Too Soon

Tour is over in just a few days. Darren and I have been asked to give a side stage show for the most requested band. With my adding a few things here and there. I walked into the front lounge and saw Danny waiting for me. He watched me carefully and wrung his hands together.
"What?" I asked.
"The most requested band came in." he explained.
"So, who is it?"
"You're going to hate it." he stated. "Of Mice."
"You're joking?" I sighed angrily. "Are they just doing this to make me uncomfortable?"
"We don't have to do it."
"Who else would?" I asked.
"I don't know." Danny frowned.
"I guess we'll have to do it." I shrugged.
Danny picked up his small camera. He brought his bag with him and we walked outside. Danny nudged me and I looked across at him. "What's going on with you?" he asked.
"You mean with Austin?" I asked and he nodded. "I don't know. I just want him to be okay."
"But you're with Tony?"
"I'm with Tony." I agreed.
"You still like him, don't you." he stated.
"You haven't been talking to Alan, have you?" I groaned.
"No, I just know you." he shrugged.
"Don't tell anyone."
"Of course." he nodded.
We walked over to main stage. We showed our passes and they let us through. I tried to find some of the band but I couldn't see anyone. I saw the stage manager and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey, David." I said.
"Not now, Gemma. It's manic here." he brushed me off.
"Where's Of Mice? I'm filming them."
"Of Mice." he laughed dryly. "Good luck filming them. Austin won't even come off of his fucking bus!"
"What?" I asked.
"Look Gemma, I need to go." he sighed and jogged away.
"Gem', there's Alan." Danny said. I turned and saw Alan talking with one of the stage team. I went over and interrupted them.
"Alan, why am I hearing Austin is locking himself away?" I asked.
"Because he is." Alan sighed tiredly. He took my arm and led us away from the others.
"What's happened?" I asked.
"Austin is losing it. Completely losing it."
"What's he done?"
"He told me he ran into you the other day. After that he hasn't been eating much and has been drinking. He isn't showering and now he's refusing to leave his bunk. He's lost it, Gemma."
"Okay, it'll be okay." I told him. I could see how stressed out Alan was.
"Can you go and see him?" he asked.
"He won't want me to." I mumbled.
"He will." Alan countered. "Come on. I'm desperate. I don't care about the show getting cancelled. I just want him back to normal."
I sighed and pulled at my hair. "Keep Tony away while I'm there. I don't need him making things difficult." I told him.
"Okay." he nodded.
I walked over to Danny and told him where I was going. Then I started to walk away from the stage. I was heading for the buses. I reached Of Mice and Men's bus and saw Aaron, Tino and Phil sitting outside of the bus. They looked up and I smiled a little.
"Hey guys." I said. "Have you been kicked off?"
"Something like that." Aaron said.
"Alan asked me to go on and talk to him."
"Do you want to?" Tino asked.
"I'm going to." I shrugged. "Don't come and break things up." I warned.
"Got you." Phil frowned.
I walked onto the bus. I walked through the front lounge and stopped at the bunks. All the curtains were opened accept for Austin's. I drew it back and saw Austin with his back to me.
"Get out." he said flatly. "I told you to stay away from me." he growled.
"I'm not leaving." I said. Austin turned around to look at me. I smiled sadly at him. He looked thiner and his eyes were bloodshot.
"Go away." he snapped and turned his back to me again.
"What are you doing?" I asked. "Come on, Austin." I said and reached out to touch him. He shrunk away from me.
"You don't care so fuck off." he spat.
If he really thought I didn't care about him maybe I should behave that way. That could be what he needs. "Austin." I said flatly.
"What?" he mumbled.
"Look at you. You're pathetic." I said tightly. "How the fucking hell did I mess you up so bad you let yourself go this much? I mean it's not like your life has been perfect. You've gone through your mothers death, a divorce and open heart surgery. We have three days left of tour so I am going to say this only once and God help me you are going to do it, Austin." I said. He rolled over to look at me. "Get the fuck up!"
"What?" he mumbled.
"I said get up. Now, do as I say."
"I don't want to." he shook his head.
"I don't care what you want. You get up and stand in front of me right now before I make you, you stubborn bastard." I snapped. Austin made some noise of protest but did as I said. He untangled himself from his bed sheets and stood in front of me. He was taller than me now so I put a hand on each hip. "Let me look at you." I said.
He'd definitely lost weight. And he hadn't shaved in a few days either. I got on my tiptoes to smell him breath. He reeked of alcohol. Austin buried his hands deep in his pockets. I took his hand and he looked down at me.
"Come with me." I said. I took him to the bathroom and closed the door behind us. I switched the shower on and turned back to him. I pulled his shirt over his head.
"What're you doing?" he complained.
"I'm making you look presentable. Now take your clothes off." I snapped.
Austin looked at me and slowly took all of his clothes off. He stepped into the shower and folded my arms across my chest. He turned his back to me and started showering. He washed his body and his hair. I handed him a razor and he looked in the mirror opposite the shower. She shaved before he handed the razor back to me. I picked up a towel from the side and passed it to him.
"Thanks." he mumbled.
"I'll go and get you some clothes from your case." I told him. I went out to his case and searched through from some clothes. I picked out a pair of dark skinny jeans and a tank top. I set them on the side with Austin's underwear. "Come out to me when you're done." I said. He nodded.
I walked out and searched through the kitchen. I found a plate of food in the microwave. I heated it up as Austin walked out. "Sit." I said. He did as told and sat at the table. I took the food out and set it down in front of him. I joined him at the table and watched as he slowly started to eat. "When did you last eat?" I asked.
"A day or two ago." he shrugged.
"Why didn't you eat?"
"I didn't feel like it..." he trailed away.
"How much have you drank today?"
"Half a bottle of whiskey."
"You don't drink whiskey straight." I commented.
"I felt like it."
"Are you angry with me?"
"I'm angry with everyone."
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Austin. I never meant to." I whispered. Austin looked down at his food for a while.
"I really liked you, Gemma. How could you do that? And with Perry too. He's my friend. I'm angry with him. I trusted him and he slept with you. Even worse, you slept with him. Do you know what it's like to have someone you really like hook up with one of your friends?" he said desperately.
"I do." I nodded. "My boyfriend cheated on me before. Now it happened again."
"My ex wife cheated on me too."
"Looks like we've both gone through pain. So why the hell are we dishing it out?" I sighed.
"I'm sorry I cheated on you, Gemma." he told me sincerely.
"And?" I urged.
"I'm sorry I never made us official." he said.
"And?"
"I'm sorry if I never seemed interested in your life."
"And?"
"And what? Isn't that everything."
"Maybe." I shrugged. "I just wanted to see if you had any more." I said. "I'm sorry too, Austin. For everything."
"I forgive you. I just don't want to see you with him."
"I want you to make your mom proud, Austin. Can you do that for me?" I asked. He looked down at his food but nodded his head. "When you get home you need to stop drinking as much. You need to eat properly. Good food too, all this shit will affect your heart. I think you need to see someone about your anger too. No matter how hard you deny it you have issues with it. Anyone can tell that by how angry you look on stage."
"Why do you want me to do all this?" he asked.
"I care about you, Carlile. Even when you're acting like a total dick. God knows why, but I do." I said. "Finished?" I asked and he nodded. I stood up and cleared it away.
"Gemma, I think I love you." Austin mumbled.
"What?" I turned around.
"I think I love you." he said louder now.
"Don't say it if you don't mean it." I said flatly.
"I do mean it. I fucking love you, Gem'." he said as he stood up. I looked up at him and reached up to push his hair out of his face. "And it's stupid. You're with Tony now and I know that. I had you. But I fucked everything up. I lost this skinny, beautiful chick from England all because I was too scared and messed up inside to tell you. But if you care about me just give me one kiss." Austin said.
I looked down and my feet and sighed. Then I wrapped my arms around Austin's neck and leant in. He held my waist lightly and crushed his lips to mine. His tongue went inside my mouth and I clung onto his tighter. I've missed his kisses.
We pulled away and Austin frowned. "I'm here. I don't care what you want. You can fall in love with Tony. But I'll be here."
"Your timing is so shit!" I exclaimed.
"I'm sorry." he mumbled.
"I love everything about you that hurts. But I can't leave Tony. I'm sorry." I said. I looked up at him. He looked so sad. I can't stand it. I pushed my body up against him and kissed him roughly again.
"Then why are you kissing me?" Austin asked.
"I can't help it." I breathed. "I don't know what I want."
"I want you... happy. I want you happy, Gemma."
"Then go to your signing." I begged. "Show me how you can do normal things and forget about me."
"I can't forget about you."
"Pretend for a little while." I whispered. Austin cupped my cheek with his hand and nodded. He pulled away and headed off of the bus. I heard people cheering from outside. "Fuck!" I screamed and kicked the cabinet in the kitchen.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? What's happening between Gemma and Austin? What about Tony? Who will Gemma choose? Does Austin really love her? :)