A/n: My playlist decided to be mean, it played: the title song, If it means a lot to you by a day to remember, Yamaha by Delta Spirit, Lived a lie by You me at six, hold on till may by pierce the veil, and when you cant sleep at night by of mice and men, I was crying so hard. Why did it do a thing!? Onwards!

Warnings: May cause strong hate for me, and make you cry. ALSO THERE WILL BE A TIME LAPSE! Carry on ;p


Austin’s P.O.V

I hung my head low in shame, Matt, Tino, Aaron, and Phil sat around the small bed that housed Oli, he had wires connected to him in mass proportions, and his chest was bandaged up completely, the faint noises that filled the room were only emitted from the heart monitor. I could feel Matt glaring daggers into my skin, I honestly don’t blame him, I revealed everything that had happened upon their arrival to my friends practice, thank god a surgeon owed me a favor. Explaining this to a real hospital would have been beyond difficult, I had called in several favors today, one for Oli, one to take care of Jerry’s body, and one for someone to Take Alan out of my face before I completely destroyed him. When I watched my ex deliver two rounds into the British mans chest, I froze over him in fear and Alan had automatically regretted it, he tried to rush over and apologize to me after it had happened but I had quickly pushed him away.

I was beyond thankful Oli was even alive, this had been the worst situation possible. I never imagined that he would find out like this, I wasn’t proud of what I did, but it was what my father did after my mom died, and I was quick to take my anger out on people, so I joined forces with him. We had a falling out, over money of all things, and I went solo, using what he had taught me to become a ‘private’ hit man of sorts, I never killed someone who didn’t deserve it, but was it my right to play the part of God? No, nothing I could ever say or think of would justify the amount of blood on my hands, I hated myself; I hated the monster I had become. More importantly I hated that I allowed Oli to be drug into this. The man on the bed began to stir and we all glanced up at him, he opened his eyes slowly and groaned.

“Where am I? Why am I not dead?” he uttered through grit teeth, I made a move to grab his hand and Matt grunted; halting me and making me look at him. His eyes were filled with a warning that if I so much as touched him, I was going to be dead before I could blink. I let my eyes fall to my lap,

“Your in a hospital, of sorts…it’s a friend of mines practice, he was able to remove the bullets, stop the bleeding and get you stable, so here you are. Oli i-“

Oli growled loudly, I caught his glance, it was pained and lost; I felt even worse than I had moments ago.

“Can I have a moment with Austin?”he looked towards the guys who nodded, save for Matt who looked less than pleased by followed suit. I sighed and returned my eyes to Oli’s, tears were pouring down them.

“Why Austin? Why did you do all of it? Just tell me that much…” his bottom lip was trembling; he looked uncomfortable under my gaze.

“I honestly don’t know, I was in need of cash, and my dad was already in the business, and he was filthy rich. So I followed in his foot steps, then went solo after we had an argument, I think I was just so mad at the world for losing my mom and Gielle…” I began to feel the tears come down my eyes, “that I wanted someone else to feel what I felt. Don’t get me wrong, I only took orders for people who deserved it, rapists, child molesters, killers, but in the end I wound up to be no better than them…I cant even begin to describe how stupid I feel, you don’t understand. I obsess over things sometimes, it was revenge after my mom died, and since she has been dead that was the only thing I could think of, the only thought that went through my head, but then I saw you…and it stopped. It all stopped, and that doesn’t happen when you obsess over things, but it did. You were the first thing that made all those thoughts go away, you were the first beautiful thing I had seen in years, the first pure and perfect thing that had crossed my mind …I knew I had to keep you safe, I knew I couldn’t leave you to your own devices, the next thing I knew…I was in love with you.”

Oli listened quietly, nodding his head every once in awhile, when I finished he still had tears cascading down his cheek, I was aware that I was in the same state.

“Austin…I know that you care about me, and I do love you…but…” he choked back a sob , and it violently shook his body, “But I cant do this…I’m not even mentally stable on my own, how could I ever deal with this? Austin I’m sorry, but I think I have to leave. I think I need to leave with Matt, go with him and forget this all ever happened, you aren’t the only one with blood on your hands now. I just cant deal with that! I wish I had never come here, I wish I had never got on that bus. I’m sorry Austin, I love you but I can’t stay with you anymore.”

I couldn’t stop the violently urge to cry, I buried my hand in my forearm and sobbed hysterically, I was losing the one thing in my life that gave waking up a purpose, I felt…lost. The person who provided any form of relief from the pain, the urges, was walking away…and I didn’t blame him in the slightest. I some what collected myself and looked at him, he had his eyes trained on the door, tears pooling on his cheek, and his body shaking. I stood up, and he still didn’t move. I leaned in to him and placed a small kiss on his forehead, he didn’t even flinch.

“I understand…I promise im going to change though, I don’t know what im going to do…but never that again. I hope…” I brought my left hand to my face, and wiped away the tears, “I hope you have the most amazing life Oliver, you deserve it…im sorry I fucked it up. You will never know how sorry I am.” I walked to the door, and turned one final time to catch those beautiful eyes on the man I loved,

“I love you Oli, and im so sorry…” I grabbed the door knob and fixed my eyes on the wood, before opening and whispering “Goodbye beautiful.”

I exited the room and ran down the hallway, catching Tino, Phil, Aaron, and Matt’s eyes as I ran outside, the sun wasn’t beating down like usual, but covered in dark clouds. I fell to my knees and let all the bottled up emotion out, I didn’t care if anyone heard me or saw me, I didn’t care if the guys were out watching me, in that moment I mourned for everything I had lost, the mistakes I had made, the love that id never have again. It felt like time froze, the only reminder that I still existed was the heavy drops of rain that began to hit me as they poured from the dark sky.


-&-


Oli’s P.O.V

“You ready to go Olober?”Matt placed a hand on my shoulder, as he grabbed our carry on bags and plane tickets, I nodded and followed him to the gate for flight 109, we showed our tickets and they scanned them before, checking our carry on bags and allowing us into the gate. Telling the gang of guys goodbye had been awful, but the wrote down all their numbers and told me to stay in touch. Matt had gone with Tino to Austin’s to collect my things, the accidentally swiped one of Austin’s Slipknot hoodies, and I decided, against my better judgment, to wear it on the flight to Florida.

I pulled the hoodies around me closer as I sunk into my seat stationed by the window, Matt next to me his hand was on my knee and I felt a few stray tears fall as I glanced for the last time at the LA Scenery I was leaving behind.

“Hello Passengers of flight 109, we will be flying to the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport.” I sighed at the thought of going to Texas for a lay over, I didn’t really want to go back to that state, it held to many memories, much like California.

After the flight attendant demonstrated safety precautions, I sighed and laid my head on Matt’s shoulder, he moved his arm and wrapped it around me, allowing my head to fall into his chest, I cried silently.

“Are you in pain still?”

He asked in a hushed tone, I nodded my head. My chest was killing me, but it wasn’t just that, my heart actually hurt. I have never felt such a strong feeling like this, it was like someone had stabbed me and ripped the small organ from my body; he made a motion for the attendant to bring some water, she complied, handing a small cup to him. He grabbed his bag and retrieved the pain medicine, offering it to me; I gladly took it. After it was down I handed the empty cup to him, and he stuffed it in a small plastic bag before pulling me back into him, he played with my hair and told me, ‘Everything will be alright Oliver, don’t worry.’ But I was worried, I was terrified, nothing would ever be okay, never again.


-&-


*ONE YEAR LATER*

I walked in awe to the huge double-decker bus, one with a complete wrap with the label “BRING ME THE HORIZON” it was adorned with that on the both sides. A picture of me centered around the rest, Matt was to my left he was our drummer, and our new band mates, Jordan Fish who did our Synth and keys, Matt Kean our bassist, and Lee Malia our guitarist, fell around me as the wrap completely covered the back. I smiled at it; we had just gotten the large vehicle last week when we got signed with none other, than huge label that was Epitaph. It was crazy still, I had used to be in a band with Matt, but starting from that, and ending up here…it was insane. I smiled broadly as the rest of the band came to stand by me, Nicholls slung an arm on my shoulders and I smiled proudly at them, before pulling a small set of keys from my pocket, they grinned like mad.

“Ready?” I asked quickly, they nodded and we all surrounded the door that led to our new home, I unlocked it and pulled the door open, before stepping inside, the guys followed suit. My jaw dropped, it was huge to say the least, and there was a kitchen, sitting area, a bathroom and a spiral staircase, I took it and the band followed. As we looked around, i noted that there were 16 bunks, before us, each one was nicely made, and good quality. I ran my hands along the wood until I reached the end, I shook slightly and brought my hands to me eyes, knowing I couldn’t fight the tears that were about to fall. Everyone was quick to my side, I turned to look at them, to my surprise each of them also had tears quietly pooling in the eyes, happy smiles planted on their faces. I pulled them all into a hug,

“I fucking love you all, you know that? We did it, we fucking did it! We made it guys, we made ourselves a path, and were given the chance to change this godforsaken world. Remember that, I am so proud of all of you, we did it. We actually did it.”

The words flew out of my mouth and the group erupted in whopping and hollering, causing us to laugh. It was truly amazing, and I was proud, I never knew I would be able to accomplish anything, let alone this. And I couldn’t have done it with out them, they must have felt the same because we all hugged one more time before rushing back down the stairs and outside, we grabbed our bags and like children we rushed inside and claimed our bunks. I took one under Nicholls, and tossed my bag into it. We emerged from the bus, and I breathed in the fresh air, it was hot; and sadly we had to go to California to get this bad boy, so It was a hard trip on me emotionally, to make matters worse, we were in LA. When we first arrived I had to fight the urge to sob, but I was able to hold all that back. It was in the past now, my future was going to start today, I was sure of that much.

The guys came outside and helped me load the rest of our gear on, and we made everything up to feel more like home, it was really nice once we finished.

“You guys want to check out this local show tonight? A few friends of mine in Blessthefall are playing so I told them id try to go, It’s about ten minutes from here. It’s supposed to be an awesome show though!” Jordan slung his last bag on the leather couch as he finished his question, we all nodded in agreement.

“Sounds like fun! When does it start?” I answered, sitting down at the table in the small dining area,

“8 so we have an hour to get ready so we don’t look like shit.I told Beau we would be an hour early so we could all hang.”We all laughed and I stood up again, making my way to the top part of the bus, I grabbed a new pair of black skinny jeans, and a Drop Dead shirt, it was my new clothing label I had started back in the UK, a few friends of mine back there helped me get it going, and so far it had become a pretty big success.

I slipped my old clothes off and placed the new ones on, ripping their tags off, and slipped on some black vans. I grabbed a brush and ran it through my hair; it was getting long, touching down past my collar bones, I sighed and noted a hair cut would be in order soon. I looked at my newly acquired phone and used it as a mirror, I looked decent enough, tired but still alright. I was becoming content with my appearance at long last, the voices that once plagued my mind were long since gone. I had my band mates to thank for that, this last year has been a rough whirlwind, I couldn’t even think about him or I would get upset, I still talked to Tino, Aaron, and Phil every once in awhile, we talked about random things, Alan even called me one time and apologized for everything, I somehow found it in me to forgive him. He was just messed up in the head, like I was at the time; it would be stupid of me not too.

I hadn’t spoken to that group in month though, part of me wanted to call and see what they were doing and if they wanted to come hangout…but I knew that would be a dumb choice. I gathered my phone, wallet and keys and retreated back down stairs, where Matt and Nicholls only remained,

“Jordan and Lee went to get food, they will be back in a bit.”Kean informed me, and I nodded my head, taking a seat next to him as Nicholls hooked up the DVD player, he choose Pirates of the Caribbean and I laughed.

“Now bring me that horizon Olober!” he chimed, causing me and the other Matt to laugh. Soon after Jordan and lee returned with Taco bell, throwing a few bean burritos in my direction, and sliding a Pepsi to me. We ate in a comfortable silence, once finished Jordan spoke up, “Well we need to be going, so you all ready?”

A short chorus of ‘yeps’ rung through the bus, and we sauntered off, locking it as we left; we walked the short distance to the venue, its large sign read “The After Hour” and Jordan pulled out his cell phone, dialing his friends number. After a short conversation, a man who introduced himself as Beau came out, offering us VIP laminates that we took, and hung them around our necks. Upon entering several people approached us, and asked for pictures and the occasional autograph. I smiled and complied with them, it was a feeling I still wasn’t used too. As more and more people took note of our presence we apologetically excused ourselves, throwing a “Hang around after wards” to the small crowd around us. A chorus of disappointment rang through them but we continued to make our way to the back.

Beau showed us a small lounge room we could sit in before the show, we took seats and submerged ourselves in mindless chatter, discussing our first headliner in the USA, and UK coming this fall, they talked about their last UK tour and I could feel the excitement pit in my stomach. As the volume from outside the room began to grow, it signaled it was Show Time for the other band, they rushed to the back stage area, setting up equipment with the few roadies.

A large banner hung from the ceiling, the opening band, I thought to myself. It was a black backdrop with a huge gray Ampersand in the center, the words ‘Of Mice & Men’ centered in huge white letters. I watched as their techs set up the gear, and get everything in place.

Moments later the lights were off, the crowd was erupting in cheers, and then strobes kicked on. I could vaguely make out the silhouette of 4 men, 3 holding guitars or bases, and one on drums. The lights went off one more time as loud shrill rung through out the room, the crowd went wild and I found myself tapping my foot in time with it, nothing could have prepared me for what happened when the lights flashed back on the band, 5 familiar faces stood before me, my jaw dropped and I could feel Matt next to me, I caught his gaze and he looked just as confused and surprised.

The all to familiar face roared at the crowd, “What the fuck is up LA?” the crowd screamed a bunch of inaudible words, the man smiled.

“We’re Of Mice & Men, From right here in Los Angeles.” The crowd went even more crazy, and I stared in awe as he spoke the last words. The loud shrill was yet to stop, “This ones called Product of a Murderer, I want to hear you all fucking sing!” With that the lights flashed off, and the strobes kicked back on, as the music started up and hammered into the ears of the patrons, I felt my heart lurch forward, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, or hearing. A growl broke me from my thoughts as the words began:


It consumes me, controls me, leaves me with nothing,
But you know that I love how it tastes, fear and the fate
I'll change face, to get what I crave
Fill my veins...


I fell to my knees, Matt crouched down beside me as the rest of the guys shot us weird looks, they never knew about what had happened here, only that something had happened. I kept my eyes glued on the energetic man on stage, and the 4 others who were bouncing up and down to the heavy beat.

This gets me by
you know it feels good, you know it feels so good
The drugs that keep me high
you know it feels good, but you know it all feels so fake

The bassists words poured from his mouth as the Vocalist screamed in the back ground, my body began to shake,


Product of a murderer, you stole everything from me
This poison hurts, feels so empty
Fill my veins with this sin, shaking on the ground,
My head's going crazy from within

I kept my eyes trained on him, the entire time as the flood gates opened and I allowed myself to feel the feelings I’ve been hiding for so long.

Cold sweats, shaking in my shame
Heart stops, dying where I lay

This gets me by
(you know it feels good, you know it feels so good)
The drugs that keep me high
(you know it feels good, you know it feels so good)
The drugs that keep me...
High, sense of reality, perception falls, feels so empty

Cold sweats, the pain, skin crawls, the shame, please save me
please save me

I cried out harshly as I bit my lip, then something happened that I never thought would happen again, my eyes locked with Austin Carlile’s as Aaron sang the last lines of the song. From where he stood, he looked like he was ready to burst into tears, instead he held his ground and mouthed the words to me.

This is the way I wanted to live, but you know I was scared of the world,
Praying it all would go away

I smiled sadly through my tears, he stood in the middle of the stage, eyes never leaving mine, he earned confused looks from the crowd, and his band mates as well; until their eyes locked on mine, and Aaron continued to sing his heart out.


This is the way I wanted to live, but you know I was scared of the world,
Praying it all would go away

I could feel myself slowly standing; Austin watched me and the next thing I knew I was running on stage, flinging myself into his open arms. He picked me up and spun me around as best as he could. I was a whirlwind of emotion, I knew I had just run on the stage during a show, leaving everyone confused, honestly I was too. Some people cheered, not even knowing what they were cheering for, but it didn’t matter. I hated to admit this to myself, but this was the man I had missed for so long, the man that made me who I am today, because if I had never met him, I wouldn’t have been where I was today, in LA, with my own band, and my new found life. As much as I still wanted to hate him…seeing how he truly had changed made me realize that it would be pointless. He obviously had a new career choice, and it was inspiring people; he was proud of it, I could tell from the way he screamed into his mic that he felt at home on the stage; I was so proud of him. It felt like time froze, as he sang the last words in my ear;


This is the way I wanted to live, but you know I was scared of the world,
Praying it all would go away

As the music continued to pour from the speakers, Austin released me from his hold but in turn held my hand and held it up for the crowd to see, they erupted in an explosion of cheers, many chanting “Oli!” or “Austin!” it was an indescribable feeling but I was on top of the world, next thing I knew he was pulling me back wards, and he whispered “Run and jump, they will catch you.” I smiled nervously, hoping he was right, we ran forward and jumped, my heart stopped for a moment but the crowd didn’t disappoint. They carried us all around the venue. I was laughing like mad, and Austin was smiling brighter than i had ever seen him. As the music died down he ordered for us to be taken back to the stage and the crowd complied, carrying us back to the barrier where two guard hoisted us back up. He hugged me again, tears pouring from both of our eyes, “Talk to me after the show, please?” he whispered in my ear and I nodded before flipping off the crowd and rushing back to my confused band mates.
“We…are old friends, I haven’t seen him since I was down here a year ago.” I explained, and They nodded and the music kicked back up again, Austin commanding the crowd to make a line down the center as a heavy beat poured from the speakers, he smiled at me before indulging into his lyrics. I hadn’t been this happy in over a year.

Notes

A/N: oh my god I feel like a baby, but I cried horribly writing this…fret not! This is not the end, as promised there are several more chapters after this, and I have everything planned out, so there may even be another update followed by this one, but don’t get used to 3 updates in 24 hours :P this story WILL be rapping up soon, as sad as I am to see it go, the love I got from this story was absolutely amazing! I will defiantly be writing more fics after the conclusion of this one, I hope you all check them out and if you have a pairing request please let me know and I will write something for you <3 Im thinking about writing a Fransykes one, but what would YOU like to see from me? I love you all!

xoxo
siren