I had managed to hide away in my room for three weeks after the day I had seen Alan. I would only ever leave my room to get something to eat or drink, and then I would stow myself away in my bedroom. Jane was rarely home – she worked a lot during the week. She was assistant manager at the local Active Skate Shop, and when she wasn’t there she was over at Alan’s house. Sometimes Alan would come over here, but I would just force myself to sleep right through his visit so even if he tried to come into my room, I wouldn’t know. After the first week I had successfully installed a lock on my bedroom door and the whole hermit thing became a lot easier. It was lonely in my room, sure, but it was a lot better than being lonely in a room with other people.

I missed being busy with school and my internship at Penguin Books Publishing. I had gotten a real job at the Tarcher Publishing Company in Los Angeles, but I had to wait two months before all of my information could be transferred and processed. Since my work experience and education degree was in another country, there were a lot of background checks and verification that had to take place to make sure that everything was authentic. I was nearly counting down the days until I would be able to work again. Anything to keep me occupied and away from Alan and Jane.

Just as I was about to slip into my third nap of the day, my bedroom door flung open to reveal Jane with an angry expression on her face.

“Should have locked the door,” I mumbled to myself.

“Adelina Elizabeth Feeney, get your ass out of bed!” she shouted. “You’ve been cooped up in here for an entire month! I miss my sister, dammit!”

I groaned and pushed my blankets off of my body. I sat up and clicked off my television that had been running for background noise. “What do you want from me?”

“Come out with me tonight,” she demanded. “Alan and the rest of the guys and their girlfriends are going to come over and we’re all going clubbing.”

“Okay, yeah. That sounds like a blast,” I said sarcastically. “Why do you want me to be the only single one there? Do you realize how humiliating that is? And not to mention boring. You’ll all be off dancing and shit and I’ll be sitting at the bar trying to wave away horny, disgusting men.”

“No! Austin’s girlfriend is out of town for the weekend so you can be his friend-date. Come on, pplleeaasssee!”

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I had only met the rest of Alan’s band twice while we were in England. Surely they would remember me and say something and then what? My secret would be out and everything would turn to shit before my life was even able to start here in Long Beach. But then again, I was feeling really lonely and could use an outing with some friends…if I could even call them that…

“You know what, you have no choice. So there. Be ready by ten tonight,” Jane said quickly. She turned on her heel and shut the door behind her with a slight thud.

I sighed loudly and looked at the clock on my phone. It was already six o’clock and I knew that if I needed to be ready by ten I needed to shower right away, especially since I needed to look my best if I was going to be going out clubbing with a bunch of guys in a band.

-

“Addie! Everybody’s here!” Jane called from the living room.

“Coming!” I shouted back. I stared at myself for a bit longer in the mirror. I hardly even recognized myself, but damn I looked amazing. I decided to wear a black, tight top that had a deep v-neck cut with mesh covering my chest. I paired it with a somewhat high-waisted red skirt that flared out just a bit. I pulled on my floral print wedges – the tallest shoes I owned and threw on some glod, spiked hoop earrings for a little bit of a “rocker” look. I actually did my make-up for once – a black and gold shimmery eyes and nude lips. After my shower I put my hair in tight braids to dry so my hair came out in tight, flawless waves (with the help of a lot of hairspray). I took a step back and decided to snap a picture of myself – that’s how good I felt. I sent the picture to one of my friends, Jelina, who lived back in England to tell her that I was finally leaving the house.

“Hurry up, Addie!” Jane nearly screamed from the living room.

I took a deep breath to get ready for the big reveal. Alan, Tino, Aaron, Phil and Austin would all be standing in that living room along with their girlfriends who I had never met or even knew existed. I pushed open my door and could immediately hear their voices from just around the corner. I pushed my shoulders back and straightened myself out as I took a step out of my room. I shut my door behind me and walked out toward the living room.

I kept my gaze on the floor as I came into view. I suddenly felt awkward and over-dressed. The room grew quiet and I had to look up to make sure everybody was still there. All eyes were on me and I blushed.

“Um, hi,” I waved a bit. “I’m Adelina, Jane’s sister. But uh…call me Addie.”

“Fuck! She’s even more beautiful that you said!” one of the girls exclaimed.

I blushed even more as Jane went through quick introductions. There was Aaron and his fiancée Amanda, Tino and his girlfriend Jennifer, and Phil with his fiancée Anouk. And then of course, Austin standing all by his lonesome with a small smile on his face. I could see in the guys’ eyes that they all remembered who I was, but they were acting like they had no idea. They must have been under strict orders from Alan.

“Let’s go you guys. I’m ready to dance,” Jane said. Everybody quickly agreed and I walked over to Austin’s side.

“You look great, Ad,” he said with a smile. Austin was the only one that I had really spent time with in the short time that I knew Alan in England. He had even developed his own shortened version of my already shortened name.

“Thanks, Austin,” I said quietly. “It’s great to see you.”

I looked up at Austin and he gave me a sad, knowing smile. I decided to quickly change the subject. “So I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” I said.

Austin’s face immediately lit up and his eyes crinkled in the corners as his smile spread. “Yeah. Natalie is great. You’d really like her,” Austin said. “She’s at her mom’s tonight though. But maybe tomorrow me, you, and her can all go out to eat or something. I think we have some talking to do,” he said and then quickly flashed his eyes over to where Alan and Jane were walking toward Alan’s car with their hands locked in between them.

I sighed and just continued to walk behind all of the couples. Because there were so many of us we had to take two separate cars. Luckily Aaron had an SUV with him so three couples could fit with him. Unfortunately, one of those couples did not consist of Austin and myself, so I was stuck riding with Alan and my sister.

Austin sat in the backseat with me and I couldn’t help but awkwardly shift around. I could feel Alan turning to look at us in the rear-view mirror and I tried my hardest to act as natural as I possibly could.

After what felt like hours, we pulled up outside of some club and made our way inside. Austin and I linked arms and walked in first. He gave his name to the bouncer and we all got in without any waiting or questions asked. Once inside, I pulled Austin straight to the bar.

“Whiskey,” I demanded as soon as we sat down. The bartender handed me a small glass with a tiny shot of whiskey in it. I lifted it up and drank it down. “I’m not a pussy. Lay it on me,” I said to the bartender. He laughed and poured more into my class, giving me a lot more than he had last time.

I began to chug it down, wishing that I was already drunk so nothing mattered to me. I watched as Alan bought Jane a shot of tequila. They took their shots and immediately made their way over to the dance floor. Jane wasn’t much of a dancer, but she was still good at looking sexy. Especially in her tight, dark red bodycon dress and spiked, black heels. She was grinding her backside up against Alan to the beat of the music. She stood up straight and reached her hands behind her to pull Alan’s head toward her.

I turned away quickly. Seeing them kiss would be too much for me to handle. I grabbed my whiskey and finished it off.

“Slow down, here,” Austin laughed.

“No, if you were me, you’d be doing the same damn thing.” I finished off the glass and set it down. I snapped my fingers to get the bartender’s attention and pointed at my glass. I was being a bitch to this bartender, but I really couldn’t care. I needed to get wasted, and fast.

Well, it happened a lot faster than I expected. An hour later and I was drunk, standing at the bar with Austin, Alan, Jane, Tino, and Jennifer.

“Austin will you please dance with me?” I whined as I tugged on his arm. I wasn’t being an annoying drunk – or at least I hoped I wasn’t – but I had gotten really comfortable with the guys as the night went on and I felt like it was okay to ask them to dance with me.

“Austin! Go dance!” Jane slurred. She was even worse than I was. She was sitting at the bar with her body slumped over the counter. She couldn’t even hold her own head up. It was safe to say that she probably wasn’t going to remember any of this in the morning.

“I don’t want to dance,” Austin pouted.

“Tino, dance with her!” Jane slurred.

Tino shook his head. “Nah, we are actually going to head out. We called a cab to take us home and it should be here any minute. We’ll catch you guys later,” Tino said. They said their goodbyes and left.

“I really just want to dance,” I pouted. I was starting to get really mad that nobody would dance with me. I knew that it was a bad idea to come out here. I was the only single one, and sure enough I was feeling lonely in a room full of people, just what I had been trying to avoid this whole time.

“Alan will dance with you!” Jane said happily.

I froze. “No, that’s okay, Jane,” I said softly. I was drunk, but I wasn’t drunk enough to agree to that.

“No, it’s okay!” Jane slurred. “Right, babe?”

“Sure,” Alan shrugged and slowly made his way over to me.’

“What?” I asked as Alan grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the dance floor. “Let go of me!” I grumbled and pulled my arm away from him. I crossed my arms and remained unmoving in the middle of the club. The people around us were going crazy – jumping, grinding, just having fun. But I wasn’t about to do that. Not with Alan.

Alan began to move around a bit to the beat of the music just so people would stop bumping in to him. People were starting to give me really dirty looks because I wasn’t moving, but I couldn’t help it.

“Can you fucking stop?” Alan shouted at me, obviously irritated. “You’re the one who wanted to dance.”

“Not with you!” I snapped. “Why the fuck would I want to dance with you when you’re here with my sister, Alan?”

“Calm the fuck down! We’re just having fun,” he laughed a bit.

“No, I will not calm down. You expect me to just come out here and dance with you after-“

Alan grabbed onto my left arm and turned me around quickly, shoving my beck up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me so I couldn’t go anywhere. He began to move his hips from left to right, bending his body just a bit so I had no choice but to push my bottom up against his crotch area. He kept his arms around me and my hips had no choice but to move with his.

It didn’t take me long to forget about everything. Jane was the last thing on my mind as I let the music pump through my veins. I pushed my ass into his harder and began to take control of the situation. You see, Jane may not be much of a dancer, but I was. I had taken classes in ballet, jazz, and hip-hop all throughout my life, up until I started to attend college. I knew what I was doing.

I turned around and wrapped one of my arms around Alan’s shoulders as his hands squeezed onto my hips. Our legs were tangled as I began to grind onto him in beat with the music. Our breathing was heavy and mixed. He leaned in a bit closer to me and I could feel his breath hitting my nose.

“Hey!” Austin’s voice startled me. I stopped dancing and turned to see Austin shoving his way through.

“We’re going to head out. Jane’s going to head home with Anouk since she’s a wreck. You’ll take Addie, home, yeah?”

Alan nodded and gave him a thumb’s up. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. Alan turned his attention back over to me and placed his lips beside my ear. “Tonight, you’re mine.”

I was jelly under his touch – I would agree to anything he said to me. We danced through the rest of the song and by the time the third song started, my legs were starting to get tired. I looked up at Alan, ready to tell him that I wanted to leave, but he was staring right back down at me with the sexiest look in his eyes. I didn’t think, I just acted on instinct. At the same time, we moved our heads forward, crashing our lips together in a drunk, sloppy kiss. Our teeth hit and our tongues were a mess, but I didn’t care. We continued to sway our hips as we made out. Alan’s hand reached down to my thighs and began to pull on the hem of my skirt.

This needed to stop. This was not okay.

Alan seemingly read my mind and pulled away from me. “We should leave,” he said quickly.

He led me out of the club and we began to walk over to where his car was parked. We got inside and he began to drive down the street while I rested my head on the window. I kissed Alan. Alan and I kissed. I kissed my sister’s boyfriend. But he was mine first. No – I shook my head. It was not okay to think like that.

We pulled in front of my house and I grabbed my purse to dig around for my keys.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I continued to dig around.

“What?” Alan asked.

“I um…I didn’t bring my keys since Jane had hers.”

“Oh,” Alan said softly. “There’s no other way for you to get in?”

“No,” I sighed. There were only two windows on the front of the house and they were locked at all times. And I wasn’t about to climb a fence to try and get in through a window.

“Well, I guess I can take you back to my place…” Alan said softly.

“I’ll just sleep on the couch or something,” I said quickly.

“No, you can have my bed, that’s okay,” Alan said.

The drive to his house was quiet and dense. He didn’t look at me, and I made sure to keep my gaze out the window as he drove. It only took us five minutes to get there, but the car ride felt like years. I was worried about spending the night at Alan’s house, especially after that kiss we shared in the club.

We walked into the house and I looked around as he turned on the lights and walked into the kitchen. It was really nice – clean and simple. Guitars were lying around casually along with a few duffel bags. He probably just lived out of a packed bag since they were touring so often.

I followed him down the hallway and he pushed open the door to his bedroom. It was fairly simple. Just a plain bedroom with a dresser and an extremely large bed in the center of the room. His pillows and blankets looked fluffy and heavenly and I really just wanted to snuggle up in them and sleep.

He walked over to his closet and handed me a t-shirt to sleep in. “Do you need shorts?”

“Uh, I probably should wear shorts, right?” I said softly.

His face fell and I felt weird about saying it that way. But it was true – I shouldn’t be the one about to sleep in Alan’s bed while wearing Alan’s clothes. Jane was my sister, what was I doing?

Alan turned around and handed me a pair of shorts before turning around to find his own clothes. I changed quickly so I wouldn’t have to leave the room. I thought I have changed fast enough so Alan would still be turned around, but once I finished pulling the shirt over my head I saw that he was completely turned around, his shirt now off, and his eyes scanning over my body.

“Addie,” he said softly. “I just…Fuck it.”

He dropped his shirt to the ground and walked over to me, connecting our lips again and causing us to fall back and collapse on his fluffy blankets. I was paralyzed – all I knew was Alan’s body, and that’s all that mattered. The feeling of his lips on mine sobered me up a bit, but I still couldn’t stand to push him away. It had been too long since I had felt Alan’s body on top of mine. I missed his body – I missed him.

Alan moved us up so I was lying back on his pillows and he was hovering over me, placing kisses down my jawline and to my neck. My hands were sliding up and down his back as he continued to connect his lips all along whatever skin was exposed. He pulled away and we each took turns removing each other’s clothing. First he pulled off my shirt. Then I reached down and unbuttoned his pants. He kicked them off quickly then reached behind me to pull off my bra in one, expert move.

He connected his lips to my neck once again while his hand gently massaged at my breasts. I pulled his face to mine, eager for the taste of his lips. Our tongues met and his hands began to roam down my body, finding my pantie line. He slid them off slowly – and I let him. I egged him on by pushing down the elastic of his boxers.

We were fully naked now. We stopped kissing and we were just staring at each other. We studied each other’s faces and in that moment I knew that this is where I belonged. I belonged in Alan’s arm – he belonged in mine. Not in Jane’s. I didn’t care if she was my sister in that moment, I didn’t care that he had a girlfriend at all – all I cared about was Alan and how much I still loved him.

Our breathing was heavy – we were both taking a moment to take in the situation. Were we really about to do this? Alan decided quicker than I did. He pushed apart my legs with his knees and dipped his hips down, slowly thrusting into me. There was no turning back now.

I clutched onto the sheets as Alan’s lips connected to my collar bone as he continued to dip his hips down. It was beautiful – sex with Alan was always beautiful. He was always so passionate and romantic. He moved a bit faster and I couldn’t help but moan out his name. He was letting out moans of his own – his voice sounded so beautiful as he moaned out my name. He reached one hand up and he grabbed onto my own, holding it against the pillows beside my head. He laced our fingers together and continued to move.

We climaxed together, and he collapsed on the bed beside me as I tried to catch my breath. I knew that what we did was wrong, but I didn’t regret it. I was glad that it happened. I felt whole again – the lonely feeling had been lifted and I was finally smiling again.

I closed my eyes and felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep as I thought about how perfect life would be if I could fall asleep next to Alan every night for the rest of my life. He scooted closer to me and wrapped one arm around my naked torso and pulled me closer to him. Our bodies were sweaty, and we stuck together under the blankets, but it didn’t matter – it only made us closer. Our bodies molded perfectly to one another. We were perfect for one another.

Notes

Addie's Outfit
Uh oh! What do you think is going to happen from here?
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