I lifted the camera and kissed Austin’s cheek. He arched his brow at me as I followed him up the wooden stairs. When he reached their studio I sat on the sofa and watched my man in the studio. I heard a few lyrics, This world has been cleansed. Removed from all the filth.

It was then I realised that they were doing a run up of The Flood. I smiled and watched as their director or producer, whoever he was, fiddled with some buttons. Austin’s voice was set higher and I frowned at the man. Austin hated auto tune.

When he came into the main part of the studio and reheard himself he smiled.

“He auto tuned it.” I blurted and glared straight back at the man as he glared at me.

“Is this true, Ricky?”

“You’re sounding too deep, Austin.”

“I don’t give a fuck. We don’t use auto tune!” Austin was angry. His face was flushed and his eyes were narrowed. Alan placed his hand on Austin’s shoulder and glared at the man.

“We don’t need to work with you now.”

“Guys…”

“Get out of my house.”

“Alan. Phil.” Ricky held his hands out in front of him and they scowled at the man. He threw his hands up in the air and stomped from the house. Austin turned to me and kissed my forehead.

“Thank you for telling me, angel.”

“I know how much you hate auto tune.” I sat back on the sofa and ran my finger unconsciously over my thighs. The scars underneath were bumpy and raised. I would never understand why Austin would ever want to be with someone as broken as me.

“You’re beautiful.” Alan whispered in my ear and I turned to look at him. He looked really tired. If I wasn’t with Austin I would have loved to be with Alan. I’d never tell that to either of them though. Austin because he’d get jealous and Alan because he’d get big-headed.

“I know someone who would be perfect for you.” I said.

“If it’s a fangirl I’m not interested.”

“She is. Nowhere near as bad as I am. Her name is Jessica. I’ve known her since I was twelve. We’ve been through everything together. Almost.” I frowned, thinking about my cuts. If she knew what I was doing she would be so angry at me. I know she would and I couldn’t disappoint her.

I hadn’t spoken to her in almost three months since she’d moved a few towns over. We didn’t speak very often and I only just realised that. I’d been so caught up in my own problems that I’d never considered talking to the one person I knew would understand me and help me.

“Almost?”

“She doesn’t know about the past few years. What I’ve been doing to myself.” I rubbed my thigh again and licked my suddenly dry lips.

“You should tell her.”

“Maybe.” I sat and watched as Austin called Alan into the studio with him. Alan swallowed and rubbed his throat before he opened his mouth and tried to scream like Austin did. He failed miserably.

My mind flicked back to a list I’d made when I’d just turned fifteen. If I ever did manage to get someone who was willing to sleep with me then I’d decided that I was going to try different things on this list. It was in my purse.

I left the studio and into Austin’s bedroom. I unzipped a pocket in my suitcase and pulled my purse out. Unzipping the black leather contraption I pulled the small list hidden in it. I unfolded the battered piece of lined paper and looked at the first on the list. Kiss someone.
The door opened and Austin leant against the frame. He had a can of Monster in his hand again. I scowled at him before taking the can from him. He tried to take it back but I poured it out of the open window.

“That’s not fair.”

“You want to die early? Then go ahead and drink it.”

“Geez, Taylor.” Austin slammed the now empty can on the nightstand and glared at me. “You’re not my mother.”

“I’m only looking out for your health.” I reasoned with him.

“I’m fucking fine. I’m not dead!” Austin yelled and slammed his hand into the dresser. I flinched as my makeup and his deodorant rolled onto the floor. I sighed and knelt on the floor beside him and placed the stuff back onto the white dresser. I looked up just as he dropped to his knees in front of me.

“I’m sorry, angel.” He cupped my face in his hands and kissed the tip of my nose. I smiled small at him and looked into his chocolate eyes.

“It’s okay.”

“I didn’t mean to get angry. That isn’t my reaction usually.”

“It’s fine, Austin.” I stroked his bristly cheek and he closed his eyes. I saw bags under his eyes and frowned as I rubbed a finger over one.

“Maybe you should go to sleep. You look tired.”

“Not without you.”

“Maybe you need to sleep alone for a few hours. I’m sure the rest of the guys will be fine without you.” I stood and helped him stand too before gently pushing him on the bed. His eyes were already closing before I even got his shirt off.

“Stay…” he slurred as his head hit the fluffy pillow.

“Sleep, Austin.” I bent down and kissed his forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

Before I was even out of the door Austin was snoring. I slid down the stairs silently and sat on the giant leather sofa in his living room. I toyed around with the credit card sitting on the table. He’d told me to go and treat myself before he’d disappeared with his band. Maybe I could get him a present for tonight.

“What you doing, Tay Tay?” Alan placed his hands on my shoulders and I barely contained my scream. I saw the rest of the guys, almost asleep, trudge through the living room to the front door.

“Nothing.” There was no way I was going to tell Alan that I was thinking about going underwear shopping for Austin.

“Thinking about doing a little shopping?” He jumped over the back of the sofa and landed next to me. I flushed and shook my head at him before turning my face away.

“Go away, Alan.”

“Why? Why are you embarrassed?”

“Alan…” I tried not to sound like I was whining but I really didn’t want to discuss this with Austin’s best friend.

“Sexy underwear!” Alan hissed and grinned as I blushed even further. He reached down and patted my hand before springing from the sofa and sliding into his black converse shoes.
“What are you doing?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.

“I’m taking you shopping. It’s your big night, Taylor. You want to remember it.” He sat down next to me and patted my hand again with his bright smile.

“I don’t think you’re the right person to come with me. Austin would be a better choice.”
“But you don’t want him to see do you?”

“Won’t he get angry?” I chewed on my bottom lip as I looked at the black card on the glass table.

“I know what gets Austin going in the bedroom department and he knows what gets me going. I’ve taken some of his other girlfriends shopping.”

“So this is a regular thing then? Getting his girlfriends dressed in slutty clothes?”

“No! Austin fucking loves you Taylor. He’s never waited for a girl. Usually he wants quick fucks but with you I’ve never seen him so in love. Let him treat you.”

“Can’t you just tell me what his likes?”

“It’d be easier if I showed you.”

“Fine.” I whispered. I knew I was going to regret this.

Notes

Title Cred: Black Veil Brides

I apologize for smut. Actually I don't. If you don't like it then don't read it. I hope you like it :D