I Can't Heal The Way I Feel About You
Can you tell from the look in our eyes? We're going no where
That night we drove to New York for the next venue. I was happy that it wasn't too long of a drive because trying to sleep in a moving bus isn't a whole lot of fun. Oli and I laid in bed, sleepless. He traced his finger over my new tattoo and buried his face in my hair.
"I don't want you to leave. Can't you take a semester off? We're touring with Of Mice and Men during the Fall and Winter. Come with us. Please."
I wanted to so badly, but it was so unrealistic. I had one year left of college, but I had med school to tackle. As much as I loved North Eastern, I didn't want to have to spend another semester there getting my degree.
"I want to. I really do. But I don't think it's a possibility. I already have my classes anyway."
Oli pouted and nuzzled up against my side. I loved the way he felt wrapped around me. I felt so safe. Leaving all this was going to hurt. I didn't know how we were going to stay together if we did try. I laid back and listened to the sound of the bus on the road. Slowly but surely I managed to fall asleep.
****
Oli was playing in the morning that day, so I spent the time with Austin.
"Sick tattoo. When'd you get it?"
"Yesterday when we were in Boston."
"Yeah, I can tell. Looks pretty fresh. Is that your first?" Austin traced the tattoo lightly with his fingertip like Oli had done the night before.
"Mhm. I'm probably gonna get a few more, but not as many as you and Oli." I looked at the tattoos that started at his neck and escaped under his shirt. I turned away and looked to the masses of people.
"It looks nice..." He touched my leg again, and I turned around. He pushed his lips against mine and pulled me towards him. I pushed him has hard as I could, but he was persistent. Finally, he let up and smiled at me as he did.
"What the actual fuck?!"
He laughed and tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him away.
"You know I'm dating Oli. How could you do that to your friend? Are you fucking serious?"
I stormed off into the crowd with Austin trailing behind me.
I walked quickly and carefully through the crowd trying to get somewhere that was away from Austin. I couldn't even fathom how he thought that was a good idea. Oli was a pretty good friend of his, and they were going on tour soon. Together. And I couldn't just not tell Oli. I was worried though because I knew he would be angry. It would definitely mess up his relationship with Oli, and I'm sure we'd be screwed up for a bit.
"Charlotte! Come back! I'm sorry..."
I looked behind me and saw Austin standing in the crowd with people walking around him, allowing for the space he was taking up as they pushed by, causing him to create a wake like a boat. He looked sad.
"I'm sorry."
But I was too angry. I turned and walked over to the nearest pavilion. Within minutes, he was sitting by my side but not too close as I'm sure he didn't want to anger me further.
"I-I shouldn't have done that." He looked down at his hands that were clasped on his lap.
"I don't want to hear it Austin."
"I just haven't had someone I actually related to or that I really cared about since Gielle. But she fucked things up. And then I found you. I don't want to mess up your relationship. I just couldn't stop myself." He looked away and I kissed his cheek.
"I'm sorry you're lonely. But I can't be with you right now. I love Oli."
"I know. I'm happy for you two. I'm sure he's done with his set by now. Let's go find him."
We walked back to the rows of buses and made our way to the Bring Me The Horizon bus where we were sure to find Oli by now. I didn't know what I was going to tell him or how I was going to tell him. What was awful was that I did have some feelings for Austin. Not any that were comparable to the feelings I had for Oli, but they were there. He was so sweet and understanding and easy to talk to. You couldn't help but like him.
Oli came out from the shower which was always much needed after a set. He was wrapped in a towel from the waist down, and his tattoo covered chest glistened. I walked up to him with a smile on my face and stroked his hair.
"Hi, beautiful." He kissed my nose and slid his fingers between mine.
"Oli, I-I have something I need to tell you."
"I don't want you to leave. Can't you take a semester off? We're touring with Of Mice and Men during the Fall and Winter. Come with us. Please."
I wanted to so badly, but it was so unrealistic. I had one year left of college, but I had med school to tackle. As much as I loved North Eastern, I didn't want to have to spend another semester there getting my degree.
"I want to. I really do. But I don't think it's a possibility. I already have my classes anyway."
Oli pouted and nuzzled up against my side. I loved the way he felt wrapped around me. I felt so safe. Leaving all this was going to hurt. I didn't know how we were going to stay together if we did try. I laid back and listened to the sound of the bus on the road. Slowly but surely I managed to fall asleep.
****
Oli was playing in the morning that day, so I spent the time with Austin.
"Sick tattoo. When'd you get it?"
"Yesterday when we were in Boston."
"Yeah, I can tell. Looks pretty fresh. Is that your first?" Austin traced the tattoo lightly with his fingertip like Oli had done the night before.
"Mhm. I'm probably gonna get a few more, but not as many as you and Oli." I looked at the tattoos that started at his neck and escaped under his shirt. I turned away and looked to the masses of people.
"It looks nice..." He touched my leg again, and I turned around. He pushed his lips against mine and pulled me towards him. I pushed him has hard as I could, but he was persistent. Finally, he let up and smiled at me as he did.
"What the actual fuck?!"
He laughed and tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him away.
"You know I'm dating Oli. How could you do that to your friend? Are you fucking serious?"
I stormed off into the crowd with Austin trailing behind me.
I walked quickly and carefully through the crowd trying to get somewhere that was away from Austin. I couldn't even fathom how he thought that was a good idea. Oli was a pretty good friend of his, and they were going on tour soon. Together. And I couldn't just not tell Oli. I was worried though because I knew he would be angry. It would definitely mess up his relationship with Oli, and I'm sure we'd be screwed up for a bit.
"Charlotte! Come back! I'm sorry..."
I looked behind me and saw Austin standing in the crowd with people walking around him, allowing for the space he was taking up as they pushed by, causing him to create a wake like a boat. He looked sad.
"I'm sorry."
But I was too angry. I turned and walked over to the nearest pavilion. Within minutes, he was sitting by my side but not too close as I'm sure he didn't want to anger me further.
"I-I shouldn't have done that." He looked down at his hands that were clasped on his lap.
"I don't want to hear it Austin."
"I just haven't had someone I actually related to or that I really cared about since Gielle. But she fucked things up. And then I found you. I don't want to mess up your relationship. I just couldn't stop myself." He looked away and I kissed his cheek.
"I'm sorry you're lonely. But I can't be with you right now. I love Oli."
"I know. I'm happy for you two. I'm sure he's done with his set by now. Let's go find him."
We walked back to the rows of buses and made our way to the Bring Me The Horizon bus where we were sure to find Oli by now. I didn't know what I was going to tell him or how I was going to tell him. What was awful was that I did have some feelings for Austin. Not any that were comparable to the feelings I had for Oli, but they were there. He was so sweet and understanding and easy to talk to. You couldn't help but like him.
Oli came out from the shower which was always much needed after a set. He was wrapped in a towel from the waist down, and his tattoo covered chest glistened. I walked up to him with a smile on my face and stroked his hair.
"Hi, beautiful." He kissed my nose and slid his fingers between mine.
"Oli, I-I have something I need to tell you."
Omg I just reread this and I remember why I loved this so freaking much
2/10/14