby comment.
“Thanks, Rae!” Phil said grinning and pulling me in for a hug.
“Raegan! You know I love you!” Aaron said hugging me as well.
I held my arms out for a hug from Alan who just walked by me with a blank face before giggling and running back to hug me.
As the guys went off for celebratory shots, Austin and I stood there staring at each other for a long moment.
He stepped up towards me, wiping the sweat off his face with a towel. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Baltimore?”
“I was…” I said crossing my arms over my chest. “But I came out to see you.”
He suddenly came so close to me I almost considered kissing him. His voice dropped low and my arms fell to my sides.
“Is this because of what happened?” He asked, his voice growl like. He didn’t have to say anything for me to know he was referring to the arrest.
“N-not necessarily…”
“Because you’re the one who left me in Australia. I didn’t leave you.”
“It’s not like I left to go on vacation, Austin.” I said rolling my eyes as he put more distance between us.
“I don’t care what you left for, I woke up alone…and no one would tell me where you went.” He turned on his heel and started walking away from me. I closed my eyes knowing that I was only going to be able to stop him by saying four words.
Throwing my head back with a sigh, eyes still closed I said, “I went to rehab.”
I watched his back muscles through his tank top as they slowly lost all their built up tension. The other guys had heard what I had said too and were now peeking through the door of the green room to see what was going on.
I walked towards them all with a shrug. “I went to rehab. That’s why I was gone.”
“Are you better now?” Alan asked.
“I feel better.” I said making sure not to look at Austin. “I feel like I can handle things now. And I feel like…I’m not as crazy anymore. And I feel like I never need to touch another drug again.”
“Cheers to Raegan!” Tino said raising his solo cup happily.
“Thanks Ur Boi!” I said with a smile and a laugh.
It felt like it had been years since I had slept in a tour bus bunk. I was so uncomfortable that night.
Tossing and turning in the tiny space, the movement of the bus that once rocked me to sleep now driving me insane.
Finally giving up I kicked the blankets off, pulled the curtain back, and hopped down. I grabbed my favorite Hello Kitty blanket, wrapping it around my body like a burrito, and made my way towards the
back lounge.
The door was shut and I could faintly hear the TV, either someone was awake in there or sleeping in there. I almost decided to go to the front lounge but in a split second decision I pulled open the door.
Austin looked up from his keyboard at the sound of the door and attempted to hid the smile that had started to form on his lips when he realized it was me.
“I’m sorry…” I whispered. “I’ll go up front.”
“What?” He asked looking confused. “Rae, you can come back here…”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” He said with a laugh moving the pillow next to him so I’d have room.
Shutting the door behind me, I padded over to the couch and sat next to him.
“What are you watching?” I asked looking up at the TV.
“Happy Gilmore, a fan gave it to me a couple weeks ago when I was sick.” He said going back to his computer screen.
I leaned over him and grabbed the bag of chips.
“Hey!” He said with a giggle.
I smirked, tossing a chip in my mouth with a shrug.
“I’m really sorry about earlier.”
I looked over at Austin who was staring at me intently.
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.” I said shrugging.
“No, Rae…” His hand was suddenly on my knee and I glanced down wondering if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I had chosen to wear the tiniest shorts I own to bed. The warmth on his hand seemed to radiate through my entire body. Images of him climbing on top of me, his hand sliding down into my shorts, his eyes filled with lust as I leaned up trailing kisses over his tattoos.
“Really,” My eyes shot up from his hand to his eyes and I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment at my own thoughts. “I didn’t know you went to rehab. I’m sorry I was being a dick.”
“Austin, really…it’s okay!” I said with a laugh.
“Well, I’m really glad you’re doing better…” He said with a smile and I looked down at his hand as it slowly moved off my knee. I caught the scabs on the back of his knuckles and I reached out taking his hand again looking at them closely.
He watched me as I inspected his entire hand, running my fingers along the scabs that would soon turn into scars to forever remind him of this period in his life.
“How bad was it?” I asked looking up into his eyes, still holding his hand in both of mine.
“Pretty bad…” Austin had lowered his voice so much I could barely understand him. “There was a lot of blood.”
His hand suddenly retracted and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eye sockets as if the more pressure he applied, the less he’d be able to remember the events of that night.
“There was a second…and I thought I had killed him….that’s why I pulled back…I thought he was dead on the sidewalk…”
I reached out pulling his hands down and forcing him to look at me.
“It’s okay. You just lost control…”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry, Raegan.” He said sighing sadly.
“What happened?” I asked slowly giving him time to gage how comfortable he felt going into detail.
“We were standing outside of this bar waiting for a taxi to take us to the bus…” He said looking at the ceiling now. “And this guy had his girlfriend up against the wall of the building and he was screaming in her face. And they were going at it for a bit and it just kept progressively escalating. We were all getting really pissed off. And I remember I glanced back and realized I had spoken to her earlier that night. She had complimented the heart necklace you had given me and we had talked for a few seconds at the bar and I had told her about you. She told me whatever it took I had to work things
out with you…”
He met my eyes and we just looked at each other for a moment before he continued on. “So, anyway…he’s standing there screaming in her face and pushing her around and he started calling her every name in the book. And she was crying her eyes out. All I could think about was if we were in there shoes. And how someone could do something like that to someone they love. I could never do that to you and treat you like that… So I called over and I was just like, “Hey, dude. Let it go. If you love her, just work things out with her tomorrow…” And he was like “Fuck you, faggot!” And a moment later he hit her. And it took me two strides to go over there and pull him off her and I kept trying to calm him down, you know defuse the situation…and then he swung at me. I went into a blind rage. I don’t remember anything after that besides standing up and looking down at him on the ground, covered in blood. And the girl crying saying “fuck you.” And then I just remember my face being pushed up against a police cruiser and my pockets being emptied out.”
As he finished the story I reached over and pulled him into a hug. We stayed like that for a long time before Austin finally pulled away and smiled at me.
“Think positively though, right?”
“How do you do that?” I asked with my own smile.
“What?” He asked grabbing his laptop again.
“Stay so happy and optimistic all the time?”
He shrugged with a laugh. “My mom taught me to be that way.”
“I wish I could have met her.” I said getting comfier on the couch cushions.
“She would have loved you.” Austin said smiling.
“Really?”
“Yeah, as much as my dad does.”
“How is Perry?” I asked turning my attention back to the bag of chips and the movie.
“My dad’s good.”
“What’s he think of everything?”
“He told me he’ll support me no matter what happens.”
“Who would have thought a movie about golf could be funny…” I said watching the movie.
“I know!”
“Have you ever seen the mashed potatoes guy?” I asked looking over at him.
“No?” He said furrowing his brow.
“Oh my god! Go to YouTube right fucking now!” I said getting excited.
“What is this?” Austin laughed as I moved the computer to my lap and looked up the video.
“Just watch!”
We spent the evening laughing at YouTube videos, watching movies, and eating junk food in our underwear. We cracked jokes. Picked on each other. Shared heart to hearts. For the first time in what seemed like the entirety of knowing each other, it felt like we were actually friends.
As we laid down on the sofa, barely fitting on the tiny surface, giggling and cuddling.
“Do you realize we haven’t even known each other for a year yet?” I questioned looking up at him.
“No…” He said laughing. “That summer seems like forever ago now.”
“We’ve been through literally so much in the last nine months…”
“We could have had a baby!” Austin said excitedly making ma laugh. “Let’s have a baby!”
“Now you want children?” I laughed. “We’re not even together!”
“Yeah, but our kid would be so rad. Raegan, let’s make a baby.”
“Go to sleep, Austin…” I said with a laugh.
He let out an exaggerated sigh making both of us burst into giggles before we both settled down and started to drift off to sleep.
I couldn’t help but wonder how serious he had been about the baby comment.
No it's cool! I know I've left you all with baited breath! I just couldn't think of a way to let you guys know it'd be up a little late. But don't worry!! :)
11/11/13