You're Not Alone Anymore
The Kiss
I slowly opened my eyes and immediately looked to the chair on my right. Austin was there sleeping with his head on the bed, and my hand in his. My letter in his other hand.
Why is he so attached to that letter…? I don’t really understand the big deal…it can’t possibly mean that much to him. He gets shit like that all the time from so many other girls… I thought to myself. What’s so different about me?
What I did next felt like pure instinct. It felt so natural that I couldn’t help it. I took my free hand and ran it through his long, messy hair. It felt so…soft. I got lost in the feeling of how good it felt. How perfect that moment felt in my heart. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
I got so caught up in the moment, I didn’t notice him wake up. He took my hand in his, and kissed it gently. He held both of my hands tightly with his head down so I couldn’t see his face.
“Austin…?” I tried to get his attention.
“I love the way my name sounds coming from you…” he looked up at me with a sad smile. He looked like he was about to cry.
“W…what’s the matter?” I asked, slightly embarrassed from his last comment.
“I…I was so worried…” he confessed, putting his head back down. “You passed out and your heart rate plummeted…it took forever for you to stabilize. Even when you did I was worried…you were…you were crying out in your sleep…I didn’t know how to help. All I could do was take your hand and pray that you woke up…”
I didn’t know what to say. I just lied there staring at him. I didn’t even know what to feel. I’ve never had anyone act this way towards me before…show me this much concern. Especially someone like Austin.
“I don’t understand…” I whispered. He looked back up at me, confused.
“Understand? How?” he asked.
“I just…don’t,” I tried to explain. “I’ve never had anyone worry about me like you say you did…I just…I don’t understand why.”
“Haylee…” he began, my heart warmed to the sound of my name on his lips. “It’s not something that can be explained. You just have to accept it. Just like I don’t know why I was so worried about you either.”
“You don’t?”
“No,” he shook his head, a little embarrassed. “When I first saw you in the venue, I thought you were just another wonderful fan. Until I saw your face…your beautiful, beautiful face and your even more beautiful eyes…I couldn’t figure it out…but there was something different about you. I could tell you were such a nice, caring girl. Especially when you gave up what I know was your hard earned pass to someone you didn’t even know the name of.”
“But…” I began. But he put his finger to my lips once more and continued.
“And I could tell that, despite the fact you’re so selfless,” he went on. “That you’ve been nothing but used and abused. Causing you to see yourself as nothing but a tool. But you’re so much more than that. And I thought to myself ‘if only she had someone in her life that would love her the way she deserves’…and when I realized that…I realized that deep down…for some strange, unknown reason…I wanted to be that person.
“After I saw you leave the venue, I thought for sure you went into the parking lot. Which is why I made the suggestion to go out there in the first place. I was hoping to catch you before you left or something happened…but I was wrong…you went out the door just before it. So when I went outside, the first thing I did was look around for you. And when I heard a scream…my stomach turned as the thought of him hurting you entered my mind. I prayed that it wasn’t. But secretly, at the same time, I kind of did…” he confessed.
“Wait…why?” I asked, not sure what to think.
“Because…I wanted to be your hero,” he said smiling slightly, then frowning right away. “But I was hoping to do it much sooner than that…”
“But Austin…” I smiled. “You are my hero. On more than one occasion I might add. Sure you were a little later than you wanted to be…but better late than never. I would have been found dead in that alley if you weren’t there.”
“Yeah…” was all he said in reply as he kissed both of my hands softly.
“I’m sorry…” I said sadly as I looked away.
“Why?”
“I…I was just trying to make you feel better…I love seeing you smile…but I guess I can’t do that very well either,” I frowned.
I was in no way shape or form prepared for what happened next. I felt him take my face in both of his soft, warm hands and made me look at him. I stared into his deep brown eyes. I opened my words but no words came out.
“No,” he said softly, smiling sweetly. “Don’t you for a single second think that you can’t make me smile, Haylee. The fact that you are alive and safe right now…is enough to keep me smiling forever.”
“Austin…” his name barely escaped my mouth. I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I had trouble breathing. I could hear the time between beeps on my heart rate monitor shorten as he looked into my eyes then quietly made the noise he did before that told me to be quiet.
“I’m done talking for a little bit,” he whispered as his face slowly inched towards mine.
I tried to breathe…though it wasn’t coming very easily. I felt like I was going hyperventilate and pass out. Why am I feeling like this?! I’ve been this close to at least 3 guys! I’ve kissed 3 guys and I’ve never felt this panicky! I mean yeah I got butterflies when I kissed Zack…but he was my first ever boyfriend…what do I do?! My thoughts broke when I heard Austin chuckle slightly.
“What?” I asked, afraid I screwed it up.
“You’re so cute,” he replied with my favorite smile on his face. “But you need to relax. It’s okay.”
“I…I’m sorry,” I stuttered. The feeling in my stomach only worsened as he was twice a close now.
“This couldn’t possibly be your first kiss…not a beautiful cutie like you…could it?” he asked, almost teasingly.
“No! I’ve kissed plenty of times!” I protested. “I mean…I only kissed three guys but…”
“But you’ve never felt this kind of thing before?” he finished for me. “Like the butterflies…only more intense?” I nodded. I felt chills as he leaned in and whispered in my ear: “It’s okay…I feel it too.”
“W…” I began to ask. But I was interrupted when he pressed those soft, warm lips against mine. I hate being interrupted…but I was okay with this. I closed my eyes and let myself melt in his arms. He felt so warm and safe. It felt like it did when I listen to him sing. I lost myself. I slowly put my arms around his neck as he pulled me closer into him arms, all while being careful of my wound. I could feel all my problems fade away as we sat there in each other’s arms, our lips intertwined. I kissed him back, completely unaware of the terrible, cruel world that was around us.
Why is he so attached to that letter…? I don’t really understand the big deal…it can’t possibly mean that much to him. He gets shit like that all the time from so many other girls… I thought to myself. What’s so different about me?
What I did next felt like pure instinct. It felt so natural that I couldn’t help it. I took my free hand and ran it through his long, messy hair. It felt so…soft. I got lost in the feeling of how good it felt. How perfect that moment felt in my heart. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
I got so caught up in the moment, I didn’t notice him wake up. He took my hand in his, and kissed it gently. He held both of my hands tightly with his head down so I couldn’t see his face.
“Austin…?” I tried to get his attention.
“I love the way my name sounds coming from you…” he looked up at me with a sad smile. He looked like he was about to cry.
“W…what’s the matter?” I asked, slightly embarrassed from his last comment.
“I…I was so worried…” he confessed, putting his head back down. “You passed out and your heart rate plummeted…it took forever for you to stabilize. Even when you did I was worried…you were…you were crying out in your sleep…I didn’t know how to help. All I could do was take your hand and pray that you woke up…”
I didn’t know what to say. I just lied there staring at him. I didn’t even know what to feel. I’ve never had anyone act this way towards me before…show me this much concern. Especially someone like Austin.
“I don’t understand…” I whispered. He looked back up at me, confused.
“Understand? How?” he asked.
“I just…don’t,” I tried to explain. “I’ve never had anyone worry about me like you say you did…I just…I don’t understand why.”
“Haylee…” he began, my heart warmed to the sound of my name on his lips. “It’s not something that can be explained. You just have to accept it. Just like I don’t know why I was so worried about you either.”
“You don’t?”
“No,” he shook his head, a little embarrassed. “When I first saw you in the venue, I thought you were just another wonderful fan. Until I saw your face…your beautiful, beautiful face and your even more beautiful eyes…I couldn’t figure it out…but there was something different about you. I could tell you were such a nice, caring girl. Especially when you gave up what I know was your hard earned pass to someone you didn’t even know the name of.”
“But…” I began. But he put his finger to my lips once more and continued.
“And I could tell that, despite the fact you’re so selfless,” he went on. “That you’ve been nothing but used and abused. Causing you to see yourself as nothing but a tool. But you’re so much more than that. And I thought to myself ‘if only she had someone in her life that would love her the way she deserves’…and when I realized that…I realized that deep down…for some strange, unknown reason…I wanted to be that person.
“After I saw you leave the venue, I thought for sure you went into the parking lot. Which is why I made the suggestion to go out there in the first place. I was hoping to catch you before you left or something happened…but I was wrong…you went out the door just before it. So when I went outside, the first thing I did was look around for you. And when I heard a scream…my stomach turned as the thought of him hurting you entered my mind. I prayed that it wasn’t. But secretly, at the same time, I kind of did…” he confessed.
“Wait…why?” I asked, not sure what to think.
“Because…I wanted to be your hero,” he said smiling slightly, then frowning right away. “But I was hoping to do it much sooner than that…”
“But Austin…” I smiled. “You are my hero. On more than one occasion I might add. Sure you were a little later than you wanted to be…but better late than never. I would have been found dead in that alley if you weren’t there.”
“Yeah…” was all he said in reply as he kissed both of my hands softly.
“I’m sorry…” I said sadly as I looked away.
“Why?”
“I…I was just trying to make you feel better…I love seeing you smile…but I guess I can’t do that very well either,” I frowned.
I was in no way shape or form prepared for what happened next. I felt him take my face in both of his soft, warm hands and made me look at him. I stared into his deep brown eyes. I opened my words but no words came out.
“No,” he said softly, smiling sweetly. “Don’t you for a single second think that you can’t make me smile, Haylee. The fact that you are alive and safe right now…is enough to keep me smiling forever.”
“Austin…” his name barely escaped my mouth. I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I had trouble breathing. I could hear the time between beeps on my heart rate monitor shorten as he looked into my eyes then quietly made the noise he did before that told me to be quiet.
“I’m done talking for a little bit,” he whispered as his face slowly inched towards mine.
I tried to breathe…though it wasn’t coming very easily. I felt like I was going hyperventilate and pass out. Why am I feeling like this?! I’ve been this close to at least 3 guys! I’ve kissed 3 guys and I’ve never felt this panicky! I mean yeah I got butterflies when I kissed Zack…but he was my first ever boyfriend…what do I do?! My thoughts broke when I heard Austin chuckle slightly.
“What?” I asked, afraid I screwed it up.
“You’re so cute,” he replied with my favorite smile on his face. “But you need to relax. It’s okay.”
“I…I’m sorry,” I stuttered. The feeling in my stomach only worsened as he was twice a close now.
“This couldn’t possibly be your first kiss…not a beautiful cutie like you…could it?” he asked, almost teasingly.
“No! I’ve kissed plenty of times!” I protested. “I mean…I only kissed three guys but…”
“But you’ve never felt this kind of thing before?” he finished for me. “Like the butterflies…only more intense?” I nodded. I felt chills as he leaned in and whispered in my ear: “It’s okay…I feel it too.”
“W…” I began to ask. But I was interrupted when he pressed those soft, warm lips against mine. I hate being interrupted…but I was okay with this. I closed my eyes and let myself melt in his arms. He felt so warm and safe. It felt like it did when I listen to him sing. I lost myself. I slowly put my arms around his neck as he pulled me closer into him arms, all while being careful of my wound. I could feel all my problems fade away as we sat there in each other’s arms, our lips intertwined. I kissed him back, completely unaware of the terrible, cruel world that was around us.
@asthesunwentdown
I understand and I'm trying to see what I can do. I can't make any promises but there won't likely be that many
1/23/14